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Couples Life - Jan. 22nd

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:35:52 +0100

Couples Life,

I trust you enjoyed every ounce of your Christmas Holidays and New Year. I ate way too much, and slept too little, but that is to be expected. I wanted to let you know we will be starting back Couples Life on Thursday Nights January 22nd at our normal 6:30PM time. Enjoy the break and get ready for an amazing year together. If you are unable to be with us on the 22nd for whatever reason, please let me know ahead of time. Also, if you know of a new couple you want to invite, go for it. What better way to start of the new year, by helping someone else get connected in community.

Look forward to seeing you then!

Shawn
PS: E-mail me back at skexistence@gmail.com or call me 858 688 5210.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Happy New Years...

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:21:23 +0100

Existence Church Family,

Happy New Years! We trust your time with friends and family over Christmas was well spent and very relaxing. We know many of you are still traveling back to San Diego and our prayers are with you. I wanted to send a quick reminder and let you know this Sunday is "Communion Sunday." The message for this Sunday is titled, "A Prayer for a New Year." Enjoy the remainder of your week, get some rest, and come ready to start a new year off well.

-Shawn

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:14:07 +0100

the monday monster, 12.22.08

Mark 9, Character Defects On Parade

If Jesus showed us anything, it was that he was really patient with the disciples. It�s not so much what he actually said to them� it�s what he COULD have said, but didn�t. It seems like Jesus could have spent most of his time just correcting the Disciples. Think about it. Nothing got by him, he noticed everything (remember, he could read people�s minds�an annoying skill), but he was patient, and he seemed to pick his battles. What we do get, though, as we read through the Gospels, is the sense that the Disciples had the same kind of character flaws as we have, and if we pay attention, we can learn something about what to do about them.

Historically, the church has done a good job of telling people that they shouldn�t sin. It just hasn�t done a good job of helping people pull it off. I grew up in the church and was told that I was �forgiven� for all my sins. I believed it then, and I still believe it. However, being forgiven for a sin is not the same as �dealing� with it, managing it, becoming free from it�and there was not a lot of practical help on �how to� address character issues�the sinful attitudes and mind sets on the inside that show up as outward behavior. It was clear we were told NOT to do bad stuff, but I remember wondering if people weren�t just �acting� good on the outside, but inside they were just not THAT okay. Getting real about our inner life is the point.

Here is a short list of the most common character defects that most of us have. This is not saying that we always ADMIT that we have them�which, by the way, is also one of the character defects!

1. INTOLERANCE
"Unwillingness, inability or refusal to accept others" opinions, beliefs or behavior".
2. MINIMIZING
"Making excuses for or making less of my behavior to make myself and others think I am not THAT bad."
3. PHONINESS
"Deceiving, being insincere, not being genuine - including emotional phoniness, past or present."
4. SELF - CENTEREDNESS
"Being overly concerned with my own welfare or interests, having little or no concerns for others - what I want is the most important thing!"
5. ANGER (Excessive and uncontrollable)
�Temper tantrums and rages."
6. RESENTMENT
"Sulking, vindictiveness (getting even), re-living emotional hurts and pain."
7. COVETOUSNESS
"Having an unreasonable desire for things we do not have, such as another's possessions, power, wealth or relationships."
8. DENIAL
�Refusing to think about, hear about or admit things I did or said."
9. FALSE PRIDE
"A form of dishonesty, acting, boasting, or pretending to myself and others that I am better than I actually am."
10. PROCRASTINATION
"Putting off to some future date something I feel I should have done sooner to avoid unpleasant or undesirable consequences."
11. SELF - PITY
"Feeling sorry for myself, or continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles."
12. IMPATIENCE
"Annoyance because of delay or opposition. ("I want what I want when I want it!")

Mark 9 gives us several good examples of the Disciples� showing off their flaws.

1. At the Transfiguration.
�5Peter said to Jesus, "Rabbi, it is good for us to be here. Let us put up three shelters�one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah." 6(He did not know what to say, they were so frightened.)�
Note: Peter didn�t know what to say�.so�.he said something! The next verse tells us God�s humorous (I think) response to Peter�
7Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice came from the cloud: "This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!"
Peter, two ears�one mouth?
2. After the healing of the boy with an evil spirit.
28 Afterward, when Jesus was alone in the house with his disciples, they asked him, �Why couldn�t we cast out that evil spirit?� 29 Jesus replied, �This kind can be cast out only by prayer.�
I think we can give the Disciples the benefit of the doubt. Back in Mark 6 they had been given the authority to cast out demons and it worked! We don�t exactly know what happened in Mark 9� but the mojo wasn�t working. If the Disciples were anything like me I bet they forgot to pray about it� they just went for it on their own, �Out, Demon!� And the more it didn�t work, the harder they tried, and eventually everybody was just looking at each other wondering, �What happened?� After Jesus came to the rescue, somebody asked the question, �Why couldn�t� we cast out the evil spirit?� Jesus, the master of understatement, gave them the answer. Whether it was self-centeredness, laziness, or pride, the Disciples forgot to bring God into the equation. Prayer changes things� if we pray.
3. Arguing about who gets to be �Chairman of the Board�
33 After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, �What were you discussing out on the road?� 34 But they didn�t answer, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest.
This one is easy to miss. Jesus asked them a leading question, �Hey, back there, what were you guys talking about?� Nobody wanted to answer because they had been called out not only for arguing (that would be bad enough) but for arguing about which of them was the greatest! BUSTED. Sounds like a little sibling rivalry. Power struggles, especially over who�s ego is the biggest, are not a good sign� and something Jesus wanted to nip in the bud with a little object lesson...
35 He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, �Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.� 36 Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 37 �Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf[h] welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.�

Back to the top. Remember, Jesus demonstrated incredible patience with the Disciples. He took every opportunity to teach them, challenge them, confront them, and push them�all to prepare them to carry the message to the world after he would leave. To be fair, at this point in Mark 9, the Disciples were still not clear on the reality that Jesus would actually have to die on the cross, so reading the Gospels is like watching a movie�we may know the end of the story, but the characters in the movie don�t, yet. This is encouraging to me. We get to see Jesus bringing the Disciples along, helping them learn the truth about what He was about, and putting them in situations that they needed to be in to grow in faith and character.

The word for today is� keep trying. Jesus does the same thing with us.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Merry Christmas from Shawn

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:36:52 +0100

Existence Church,

I am officially leaving for Alabama and wanted to say one last Merry Christmas! Bek and I love all of you and look forward to an amazing year in 2009. I encourage you to focus on what matters most this Christmas season. It is easy to get swept away in the mass marketing of presents and in turn lose sight of things that a really important. Also many of you expressed a desire to make year end contributions to Chapter 2. If this is something you are interested in being a part of you can find more information and contribute online by going to http://www. existencechurchsandiego.com/ chapter2/ This quarter we have seen thirty two people step forward and give, putting our most recent total to $17,020. Thank you for giving and thank you for journeying with us.
Until next year, I encourage you to stay focused, eat too much, sleep in late, and get ready for an amazing year!

Merry Christmas,

Shawn

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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A Couple of Reminders...

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:51:15 +0100

Existence Church,

I just got back from a much needed vacation with my wife, it was
great! I'm looking at my calendar and I can't believe
we are only one week away from Christmas and two weeks away from a
brand New Year! I wanted to give you a few
final reminders before we take of for the year.

1. I wanted to remind you that as a church we did an amazing job of
advancing the name and cause of Jesus in 2008. While
I was on vacation I had the chance to reflect on this year and found
myself constantly amazed at the way we selflessly built
our church and loved our city.

2. I wanted to remind you that we have our Christmas Eve service at
5:30 on Dec 24th. Geoff will be teaching and it will be a
wonderful time to support him as well as spend time focusing on the
truth of why we celebrate Christmas.

-Josh

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Couples Life

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:25:51 +0100

Hey guys,

Just a quick FYI... Couples Life is on Christmas break. We will start meeting again sometime in January (exact dates to follow later).

So in the meantime, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a most excellent New Year!

See y'all in '09 :)

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:37:37 +0100

The Smooch, 12.18.08

Tripping Your Breaker
Hi Guys,
It�s one week until Christmas day� and I thought I would remind us all of a very important psychological principle� don�t be a jerk! This time of year, it�s easier said than done. With crowds at the mall, killer traffic, bosses that expect more than they should, and checking accounts that are lighter than normal, it�s easy to let stress catch up on us and give us that little excuse we need to go off on someone� and it�s usually somebody you�ll be giving a nice Christmas present to in a few days. Smile, smile, kiss, kiss.

Here�s a little analogy that I hope will help� the circuit breaker. We all use them, even though we may not really know how they work. Whenever electrical wiring has too much current flowing through it, these simple machines cut the power until somebody can fix the problem. When you plug too much stuff into one electrical outlet� in one of my earlier apartments, I couldn�t use the hair dryer and the microwave at the same time� the circuit breaker shuts off the power to keep things from overloading and starting a fire. In psychological terms, when we start getting too stressed out, we need to back off, slow down, cool things down emotionally so we don�t literally �fire� on someone and cause damage to the ones we love.

Two types stress relief: Long term and Short term. One of the most effective, long-range relief valves is to recognize what causes the buildup of pressure. If you see by your calendar that you are in for a few heavy weeks or too many late nights, block out some relief-valve time. This might be a half-day, whole day or extended weekend. Take yourself out of your normal situation. Place yourself in a situation in which past experience has shown you can forget what is going on. This may mean a day alone at the beach or the mountains, a day with your family, or a weekend away with your husband or wife. It's a big help if couples will discuss their future schedules together to identify where the overload problems are and schedule in breaks in the routine.

Most of us are familiar with the tried and true pressure reliever: �count-to-10�, then go look for the gun. Here are a few more.
* Staying ahead of your work is a good way to relieve the pressure of schedules. By scheduling a completion time 10 percent to 20 percent ahead, you have the peace of knowing there's time to recover if things go wrong.
* Doing the hard things first, particularly if they have a great deal of emotional content, will relieve the subterranean emotions that tend to plague us in different situations.
* Getting enough sleep is a must. Know how long you can get along with a reduced amount.
* Do the difficult tasks in phases. Often a "first draft" will get you 80 percent of the way along. Time for "topping off" the finished product can be better foreseen, and meeting the deadline seems less of a task.
* Have planned recreation and hobbies. A schedule helps.
* Admitting and verbalizing the causes for your own irritations (be they lack of sleep, overworking, too much stress or what have you) helps [keep] others from getting emotional with you and triggering unexpected explosions. Talk about what�s bugging you.
* Facing up to the fact you really can't do all the things you scheduled and that some of them need to be postponed is probably the best relief valve of all. This can be a humbling experience, but the rewards in personal well-being are great.

To be fair, the above suggestions are not rocket science� most people are aware of these ideas. Whether or not you really put them into practice is quite another story� but they work if you work them.

Now� Short term stress relief. It�s in the moment that we get ourselves into trouble. �Okay, I got enough sleep, but you are really pi#$%ng me off� right now! �
Unfortunately, some people choose to live in a constant state of irritability. They walk through life with a chip on their shoulder, expecting things to go wrong, and sure that everybody else is out to get them. When you live with that kind of attitude, it doesn�t take much to send you over the edge. Example: In our neighborhood there is an unspoken competition with each homeowner, having to do with the outdoor Christmas lights. My wife came up with the best line of the year� �It looks like Christmas threw up on our front lawn!� Pretty close. Anyway, It�s not a huge surprise that one of our electrical outlets has trouble handling the load. It works most of the time� but if it rains, or the earth�s gravitation pull shifts, or harmonic convergence occurs� it trips the breaker. Honestly, it�s very likely that the breaker simply needs to be replaced� the slightest thing sets it off. Even �normal� stress makes it blow. Of course, as soon as we get through the holidays we�ll probably forget about it until next year� �Didn�t that breaker give us trouble last year?� With a little effort, we could fix it. So��.

Back to short-term stress relief. Some of us have faulty emotional breakers. The slightest amount of pressure pushes us over the edge. It doesn�t even have be that big of a deal, just anything out of the ordinary, and we tell ourselves and anyone else who's listening, �Everything�s messed up!� Faulty breaker. Something to think about� the answer will never be in trying to make life stop throwing us curves� the answer will be in adjusting our emotional breaker to handle the small stresses without having to blow. The most effective way to adjust your breaker is to manage your thoughts. You are what you think, and if your thoughts are negative, self-defeating, �worst-case-scenario� thoughts, then you are likely to be right on the edge of either crying or yelling most of the time. But there is hope. Consider this:

1. Try to accept reality. It is what it is. The situation may be difficult, or painful, or not what you expected�but you don�t have to tell yourself, �This is TERRIBLE!� Remember, God isn�t taking a nap. He wants you to consider that He has a plan for everything that comes our way� all of it.
2. Try not to jump to conclusions. Don�t exaggerate things. Try to keep your thoughts from going to the dark side� when you start thinking negative thoughts, replace them with realistic, reasonable, bringing-God-into-the-equation thoughts.
3. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and extend grace and mercy to them. (Just like you want them to do to you!). Don�t be impatient with people close to you� be easy to be around� surprise people with how �not uptight� you are.
4. If it�s possible to change something, change it. If not, let it go. You can only do so much. Remember, you can�t control other people� they will do what they will do. If somebody is acting the �way they always do�, don�t get your panties in a bunch, just take a deep breath and let �em.
5. If you let something get to you and you say or do something short or irritable� admit it, own it, apologize for it, and move on. Other people around you will appreciate your honesty and will be happy to forgive� it�s the Christmasy thing to do.

Here�s wishing you a wonderful holiday� God�s richest blessings to you and your family.

Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Monday Monster

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:48:58 +0100

the monday monster, 12.15.08

Okay�But Who Do YOU Say I Am?

One of the most comforting things for me as a hopelessly flawed follower of Jesus is when I read about how human the disciples were. Some people are nervous about making a decision to follow Jesus because they are afraid they will make mistakes, embarrass themselves and Jesus, and basically fail at being a Christian. Those people obviously haven�t read the Gospels. I�m so glad that the writers of the Bible included not only the peak events (like when Peter proclaimed, �You are the Christ!�), but also some of the lowlights. Mark 8 contains 2 such situations: one that the disciples did all together, and one that Peter can take credit for all by himself.

Here�s the background.
Just previously in Chapter 7, Jesus had healed the Syro-Phoenician woman�s daughter, and a deaf/mute man. Remember, it wasn�t that long before that Jesus had fed the 5,000 and performed a whole bunch of other miracles. You would think that, by now, the disciples would be getting used to it� but (here�s the comforting part), it doesn�t seem to matter how much Jesus does, the disciples� faith isn�t as strong as one might expect. It goes to show you that even though we might experience God working in a huge way one minute, the next we can easily find ourselves in the weeds. The human condition�sheeplike.

Now in Chapter 8, Jesus is again faced with another huge crowd of people at the end of the day. They do a replay of the feeding of the 5,000 (this time with 4,000), with the disciples again picking up several baskets of leftovers. They get into the boat to go across the lake and when they land they are confronted by the ever-present Pharisees, trying to challenge and/or discredit Jesus�11 When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had arrived, they came and started to argue with him. Testing him, they demanded that he show them a miraculous sign from heaven to prove his authority. 12 When he heard this, he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, �Why do these people keep demanding a miraculous sign? I tell you the truth, I will not give this generation any such sign.�

This is where it gets fun. This is the unedited text from Mark 8. Please read it, noticing how confused the disciples seem.

13 So he got back into the boat and left them, and he crossed to the other side of the lake. 14 But the disciples had forgotten to bring any food. They had only one loaf of bread with them in the boat. 15 As they were crossing the lake, Jesus warned them, �Watch out! Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and of Herod.� 16 At this they began to argue with each other because they hadn�t brought any bread. 17 Jesus knew what they were saying, so he said, �Why are you arguing about having no bread? Don�t you know or understand even yet? Are your hearts too hard to take it in? 18 �You have eyes�can�t you see? You have ears�can�t you hear?� Don�t you remember anything at all? 19 When I fed the 5,000 with five loaves of bread, how many baskets of leftovers did you pick up afterward?� �Twelve,� they said. 20 �And when I fed the 4,000 with seven loaves, how many large baskets of leftovers did you pick up?� �Seven,� they said. 21 �Don�t you understand yet?� he asked them.

It�s easy to read Jesus� words and imagine all kinds of frustration� I�m not sure we need to. This interchange is more like a SNL skit. They had just finished the awkward situation with the Pharisees, got into the boat, and realized they forgot to bring any food for the trip. Jesus (referring metaphorically to the Pharisees) says, �Beware the yeast of the Pharisees and of Herod.� Instead of catching the word-picture (Yeast = something that permeates/influences as in putting yeast into dough to make it rise, duh?) the disciples take it literally, thinking Jesus is trying to be subtle and tell them he�s a little ticked they forgot the bread! Like good Christians they begin to argue with each other about who must have dropped the ball. Sounds like some Elder meetings in too many churches. Anyway, Jesus tries to straighten them out, sounding a little baffled that they could actually miss the point� so he takes them back��How many baskets did we collect after we fed the 5,000? How about the 4,000? Don�t you understand yet?� The good news is Jesus didn�t give up on them� he kept working with them� understanding that Murphy�s Law was in full effect, even in the first century. It�s important for us to remember that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever�which means he just might have a little empathy for us when we do bonehead stuff.

Picking up the story: They get to Bethsaida, Jesus heals a blind man, and then Jesus and disciples take a road trip north. This is where Peter pulls one of his patented, �I�ll say something really profound, then put my foot in my mouth� moves.

It�s a often-quoted story. Jesus asked the disciples, �Who do people say I am?�
They brought up the most common Jewish expectations about the coming Messiah��Some say you are John the Baptist back from the dead�Some say you are Elijah�Some you are one of the other prophets from the Old Testament.�

Then the big question, �Okay guys, but who do YOU say I am?� Maybe the disciples were a little gun shy, after the thing about the yeast, so Peter jumps in. �You are the Christ, the Messiah!� Matthew�s Gospel includes Jesus� response� 17 Jesus replied, �You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. 18 Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means �rock�), and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.

Peter should have quit while he was ahead.

Let�s pick up the text: 31 Then Jesus began to tell them that the Son of Man must suffer many terrible things and be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but three days later he would rise from the dead. 32 As he talked about this openly with his disciples, Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. 33 Jesus turned around and looked at his disciples, then reprimanded Peter. �Get away from me, Satan!� he said. �You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God�s.�

To be fair, Peter and the other disciples (as well as most of the Jewish nation) did not expect that the �Messiah� would be put to death, especially by the Jewish religious establishment. In their minds, the Messiah was a political figure who would free the Jewish nation from outside domination� i.e. the Romans. So when Jesus explained to them what Passion Week was going to look like, Peter was beside himself. Unfortunately, he also had a little trouble with impulse control, and clearly wasn�t taking his meds. The first hint was when he �rebuked� Jesus! I think it�s a good rule of thumb that anytime we feel like �reprimanding� God, we should at least count to 10. We don�t get Peter�s side of the dialogue in the Bible�but we do get Jesus� final remark� �Get away from me, Satan!� The lesson here is anytime we get to stuck on our own ideas, and they are taking us down a path that is contrary to God�s plan, we are playing into Satan�s hands. The trick is to make every effort to see things from God�s point of view, not our own.

I�m glad the story of Peter didn�t end there. Eventually, Jesus would come through on his promise to build the church with Peter in a serious leadership role�read through the Book of Acts and Peter�s letters (First and Second Peter) to see his inspiring growth curve. That�s why I am encouraged by Peter� he went for it. He promised big things, made big mistakes, learned from them, but always kept trying.

But let�s be reminded of the most important question. It�s a personal question, and requires a personal answer. It isn�t, �Who do other people say Jesus is?� That is interesting to consider, but not life changing. The most important question is one that Jesus asked straight to the disciples, and asks you and me�
�Who do you say I am?�

There�s always room for growth, just look at Peter�s story, but it has to start with a heart totally surrendered to Jesus. Then the journey begins.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:44:44 +0100

The Smooch, 12.11.08

Hey, You�re NOT LISTENING!

Hi Guys,
Today I�d like to share some basic techniques on how to improve your listening skills.
Good listening is something that tends to go by the wayside in some marriages, but is actually one of the most important habits to maintain. It�s also one of the most common complaints in troubled marriages, �My husband/wife doesn�t listen to me!� Good listening skills build social support, allow you to resolve conflicts, increase understanding between each other, and make the other person feel validated.

Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills:

   1. Listen, Listen, Listen. Ask your spouse what�s wrong, and really listen to the answer. Let them vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings, maintaining eye contact and showing that you�re interested in what they have to say. Resist the urge to give advice, and just let them get it out.

   2. Reframe What You Hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they�re saying so they know you�re hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For example, if your spouse is talking about a problem at work, you might find yourself saying, �It looks like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like you�re feeling hurt.�

   3. Ask About Feelings. Ask them to expand on what they�re feeling. Asking about their feelings provides a good emotional release and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of their situation. Sometimes the other person needs a little permission to go deeper into their feelings.

   4. Keep The Focus On Them. Don�t start talking about YOU. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus on them until they feel better. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring the focus back to them quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel genuinely cared for and understood.

   5. Help Brainstorm. Don�t go for a quick fix. Rather than giving advice in the beginning, which cuts off further exploration of feelings and other communication, wait until they�ve gotten their feelings out, and then help them brainstorm solutions. If you help them come up with ideas and look at the pros and cons of each, they�re likely to come up with a solution they feel good about. Or they might feel better after just being able to talk and feeling heard.

Real listening takes some effort, but is a great way to show love.

   1. Stay Present. Sometimes people ACT LIKE they are listening, but they�re really just waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can say whatever they�ve been mentally rehearsing while they�ve been pretending to listen. People can usually sense this, and it doesn�t feel good. Also, they tend to miss what�s being said because they�re not focused.

   2. Don�t Give Advice. It�s common to want to immediately give advice and �fix� your spouse�s problem. Unless it's specifically requested, don�t. While you�re trying to help, what would work for you might not work for your spouse; also, advice can feel condescending. Unless they ask directly for advice, your spouse probably just wants to feel heard and understood, and then can find his or her own solutions.

   3. Trust The Process. It might feel a little scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and hearing your spouse talk about upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. But usually offering a supportive ear and sitting with your spouse in an uncomfortable place is the most helpful thing you can do, and once the feelings are cleared out, the solutions can start coming.

   4. Let Things Even Out Over Time. With all this focus on your spouse�s problems, it might be difficult not to focus equal time on your own. Relax in the knowledge that, when you need a friend, your spouse will likely be a better listener for you. If you�re consistently doing all the giving, you can re-evaluate the dynamics of the relationship. But being a good listener can make you a stronger, more caring person and bring a more supportive angle to your relationship.

Final take. Sincere, patient listening is one of the best ways to make your spouse feel loved. It�s a gift that reaps big results over the long haul as it helps you build trust and the feeling of mutual understanding in your relationship.

Especially, now, when holiday stresses can turn anyone into a raving lunatic, good listening can keep you from creating problems, and solve them before they hit DEFCON 1. Remember, you don�t have to DO much, except listen. You don't have to come up with an immediate solution to the problem, and you can't make your spouse NOT FEEL whatever they are feeling... but what you can do is be there fully with all your attention. Real listening is a great way to say, �I love you.�

Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Christmas Party/Couples Life

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:36:23 +0100

Couples Life,

I hope you have enjoyed your week. I want to remind you that we are having our final couples life night for 2008 this Thursday. We will end with a Christmas party! Below is attached all of the info you need to know, and I definitely look forward to seeing everyone there.

What: Couples Life Christmas Party

Where: Chad and Nicole's House
11536 Faisan Way

San Diego CA 92124

When: 6:30 PM / *Childcare will be provided at the church

What to bring: An Appetizer or Finger Food

Contact Phone Numbers: Nicole Furlong (619) 818-5885 ... Shawn Kennedy (858) 688 5210

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Attention Life Group Leaders!!

Joshc@existencechurch.com — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:02:12 +0100

Hey everyone,

I need to know who your Missional Leaders are by the beginning of January. Email me at joshc@existencechurch.com with the name of your groups Missional Leader and their email address. Thanks everyone!

Josh Carter
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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Chapter 2 Update and Reminder

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:06:00 +0100

Existence Church Family,

   A quick reminder that we are three weeks away from the end of the year, pretty crazy! Together as a church, we have started the process of planing for the next phase in the life of Existence, known as Chapter 2. We believe this next chapter in the life of our church will not only prepare us for the next phase of ministry, but will also prepare each of us for the next phase of our spiritual growth.

   As of right now, we have seen 20 people support Chapter 2. It is my prayer that over the next three weeks many more of us will jump on board, and together make a difference for the Kingdom!

   I've attached a video of Vernon's Hunt story for you to view, just in case you were not with us this past Sunday. I pray that it will encourage, and inspire all of us! Simple click on the following link or cut and paste it into your web browser. Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=VGD3kZ-xDAg

Remember, you can financially support Chapter 2 through clicking on the link here (http://www. existencechurchsandiego.com/ giving/) or by giving on Sunday morning. Please keep in mind your Chapter 2 support should be above your normal tithes, and any online giving or Sunday morning checks should be earmarked "Chapter 2."

Thank you in advance for being a part of this journey. In all we do, we say as a church,"To God be the Glory!"

Sincerely,

Josh
Existence Church

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Stories from Shoes that Fit...

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:47:49 +0100

Existence Church Family,

    It is Tuesday, December 9th, two days after our "Shoes that Fit" project in partnership with Monarch School in the inner city of San Diego. Founded in 1988, Monarch School is dedicated to providing homeless, and at-risk children, ages 7-18, with an accredited education while caring for their basic needs. It was our vision at Existence Church to make sure children and families alike were cared for in a practical way this winter, and when it was all said and done, over 470 pairs of shoes were given out to some very grateful families. Here are some stories.

.: The Big Yellow Bus...

    Saint Vincent de Paul, a powerhouse homeless ministry in the inner city of San Diego also held an event during the same day as the Shoes that Fit project. For some reason, they were actually discouraging families from participating in our event. One family ignored their advice and came anyway. When the family finally made their way back to Saint Vincent�s, the staff and others were shocked over the quality of the brand-new shoes! In a matter of minutes, Saint Vincent�s loaded families in their big yellow bus, and immediately came our way.

.: The Streets of Daniel...

   Daniel is a sixteen year old boy, who has had a difficult life. At eight he started smoking marijuana, by nine he was doing crystal meth, and by twelve he watched his father get gunned down in the streets. Afterwords, he turned to a life of gang involvement and living on the streets, and in shelters. Six months ago Daniel came to Monarch, got sober from drugs, and is in an independent living program. Daniel represents many who came to Monarch School on Sunday and walked away encouraged, with a new pair of shoes!

.: Payless and Fooseball...

     A member of our church decided to sell his fooseball table, and use the funds to purchase shoes. Originally he was going to sell the table for a $100, but cut the price in half to help out a youth pastor. He then took the $50 to Payless Shoes, set several pairs of shoes on the counter, and to his surprise the total cost came to $48. Both a youth pastor and some needy families benefited from one person who creatively served Jesus!

.: Barbershops and Flyers...

      A hair stylist in our church decided to go above and beyond, past her normal comfort zone. She asked her coworkers to jump on board and put a �Shoes That Fit� flyer in each of their stations. This allowed each stylist to take part in helping other people! . One particular person came into the salon to get her hair cut and noticed all the flyers. Our church member began to share all about the project, and Monarch School asking, �Do you know anything about Monarch School?� To this the lady replied, �Yes, I do, I work there!� Coincidence? I think not.

    These are just a few stories from the �Shoes That Fit� project. Please be encouraged at the great things God can do through you! If you have any stories to share with us, please sent them our way!

Look forward to seeing you soon,

Shawn
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:38:02 +0100

the monday monster, 12.08.08

Comedy Central Presents: Mark 7:26-30

Today we�re looking at a very interesting exchange between Jesus and a gentile woman. By understanding this passage we can learn a lot about Jesus, his approach, his personality, and reaffirm the fact that the Gospel is for everyone�Jews and Gentiles. (If you�re not Jewish, guess what?)

Please read this passage of scripture.
Mark 7
24Jesus left that place and went to the vicinity of Tyre. He entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret. 25In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil spirit came and fell at his feet. 26The woman was a Greek, born in Syrian Phoenicia. She begged Jesus to drive the demon out of her daughter. 27"First let the children eat all they want," he told her, "for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs." 28"Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs." 29Then he told her, "For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter." 30She went home and found her child lying on the bed, and the demon gone.

If you take the words only at face value, you can easily get what sounds like a really weird story. Jesus, trying to get away from the crowds, goes north to a Gentile area (near Tyre), hoping to recharge his batteries. A Greek woman who had a disturbed daughter finds him, throws herself down at his feet, and starts begging for help. Up to this point the text is easy to understand� then it gets strange. Jesus starts talking about children and dogs�and the woman seems to play along� �Yes, Lord, but even the dogs under the table eat the children�s crumbs.� Jesus says, �Good answer!�, the woman goes home and her daughter is healed. Excuse me?

Without a little interpretation help, it�s easy to conclude that Jesus must have been having a bad day�that he was tired and cranky and was caught off-guard. Why else would he have called this woman a �dog?� Then he regrouped, got it together, and decided to help the woman out and heal her daughter. Luckily, there is an easy way to make sense out of this. What we have here is NOT Jesus being mean, what we have here is two people joking about something they both know about.

This passage of scripture gives us a great example of how difficult it is to translate the subtleties and nuances of language. As you know, the Bible we read in English has been translated from the original languages (Hebrew, Greek, Aramaic), and those who do the translating take great pains to make sure that not only the words get translated accurately, but also the meaning. By the way, this is why you can make the Bible �say� almost anything you want it to�just find a translation that fits your point of view! (I know people who only use the �King James� translation for that very reason.) Getting the original intent across is the trick. Sidebar: I�ve been hanging out with a new friend who is visiting from Switzerland. He came to America to help fast-forward his English skills and to make fun at how lousy our chocolate is. Not really. Anyway, the hardest thing to learn in a new language is the �idioms�, the phrases and ideas that are unique to and understood by one group of people, but not necessarily by others. If I said to my friend, �I�m pulling your leg!�, he would probably say, �No you�re not, you�re not even touching me.� I would say, �I�m joking,� he would say, �You didn�t tell me a joke.� I would say, �Nevermind, can we start over?�

Def: "idiom" most often refers to a phrase or expression that cannot be understood by knowing what the individual words in the phrase mean. For example, "to roll out the red carpet" is to extravagantly welcome a guest; no red carpet is actually needed. If you take it literally, you misunderstand the phrase. Bottom line: This passage contains cultural and ethnic references that Jesus and the woman understood, that a literal translation of the words do not totally convey.

To really understand the passage, we have to be in on the joke.

By the way, a really good book that helps explain this sort of thing is, The Humor of Christ, by Elton Trueblood. When I bought it I was hoping for a book of Jesus� favorite jokes (�A Pharisee walks into a bar�.�), but it actually discusses in great detail the way Jesus used colorful devices of language (twists of phrases, exaggeration, hyperbole, sarcasm, etc.) in his parables and sermons, and helps us get a broader picture of his personality�that he actually had fun, and laughed, and even messed with the disciples.

Back to the passage� some assumptions:
1. Jesus� mission involved coming first to the Jews, revealing the plan of salvation to �God�s Chosen People� first, then opening it up to everyone else.
2. Jesus already knew that he was going to heal the woman�s daughter. He used the situation to bless, encourage, and minister to the woman (as he does with us).
3. There was a lot of �bad blood� between the Jews and Gentiles. Jews called the Gentiles �dogs�, unclean, etc. The Gentiles didn�t like being called names. Jesus and the woman were having a good laugh about it the craziness of prejudice, while Jesus was demonstrating God�s love for everyone.

It seems pretty clear that both Jesus and the woman both knew exactly what they were talking about�and what Jesus was doing was making fun of some common racial and cultural stereotypes. If you try, you can hear the lilting sarcastic humor and see the tongue-in-cheek smiles at the edges of their mouths as the woman and Jesus make fun of their respective cultures' prejudices. Jesus is making the point that the common Jewish attitudes towards other cultures is not in sync with the plan of God. Once they got that out of the way, Jesus healed her daughter. Jesus also make a strong point of God�s love for all people, Jews and Gentiles, as well as validating a high regard for women (in a culture that hadn�t quite caught up yet�and still might have a way to go.)

Final remarks.
When was the last time you metaphorically �fell at Jesus� feet?�. If we want to experience all God has for us, we must be submissive and surrender our hearts and our wills to him. As you read through the Gospels you will notice that Jesus always responded to sincere people. It�s the outwardly religious, with hidden and not-so-hidden agendas, that he had the harshest words for.

Let�s get back to simple devotion.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Breaking News...

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 14:03:47 +0100

Existence Church Family,

We received a call today from the Monarch School asking if we were able to provide even more shoes for those in their community. It is an exciting opportunity, and they are very grateful for any help we can provide. We have included below, all of the extra sizes that they still need. We encourage you to take the challenge, and put a pair of shoes on someones feet this Christmas. Also, remember we are presenting the Gospel this Sunday morning. The gospel is the central message of Jesus. Please make sure to be there, invite others, and come ready to be encouraged.

Look forward to seeing you on Sunday...

Sizes of Shoes Needed for the Monarch School...

Adults Mens:
2-8.5
4-11.5
2-13
1-14
1-14.5
2-15

Adults Womens:
4-6
6-6.5
3-7
16-7.5
1-8
6-8.5
7-9
1-9.5
3-10

Kids Boys:
4-1
1-1.5
1-3.5
1-11
1-11.5
4-12
1-13

Kids Girls:
2-1.5
1-2.5
2-3.5
3-4.5
1-5
4-10
1-11
2-13.5

Baby Boys:
4-1
1-4.5
1-5.5

Baby Girls:
2-2
1-3
1-4
2-6
1-6.5
2-7

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 11:23:48 +0100

The Smooch, 12.04.08

The Healing Power of �I�m sorry�

Hi Guys,
Have you ever heard the expression, "Love is never having to say you're sorry?" It came from a very popular book and movie, Love Story, back in the swingin� �70�s. It got a lot of attention, everybody was talking about it� I think I saw the movie on one of those really awkward dates that should have been to the zoo and not to a girly movie, and I remember thinking even then, �Something about this doesn�t sound quite right.� Now, with a little life experience, I would have to say I think the phrase is not only naive, but a little dangerous.

�Love is never having to say you�re sorry� may sound really nice, and romantic� but is actually the opposite of real love. Here�s the Bible�s definition of love: 1 Cor. 13:4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Real love seeks what is best for the other person, is selfless, and is mature enough to admit mistakes and take personal responsibility for them. As I think about it, It might be a little more accurate to rewrite the phrase to be something like, �Love is being able to sincerely say, I�m sorry.�

Let�s talk about saying, �I�m sorry.� If you�re close to someone, sooner or later you�re bound to step on their toes. And whether it�s something you say or do, intentional or not, if you are responsible for causing hurt to someone, ESPECIALLY YOUR SPOUSE, it�s important to say, �I�m sorry.� The idea, �Well, she knows I love her, I don�t need to apologize,� is avoiding something that is really important� regularly reaffirming your love for each other. But it�s not enough to simply say the words� words alone are not enough. You have to get inside your spouse�s heart, understand what they are hurt about, feel their pain, and acknowledge your part in causing the problem. You have to do your best to help them feel COMPLETELY understood. That�s the kind of �I�m sorry� that has a good chance of working. It doesn�t have to be a big event� it just has to be real. Key point: Don�t say the words �I�m sorry� unless you really mean them. They should be said with a humble spirit and a sincere tone, looking the other person in the eye, making sure they understand how serious you are.

Here are some �I�m sorry�s� that don�t work:
1. �I�m sorry if you were hurt.�
Or, �IF I did or said anything that you took wrong, I�m sorry.�
This does nothing to acknowledge any responsibility in the problem. It blames the other person for being �too sensitive� or for �misreading� your intentions.
2. In a sarcastic tone, �SORRY!�
This is picking a fight. It is hurtful, dishonest, and aggressive.
3. �I�m sorry you are so ___________ .�
(followed by a list of things you don�t like about them.)
This isn�t even close.
4. Saying "I'm sorry" but not meaning it.
Your spouse might say, "It's okay," but you both know it�s a smokescreen, and nothing will change. This is because nothing was really dealt with, more resentment gets built up, and you could be stuck in that hurt for years. It happens.

Some reasons we don�t say it.
1. Some people have a hard time admitting when they make a mistake, even a little one. It�s like pulling teeth to get them to cop to the slightest wrongdoing. These people are lousy at saying, �I�m sorry.� They get defensive, argumentative, and angry. This is a major sign of self-centeredness. Other people have a really high bar set for themselves, perfectionism, and they see anything short of being perfect as failure� so instead of adjusting the bar, they just don�t admit the mistake. Nice. Some people have such a need to be right and in control that they refuse to look at themselves honestly. �If I don�t see it, it�s not there!� Some spouses are in a tough position of trying to help the other spouse take the blinders off. Not an easy job.

2. Some people are afraid if they admit a mistake their spouse will take the opportunity to really rub it in. This happens when there is unfinished business between a couple, with a history of unresolved hurts, unforgiveness, and damaged trust. It may take a little time, but with consistent, honest effort, the trust can be rebuilt.

On the other hand:
�I�m sorry,� when done right, can mean a few things.
1. �I really care that your feelings were hurt.�
2. �I�m sorry you are feeling bad, and that I had a part in causing it.�
3. �I want you to know that you matter to me.�

What is most important is what you are NOT saying� it�s in the tone and attitude with which you are speaking. Real love is saying �I�m sorry� well.
�I�m sorry that I said (or did) ___________. I was wrong.�
(The most important thing is to acknowledge your part in the problem.)

After you say, "I'm sorry"...
Let the other person have whatever amount of space they need to process things. DO NOT immediately ask them to forgive you. That will happen in time. Remember, saying �I�m sorry� is for the other person, not for you. If you demand to be forgiven on the spot, the focus gets shifted to YOU, and YOUR need to feel better. Let the other person have the time to cope with things. Trust God. Do your part. Let it go.

Final thoughts. By making a sincere effort to join another person, to understand what they are feeling (empathy), and to extend comfort to someone you love, relationships can be restored and hurts can be healed. When these bumps in the road get resolved in a timely manner, you are protecting your marriage from bitterness and resentment and building confidence and trust in your relationship. This is good.

�When we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.� Step 10 of the 12 Steps.
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.� Eph. 4:26.

Hope this helps!
Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Big Sunday...

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:43:50 +0100

.: Shoes that Fit

This Sunday is the last Sunday to bring your shoes. We are excited to serve the Monarch School in San Diego. If you haven't taken advantage of this opportunity, we encourage you to do so. Here are the sizes we still need before Sunday: Girl Baby Sizes (3, 4, 4.5), Boy's Baby Sizes (1), Girl Kid's Sizes (10), Boy's Kid's Sizes (11, 11.5, 12). Take a moment, go to a store near you, and provide shoes for the displaced of our city. If you have any further questions you can contact Josh Carter at joshc@existencechurch.com.

.: Gospel/Communion

This Sunday we will be presenting the gospel message and taking communion as a family. Please be praying for those who have yet to start a relationship with God. The first Sunday of every month, we share the gospel, and take communion. As always, we encourage you to bring coworkers, friends, and family members. Remember, God wants to use you in the life of others. If you have any questions contact Josh Hotsenpiller at joshh@existencechurch.com.

We look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Couples Life

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 10:40:22 +0100

Hey kids,

Couples Life is set to meet tomorrow at the usual time (6:30pm) in the usual place (the church cafe). Shawn will not be there, because he and Rebekah are going to a Christmas party...and speaking of Christmas party

The Couples Life Christmas Party is scheduled for Thursday, December 11th at Chad and Nicole's house, starting at 6:30pm. It's going to be AWESOME!!! You won't want to miss it!

See you tomorrow :)

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Life Group Leader Reminders...

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:22:41 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

    I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving holidays! I wanted to take a moment and give you some quick updates/reminders. They are as follows:

.: Finish Strong
     Make sure to finish strong this year. If you haven't already pick up some cards, write a note to the people in your group, and give it to them in person. Celebrate the end of the year, and pray for them that they will full enjoy the Christmas Holidays.

.: Online Videos for You
      As promised, I have videos posted online to help you share the vision of each life group and understand the roles each leader will play. Invite your group to view these videos. They are short and I think really helpful. Go to: www.existencechurch.com ... click Life Groups or Small Groups .... click Leaders Corner .... click Video Training. I would love your feedback.

.: Pick your Inclusive and Missional Leader
    Before January, I want each group to have their inclusive leader and missional leader selected. If you need help, let me know. I will be in touch soon.

Have a great week, stay focused, and enjoy your groups. I look forward to you soon!

Shawn

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Shoes that Fit Information

Joshc@existencechurch.com — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:16:55 +0100

Hey everyone,

Thank you so much for signing up to help us out with Shoes That Fit next Sunday, Dec. 7th. We wanted to fill you in on some of the details. Plan on meeting at the church immediately following second service (around 12:15pm). We will carpool from the church to the school and shelter downtown, leaving the church around 12:30 and setting up before everything starts. We should be done handing out all the shoes around 4:00pm, which would put us back to the church by 5:00pm, but its best to be flexible. If you have any questions email Josh Carter at joshc@existencechurch.com. Thanks again and we look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:22:24 +0100

the monday monster, 12.01.08

A Relationship �About� or �With� God?

I was raised in church�and I knew a lot about the Bible from an early age. Or, at least I thought I did. But, it wasn�t until I took an Ancient History class at SDSU that the New Testament really came to life. I came to know more about the Greek world and the Roman Empire and how the Jewish people fit into it. A little history helped, a lot. So, for a minute, act like you�re watching History Channel, and let�s try to shed some light on Jesus� relationship with the Pharisees and Sadducees.

The Pharisees, Sadducees, and Essenes.
By the first century A.D., there were three main factions/parties in Judiasm.

The Pharisees
The two most important of the three were the Pharisees and the Sadducees� the Pharisees are the spiritual fathers of modern Judaism. Their main distinguishing characteristic was a belief in an Oral Law that God gave to Moses at Sinai along with the Torah. The Torah or Written Law was akin to the U.S. Constitution in the sense that it set down a series of laws that were open to interpretation (�Open to interpretation� is significant, twisting the law to mean whatever suited them at the time is what Jesus had a beef with).The Pharisees believed that God also gave Moses the knowledge of what these laws meant and how they should be applied. This �oral tradition� was codified and written down roughly three centuries later in what is known as the Talmud. The Pharisees also maintained that an afterlife existed and that God punished the wicked and rewarded the righteous in the world to come. They also believed in a messiah who would herald an era of world peace. Pharisees were in a sense blue-collar Jews who adhered to the tenets developed after the destruction of the Temple; that is, such things as individual prayer and assembly in synagogues. Bottom line: the Pharisees put as much emphasis on the �oral traditions� (the legal commentary explaining how the commandments should be carried out) as the Written Law of Moses.

The Sadducees
The Sadducees were elitists who wanted to maintain the priestly caste, but they were also liberal in their willingness to incorporate Hellenism into their lives, something the Pharisees opposed. The Sadducees rejected the idea of the Oral Law and insisted on a literal interpretation of the Written Law; consequently, they did not believe in an afterlife, since it is not mentioned in the Torah. The main focus of Sadducee life was rituals associated with the Temple. Bottom line: the Sadducees were politically liberal, and wanted to get along with the Romans, which was the best way to maintain their political power. Since Jesus threatened to rock their world, they were willing to �be friends� with their enemies, the Pharisees, to get rid of him.

These two "parties" served in the Great Sanhedrin, a kind of Jewish Supreme Court made up of 71 members whose responsibility was to interpret civil and religious laws.

The Dead Sea Sect
A third faction, the Essenes, emerged out of disgust with the other two. This sect believed the others had corrupted the city and the Temple. They moved out of Jerusalem and lived a monastic life in the desert, adopting strict dietary laws and a commitment to celibacy. The Essenes are particularly interesting to scholars because they are believed to be an offshoot of the group that lived in Qumran, near the Dead Sea. In 1947, a Bedouin shepherd stumbled into a cave containing various ancient artifacts and jars containing manuscripts describing the beliefs of the sect and events of the time. The most important documents, often only parchment fragments that had to be meticulously restored, were the earliest known copies of the Old Testament. The similarity of the substance of the material found in the scrolls to that in the modern scriptures has confirmed the authenticity of the Bible used today.

Now, let�s read the text. Mark 7:1-13.
1 One day some Pharisees and teachers of religious law arrived from Jerusalem to see Jesus. 2 They noticed that some of his disciples failed to follow the Jewish ritual of hand washing before eating. 3 (The Jews, especially the Pharisees, do not eat until they have poured water over their cupped hands, as required by their ancient traditions. 4 Similarly, they don�t eat anything from the market until they immerse their hands in water. This is but one of many traditions they have clung to�such as their ceremonial washing of cups, pitchers, and kettles.) 5 So the Pharisees and teachers of religious law asked him, �Why don�t your disciples follow our age-old tradition? They eat without first performing the hand-washing ceremony.� 6 Jesus replied, �You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote, �These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7 Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.� 8 For you ignore God�s law and substitute your own tradition.� 9 Then he said, �You skillfully sidestep God�s law in order to hold on to your own tradition. 10 For instance, Moses gave you this law from God: �Honor your father and mother,� and �Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death.� 11 But you say it is all right for people to say to their parents, �Sorry, I can�t help you. For I have vowed to give to God what I would have given to you.� 12 In this way, you let them disregard their needy parents. 13 And so you cancel the word of God in order to hand down your own tradition. And this is only one example among many others.�

Some people define their spiritual life according to what they don�t do. �I don�t smoke, drink, or whatever� I�m a Christian.� We�ve all heard of �Catholic guilt� or �Jewish guilt�... this is the natural outcome of a perspective that gauges one�s spiritual life according to outward behavior� which is the essence of religion� trying to get to God through works. This describes the Pharisees� if you break the law, you�re toast. The real problem is not only did the Pharisees have to keep track of the written law of Moses, they had thousands of little �laws�(oral traditions) which in their mind were just as important. This is the trap of religion: it�s all in your head, and not in your heart. There�s a difference between knowing about God� facts, bible verses, even knowing the plan of salvation� and knowing God. For example, I know how to get in shape. I�ve done it. When I was younger, I was naturally in shape without trying too hard. I ate right, ran several miles, three times a week. Went to the gym on the off days and did weights. It wasn�t that hard, it was part of my life. As I got older, I began to accumulate more excuses for why I didn�t have time to stay in shape. So I got out of shape. There have been at least three times in the last few years that I decided to get in shape� and I did. I did the things that work. The same things that always work� and I got in shape. Then, for some reason, I flaked out. So, now, I could stand to get in shape� again. Here�s the deal, it�s my body that got out of shape, not my mind�I can still remember what to do. I could write a book about it. I know everything I need to know about getting in shape� but I�m not in shape. Why? Here�s the point: Knowing how to get in shape doesn�t get me in shape. Getting in shape does. That�s how being religious works� everything is in your head, but not in your heart. Knowing about spiritual things is nice, but that doesn�t get us in relationship with God� humble surrender to God does.

The Pharisees weren�t all bad guys� most were sincerely trying to do it right, according to what they had been taught� they were just wrong. Have you considered that it�s possible to be totally sincere, yet wrong? Truth trumps sincerity any day. That�s why Jesus pulled out the heavy artillery, to shake up the Pharisees to get back to basics. It got through to some of them (Check out Nicodemus, Joseph of Arimathea, and the Apostle Paul). For us, the Pharisees can represent something we have to be careful of� are we following Jesus with our head or our heart?

Shawn made a great point yesterday�
Question: Are you in a relationship �about� God or are you in a relationship �with� God?

If you�ve been a follower of Jesus for a while, a new follower, or even a seeker� the question is a good one. Today, am I open to Jesus with my heart (the most real part of me) or am I just acting religious and outwardly following the rules? Are you walking with Jesus, and allowing him to be Lord over your attitudes, thoughts, and desires? Listen, Jesus has a message for you.

Blessings,
Gerry

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Couples Life

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:12:31 +0100

Hey there fellow turkey lovers!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so to state the obvious, Couples Life will not be meeting. We will resume as usual the following Thursday, December 4th at 6:30pm.

So have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and don't forget to include Couples Life when you're saying what you're thankful for ;)

~Gobble Gobble

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Monday Monster

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:46:28 +0100

the monday monster, 11.24.08

Hard Heart=Closed Mind

Yesterday at Existence, Josh spoke of the unrealistic expectations for the Christian life that can get us into trouble. It�s easy for us to get disappointed and discouraged if things don�t go the way we expect them to. Human nature. It makes you wonder if you were at fault, and not your faulty expectations� �Maybe I didn�t get it right.� (By the way� I grew up in a Baptist church that had altar calls almost every week. I think during my childhood I asked Jesus into my heart about 50 times� just to make sure. When eternity in hell is an option, you can�t be too safe!) Of course, it usually doesn�t occur to us that maybe WE might be the ones with the wrong ideas� we just blame God for not coming through. Nice. Unfortunately, a lot of us have distorted expectations for how our walk with Jesus is supposed to go. It�s one of Satan�s most effective tricks� �Didn�t Jesus say that if you followed him you wouldn�t have any more problems, ever?� �This whole Jesus thing is a lie.� �You might as well give up.� I don�t know about you, but I hear that annoying voice on a regular basis�most of the time I blow it off� sometimes I mistake it for my own. Anyway, it�s important to have a clear, realistic understanding of the �normal� Christian life, with accurate expectations of what God is supposed to do, and what we are supposed to do� that pain and discouragement are part of living, and that Jesus wants to walk WITH us through it all, and help us learn to trust him and accept reality. And grow up. Some people don�t pray enough and think they are supposed to control everything� some people pray way too much and don�t do a whole lot. Some people just play video games. If you missed church yesterday, I encourage you to find the podcast and catch up. It will be worth it.

Today for the Monster I think I'll plow a slightly different field, focusing on a weird little phrase: ��for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.�

45Immediately (after the feeding of the 5,000) Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. 47When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. 48He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, 49but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, 50because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 51Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, 52for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.

You can have a hard heart/closed mind for two reasons: 1) An intentional refusal to accept any more information. For example, when you get a sales call right when you walk in the door from work� definitely not interested� Closed mind/hard heart. The telemarketer doesn�t have a chance in hell�well, maybe in hell. Some people have this same attitude about the things of Jesus. �No thanks, not interested.� Closed mind/hard heart. 2) The other reason for a hard heart: Just not �getting it.� Lack of understanding. Not considering the whole picture. Slow.

The disciples fit the latter. One commentator put it like this: �They�re hearts were blinded, they�re minds were dull. Either they did not perceive, or had not well considered that miracle of the five loaves, to the point that the virtue of Christ was just as strange to them as if they had not been present at that miracle which was done just a little before.�

The disciples� faith in Jesus hadn�t increased a bit, in spite of witnessing the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000! The way they looked at life was no different than if they had not even been there. It seems hard to imagine� they had been a part of the biggest miracle in history, and there they are, just a little later in a boat, crying like little girls. In fact, the disciples had just had a stretch where they experienced what I would call �Miracle overload.� Mark 4: the first boat-related miracle: Jesus calmed the storm and the freaked-out disciples. Mark 5: Healing a demon-possessed man, raising a girl from the dead, and healing another woman. Mark 6: Jesus sent out the disciples to preach and heal and they found out first-hand that this stuff is real� followed with the dinner show. Man, you would think that would be enough.

Now, before we get too harsh with the disciples we ought to look in the mirror. Don�t we do the same thing? Things are going great� God is good!... then, bang, the car breaks, or your heart breaks, or the bank breaks, and before we know it we�re wondering where God went. We act like the disciples in the boat� not considering God in the middle of things�hard heart/closed mind. We forget that God has been faithful in the past, and suddenly cop an attitude and act like all bets are off. Whoa� a little disciple fever.

Seriously, this could be the most miserable condition that a Jesus-follower can be in� to be a �Christian�, but insensitive to the work of God. The disciples had not turned their backs on Jesus, they had not given up on serving him, in fact, they were on their way to the next gig�and yet their hearts had become hardened. Simply put, they had not taken seriously the reality that life with Jesus was to be lived moment-by-moment, in an attitude of trust and faith. We can learn from the disciples. And do a serious reality check.

Are you walking with Jesus, or are you experiencing a little �hardheartitis�?
Here are some symptoms.

1. Panic in times of trouble.
In spite of what they had already experienced with Jesus, the disciples were not living by faith, allowing their immediate circumstances to freaked them out. When we allow our hearts to become hardened toward the things of God, we also will begin to panic in the midst of trials.

2. Frustration and failure.
When you are unable to fulfill the command of Christ in your life, even though it�s YOUR heart that is hard, you feel frustrated. Feeling like a failure in your walk with Jesus is a symptom of being �religious� but not walking with Jesus. An �irritable� Christian should be an oxymoron�

3. Fruitless labor.
Note: v48� the disciples were �straining at the oars�, but not getting anywhere.
This is a picture of serving God with your own strength�. a lot of effort, but no satisfaction and joy.

4. Complacency.
Perhaps the disciples had grown accustomed to Jesus� miracles and had lost their excitement. God admonished His people in Deut. 6:12, "Beware lest thou forget the Lord which brought thee forth out of Egypt, from the house of bondage." When we forget what God has done for us, it is a sure sign that our hearts have become hardened. If you have forgotten what it was like before you came to Jesus, it may be time to �get back to your first love.� Rev. 2:4: �But I have this complaint against you. You don�t love me or each other as you did at first!�

As a church, we need to guard against the same thing that affected the disciples... getting too used to God showing up and taking care of things, or not considering him in our everyday living. The good news is Jesus had a lot of patience with the disciples, and he has that and more for you.
Maybe take a second and check in.

Blessings,
Gerry

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The Smooch

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:31:07 +0100

The Smooch, 11.20.08

Hi Guys,
As we approach Thanksgiving (it�s next week!) I thought I would share an article, by Annette LaPlaca, that though written a few years ago, still holds up. We all have a tendency under certain circumstances to whine, complain, and get discouraged� but this article reminds us to make sure we make thankfulness and gratitude a habit in our marriage. Hope it helps.

Make Thankfulness Happen

When David promised me "with all my worldly goods I thee endow," an honest-to-goodness titter passed through the crowd at our wedding. People had seen his car�an ancient, rust-encrusted Buick he bought for $50�and most of our friends knew he was a grad student with the usual burden of student loans to repay.

It's no wonder then that our first apartment was in a neighborhood apparently designed to panic our mothers. Wrought-iron bars on the windows, doors with double deadbolts. We got used to the nightly thump-wump-thump of the police helicopter patrolling over our building after dark. When my sister came to visit, she saw a woman lose her purse to a young hoodlum just down the street. Another friend told me someone regularly sold drugs just a few doors from our concrete front steps.

It was that kind of neighborhood.
But the rent was cheap and the apartment was, well, furnished: a battered red couch, greasy kitchen cabinets, rotting curtains, wobbly dining room chairs and a bed that swayed and mattress that bumped in odd places (I layered it with old linens and a good mattress cover, not wanting any indirect contact with the numerous sleepers of the past).

Judging by our contentment and thankfulness, it could have been a palace. And it was during those first couple of years of marriage that I discovered one of the things I like most about David�and one of the things that binds us most tightly together�a spirit of thankfulness.

No Whiners
While together in our first home, we started paying down school loans. We covered David's current school costs without taking on further debt; he worked various odd jobs between classes and I had the dubious honor of being in charge of the sock wall at Dillards. Not only did we survive; we were happy as clams. David cheerfully stuck pieces of cardboard into his shoes to protect his socks (the soles had worn through in places); we gave up sodas and juice and drank only water; and we never set foot in a restaurant�not even a McDonald's�until our first anniversary.

David painted the greasy kitchen cabinets and built new shelves from wood he scrounged out of a dumpster. For entertainment, we'd sit on our bed in our tiny bedroom (the only room we could afford to cool in the Oklahoma heat), playing cards and watching the $10 TV we'd purchased (you had to change channels with a pliers). We made pizza for friends and invented elaborate rules for "Killer Uno."

I felt so thankful to God for giving us a life together, and it became a point of connection for me to realize that David was really thankful too. I'd hear him in the kitchen or bathroom, breathing a quiet "Alleluia!" or "Thank you, Lord" and realize that part of what he was so thankful for�beyond his salvation in Christ and the daily guidance of God's Spirit and other "spiritual" things�was our home, and me.

In November 1990, that first Thanksgiving of our married life, I made a list of the "Top Ten Things to Be Thankful for in 1990." I used to make a list like that every year, as a spiritual exercise. Guess whose name is at the top of that list? David topped the chart in 1989 as well. I still have those lists, stuffed in with all the letters we wrote to each other while we were apart�in Oklahoma and Chicago�the year before we married.

I remember that it was easy to make that list�despite our financial deprivation. It was in those early months of marriage that David and I slipped into what's become a thankfulness norm for us. We enjoy, separately and together, quietly and out loud, what God has given us.

Marital Superglue
You don't hear a lot of premarital counselors instructing young couples, "You know, you need to be thankful because that's really important for your relationship." They ought to, though. For David and me, thankfulness is a kind of Superglue. It gives us a strong sense of hope and confidence about our future�our future together. Because we've grown accustomed to looking for God's goodness, we've come to expect it (you can't force or fake this kind of hopeful joy). Because we've seen God give us strength and patience in our relationship in the past, we're convinced God is going to be with us in future troubles�from within or outside of our marriage. It's not that we glibly assume that because we're Christians we're never going to have illnesses or financial setbacks or rebellious teenagers (someday). It's more that we've become deeply convinced that God will keep on working in us and through us, no matter what comes our way.

In that sense, a thankful spirit is giving our marriage a sense of glad expectation. We expect to be together for decades�and we expect God to be with us too. Thankfulness defeats gloominess or feelings of hopelessness about our marriage. When we're thankful together, we're helping each other put our faith in God.

Thankfulness is binding because it requires some humility. You can't be thankful and boastful at the same time. David is humble enough to know whom to thank for his talents, his health, his family, his job. That humility makes him accessible to me; it puts us in the same place as fortunate-beyond-reason recipients of God's unparalleled giving. The humble aspects of thankfulness remove the necessity of power struggles between us. Neither one of us has to try to be better or stronger or more "in control" than the other�because by being thankful we're openly acknowledging that we've both had failures and been needy and God has taken care of those problems, even when we didn't deserve it.

Thankful Heart, Happy Heart
So I'm thanking God for my thankful spouse. As different as David and I are, we need this foundational point of connection. I'm thankful for the way gratitude is having its effects in our family. It plays a role in our contentedness and offsets the cultural pull to materialistic living. Thankfulness colors how we pray and how we teach Robbie and Julia to pray. It creates a backdrop for enjoying the world God's put us in and for showing our kids that we live out of joy as well as out of obedience.

We've come a long way. Instead of living in a crime-ridden, poor neighborhood, we now live two whole blocks from one. We have our own home. We can afford new shoes, and we can eat out on date night. In the summer we air-condition the whole house, and now we play cards with our beautiful kids. We have confidence that God has "carved us into the palm of his hand" for an abundant life here on earth and blessing forever in heaven.

We have everything to be thankful for.

I hope the above article helped. Here are a few �Dr. Gerry� suggestions:
1. Make your own list of the "Top Ten Things to Be Thankful for in 2008."
Compare notes with your spouse.
2. Tell the people in your life that you are thankful for them� be specific. Look out� it might be habit forming.
3. If you start getting stressed out as the holidays approach� make yourself think of the things you are grateful for. It helps. At least as much as the eggnog.

Love you guys!
Gerry

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Couples Life

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:53:45 +0100

Hey there cats and kittens,

Just a friendly little reminder that tomorrow night is couples life. Showtime is at 6:30pm, and this time we're splitting up into two groups ~ guys and dolls. So be there or be square!

Upcoming Stuff:

Hoe down is this Sunday, so go pull that cowboy hat out of the back of the closet and shine those spurs. Yee-Haw!

The Couples Life end of the year Christmas party will be on December 11th at Chad and Nicole's house, starting at 6:30pm. More info coming shortly.

Are you a Thanksgiving refugee? If so, and you want someplace to spend Thanksgiving, let us know. We can help.

If you haven't participated in "Shoes that Fit", we encourage you to do so. Who doesn't like a new pair of shoes :)

If you have any questions or concerns please contact Shawn at shawnk@existencechurch.com

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Life Group Leaders Only...

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:04:41 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

    I wanted to send you a short e-mail with some helpful reminders. My prayer for you this week is that you stay focused, take time to invest in your own relationship with God, and make plans to finish 2008 strong! Thank you for leading and for loving others. Please take a moment to read through the following:

Hoe Down - This Sunday
   Remind your group to be there! Enjoy it together! If you have any question send them over.

Shoes that Fit - December 7th
   If you haven't taken time to go shop for shoes as a group, I encourage you to do so. We specifically need Children's shoes at this point. We need shoes for 2nd graders and up. If your group is not going to have time to go together, can you please encourage them go individually. If you have any questions, just let me know.

Chapter 2
   Please take a moment during your next group meeting to ask everyone if they have taken time to pray about contributing to Chapter 2.

Finish Strong
   If you haven't planned your last group meeting, I encourage you to do so. Let's finish strong as a Life Group Team.

    Have a great day. I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you very soon!

-Shawn

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Just a reminder...

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:58:16 +0100

Hey Church,

We're excited about all the things going on at Existence. Just so you don't feel overwhelmed about it all, we've put together a little check list for you to make sure you don't miss out on all the exciting things God's doing in our community.

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Monday Monster

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:43:38 +0100

the monday monster, 11.17.08

Mark 6:30-44, �Jesus, table for 5,000, Jesus, table for 5,000�

Today�s Monster deals with the well-known miracle, The Feeding Of The Five Thousand (actually, it was closer to 15,000 with all the women and children�in the first century women literally didn�t count, it was a cultural thing.) But the real miracle wasn�t only that Jesus did a Chris Angel with some bread and fish�(only this was no illusion; take that, Chris). The rest of the miracle was what Jesus was doing in the hearts of the disciples. We need to remember that we are all works in progress. And just like Jesus had the disciples on a plan to understand and live out life in the kingdom� he wants to do the same with you and me. For God to work in our heart and change us from the inside is a true miracle, and one that we have some part in. It doesn�t get the press like �water into wine�, but it is no less significant.

In context, the disciples had just come back from their mission to go out preaching and healing on their own, kinda like Jesus let them have a go with their first set of training-wheels. Now, it was time for Jesus to take them to the next level in their understanding. Here are some thoughts.

v. 30The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught.
The disciples were also called �apostles� from the Greek word for �someone sent out�, like with a message or as a delegate. They had been sent, and they came back pretty stoked.
Q: Are you doing enough for the Kingdom of God to be able to report back anything?
It looks like most of the disciples really went out and worked hard�. We don�t have a record of any of them slipping away and hitting the beach, then coming back with a good, made-up story. That would be more like the modern church� 10% of the people doing 90% of the effort. �Uh, I didn�t know Jesus was going to ask for a report!� Guess what? Jesus would already know.

31Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." 32So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. 33But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. 34When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. 35By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. "This is a remote place," they said, "and it's already very late. 36Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat."
The disciples were probably trying to be helpful��It�s getting late, there are no fast food places nearby, let�s send the people away to get something to eat.� Jesus had another idea� to perform one of the most amazing miracles� and the disciples had no way of knowing what he had in mind. Up to now, Jesus had done a few miracles (you know, water into wine, various healings�) but nothing like this. So when he said, �You give them something to eat� the disciples were naturally confused� What? We don�t have enough money to make a food run! Then Jesus told them to do something that didn�t make sense� but they obeyed. Get the point: sometimes Jesus might ask you to do something that doesn�t make logical sense� do it anyway. Here�s the text.
37But he answered, "You give them something to eat." They said to him, "That would take eight months of a man's wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?" 38"How many loaves do you have?" he asked. "Go and see." When they found out, they said, "Five�and two fish." 39Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. 40So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties. 41Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to set before the people. He also divided the two fish among them all. 42They all ate and were satisfied, 43and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish. 44The number of the men who had eaten was five thousand.

Yesterday, at Existence, Josh gave 5 hints to help apply this teaching. Here goes.
The following hints are things the disciples did that we can learn from�

Hint #1: What the disciples did. Actions. The disciples went out and got in the game. That�s why they could report about what had happened.
Q: What are you doing for God? If Jesus asked you for a report about your efforts for the kingdom, what would you say? If you don�t have a lot coming to mind, maybe this could be a little wake-up call. By the way, God doesn�t grade on the curve. You are only responsible to do what God tells you to do, compared with nobody else. It doesn�t have to be huge� you don�t have to move a mountain� just pay attention to what God might have for you. It might be to say something to someone�it might be to give comfort or support� it might be stand up for an injustice in the name of Jesus� just be ready, because God uses people who want to be used. The point: Do.
Hint #2 What the disciples taught. The disciples went out and did stuff (they healed people, they met people�s needs) but they also taught. Key point: You can�t teach what you don�t know. Part of going out and communicating God�s love to people means being able to articulate the basics of the Gospel. You don�t have to be Billy Graham or Rick Warren� be yourself, just able to briefly explain the Gospel. I like how Peter cautions Christians on how to do it�I Peter 3:15,16: �And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. 16 But do this in a gentle and respectful way.� Note: By the time Peter wrote his letters (1 Peter and 2 Peter) he had learned quite a bit of tact� the hard way. When it comes to telling people about Jesus, follow God�s lead, not some artificial pressure to �win souls� or earn heaven points. But be looking for opportunities in your world� they will come up, and you will be amazed (like the disciples) how God can use you.
Hint #3 The disciples had tender hearts. In this world, compassion goes a long way. But to have compassion, you have to get outside of your own self. Learn the art of empathy� understanding and feeling someone else�s reality. It�s the old �People don�t care what you know unless they know that you care.�
Hint #4 The disciples were committed. It�s easy to sit on the sidelines and watch the other people be committed. �Look at that! Boy, that�s impressive! Great sermon! I�m happy to be a member of a church that does�� The reason the disciples eventually turned the known world upside down for Jesus was because they were INDIVIDUALLY COMMITTED to Jesus. That�s how God works� a bunch of individuals who are committed to Jesus, and committed to each other. You have a part to play, so�do your part. Jesus doesn�t do everything all by himself� he chooses to work through people like you.
Hint #5 The disciples brought what they had. I love verse 37, after the disciples told Jesus to send the people away so they could eat� �But he answered, "You give them something to eat." Come on� aren�t we supposed to pray that the food shows up? Or pray that the people�s needs will be met? Not exactly. There is nothing wrong with praying, but too many times we pray instead doing something. Jesus basically said, �The people are hungry� do something about it.� Obviously, he had a point to make, and a world-class miracle to perform, but we shouldn�t miss the meaning�bring what you have, God will bless it. Jesus needs something to work with. The disciples gathered what food they had, and Jesus went from there. For us, it might mean bringing your talents, your resources, and your passions to Jesus, being what Paul called a �living sacrifice,� and discovering in a fresh way what it means to be used by God.

Jesus can use people just like you and me.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Reminder from Josh...

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:25:40 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I wanted to give you two quick reminders before we jump into this weekend. They are as follows:

.: Shoes that Fit

I met with Monarch School (A downtown elementary and high school for homeless kids) and worked out all of the details
for our Shoes That Fit program. They estimate they will have over 200 men, women, and children from their local shelters who will be in need of shoes. I can't wait for our church to serve these families. We also will be providing baked goods and hot chocolate. Make sure to plan on coming with us on December 7th! In addition to Monarch School we are also partnering with St. Paul's (a downtown church in one of the lowest income neighborhoods in our county) to provide shoes, baked goods, and hot chocolate to families in need.

In order to ensure we have enough shoes, we have provided you with "Inclusive" cards to give out to coworkers and friends. We have also made these cards available online at www.existencechurchsandiego.com/invite. Please make a strong effort to serve with us. We are praying for you! Together, we can make a difference!

.: Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is off and rolling and we want to encourage you to make a step towards building our future. God is doing amazing things in our community and we are excited about the role you will play. In order to make it easier for you to make your Chapter 2 commitment we have set up a website to answer any questions you may have as well as a place for online giving. You can see all the information at www.existencechurchsandiego.com/chapter2

We love you guys! Remember as we become an Inclusive Missional Community, we will discover our spiritual lives increase in depth. It is not about just coming to church, it's about being the church!

See ya Sunday!

Josh

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:09:07 +0100

The Smooch, 11.13.08

Thoughts About Marriage

Hi Guys,
Josh asked me to come up with some thoughts about Christian marriage. With so much misinformation going around from every angle, it can get a little confusing. Especially during political seasons, when people are likely to say almost anything to get whatever cause they are trying to get passed, passed, it�s important to get back to basics. By the way, this little essay is in no way intended to be an exhaustive discussion of everything to do with marriage� it�s just an attempt to address some of the questions that have come up and to remind us of God�s plan for marriage as expressed in the Bible.

Some opening thoughts.
The Bible records a whole bunch of examples of men behaving badly� adultery, concubines, multiple wives, sexual excess, etc. Just because they are recorded in the Bible doesn�t mean God likes it. These are bad examples to learn from. Also, whatever we �feel� about any issue must be balanced with truth. Since feelings cannot and should not be the ultimate measure for what is true, we need to go back to the basics to remind ourselves what God has to say. It can be tough, because we live in a culture that values �tolerance� and equality so such a degree that any stance taken by a Jesus-follower �for� God�s position on something can be construed as being �against� something else. It�s not exactly fair. We are called to love people unconditionally, but can be accused of committing the worst sin of all, intolerance, just because we may not go along with what the culture deems as �okay.� Well, we can�t solve all the problems here� regardless of which way the wind of public opinion blows, popular or not, our best bet is to discover God�s plan for marriage as expressed in the Bible and go from there.

The Origin of Marriage
Genesis 1:27-28. �So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
The first thing that we see is that men and women are created in the image of God, and that the marriage union was between a male and female. There was no provision for a male to male marriage or a female to female marriage.

Jesus emphasized this when answering the Pharisees when they asked him about the issue of divorce: Matt. 19: 3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" 4 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" 8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

Jesus makes a huge point about the way things were INTENDED from the beginning. Even though people will find ways to mess with God�s plan, it�s important to discover how God originally set things up.

The First Wedding (without the hassle of invitations!)
Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." �. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
It�s important to note that the institution of marriage is the oldest ordinance of God�even before the law of Moses.

The Purpose of Marriage
Here is a summary of the various purposes of marriage described in scripture.

1. Companionship. To provide a relationship whereby both partners can fulfill one another's need for companionship. Genesis 2:18-20.

2. For the propagation of the human race. Genesis 1:28: God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

3. To provide a forum for successfully raising our children.
Ephesians 6:1-4: 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"�which is the first commandment with a promise� 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Very few people would argue against the idea that a functional, intact family (mom and dad together) is the optimum environment for childrearing. We are beginning to see the results of studies done the last 20 years on children of divorce, and the price is high. God�s original plan is still best� both parents (Mother and Father) raising children together, creating a family training ground to learn about life.

4. To prevent immorality. God�s plan is to fulfill your sexual needs within the context of a committed marriage.
I Corinthians 7:1-5: Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly�but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality�the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting�but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.

8-9: I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.

Proverbs 5:15-20: Do you know the saying, "Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring-fed well"? It's true. Otherwise, you may one day come home and find your barrel empty and your well polluted. Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose�don't ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!
Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?
(By the way, the above passage was written by Solomon, speaking from experience, and reminding us of the value of maintaining a solid, committed marriage.)

5. To help us develop our spiritual lives.
Ephesians 5:22-32: Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church�a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor�since they're already "one" in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Again, the teaching is clear� man/woman.

6. Marriage serves as a model of our relationship with Christ.
I Peter 3:7. The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground.

Conclusion: This has been a brief summary of what the Bible has to say about the origin and purposes of marriage. Not everyone will agree. There will always be people in our life who do not share our belief system, but that doesn�t mean that we cannot and should not continue to extend good will and love to them. We don�t have to agree with someone in order to accept them. I believe our position as Jesus-followers should be to love all people regardless of their lifestyle choices. I believe all people should be extended certain rights� and the political system will decide how that gets played out.

Everyone deserves rights�but one thing no one has the right to do� to tell God what to do, or to change what God has established. He made us, and knows how we work best.

This isn�t the end of the discussion, but I hope this helps. By the way, if you have any questions, or would like to bounce ideas around, please feel free to e-mail us (Josh, Shawn, or Gerry) we want to hear from you.

Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Couples Life Reminder

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:12:33 +0100

Couples of Existence,

I wanted to remind you that we are having Couples Life Night this Thursday at 6:30PM at the church. We look forward to seeing you then. Last week, we talked about "Respect" and this week we are going to talk about "Love." I hope you are enjoying your week. Let me know if you cannot make it.

Look forward to seeing you then!

Shawn

Reminders:

Events Coming Up:

Hoe Down - Nov. 23rd

Shoes that Fit - Dec. 7th

*If you know a couple that needs to get plugged in, invite them! :)

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:11:12 +0100

the monday monster, 11.10.08

Mark 6:1-13� Go for it, guys!

We are picking up story of Jesus, as recorded in the Gospel of Mark, and we can learn a lot just by noticing how Jesus did what he did. Here are some thoughts.
1Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples.
Jesus had just healed Jairus� daughter in Capernaum (his base of operations) where he was getting mobbed by huge crowds and having an incredible time healing and preaching. Then he decided to go back to his hometown (Nazareth)� bad idea.
(This is a good lesson for us to learn: Even though things are going great, it doesn�t mean they will keep going that way. Even so, God has a plan, even in the tough times.)

2When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. "Where did this man get these things?" they asked. "What's this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! 3 Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him.
I think it�s funny that even in the Bible we get a record of people being jerky! People gossip. They can�t help it. The thought happens, and before you know it, it comes out our mouth. Of course, some of the questions were legitimate� �Is this the same Jesus who grew up here?� �Wow, listen to him, he�s pretty good. And he actually does miracles!� �Don�t we know the rest of his family?� But catch the last part of verse 3� �And they took offense at him.� People cop attitudes. �Who does this guy think he is?� �I bet he�s trying to take over and start his own thing.� �I think all those people who say they are getting healed are just plants� this guy�s a fake!�
2 points: 1) People say and do weird things� we don�t have to take it so hard. It�s not all about us� Let �em. 2) What most people don�t realize is when they are coming up with resistance like this it�s usually because they don�t want to deal with the truth� and the truth that Jesus was telling them was, �Turn your life over to God!� It�s way easier to kill the messenger.

4Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor." 5He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. 6And he was amazed at their lack of faith.
Jesus is making a very interesting point� don�t expect to get a lot of kudos and credit from the people in your family� especially if they don�t understand God stuff. Oh, they might try to understand that you �are a good person� and are �kind of religious�, but unless and until they personally come to Jesus they have no way of really understanding what you are about. It�s a sad fact, but one that we need to accept. By the way, you still need to be loving and patient with them and keep trying to lead them to Jesus, and be careful not to be too obnoxious about it. Everybody has their own time frame� and God is in charge, not you. No threats, no hostage situations� just love them and be ready to answer questions when they ask. Also, notice that Jesus was not able to do too many miracles there. What? NOT ABLE? I thought Jesus could do anything. Nope. He chooses to give people a whole bunch of free will� if you don�t want to be a part of the party, you don�t have to be. Jesus won�t make you. And he won�t be a part of your life if you don�t believe in him. Question: Are you taking Jesus� love for you for granted? Are you expecting him to help you at the drop of a hat when you need him� when you hardly even talk to him? Note to self. Jesus couldn�t heal very many people in Nazareth because they weren�t taking him seriously. �He was amazed at their lack of faith.� How about you, and me?

6 Then Jesus went from village to village, teaching the people. 7 And he called his twelve disciples together and began sending them out two by two, giving them authority to cast out evil spirits. 8 He told them to take nothing for their journey except a walking stick�no food, no traveler�s bag, no money. 9 He allowed them to wear sandals but not to take a change of clothes. 10 �Wherever you go,� he said, �stay in the same house until you leave town. 11 But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.�

So Jesus started going from town to town, teaching people, and decided it was time to send his disciples out to do some ministry on their own. Some thoughts.

1. Some people have �good intentions�. �I�m going to really jump in and really start serving God as soon as� I get a little more money saved up, or as soon as I get a better job that gives me more time or as soon as I take care of a few things.� The trouble with that perspective is �as soon as� never comes. Unfortunately, talk is cheap, but it sure sounds good. The majority of �Christians� talk about doing things, or talk about �I used to� do things� Jesus needs workers for the Kingdom, now. Those who let their actions speak for them. And the best way to look at is to not look back�go for it.

2. The disciples may have been willing, but you can bet they weren�t ready. Jesus sent them out anyway. It�s a little like learning to swim by being thrown into a pool� you learn quick, but you learn. Remember, God knows what you need, so if you find yourself in difficult straights, it means God wants you there. �But I can�t do it!�...you can with God�s help, and remember, God�s in charge. �What if I fail?� God will use even your failed efforts�it�s not about you. �But what if no one listens?��maybe someone will�trust God for the outcome.

God has a method that always works: Give you a job that the only way it can get done is if you trust in Him to help you. Think about it, if you�re totally ready, prepared, self-sufficient, then you will be tempted to rely only on your own abilities. We humans are hopelessly egocentric. And if we are doing things all by ourselves, we are missing the point� God wants to work in us, through us, and with us.

3. Be obedient. Be on mission. Follow the rules:
1. Jesus told the disciples to take very little along with them on the journey� which meant God would have to provide for them. Nice object lesson. This reminds me a little of the show, �Survivorman,� a guy who spends a week at a time out in some wilderness with nothing accept the basic tools for survival and a camera to document it all. He has to sleep in shelters he finds or builds, eat whatever he can catch or find (which includes grass, and worms, and �worse.) And we get to watch him do it. In a similar way, Jesus sent the disciples out needing to have faith that every day God would either hook them up with people to help them out or allow them to stumble into whatever they needed to survive. God seems to like the one-day-at-a-time concept�he did it with the Israelites in the desert (remember Manna in the desert� if you tried to store it up, which was a big slap in the face to God, it rotted and you got in trouble). Trusting God for our needs every day is a good lesson to learn. Don�t waste energy worrying about stuff you don�t have control over (like your future) and just trust God now. Saves a lot of grief. And therapy bills.

2. Jesus gave them authority over demons, but they still had to rely on God. This is where some Christian �stars� get off track� they take themselves way too seriously (anybody remember PTL?) They know how to work a crowd, so they don�t need to rely on God anymore. Also, if they had to check in with God they might have to be accountable for all that money in those offerings� better to just keep the show going. Seriously, it�s hard to distinguish between the real and the fake, that�s why it�s important to have your own, personal relationship with Jesus, and let God sort out the weirdos.

3. If people don�t want what you are telling them, don�t take it personally�don�t keep pushing� don�t sweat it�Just leave and find someone else to talk to. The dust thing was a cultural way to say, �I tried, I told you the truth, the ball is in your court.� Don�t be too much of a jerk about it�they�re just not ready now�you never know, they might be ready some other time, but for now, don�t waste your breath.

12 So the disciples went out, telling everyone they met to repent of their sins and turn to God. 13 And they cast out many demons and healed many sick people, anointing them with olive oil.
The disciples were just na�ve enough to go for it�. �If Jesus said to tell everyone to repent and turn to God, that�s what we�ll say.� �If demons need to be cast out of people, and sick people need to be prayed for, we�ll do it.� It�s nice to just do what the boss says. That�s what new Jesus followers do. However, if you have been a Christian for long enough, you may have gotten a little gun shy�maybe you�ve gotten somewhat �subtle� in your evangelistic efforts. Let�s learn a little something from the disciples� it�s all about faith, and going for it. They had faith that the demons would flee and people would be healed�(I wish we could have seen their faces when it happened the first time� �Are you kidding me? This works!�).

Final thought: God might not be asking you to make a scene at work tomorrow� maybe it�s enough to remember that you might be the only �Jesus� someone sees. On the other hand, casting out a demon or two might look good on your resume. You never know.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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PLNU carpool to Existence Church

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:38:41 +0100

Hey everyone!

Since this Sunday the ladies will be using the 'Ol Shuttle for their retreat, we're a little limited on space for the "shuttle", which will actually just be someone's car. So if you can find a ride to church with a friend that already goes (or maybe invite a friend that doesn't go yet), then that would be great! If you can't find a ride and still need one, then please email me back at joshc@existencechurch.com so I can gladly come pick you up. Thanks guys and I look forward to seeing you all on Sunday!

Josh Carter
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Leading as a Team

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:34:05 +0100

    As we move forward to 2009, we want expand the leadership within our groups, so that we are leading the overall vision as a team. We talked about this at Fuel Night and I want to follow up by giving you a short description of how to identify your inclusive leader and missional leader. For those of you who were not able to make it, I will follow up with you soon to make sure you are on the same page.

*Please read through this whole e-mail... Thank you!

Inclusive
    Including the disconnected....

How do I identify an Inclusive Leader?
    It is the Inclusive Leader's role to cultivate a culture of being inclusive within the group. They will be explaining the purpose of the Open Chair tool, reminding people to be praying for others in their lives, communicating possible new group members, and encouraging the group to invite people to various events (church events, fun nights, missional projects, etc.).
    The Inclusive Leader needs to have a passion for including others. They should be someone who is growing in their relationship with God, committed to the vision of the church, and has a desire to see people connect with God through community. They need to have decent communication skills and not be afraid to meet new people.
    There is more to choosing an Inclusive Leader than you may think. At first glance it may seem obvious to choose the loudest, most outgoing, life of the party type of person. But remember that you're trying to include others, not just get them to show up. You want someone who is passionate about people's lives, not just their presence. Now it helps if that outgoing, loud person happens to have that heart as well, but don't be afraid to pick someone who might be a little more introverted. The most important thing an Inclusive Leader can have is a passion for including the disconnected. Passion is contagious and can't be faked.

Missional
    Revealing the Love of God....

How do I identify a Missional Leader?
    It is the Missional Leader's role to cultivate a culture of service and action within the group. They will be communicating different service needs and opportunities to the group with the hope of getting the group excited about living out their faith. They will be meeting with Josh Carter to plan a quarterly Missional Project and also communicate the volunteer needs for different church events.
    The Missional Leader needs to have a passion for serving others. They should be someone who is growing in their relationship with God, committed to the vision of the church, and has a desire to see people live out their faith. This person needs to have some organizational and communication skills, and be willing to put forth the time and effort to plan these projects.
    Sometimes it will be easy to identify this person. They often talk of different community outreaches your group can participate in, or they're the first person to ask how to apply that night's lesson to everyday life. Other times it will take getting to know the people in your group better before you see what they're passionate about.

Enjoy your Weekend,

Shawn

Quick Reminders:
   - Keep Talking about Chapter 2 in your Groups.
   - Hoe Down and Shoes that Fit are coming up.
   - My Life is available for your group.
   - Pray for our Women who are away on their retreat this weekend.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Couples Life Night - Tonight

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:47:54 +0100

Couples Life Family,

I wanted to remind you that we are having Couples Life Night Tonight at 6:30!!! We look forward to seeing everyone there. If you cannot make it for some reason, take a moment and shoot us an e-mail. We want to be praying for you this week (You can send the e-mail to skexistence@gmail.com). Have a great day, we will see you tonight.

Couples Life Team
Inclusive. Missional. Community

Quick Reminders...

Hoe Down - November 23rd (Sunday Night)

Shoes That Fit - December 7th (Sunday Night)

My Life - Online Tool to help you stay on track in your relationship with God... Go to: www.existencechurch.com/mylife for more information

Shane and Lauren - They are getting married soon, lets keep them in your prayers.

Chapter 2 - Be praying how God wants to use you in the second Chapter of Existence.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Trunk or Treat 2008 - Thank You!

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:04:42 +0100

Thank you for coming out to our event. We really enjoyed getting to meet you. Since we got to know a little about you, we wanted to let you know a little about who we are, so we attached a couple links to our website and a photo album of the pictures from the event. The families who won the raffle have been contacted and picked up their prizes. Thank you to everyone who participated this year.

Existence Church is a non-denominational Bible church. We strive to create a healthy, loving community, as we are all a work in progress. If you�re looking for a place to discover God and grow with others, come give us a look!

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

Thank you for attending our Trunk or Treat event.
This is just a temporary email list to follow up with those that attended. To unsubscribe please click here:
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The Smooch

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:41:01 +0100

The Smooch, 11.06.08

Re-sent-ments

Hi Guys!
For today�s Smooch I thought I would share with you some thoughts on the issue of Resentments� those hurts, letdowns, disappointments that we hold unto� but really they hold onto us. If something is eating you up, it�s only a matter of time before it will start eating your marriage� so it�s a good thing to be diligent and honestly admit what�s going on, and clean up resentments asap. By the way, when we get good at dealing with resentments, all of our relationships will probably benefit, and as a bonus we tend to feel a little better about ourselves, too.

When you get hurt or disappointed by someone, and you don�t deal with it in a timely manner (right away!), you�ve got a pretty good chance of developing some version of a resentment against them. And everybody knows the trouble with resentments is we tend to collect them like so much stuff in the garage� and we wonder why we can�t find�. our relationship? Oh, it�s under a pile of� resentment! Sooner or later, if not managed, resentments can start taking quite a toll� on your brain (it actually changes brain chemistry), on your soul, and on your relationships, making you more irritable, depressed, and insecure. Every now and then, some of us like to cash in our built-up resentments on a good-old blow up� but that�s not a great, long-term solution� the blow up just gives the blow-up-ee something else to resent.

What is a resentment? The Latin root of the word �RESENT� connotes feeling something again and again� (RE= again; SENT: to feel, as in �sentiment�) RE-SENT. When we are resentful we tend to replay the bad thing that happened� we hang on to the bad feelings� and we go over it again and again and again as if by wallowing in it we will either make sense out of it or diffuse it. Guess what� we won�t. When we resent someone, we tend to blame them for whatever they did, or didn�t do� (not focusing on our part) without really understanding fully what was going on with them, why they did what they did, or even giving them some version of a benefit of the doubt. Blame never solves anything.

Some people don�t think resentment is that big of a deal� they feel wronged, therefore they �have a right� to harbor bad feelings against another person. �They wronged me, they get to pay.� But the sad truth is� if you got hurt by someone, and YOU are hanging onto it, it�s probably not bothering the other person nearly as much as it is you, (especially if they are not aware you got hurt!) and YOUR feelings of resentment will do a number on you, not them.

Sometimes the feeling of resentment can be a wake up call� there is either something wrong in YOU, or something wrong in the relationship. This is really important to sort out. Many people waste a lot of time blaming their partner for stuff that belongs to them, and all of a sudden they have turned a personal issue into a relationship problem. Since all relationships require regular care and maintenance, if something doesn�t feel right it�s best to try to figure it out sooner rather than later. The crazy thing is�. we can make a problem exist where there isn�t one! Sometimes the problem is only in my mind (my stinkin� thinkin�)� but with a little practice, I can turn include you and everybody else I come into contact with� that�s just how I roll.

Remember: Our mind can turn any situation into a reason to be hurt�. all we have to do is THINK. Sometimes our low self-esteem takes over and we just focus on all the negative stuff, ignoring other positive truths that may be worth looking at. The weird thing about resentments is it doesn�t have to be the biggest offense in the world to send us into a downward spiral. It can be a little snippy comment, a look, an unmet expectation, or even something the other person wasn�t even aware of and our mind can turn it into something bad, and we�re off to the races.

More to remember: Not all of our thoughts are true, right, and healthy. Just because we think it doesn�t make it automatically true! Let�s not forget the spiritual battleground is in our mind, and The Evil One comes at us in ways that are so subtle, we think it�s real. �Why did he say that to you?� �You deserve better� who does she think she is?� �You have a right to be hurt� go throw a pity party.� Satan�s best trick is to get us off track with a little, tiny resentment, a hurt feeling here or there, a small grudge that we hang onto. The cool thing is, if all of us are trying to be Jesus followers, somebody is going to notice that something doesn�t smell right� and no matter who was off track, grace and love and understanding can win over jealousy, envy, and resentment. It�s the light of the Spirit that helps illuminate the situation.

How to deal with resentments.
First move. If it�s possible to let something go, to NOT make a big deal out of it� to NOT get offended� that will serve you best. This is not avoidance. It�s being less sensitive, having thicker skin, and not taking EVERYTHING so personally. This puts way less stress on your relationships. Sometimes it helps to just give each other a hug and remind each other that you really love each other and both of you are capable of being pretty weird but that�s why you married each other in the first place and it�s not really worth making a big deal out of it anyway. Do one of those Men In Black memory erasing things and start over.

Second move. If you can�t let it go, then it�s important to realize that even the smallest resentment can cause big trouble. Here are some hints.
Phase 1. Before it goes too far, get information.
Ask yourself: What happened? What was said? What did they mean? (This is really important because the discrepancy might be between what THEY meant and what WE heard). How am I interpreting what was said? (The problem may be in MY head based on past stuff). One dysfunctional thing most people do is �Jump to Conclusions�� based on very little information we come to a conclusion about the other person�s motives, or we decide that WE got the short end of the stick, or we just find some way to feel bad. Ask the other person, �What did you mean? This is what I heard, is that what you meant?� Sometimes an objective collection of the facts can fix the misunderstanding. If the facts point to one or both of you contributing to the problem� go to phase 2.

Phase 2. Once you get as much information as necessary, you now have a choice.
Here are some scenarios:
a. If the other person said or did something that was intentionally or unintentionally hurtful� it�s a good thing to lovingly bring that to their attention. Don�t hammer them, just suggest to them that this is how you saw it, compare notes, and deal with it openly, honestly, and carefully. If they are willing to own it, admit it, confess it� then your best move is to let them off the hook. Forgive them. Remember, the golden rule: �If you love someone, let them go. If they don�t come back, hunt them down and kill them.� Oh, sorry. Wrong rule. �Treat the other person like you would like them to treat you.�
b. If the other person is not willing to own up to whatever they did� you still have a choice. It has now turned into something that takes a little more maturity, where you get to make a choice that is in YOUR best interest, and a little more like Jesus: Forgive them anyway. Let them off the hook. Let them live with their sorry self. Why take on THEIR issues? Turn them over to God. You can decide to be loving.
c. If YOU jumped to a conclusion, misunderstood the situation, and got your feelings hurt for some crazy reason� then admit it, reboot your thinking, and move on. If you happened to act on your feelings and said or did something that might require a little backtracking, then be proactive and fix the problem. Apologize: �I�m sorry I said what I said. I was wrong.� Period. Don�t turn it into a rehashing of the dysfunctional thinking: �I�m sorry I snapped at you. BUT, you did this and that and such and so and if only you would have done this I wouldn�t have done that� � Where�s my Xanax? The best apologies are short.

Here�s the deal: everybody makes mistakes, and it helps if everybody takes responsibility for them. When it goes well, we manage our defensiveness and try to look at the situation objectively. The only antidote to the poison of resentment is forgiveness. This is God's secret weapon. Use it.

Handy dandy Resentment checklist:
1. Admit to yourself you are feeling hurt, or disappointed, or let down.
2. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
3. Gather information. Try to understand the situation from both perspectives.
4. Take as much responsibility as you can for your part in the problem.
5. Accept reality. It is what it is.
6. Consider God�s perspective. Pray for a willingness to forgive.
7. Forgive the person who offended you. "Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Bonus: No matter who blew it, it isn't the end of the world. Disappointment is not always a bad thing. It tells us 1) maybe we are being a little self-centered, and 2) it makes us rely on God and trust that HE has a plan in the situation.

�And don�t sin by letting anger control you. Don�t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.� ~Ephesians 4:26-27

Hope this helps.
Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Family Update...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:26:13 +0100

Church Family,

Exciting updates:

1. Our women have their first retreat this weekend! We are excited for the women of Existence Church
and are daily blessed by their love, leadership and enthusiasm for God's Kingdom.

2. We have launched our first annual "Shoes that Fit" drive. Starting this week we challenge you to bring a new pair
of shoes to give to a displaced man, women, or child that will be in need this winter. More information will be coming soon.

Make sure you remember the following:
    - Make sure the shoes you bring are your size.
   - Make sure to INCLUDE at least one person in this process who is not connected in community.
   - Make sure to remember this is what being the church is ALL ABOUT!

3. Chapter 2 is off and running. As a leadership team we are praying for you. We trust that God is moving in your heart and we are excited to see how God will use you to help fund his Kingdom.
Currently we have raised about $1200 and we will need $22,500 for this quarter. As a family we can tackle this need.
For more information on the project and how to give go to existencechurchsandiego.com/ chapter2/

We love you guys and are praying for you!

-Josh
Inclusive.Missional.Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Trunk or Treat Test

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:36:29 +0100

This is a test email for the trunk or treat email On behalf of Existence Church, we would like to say thank you for taking the time to view our website. We are a non-denominational Christian Bible church that is committed to reaching the San Diego community. We hope that you find your time browsing through these pages to be informative and helpful. It is our hope that you are able to get an accurate picture of what God is doing in and through our community.

Please let us know how we can be of service to you. We know how difficult it is to find a church family and feel a sense of belonging. As you browse through the pages, know that we are excited to meet you and experience healthy community with you.
Thanks,
Ryan Dawson
Existence Church

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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(no subject)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:26:27 +0100

sdg

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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(no subject)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:22:29 +0100

sdg

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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(no subject)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:12:01 +0100

tester

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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test

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:09:36 +0100

tester

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

Life Group Leaders...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 12:33:37 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

Thank you for coming this past Sunday evening to Fuel Night. I appreciate everything you do for Existence and for the Kingdom. We have an exciting couple weeks left and I encourage you to finish strong. As I mentioned this past Sunday, I want to meet with every Life Group Leader before 2008 is finished, so we can start 2009 on the same page. Please take a moment and let me know when you would be able to meet. Thank you ahead of time for creating space for me and for our vision as a church. When you send an e-mail back, can you make sure to send it to skexistence@gmail.com or call me at 858 688 5210.

Look forward to hearing from you soon!

-Shawn

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Available Opportunites - Existence Church

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:04:28 +0100

Existence Church Family,

    We want to make you aware of four opportunities in the community of Existence. Enjoy your day, we look forward to seeing you very soon. Have a great day!

My Life
    My Life is an online tool we put together to help you gain further insight into your relationship with God. We often say, "if you don't check in, you will check out." We encourage you to take advantage of this tool. Remember, your relationship with God is largely dependent on your willingness to be intentional. Go to: www.existencechurch.com/mylife to find out more information.

Basketball Life Group - Men Only
    We are starting a new season and looking for anyone who interested in playing. We need five guys to step forward to start a new team. If you enjoy basketball, know a co-worker, or a friend who enjoys playing, contact us, so we can help you get on a team. The league is located in Kearny Mesa through the sports organization Vavi. The cost is $85 per person. We need to know asap if you want to play, so don't wait, let us know soon. Final date to let us know is next Friday.

Softball Life Group - Coed
    We are preparing for January, and would love to add another team. If you enjoy playing slow pitch softball, feel disconnected, want to jump into community... then let us know. Again, sports is a great way to reach out to your friends. Pray about it, think about it, and let us know as soon as you. Final date to let us know is the last week in November. Cost: TBD Location: TBD.

One on One - Open Slot
    If you feel shaky when it comes to the foundations of your faith and would like to walk through everything in a one on one setting, we would love to help. We have a slot open right now with one of our men one on one leaders. If you decide to be a part of this opportunity you would spend 8 to 10 weeks in a "mentor" style relationships talking about the basics of your faith. Let us know if you want to get plugged in through one on one. Go to www.existencechurch.com/oneonone to find out more information.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 15:18:16 +0100

the monday monster, 11.03.08

Mark 5� do you need some healing?

Sometimes you don�t know Jesus is all you need�until Jesus is all you�ve got.
Jairus, one of the leaders at the Synagogue in Capernaum, Jesus� home synagogue, was very familiar with what Jesus could do. Remember, it was in his synagogue that Jesus did his first real sermon, cast out a demon from a crazy guy, and basically freaked out everybody who was there� (Mark 1:21-28: 21 Then they went into Capernaum, and immediately on the Sabbath He entered the synagogue and taught. 22 And they were astonished at His teaching, for He taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes�..28 And immediately His fame spread throughout all the region around Galilee. Jairus was probably more in tune with Jesus than most of the Pharisees and other Jewish religious leaders. He may have had debates with his other Jewish Leader friends about whether or not Jesus was to be taken seriously, and probably felt a little like a McCain supporter in Obamaland. Most of the Pharisees were not big fans, and they had their reasons� Jesus threatened their authority and clout with the people, had already had taken shots at those who put their �religion� ahead of a real relationship with God (them!), and wasn�t the least bit intimidated by their attempts to close him down. For Jairus, it was not a good career move to associate himself with Jesus� politically, it just didn�t look right. But that was before his daughter got sick. It's when the chips are down, and you don�t care what anybody else thinks or does� that�s when you really get clear on what you think is important� and who you should really trust. At first, he was probably just nervous� �She�ll get better.� But after a while, when she didn�t, he started asking around. She kept getting worse� then, suddenly, she reached a crisis point� she was dying. It�s of note that it wasn�t the Pharisees and other leaders that Jairus went to for help. In the heat of the moment, when the most important thing was to save his daughter, and nothing else mattered, Jairus didn�t go to the Religious Establishment for a ritual� he went to Jesus. As a parent, I can imagine a little of what Jairus may have been going through� the excruciating minutes/hours, waiting for Jesus to come back from across the lake. No way to know when he would come� all he could do was wait to hear from those sent to watch for him� then the word came� He�s coming! And with the rest of the crowd, each with their own list of needs, Jairus hoped to get Jesus� attention. Certainly Jesus would remember him� he hoped.
21When Jesus had again crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake, a large crowd gathered around him while he was by the lake. 22Then one of the synagogue rulers, named Jairus, came there. Seeing Jesus, he fell at his feet 23and pleaded earnestly with him, "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live." 24So Jesus went with him�.35While Jesus was still speaking, some men came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. "Your daughter is dead," they said. "Why bother the teacher any more?" 36Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe."

So Jairus was able to get to Jesus, and amazingly, he agreed to go with him to see his daughter! On the way, Jesus got sidetracked a little (to heal someone else!) and that�s when more drama happened. Some men who had been at the house (probably his religious buddies) came to deliver some terrible news, in a very insensitive manner��Your daughter is dead, why bother the teacher any more?�

Some thoughts:
1) These guys had zero empathy for their �friend� Jairus. Instead of coming beside him to help him deal with the worst news a father could ever hear� they just dropped the bomb. No doubt they were probably ticked off that Jairus went to Jesus for help in the first place, and they seemed to want to just get Jairus out of there as quickly as possible, and it probably pained them to have to get close to Jesus to tell him. Notice that Jesus ignored what they said about Jairus� daughter being dead and he told Jairus directly, �Don�t be afraid�just believe.�
2)The story ends really well. Even though the 12 year old girl had been dead for quite a while� Jesus took her by the hand, told her to get up, and she did it. Verse 42 says everyone was �completely astonished�� really.
3) Jairus, who had a very �religious� background, had come to find a real relationship with Jesus. There�s a big difference. We could learn a little��Don�t be afraid, just believe.�

The second healing in this section is of the woman in the crowd.
24A large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.

It�s hard to delicately describe her problem� (most guys are mortified if they have to go the store and pick up �female products� for their wife)� let�s just say the woman had suffered from a condition associated with chronic bleeding, perhaps menorrhagia (an abnormally heavy and prolonged menstrual period at regular intervals), or bleeding from fibroids. Any way you slice it, this made her a social/religious outcast with multiple problems� just the kind of person Jesus likes.

Physical consequences: Aside from the social distress of dealing with a prolonged and heavy period, over time the blood loss may prove to be greater than the body iron reserves or the rate of blood replenishment, leading to anemia. Symptoms attributable to the anemia may include tiredness, weakness, tingling and numbness in fingers and toes, headaches, depression, becoming cold more easily, and poor concentration.
Social consequences, The worst part: In that day, if you were bleeding, you were considered unclean. No one could even touch her...and she wasn't allowed to touch anyone - it was LAW. That's 12 years with no hugs, no strokes of her hair, no human touch. If that doesn't make you crazy... and desperate...
Psychological consequences: Isolated. Alone. Discouraged� she had been to so many doctors, with no help in sight. No doubt she was at rock-bottom.
We pick up the story:
27When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." 29Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. 30At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?" 31"You see the people crowding against you," his disciples answered, "and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?' " 32But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

So she went to Jesus. Came up behind Him� touched the fringe of his garment� and was immediately healed. I�m sure she was hoping to just slip away unnoticed, but Jesus had something in mind. He wanted this woman to be healed from more than her physical problem� she needed emotional healing. �Who touched me?� �Oh no! I must be in trouble. I know I shouldn�t have touched him� who am I to even try?� The woman was afraid that she had done something wrong (what next? Now she might be humiliated even more). But Jesus had a special message for HER. Jesus was saying, �It wasn�t just me�but YOUR faith has healed you.� �You made the effort. You believed. You went for it.� This woman is a good example of pushing through the crowd to get to Jesus� she puts most of us to shame.

Some thoughts: Just like the woman, don�t let what other people may have said about you (�You�re not worthy� you don�t deserve to be a part of the club� you are too messed up� you�re unclean� go away!�)� don�t let those things keep you from Jesus. He does not say those things to you (some people claiming to be his friends might.) Jesus might be waiting for you to reach out to him, and when you do, everything will change. Jesus wanted this woman to know that the twelve years of grief were not lost years� God had a plan to restore her fully and then to continue to use her in His kingdom. God never wastes a hurt� he uses it to help others.

Two types of pain: Jairus was crazy with fear and grief/ the woman was as at a personal rock-bottom with pain, discouragement, and isolation. Both made a huge effort to get to Jesus.
Question: How much effort are you making to reach out to Jesus? If something has been holding you back, push through. If you are in the middle of fear or grief, know that Jesus responds to a heart that is honest, sincere, humble, and surrendered.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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It's Pastor Appreciation Month!

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:25:45 +0100

Hey everybody,

We wanted to let you know that October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Josh, Shawn, and Gerry serve this place with an unrelenting passion and love and their leadership is so important to this body. They really strive to create a healthy place where we can grow with each other and continue growing in Christ. The reason we are letting you know this is with the hope that over the next couple of days, you could take a minute to give them a call or email and thank them for everything they do to make Existence what it is. Hope you have a great weekend and we'll see you Sunday!

Shawn- shawnk@existencechurch.com
Josh- joshh@existencechurch.com
Gerry- gerry@existencechurch.com

In Him,
Existence Elder Team

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Existence - Reminder...

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 18:36:12 +0100

Existence Church Family,

   We hope you are enjoying your week so far! We wanted to send out some quick reminders as you approach the weekend. They are as follows:

.: Time Change
    If you are not aware of the time change, you will want to change your clocks accordingly this weekend. No more long summer days.

.: Presenting the Gospel
    This Sunday, we are presenting the gospel message. Please be praying for those who have yet to make a first time decision to start a relationship with God. Also, we encourage you to take this opportunity to be inclusive as a church. Who do you know, who needs to be there. If you meet someone during your Halloween party ventures invite them to come.

.: Communion
    This Sunday, at the end of the service we will have a time of communion. Communion is an opportunity for us to reflect with gratitude on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. We encourage you to take a moment before this Sunday and read over the main passage explaining communion 1 Corinthians 11:17-34.

Have a great day, we look forward to seeing you this Sunday.

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 09:22:38 +0100

The Smooch, 10.30.08

A Check up from the Neck Up

Hi Guys!
Just like your Christian walk is a daily struggle/effort/discipline (anything important is), your marriage is in the same boat. It requires daily attention and nurturing. �Come on, I said �I do!�, isn�t that enough?� But most of us get caught up in all the stuff of life and tend to neglect a whole bunch of things� not just our marriage� how �bout the garage, or washing the car, or cleaning up the extra room we keep promising to do, or getting in shape, or keeping in touch with people, or �� it�s easy to get overwhelmed and just blow off doing EVERYTHING instead of banging them out one at a time. That�s what James was referring to, �"Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. " [James 1:23] Instead of doing something about what we are seeing�it�s better to just break the mirror! Poof, the problem is gone.

One way to keep track of what needs attention in our marriage (or life) is to do what we call an �inventory�.

Taking a personal inventory is a great technique borrowed from the Recovery world� which, in my book, is most humans��We are all recovering from something�. The same stuff that helps recovering people deal with the emotional/spiritual triggers that could send them back to whatever their favorite pain killer/distraction/mood alterer used to be is also helpful for �non� addictive/compulsive people who are just regular sinners. In my opinion, the only difference between the two (regular �sinners� and drunks/druggies/sexaholics/eataholics/ spendaholics/whateveraholics) is practice. Practice makes perfect. Everybody has to deal with pain, fear, guilt, insecurity, dishonesty, resentment, and selfishness. Some people just fell into discovering that if they did a certain thing, it made all those feelings go away. Quick learners. Some people do it with drugs, some people do it with being Overly Spiritual� or just living in misery. All of them miss the mark. Jesus had a lot to say about personal honesty, integrity, and humility� and working the Steps is a very effective way to help us stay on track.

What�s an inventory? It�s like doing the books. Credits/Debits. How am I doing? Did I do or say something that I shouldn�t have? Or, did I neglect to do or say something? It�s taking stock of your life. Just like you go into your pantry (or cupboard!) and see what�s there� and keep what�s still good, and throw out what�s bad� (�It says �Expiration date: June 2005�, but it smells okay!�) that�s what you do with a personal inventory. You evaluate your emotional/behavioral/spiritual life.

There are three kinds of inventories:
1) There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we find ourselves getting weirded out. You ask yourself, �What�s going on here?� �Am I being selfish, fearful, dishonest, or resentful?� �Am I letting God have any say in what�s happening?� Sometimes just stopping long enough to consider these things gets us back on track.
2) There's the inventory we take at day's end, when we review the happenings of the hours just past. Here we do a quick balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due. It�s important to give yourself credit for the good stuff, and not just hammer yourself for the lousy stuff. The trick is to be honest across the board.
3) Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual advisor, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time. This is a good idea for long-term accountability.

Let�s see how doing an inventory might help in your marriage�.

The purpose of a daily inventory is to build the practice of self-examination, confession and making amends into the basic structure of our lives. We all know how easy it is to let things slide� either because of self-deception (we don�t want to look at our own flaws) or we just don�t want to deal with the hassle. But a healthy marriage is all about keeping the lists of resentments as short as possible. By taking a regular, daily inventory we can discover if we need to take responsibility for something, confess it, and make amends for it. When we do this, we keep the emotional garbage from piling up.

A daily inventory also helps us remember who we are. If we are obsessing about things again, comparing ourselves to others, trying to control things we cannot control, then this offers us a kind of early warning system that the process is not on track and that we need to be diligent about the spiritual disciplines that have already helped us so much. A daily inventory helps us deal with stuff before it gets out of hand. The issue of promptness in admitting our wrongs is very important. One of the things we have learned is that postponed amends become much more complicated. If we put off dealing directly with a problem, or making amends for our part in it� it doesn�t make it go away� it just festers, and grows into a bigger, and more crazy issue. This is Paul's encouragement in Ephesians 4: "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Here is my suggestion. Along with doing a personal inventory (�How am I doing in my personal life?�), consider an inventory of how you are doing as a spouse. Ask yourself the following types of questions:

Example: �Over the last 24 hours� is there anything I have said or done to my spouse that I need to make right?� �Have I told them that I love them?� �Have I shown them appreciation for what they do in the marriage?� �Is there anything I am aware of being resentful about?� �Do I have anything on my mind that needs to be discussed?� �Am I being open to my spouse and creating the atmosphere where they feel free to share their feelings with me?� �Does my spouse need anything from me?�

As you are doing your inventory, PRAY for God�s direction, that you would focus on what is true and real, taking personal responsibility for your behavior, and not selfishly blaming your spouse. When both partners are willing to pay attention to their part in any issue, they can deal with it, fix it, and be done with it.

Some final suggestions:
DO NOT have a daily bitch session. DO NOT set up a time every day where you share your �This is how you screwed up!� list with each other. Remember: The idea of an inventory is to pay attention to how you are doing in your marriage, not to be anal and compulsive and pick at each other�s imperfections.

Finally, be willing to lovingly share with your partner. If you need to talk to your spouse about something that may make them feel defensive� be careful, loving, and sensitive. Just like you would like them to be. Be open to each other�s feedback. If they share something you did that may have hurt them�listen, be humble, try to see their perspective, and if necessary, make immediate amends.

Doing an inventory shouldn�t be like going to the dentist� it should be more like just brushing your teeth. When you make doing an inventory a regular part of your life, you can avoid a lot of grief. You keep your lists of hurts and resentments short, and the atmosphere in your marriage nice and clean.

Hope this helps.
Love you guys,
Gerry

(If you like: print these out and put them on your fridge.)

Marriage Inventory Questions:
1. �Over the last 24 hours� is there anything I have said or done to my spouse that I need to make right?�
2. �Have I told my spouse that I love them?�
3. �Have I shown them appreciation for what they do in the marriage?�
4. �Is there anything I am aware of being resentful about?�
5. �Do I have anything on my mind that needs to be discussed?�
6. �Am I being open to my spouse and creating the atmosphere where they feel free to share their feelings with me?�
7. �Does my spouse need anything from me?�

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Important Trunk or Treat Info

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 17:27:09 +0100

Hey everyone,
Just wanted to give you some info regarding the Trunk-or-Treat. It will on Halloween night, which is Friday at 5:00 pm at Cabrillo Heights Park in Serra Mesa. We will have cotton candy, popcorn, a bounce house, a ton of candy, music, and a raffle for some cool prizes. This is an awesome opportunity to be inclusive and invite someone that you�ve wanted to invite to church. If you have any questions contact Geoff Francian at gfrancian@yahoo.com.

Below is a map and directions from the 15 freeway. Have a great rest of your week and we�ll see you Friday.

Directions:
Exit the 15 at Aero Dr. and go west.
Make a Left on Afton
Make a Right on Hurlbut
The park is on your right

Thanks,
Geoff Francian
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Fuel Night / My Life

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:40:11 +0100

Leaders of Existence...

I want to remind you about Fuel Night this Sunday evening. It is incredibly important that you are there. We will be taking the majority of time to talk about upcoming changes, unpacking the vision statement inside of our groups, praying together, laughing together, and taking time to remember the privilege we have to invest into people. I look forward to seeing you there. If you have not responded to me by e-mail, please do so... e-mail me at skexistence@gmail.com

What: Fuel Night
When: Sunday Evening
Time: 4PM -5:30PM
Where: Existence Church

*Also... I want every leader to take time before coming to Fuel Night and sign up for My Life. I will talk more about this on Sunday. Carve out some time to read through the section that explains it's purpose, etc... keep in mind I am the only one who will see the results.

Go to: www.existencechurch.com/mylife

-Shawn

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Important Chapter 2 Update...

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:30:50 +0100

Existence Church,

If you are an Existence Church regular, you have heard us talking about what we are calling Chapter Two� preparing for the future growth at Existence. We are dividing up the various, future needs into manageable, quarterly goals� this is where we are.

Goal for the current quarter: $22,500

This quarter we are focusing on the goal of purchasing 500 chairs for our new facility each costing $45.

The target goal for this quarter is $22,500. As of today we are 1/3 of the way through this quarter, and the amount pledged is $800. To those of you who have responded, thank you! For those of you who are still praying, keep praying. We believe God will speak to you are are excited for you to respond.

On Sunday we had several people ask the question, "How do I give?"

Here is the information you need to know.

First, please go to the Chapter 2 website: http:// existencechurchsandiego.com/ chapter2/

This site gives great information about the "How" and "Why" as well as giving updates, personal video updates from church members, blog updates, FAQ's, and suggested blueprint ideas. It's great to hear how God is working in the lives of our people!

Second, you can log onto http:// existencechurchsandiego.com/ giving/ and click "online giving". Just label your online gift "Chapter 2". You can also use this link for your regular tithes and offerings.

At church, you can also use one of our chapter two envelopes located on the Chapter 2 table by the welcome center, and give during regular offering times.

We love you guys and believe through obedience in all areas of our lives, greater things are yet to come in this city!

Josh Hotsenpiller

Pastor

Existence Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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