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Couples Life - Jan. 22nd

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:35:52 +0100

Couples Life,

I trust you enjoyed every ounce of your Christmas Holidays and New Year. I ate way too much, and slept too little, but that is to be expected. I wanted to let you know we will be starting back Couples Life on Thursday Nights January 22nd at our normal 6:30PM time. Enjoy the break and get ready for an amazing year together. If you are unable to be with us on the 22nd for whatever reason, please let me know ahead of time. Also, if you know of a new couple you want to invite, go for it. What better way to start of the new year, by helping someone else get connected in community.

Look forward to seeing you then!

Shawn
PS: E-mail me back at skexistence@gmail.com or call me 858 688 5210.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Happy New Years...

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:21:23 +0100

Existence Church Family,

Happy New Years! We trust your time with friends and family over Christmas was well spent and very relaxing. We know many of you are still traveling back to San Diego and our prayers are with you. I wanted to send a quick reminder and let you know this Sunday is "Communion Sunday." The message for this Sunday is titled, "A Prayer for a New Year." Enjoy the remainder of your week, get some rest, and come ready to start a new year off well.

-Shawn

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:14:07 +0100

the monday monster, 12.22.08

Mark 9, Character Defects On Parade

If Jesus showed us anything, it was that he was really patient with the disciples. It�s not so much what he actually said to them� it�s what he COULD have said, but didn�t. It seems like Jesus could have spent most of his time just correcting the Disciples. Think about it. Nothing got by him, he noticed everything (remember, he could read people�s minds�an annoying skill), but he was patient, and he seemed to pick his battles. What we do get, though, as we read through the Gospels, is the sense that the Disciples had the same kind of character flaws as we have, and if we pay attention, we can learn something about what to do about them.

Historically, the church has done a good job of telling people that they shouldn�t sin. It just hasn�t done a good job of helping people pull it off. I grew up in the church and was told that I was �forgiven� for all my sins. I believed it then, and I still believe it. However, being forgiven for a sin is not the same as �dealing� with it, managing it, becoming free from it�and there was not a lot of practical help on �how to� address character issues�the sinful attitudes and mind sets on the inside that show up as outward behavior. It was clear we were told NOT to do bad stuff, but I remember wondering if people weren�t just �acting� good on the outside, but inside they were just not THAT okay. Getting real about our inner life is the point.

Here is a short list of the most common character defects that most of us have. This is not saying that we always ADMIT that we have them�which, by the way, is also one of the character defects!

1. INTOLERANCE
"Unwillingness, inability or refusal to accept others" opinions, beliefs or behavior".
2. MINIMIZING
"Making excuses for or making less of my behavior to make myself and others think I am not THAT bad."
3. PHONINESS
"Deceiving, being insincere, not being genuine - including emotional phoniness, past or present."
4. SELF - CENTEREDNESS
"Being overly concerned with my own welfare or interests, having little or no concerns for others - what I want is the most important thing!"
5. ANGER (Excessive and uncontrollable)
�Temper tantrums and rages."
6. RESENTMENT
"Sulking, vindictiveness (getting even), re-living emotional hurts and pain."
7. COVETOUSNESS
"Having an unreasonable desire for things we do not have, such as another's possessions, power, wealth or relationships."
8. DENIAL
�Refusing to think about, hear about or admit things I did or said."
9. FALSE PRIDE
"A form of dishonesty, acting, boasting, or pretending to myself and others that I am better than I actually am."
10. PROCRASTINATION
"Putting off to some future date something I feel I should have done sooner to avoid unpleasant or undesirable consequences."
11. SELF - PITY
"Feeling sorry for myself, or continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles."
12. IMPATIENCE
"Annoyance because of delay or opposition. ("I want what I want when I want it!")

Mark 9 gives us several good examples of the Disciples� showing off their flaws.

1. At the Transfiguration.
�5Peter said to Jesus, "Rabbi, it is good for us to be here. Let us put up three shelters�one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah." 6(He did not know what to say, they were so frightened.)�
Note: Peter didn�t know what to say�.so�.he said something! The next verse tells us God�s humorous (I think) response to Peter�
7Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice came from the cloud: "This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!"
Peter, two ears�one mouth?
2. After the healing of the boy with an evil spirit.
28 Afterward, when Jesus was alone in the house with his disciples, they asked him, �Why couldn�t we cast out that evil spirit?� 29 Jesus replied, �This kind can be cast out only by prayer.�
I think we can give the Disciples the benefit of the doubt. Back in Mark 6 they had been given the authority to cast out demons and it worked! We don�t exactly know what happened in Mark 9� but the mojo wasn�t working. If the Disciples were anything like me I bet they forgot to pray about it� they just went for it on their own, �Out, Demon!� And the more it didn�t work, the harder they tried, and eventually everybody was just looking at each other wondering, �What happened?� After Jesus came to the rescue, somebody asked the question, �Why couldn�t� we cast out the evil spirit?� Jesus, the master of understatement, gave them the answer. Whether it was self-centeredness, laziness, or pride, the Disciples forgot to bring God into the equation. Prayer changes things� if we pray.
3. Arguing about who gets to be �Chairman of the Board�
33 After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, �What were you discussing out on the road?� 34 But they didn�t answer, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest.
This one is easy to miss. Jesus asked them a leading question, �Hey, back there, what were you guys talking about?� Nobody wanted to answer because they had been called out not only for arguing (that would be bad enough) but for arguing about which of them was the greatest! BUSTED. Sounds like a little sibling rivalry. Power struggles, especially over who�s ego is the biggest, are not a good sign� and something Jesus wanted to nip in the bud with a little object lesson...
35 He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, �Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.� 36 Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 37 �Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf[h] welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.�

Back to the top. Remember, Jesus demonstrated incredible patience with the Disciples. He took every opportunity to teach them, challenge them, confront them, and push them�all to prepare them to carry the message to the world after he would leave. To be fair, at this point in Mark 9, the Disciples were still not clear on the reality that Jesus would actually have to die on the cross, so reading the Gospels is like watching a movie�we may know the end of the story, but the characters in the movie don�t, yet. This is encouraging to me. We get to see Jesus bringing the Disciples along, helping them learn the truth about what He was about, and putting them in situations that they needed to be in to grow in faith and character.

The word for today is� keep trying. Jesus does the same thing with us.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Merry Christmas from Shawn

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:36:52 +0100

Existence Church,

I am officially leaving for Alabama and wanted to say one last Merry Christmas! Bek and I love all of you and look forward to an amazing year in 2009. I encourage you to focus on what matters most this Christmas season. It is easy to get swept away in the mass marketing of presents and in turn lose sight of things that a really important. Also many of you expressed a desire to make year end contributions to Chapter 2. If this is something you are interested in being a part of you can find more information and contribute online by going to http://www. existencechurchsandiego.com/ chapter2/ This quarter we have seen thirty two people step forward and give, putting our most recent total to $17,020. Thank you for giving and thank you for journeying with us.
Until next year, I encourage you to stay focused, eat too much, sleep in late, and get ready for an amazing year!

Merry Christmas,

Shawn

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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A Couple of Reminders...

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:51:15 +0100

Existence Church,

I just got back from a much needed vacation with my wife, it was
great! I'm looking at my calendar and I can't believe
we are only one week away from Christmas and two weeks away from a
brand New Year! I wanted to give you a few
final reminders before we take of for the year.

1. I wanted to remind you that as a church we did an amazing job of
advancing the name and cause of Jesus in 2008. While
I was on vacation I had the chance to reflect on this year and found
myself constantly amazed at the way we selflessly built
our church and loved our city.

2. I wanted to remind you that we have our Christmas Eve service at
5:30 on Dec 24th. Geoff will be teaching and it will be a
wonderful time to support him as well as spend time focusing on the
truth of why we celebrate Christmas.

-Josh

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Couples Life

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:25:51 +0100

Hey guys,

Just a quick FYI... Couples Life is on Christmas break. We will start meeting again sometime in January (exact dates to follow later).

So in the meantime, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a most excellent New Year!

See y'all in '09 :)

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:37:37 +0100

The Smooch, 12.18.08

Tripping Your Breaker
Hi Guys,
It�s one week until Christmas day� and I thought I would remind us all of a very important psychological principle� don�t be a jerk! This time of year, it�s easier said than done. With crowds at the mall, killer traffic, bosses that expect more than they should, and checking accounts that are lighter than normal, it�s easy to let stress catch up on us and give us that little excuse we need to go off on someone� and it�s usually somebody you�ll be giving a nice Christmas present to in a few days. Smile, smile, kiss, kiss.

Here�s a little analogy that I hope will help� the circuit breaker. We all use them, even though we may not really know how they work. Whenever electrical wiring has too much current flowing through it, these simple machines cut the power until somebody can fix the problem. When you plug too much stuff into one electrical outlet� in one of my earlier apartments, I couldn�t use the hair dryer and the microwave at the same time� the circuit breaker shuts off the power to keep things from overloading and starting a fire. In psychological terms, when we start getting too stressed out, we need to back off, slow down, cool things down emotionally so we don�t literally �fire� on someone and cause damage to the ones we love.

Two types stress relief: Long term and Short term. One of the most effective, long-range relief valves is to recognize what causes the buildup of pressure. If you see by your calendar that you are in for a few heavy weeks or too many late nights, block out some relief-valve time. This might be a half-day, whole day or extended weekend. Take yourself out of your normal situation. Place yourself in a situation in which past experience has shown you can forget what is going on. This may mean a day alone at the beach or the mountains, a day with your family, or a weekend away with your husband or wife. It's a big help if couples will discuss their future schedules together to identify where the overload problems are and schedule in breaks in the routine.

Most of us are familiar with the tried and true pressure reliever: �count-to-10�, then go look for the gun. Here are a few more.
* Staying ahead of your work is a good way to relieve the pressure of schedules. By scheduling a completion time 10 percent to 20 percent ahead, you have the peace of knowing there's time to recover if things go wrong.
* Doing the hard things first, particularly if they have a great deal of emotional content, will relieve the subterranean emotions that tend to plague us in different situations.
* Getting enough sleep is a must. Know how long you can get along with a reduced amount.
* Do the difficult tasks in phases. Often a "first draft" will get you 80 percent of the way along. Time for "topping off" the finished product can be better foreseen, and meeting the deadline seems less of a task.
* Have planned recreation and hobbies. A schedule helps.
* Admitting and verbalizing the causes for your own irritations (be they lack of sleep, overworking, too much stress or what have you) helps [keep] others from getting emotional with you and triggering unexpected explosions. Talk about what�s bugging you.
* Facing up to the fact you really can't do all the things you scheduled and that some of them need to be postponed is probably the best relief valve of all. This can be a humbling experience, but the rewards in personal well-being are great.

To be fair, the above suggestions are not rocket science� most people are aware of these ideas. Whether or not you really put them into practice is quite another story� but they work if you work them.

Now� Short term stress relief. It�s in the moment that we get ourselves into trouble. �Okay, I got enough sleep, but you are really pi#$%ng me off� right now! �
Unfortunately, some people choose to live in a constant state of irritability. They walk through life with a chip on their shoulder, expecting things to go wrong, and sure that everybody else is out to get them. When you live with that kind of attitude, it doesn�t take much to send you over the edge. Example: In our neighborhood there is an unspoken competition with each homeowner, having to do with the outdoor Christmas lights. My wife came up with the best line of the year� �It looks like Christmas threw up on our front lawn!� Pretty close. Anyway, It�s not a huge surprise that one of our electrical outlets has trouble handling the load. It works most of the time� but if it rains, or the earth�s gravitation pull shifts, or harmonic convergence occurs� it trips the breaker. Honestly, it�s very likely that the breaker simply needs to be replaced� the slightest thing sets it off. Even �normal� stress makes it blow. Of course, as soon as we get through the holidays we�ll probably forget about it until next year� �Didn�t that breaker give us trouble last year?� With a little effort, we could fix it. So��.

Back to short-term stress relief. Some of us have faulty emotional breakers. The slightest amount of pressure pushes us over the edge. It doesn�t even have be that big of a deal, just anything out of the ordinary, and we tell ourselves and anyone else who's listening, �Everything�s messed up!� Faulty breaker. Something to think about� the answer will never be in trying to make life stop throwing us curves� the answer will be in adjusting our emotional breaker to handle the small stresses without having to blow. The most effective way to adjust your breaker is to manage your thoughts. You are what you think, and if your thoughts are negative, self-defeating, �worst-case-scenario� thoughts, then you are likely to be right on the edge of either crying or yelling most of the time. But there is hope. Consider this:

1. Try to accept reality. It is what it is. The situation may be difficult, or painful, or not what you expected�but you don�t have to tell yourself, �This is TERRIBLE!� Remember, God isn�t taking a nap. He wants you to consider that He has a plan for everything that comes our way� all of it.
2. Try not to jump to conclusions. Don�t exaggerate things. Try to keep your thoughts from going to the dark side� when you start thinking negative thoughts, replace them with realistic, reasonable, bringing-God-into-the-equation thoughts.
3. Give other people the benefit of the doubt and extend grace and mercy to them. (Just like you want them to do to you!). Don�t be impatient with people close to you� be easy to be around� surprise people with how �not uptight� you are.
4. If it�s possible to change something, change it. If not, let it go. You can only do so much. Remember, you can�t control other people� they will do what they will do. If somebody is acting the �way they always do�, don�t get your panties in a bunch, just take a deep breath and let �em.
5. If you let something get to you and you say or do something short or irritable� admit it, own it, apologize for it, and move on. Other people around you will appreciate your honesty and will be happy to forgive� it�s the Christmasy thing to do.

Here�s wishing you a wonderful holiday� God�s richest blessings to you and your family.

Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Monday Monster

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 22:48:58 +0100

the monday monster, 12.15.08

Okay�But Who Do YOU Say I Am?

One of the most comforting things for me as a hopelessly flawed follower of Jesus is when I read about how human the disciples were. Some people are nervous about making a decision to follow Jesus because they are afraid they will make mistakes, embarrass themselves and Jesus, and basically fail at being a Christian. Those people obviously haven�t read the Gospels. I�m so glad that the writers of the Bible included not only the peak events (like when Peter proclaimed, �You are the Christ!�), but also some of the lowlights. Mark 8 contains 2 such situations: one that the disciples did all together, and one that Peter can take credit for all by himself.

Here�s the background.
Just previously in Chapter 7, Jesus had healed the Syro-Phoenician woman�s daughter, and a deaf/mute man. Remember, it wasn�t that long before that Jesus had fed the 5,000 and performed a whole bunch of other miracles. You would think that, by now, the disciples would be getting used to it� but (here�s the comforting part), it doesn�t seem to matter how much Jesus does, the disciples� faith isn�t as strong as one might expect. It goes to show you that even though we might experience God working in a huge way one minute, the next we can easily find ourselves in the weeds. The human condition�sheeplike.

Now in Chapter 8, Jesus is again faced with another huge crowd of people at the end of the day. They do a replay of the feeding of the 5,000 (this time with 4,000), with the disciples again picking up several baskets of leftovers. They get into the boat to go across the lake and when they land they are confronted by the ever-present Pharisees, trying to challenge and/or discredit Jesus�11 When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had arrived, they came and started to argue with him. Testing him, they demanded that he show them a miraculous sign from heaven to prove his authority. 12 When he heard this, he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, �Why do these people keep demanding a miraculous sign? I tell you the truth, I will not give this generation any such sign.�

This is where it gets fun. This is the unedited text from Mark 8. Please read it, noticing how confused the disciples seem.

13 So he got back into the boat and left them, and he crossed to the other side of the lake. 14 But the disciples had forgotten to bring any food. They had only one loaf of bread with them in the boat. 15 As they were crossing the lake, Jesus warned them, �Watch out! Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and of Herod.� 16 At this they began to argue with each other because they hadn�t brought any bread. 17 Jesus knew what they were saying, so he said, �Why are you arguing about having no bread? Don�t you know or understand even yet? Are your hearts too hard to take it in? 18 �You have eyes�can�t you see? You have ears�can�t you hear?� Don�t you remember anything at all? 19 When I fed the 5,000 with five loaves of bread, how many baskets of leftovers did you pick up afterward?� �Twelve,� they said. 20 �And when I fed the 4,000 with seven loaves, how many large baskets of leftovers did you pick up?� �Seven,� they said. 21 �Don�t you understand yet?� he asked them.

It�s easy to read Jesus� words and imagine all kinds of frustration� I�m not sure we need to. This interchange is more like a SNL skit. They had just finished the awkward situation with the Pharisees, got into the boat, and realized they forgot to bring any food for the trip. Jesus (referring metaphorically to the Pharisees) says, �Beware the yeast of the Pharisees and of Herod.� Instead of catching the word-picture (Yeast = something that permeates/influences as in putting yeast into dough to make it rise, duh?) the disciples take it literally, thinking Jesus is trying to be subtle and tell them he�s a little ticked they forgot the bread! Like good Christians they begin to argue with each other about who must have dropped the ball. Sounds like some Elder meetings in too many churches. Anyway, Jesus tries to straighten them out, sounding a little baffled that they could actually miss the point� so he takes them back��How many baskets did we collect after we fed the 5,000? How about the 4,000? Don�t you understand yet?� The good news is Jesus didn�t give up on them� he kept working with them� understanding that Murphy�s Law was in full effect, even in the first century. It�s important for us to remember that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever�which means he just might have a little empathy for us when we do bonehead stuff.

Picking up the story: They get to Bethsaida, Jesus heals a blind man, and then Jesus and disciples take a road trip north. This is where Peter pulls one of his patented, �I�ll say something really profound, then put my foot in my mouth� moves.

It�s a often-quoted story. Jesus asked the disciples, �Who do people say I am?�
They brought up the most common Jewish expectations about the coming Messiah��Some say you are John the Baptist back from the dead�Some say you are Elijah�Some you are one of the other prophets from the Old Testament.�

Then the big question, �Okay guys, but who do YOU say I am?� Maybe the disciples were a little gun shy, after the thing about the yeast, so Peter jumps in. �You are the Christ, the Messiah!� Matthew�s Gospel includes Jesus� response� 17 Jesus replied, �You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being. 18 Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means �rock�), and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.

Peter should have quit while he was ahead.

Let�s pick up the text: 31 Then Jesus began to tell them that the Son of Man must suffer many terrible things and be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but three days later he would rise from the dead. 32 As he talked about this openly with his disciples, Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things. 33 Jesus turned around and looked at his disciples, then reprimanded Peter. �Get away from me, Satan!� he said. �You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God�s.�

To be fair, Peter and the other disciples (as well as most of the Jewish nation) did not expect that the �Messiah� would be put to death, especially by the Jewish religious establishment. In their minds, the Messiah was a political figure who would free the Jewish nation from outside domination� i.e. the Romans. So when Jesus explained to them what Passion Week was going to look like, Peter was beside himself. Unfortunately, he also had a little trouble with impulse control, and clearly wasn�t taking his meds. The first hint was when he �rebuked� Jesus! I think it�s a good rule of thumb that anytime we feel like �reprimanding� God, we should at least count to 10. We don�t get Peter�s side of the dialogue in the Bible�but we do get Jesus� final remark� �Get away from me, Satan!� The lesson here is anytime we get to stuck on our own ideas, and they are taking us down a path that is contrary to God�s plan, we are playing into Satan�s hands. The trick is to make every effort to see things from God�s point of view, not our own.

I�m glad the story of Peter didn�t end there. Eventually, Jesus would come through on his promise to build the church with Peter in a serious leadership role�read through the Book of Acts and Peter�s letters (First and Second Peter) to see his inspiring growth curve. That�s why I am encouraged by Peter� he went for it. He promised big things, made big mistakes, learned from them, but always kept trying.

But let�s be reminded of the most important question. It�s a personal question, and requires a personal answer. It isn�t, �Who do other people say Jesus is?� That is interesting to consider, but not life changing. The most important question is one that Jesus asked straight to the disciples, and asks you and me�
�Who do you say I am?�

There�s always room for growth, just look at Peter�s story, but it has to start with a heart totally surrendered to Jesus. Then the journey begins.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:44:44 +0100

The Smooch, 12.11.08

Hey, You�re NOT LISTENING!

Hi Guys,
Today I�d like to share some basic techniques on how to improve your listening skills.
Good listening is something that tends to go by the wayside in some marriages, but is actually one of the most important habits to maintain. It�s also one of the most common complaints in troubled marriages, �My husband/wife doesn�t listen to me!� Good listening skills build social support, allow you to resolve conflicts, increase understanding between each other, and make the other person feel validated.

Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills:

   1. Listen, Listen, Listen. Ask your spouse what�s wrong, and really listen to the answer. Let them vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings, maintaining eye contact and showing that you�re interested in what they have to say. Resist the urge to give advice, and just let them get it out.

   2. Reframe What You Hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they�re saying so they know you�re hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For example, if your spouse is talking about a problem at work, you might find yourself saying, �It looks like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like you�re feeling hurt.�

   3. Ask About Feelings. Ask them to expand on what they�re feeling. Asking about their feelings provides a good emotional release and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of their situation. Sometimes the other person needs a little permission to go deeper into their feelings.

   4. Keep The Focus On Them. Don�t start talking about YOU. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus on them until they feel better. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring the focus back to them quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel genuinely cared for and understood.

   5. Help Brainstorm. Don�t go for a quick fix. Rather than giving advice in the beginning, which cuts off further exploration of feelings and other communication, wait until they�ve gotten their feelings out, and then help them brainstorm solutions. If you help them come up with ideas and look at the pros and cons of each, they�re likely to come up with a solution they feel good about. Or they might feel better after just being able to talk and feeling heard.

Real listening takes some effort, but is a great way to show love.

   1. Stay Present. Sometimes people ACT LIKE they are listening, but they�re really just waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can say whatever they�ve been mentally rehearsing while they�ve been pretending to listen. People can usually sense this, and it doesn�t feel good. Also, they tend to miss what�s being said because they�re not focused.

   2. Don�t Give Advice. It�s common to want to immediately give advice and �fix� your spouse�s problem. Unless it's specifically requested, don�t. While you�re trying to help, what would work for you might not work for your spouse; also, advice can feel condescending. Unless they ask directly for advice, your spouse probably just wants to feel heard and understood, and then can find his or her own solutions.

   3. Trust The Process. It might feel a little scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and hearing your spouse talk about upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. But usually offering a supportive ear and sitting with your spouse in an uncomfortable place is the most helpful thing you can do, and once the feelings are cleared out, the solutions can start coming.

   4. Let Things Even Out Over Time. With all this focus on your spouse�s problems, it might be difficult not to focus equal time on your own. Relax in the knowledge that, when you need a friend, your spouse will likely be a better listener for you. If you�re consistently doing all the giving, you can re-evaluate the dynamics of the relationship. But being a good listener can make you a stronger, more caring person and bring a more supportive angle to your relationship.

Final take. Sincere, patient listening is one of the best ways to make your spouse feel loved. It�s a gift that reaps big results over the long haul as it helps you build trust and the feeling of mutual understanding in your relationship.

Especially, now, when holiday stresses can turn anyone into a raving lunatic, good listening can keep you from creating problems, and solve them before they hit DEFCON 1. Remember, you don�t have to DO much, except listen. You don't have to come up with an immediate solution to the problem, and you can't make your spouse NOT FEEL whatever they are feeling... but what you can do is be there fully with all your attention. Real listening is a great way to say, �I love you.�

Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Christmas Party/Couples Life

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:36:23 +0100

Couples Life,

I hope you have enjoyed your week. I want to remind you that we are having our final couples life night for 2008 this Thursday. We will end with a Christmas party! Below is attached all of the info you need to know, and I definitely look forward to seeing everyone there.

What: Couples Life Christmas Party

Where: Chad and Nicole's House
11536 Faisan Way

San Diego CA 92124

When: 6:30 PM / *Childcare will be provided at the church

What to bring: An Appetizer or Finger Food

Contact Phone Numbers: Nicole Furlong (619) 818-5885 ... Shawn Kennedy (858) 688 5210

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Attention Life Group Leaders!!

Joshc@existencechurch.com — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:02:12 +0100

Hey everyone,

I need to know who your Missional Leaders are by the beginning of January. Email me at joshc@existencechurch.com with the name of your groups Missional Leader and their email address. Thanks everyone!

Josh Carter
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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Chapter 2 Update and Reminder

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:06:00 +0100

Existence Church Family,

   A quick reminder that we are three weeks away from the end of the year, pretty crazy! Together as a church, we have started the process of planing for the next phase in the life of Existence, known as Chapter 2. We believe this next chapter in the life of our church will not only prepare us for the next phase of ministry, but will also prepare each of us for the next phase of our spiritual growth.

   As of right now, we have seen 20 people support Chapter 2. It is my prayer that over the next three weeks many more of us will jump on board, and together make a difference for the Kingdom!

   I've attached a video of Vernon's Hunt story for you to view, just in case you were not with us this past Sunday. I pray that it will encourage, and inspire all of us! Simple click on the following link or cut and paste it into your web browser. Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=VGD3kZ-xDAg

Remember, you can financially support Chapter 2 through clicking on the link here (http://www. existencechurchsandiego.com/ giving/) or by giving on Sunday morning. Please keep in mind your Chapter 2 support should be above your normal tithes, and any online giving or Sunday morning checks should be earmarked "Chapter 2."

Thank you in advance for being a part of this journey. In all we do, we say as a church,"To God be the Glory!"

Sincerely,

Josh
Existence Church

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Stories from Shoes that Fit...

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:47:49 +0100

Existence Church Family,

    It is Tuesday, December 9th, two days after our "Shoes that Fit" project in partnership with Monarch School in the inner city of San Diego. Founded in 1988, Monarch School is dedicated to providing homeless, and at-risk children, ages 7-18, with an accredited education while caring for their basic needs. It was our vision at Existence Church to make sure children and families alike were cared for in a practical way this winter, and when it was all said and done, over 470 pairs of shoes were given out to some very grateful families. Here are some stories.

.: The Big Yellow Bus...

    Saint Vincent de Paul, a powerhouse homeless ministry in the inner city of San Diego also held an event during the same day as the Shoes that Fit project. For some reason, they were actually discouraging families from participating in our event. One family ignored their advice and came anyway. When the family finally made their way back to Saint Vincent�s, the staff and others were shocked over the quality of the brand-new shoes! In a matter of minutes, Saint Vincent�s loaded families in their big yellow bus, and immediately came our way.

.: The Streets of Daniel...

   Daniel is a sixteen year old boy, who has had a difficult life. At eight he started smoking marijuana, by nine he was doing crystal meth, and by twelve he watched his father get gunned down in the streets. Afterwords, he turned to a life of gang involvement and living on the streets, and in shelters. Six months ago Daniel came to Monarch, got sober from drugs, and is in an independent living program. Daniel represents many who came to Monarch School on Sunday and walked away encouraged, with a new pair of shoes!

.: Payless and Fooseball...

     A member of our church decided to sell his fooseball table, and use the funds to purchase shoes. Originally he was going to sell the table for a $100, but cut the price in half to help out a youth pastor. He then took the $50 to Payless Shoes, set several pairs of shoes on the counter, and to his surprise the total cost came to $48. Both a youth pastor and some needy families benefited from one person who creatively served Jesus!

.: Barbershops and Flyers...

      A hair stylist in our church decided to go above and beyond, past her normal comfort zone. She asked her coworkers to jump on board and put a �Shoes That Fit� flyer in each of their stations. This allowed each stylist to take part in helping other people! . One particular person came into the salon to get her hair cut and noticed all the flyers. Our church member began to share all about the project, and Monarch School asking, �Do you know anything about Monarch School?� To this the lady replied, �Yes, I do, I work there!� Coincidence? I think not.

    These are just a few stories from the �Shoes That Fit� project. Please be encouraged at the great things God can do through you! If you have any stories to share with us, please sent them our way!

Look forward to seeing you soon,

Shawn
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:38:02 +0100

the monday monster, 12.08.08

Comedy Central Presents: Mark 7:26-30

Today we�re looking at a very interesting exchange between Jesus and a gentile woman. By understanding this passage we can learn a lot about Jesus, his approach, his personality, and reaffirm the fact that the Gospel is for everyone�Jews and Gentiles. (If you�re not Jewish, guess what?)

Please read this passage of scripture.
Mark 7
24Jesus left that place and went to the vicinity of Tyre. He entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret. 25In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil spirit came and fell at his feet. 26The woman was a Greek, born in Syrian Phoenicia. She begged Jesus to drive the demon out of her daughter. 27"First let the children eat all they want," he told her, "for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs." 28"Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs." 29Then he told her, "For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter." 30She went home and found her child lying on the bed, and the demon gone.

If you take the words only at face value, you can easily get what sounds like a really weird story. Jesus, trying to get away from the crowds, goes north to a Gentile area (near Tyre), hoping to recharge his batteries. A Greek woman who had a disturbed daughter finds him, throws herself down at his feet, and starts begging for help. Up to this point the text is easy to understand� then it gets strange. Jesus starts talking about children and dogs�and the woman seems to play along� �Yes, Lord, but even the dogs under the table eat the children�s crumbs.� Jesus says, �Good answer!�, the woman goes home and her daughter is healed. Excuse me?

Without a little interpretation help, it�s easy to conclude that Jesus must have been having a bad day�that he was tired and cranky and was caught off-guard. Why else would he have called this woman a �dog?� Then he regrouped, got it together, and decided to help the woman out and heal her daughter. Luckily, there is an easy way to make sense out of this. What we have here is NOT Jesus being mean, what we have here is two people joking about something they both know about.

This passage of scripture gives us a great example of how difficult it is to translate the subtleties and nuances of language. As you know, the Bible we read in English has been translated from the original languages (Hebrew, Greek, Aramaic), and those who do the translating take great pains to make sure that not only the words get translated accurately, but also the meaning. By the way, this is why you can make the Bible �say� almost anything you want it to�just find a translation that fits your point of view! (I know people who only use the �King James� translation for that very reason.) Getting the original intent across is the trick. Sidebar: I�ve been hanging out with a new friend who is visiting from Switzerland. He came to America to help fast-forward his English skills and to make fun at how lousy our chocolate is. Not really. Anyway, the hardest thing to learn in a new language is the �idioms�, the phrases and ideas that are unique to and understood by one group of people, but not necessarily by others. If I said to my friend, �I�m pulling your leg!�, he would probably say, �No you�re not, you�re not even touching me.� I would say, �I�m joking,� he would say, �You didn�t tell me a joke.� I would say, �Nevermind, can we start over?�

Def: "idiom" most often refers to a phrase or expression that cannot be understood by knowing what the individual words in the phrase mean. For example, "to roll out the red carpet" is to extravagantly welcome a guest; no red carpet is actually needed. If you take it literally, you misunderstand the phrase. Bottom line: This passage contains cultural and ethnic references that Jesus and the woman understood, that a literal translation of the words do not totally convey.

To really understand the passage, we have to be in on the joke.

By the way, a really good book that helps explain this sort of thing is, The Humor of Christ, by Elton Trueblood. When I bought it I was hoping for a book of Jesus� favorite jokes (�A Pharisee walks into a bar�.�), but it actually discusses in great detail the way Jesus used colorful devices of language (twists of phrases, exaggeration, hyperbole, sarcasm, etc.) in his parables and sermons, and helps us get a broader picture of his personality�that he actually had fun, and laughed, and even messed with the disciples.

Back to the passage� some assumptions:
1. Jesus� mission involved coming first to the Jews, revealing the plan of salvation to �God�s Chosen People� first, then opening it up to everyone else.
2. Jesus already knew that he was going to heal the woman�s daughter. He used the situation to bless, encourage, and minister to the woman (as he does with us).
3. There was a lot of �bad blood� between the Jews and Gentiles. Jews called the Gentiles �dogs�, unclean, etc. The Gentiles didn�t like being called names. Jesus and the woman were having a good laugh about it the craziness of prejudice, while Jesus was demonstrating God�s love for everyone.

It seems pretty clear that both Jesus and the woman both knew exactly what they were talking about�and what Jesus was doing was making fun of some common racial and cultural stereotypes. If you try, you can hear the lilting sarcastic humor and see the tongue-in-cheek smiles at the edges of their mouths as the woman and Jesus make fun of their respective cultures' prejudices. Jesus is making the point that the common Jewish attitudes towards other cultures is not in sync with the plan of God. Once they got that out of the way, Jesus healed her daughter. Jesus also make a strong point of God�s love for all people, Jews and Gentiles, as well as validating a high regard for women (in a culture that hadn�t quite caught up yet�and still might have a way to go.)

Final remarks.
When was the last time you metaphorically �fell at Jesus� feet?�. If we want to experience all God has for us, we must be submissive and surrender our hearts and our wills to him. As you read through the Gospels you will notice that Jesus always responded to sincere people. It�s the outwardly religious, with hidden and not-so-hidden agendas, that he had the harshest words for.

Let�s get back to simple devotion.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Breaking News...

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 14:03:47 +0100

Existence Church Family,

We received a call today from the Monarch School asking if we were able to provide even more shoes for those in their community. It is an exciting opportunity, and they are very grateful for any help we can provide. We have included below, all of the extra sizes that they still need. We encourage you to take the challenge, and put a pair of shoes on someones feet this Christmas. Also, remember we are presenting the Gospel this Sunday morning. The gospel is the central message of Jesus. Please make sure to be there, invite others, and come ready to be encouraged.

Look forward to seeing you on Sunday...

Sizes of Shoes Needed for the Monarch School...

Adults Mens:
2-8.5
4-11.5
2-13
1-14
1-14.5
2-15

Adults Womens:
4-6
6-6.5
3-7
16-7.5
1-8
6-8.5
7-9
1-9.5
3-10

Kids Boys:
4-1
1-1.5
1-3.5
1-11
1-11.5
4-12
1-13

Kids Girls:
2-1.5
1-2.5
2-3.5
3-4.5
1-5
4-10
1-11
2-13.5

Baby Boys:
4-1
1-4.5
1-5.5

Baby Girls:
2-2
1-3
1-4
2-6
1-6.5
2-7

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 11:23:48 +0100

The Smooch, 12.04.08

The Healing Power of �I�m sorry�

Hi Guys,
Have you ever heard the expression, "Love is never having to say you're sorry?" It came from a very popular book and movie, Love Story, back in the swingin� �70�s. It got a lot of attention, everybody was talking about it� I think I saw the movie on one of those really awkward dates that should have been to the zoo and not to a girly movie, and I remember thinking even then, �Something about this doesn�t sound quite right.� Now, with a little life experience, I would have to say I think the phrase is not only naive, but a little dangerous.

�Love is never having to say you�re sorry� may sound really nice, and romantic� but is actually the opposite of real love. Here�s the Bible�s definition of love: 1 Cor. 13:4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Real love seeks what is best for the other person, is selfless, and is mature enough to admit mistakes and take personal responsibility for them. As I think about it, It might be a little more accurate to rewrite the phrase to be something like, �Love is being able to sincerely say, I�m sorry.�

Let�s talk about saying, �I�m sorry.� If you�re close to someone, sooner or later you�re bound to step on their toes. And whether it�s something you say or do, intentional or not, if you are responsible for causing hurt to someone, ESPECIALLY YOUR SPOUSE, it�s important to say, �I�m sorry.� The idea, �Well, she knows I love her, I don�t need to apologize,� is avoiding something that is really important� regularly reaffirming your love for each other. But it�s not enough to simply say the words� words alone are not enough. You have to get inside your spouse�s heart, understand what they are hurt about, feel their pain, and acknowledge your part in causing the problem. You have to do your best to help them feel COMPLETELY understood. That�s the kind of �I�m sorry� that has a good chance of working. It doesn�t have to be a big event� it just has to be real. Key point: Don�t say the words �I�m sorry� unless you really mean them. They should be said with a humble spirit and a sincere tone, looking the other person in the eye, making sure they understand how serious you are.

Here are some �I�m sorry�s� that don�t work:
1. �I�m sorry if you were hurt.�
Or, �IF I did or said anything that you took wrong, I�m sorry.�
This does nothing to acknowledge any responsibility in the problem. It blames the other person for being �too sensitive� or for �misreading� your intentions.
2. In a sarcastic tone, �SORRY!�
This is picking a fight. It is hurtful, dishonest, and aggressive.
3. �I�m sorry you are so ___________ .�
(followed by a list of things you don�t like about them.)
This isn�t even close.
4. Saying "I'm sorry" but not meaning it.
Your spouse might say, "It's okay," but you both know it�s a smokescreen, and nothing will change. This is because nothing was really dealt with, more resentment gets built up, and you could be stuck in that hurt for years. It happens.

Some reasons we don�t say it.
1. Some people have a hard time admitting when they make a mistake, even a little one. It�s like pulling teeth to get them to cop to the slightest wrongdoing. These people are lousy at saying, �I�m sorry.� They get defensive, argumentative, and angry. This is a major sign of self-centeredness. Other people have a really high bar set for themselves, perfectionism, and they see anything short of being perfect as failure� so instead of adjusting the bar, they just don�t admit the mistake. Nice. Some people have such a need to be right and in control that they refuse to look at themselves honestly. �If I don�t see it, it�s not there!� Some spouses are in a tough position of trying to help the other spouse take the blinders off. Not an easy job.

2. Some people are afraid if they admit a mistake their spouse will take the opportunity to really rub it in. This happens when there is unfinished business between a couple, with a history of unresolved hurts, unforgiveness, and damaged trust. It may take a little time, but with consistent, honest effort, the trust can be rebuilt.

On the other hand:
�I�m sorry,� when done right, can mean a few things.
1. �I really care that your feelings were hurt.�
2. �I�m sorry you are feeling bad, and that I had a part in causing it.�
3. �I want you to know that you matter to me.�

What is most important is what you are NOT saying� it�s in the tone and attitude with which you are speaking. Real love is saying �I�m sorry� well.
�I�m sorry that I said (or did) ___________. I was wrong.�
(The most important thing is to acknowledge your part in the problem.)

After you say, "I'm sorry"...
Let the other person have whatever amount of space they need to process things. DO NOT immediately ask them to forgive you. That will happen in time. Remember, saying �I�m sorry� is for the other person, not for you. If you demand to be forgiven on the spot, the focus gets shifted to YOU, and YOUR need to feel better. Let the other person have the time to cope with things. Trust God. Do your part. Let it go.

Final thoughts. By making a sincere effort to join another person, to understand what they are feeling (empathy), and to extend comfort to someone you love, relationships can be restored and hurts can be healed. When these bumps in the road get resolved in a timely manner, you are protecting your marriage from bitterness and resentment and building confidence and trust in your relationship. This is good.

�When we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.� Step 10 of the 12 Steps.
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.� Eph. 4:26.

Hope this helps!
Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Big Sunday...

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:43:50 +0100

.: Shoes that Fit

This Sunday is the last Sunday to bring your shoes. We are excited to serve the Monarch School in San Diego. If you haven't taken advantage of this opportunity, we encourage you to do so. Here are the sizes we still need before Sunday: Girl Baby Sizes (3, 4, 4.5), Boy's Baby Sizes (1), Girl Kid's Sizes (10), Boy's Kid's Sizes (11, 11.5, 12). Take a moment, go to a store near you, and provide shoes for the displaced of our city. If you have any further questions you can contact Josh Carter at joshc@existencechurch.com.

.: Gospel/Communion

This Sunday we will be presenting the gospel message and taking communion as a family. Please be praying for those who have yet to start a relationship with God. The first Sunday of every month, we share the gospel, and take communion. As always, we encourage you to bring coworkers, friends, and family members. Remember, God wants to use you in the life of others. If you have any questions contact Josh Hotsenpiller at joshh@existencechurch.com.

We look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Couples Life

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 10:40:22 +0100

Hey kids,

Couples Life is set to meet tomorrow at the usual time (6:30pm) in the usual place (the church cafe). Shawn will not be there, because he and Rebekah are going to a Christmas party...and speaking of Christmas party

The Couples Life Christmas Party is scheduled for Thursday, December 11th at Chad and Nicole's house, starting at 6:30pm. It's going to be AWESOME!!! You won't want to miss it!

See you tomorrow :)

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Life Group Leader Reminders...

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:22:41 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

    I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving holidays! I wanted to take a moment and give you some quick updates/reminders. They are as follows:

.: Finish Strong
     Make sure to finish strong this year. If you haven't already pick up some cards, write a note to the people in your group, and give it to them in person. Celebrate the end of the year, and pray for them that they will full enjoy the Christmas Holidays.

.: Online Videos for You
      As promised, I have videos posted online to help you share the vision of each life group and understand the roles each leader will play. Invite your group to view these videos. They are short and I think really helpful. Go to: www.existencechurch.com ... click Life Groups or Small Groups .... click Leaders Corner .... click Video Training. I would love your feedback.

.: Pick your Inclusive and Missional Leader
    Before January, I want each group to have their inclusive leader and missional leader selected. If you need help, let me know. I will be in touch soon.

Have a great week, stay focused, and enjoy your groups. I look forward to you soon!

Shawn

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Shoes that Fit Information

Joshc@existencechurch.com — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:16:55 +0100

Hey everyone,

Thank you so much for signing up to help us out with Shoes That Fit next Sunday, Dec. 7th. We wanted to fill you in on some of the details. Plan on meeting at the church immediately following second service (around 12:15pm). We will carpool from the church to the school and shelter downtown, leaving the church around 12:30 and setting up before everything starts. We should be done handing out all the shoes around 4:00pm, which would put us back to the church by 5:00pm, but its best to be flexible. If you have any questions email Josh Carter at joshc@existencechurch.com. Thanks again and we look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:22:24 +0100

the monday monster, 12.01.08

A Relationship �About� or �With� God?

I was raised in church�and I knew a lot about the Bible from an early age. Or, at least I thought I did. But, it wasn�t until I took an Ancient History class at SDSU that the New Testament really came to life. I came to know more about the Greek world and the Roman Empire and how the Jewish people fit into it. A little history helped, a lot. So, for a minute, act like you�re watching History Channel, and let�s try to shed some light on Jesus� relationship with the Pharisees and Sadducees.

The Pharisees, Sadducees, and Essenes.
By the first century A.D., there were three main factions/parties in Judiasm.

The Pharisees
The two most important of the three were the Pharisees and the Sadducees� the Pharisees are the spiritual fathers of modern Judaism. Their main distinguishing characteristic was a belief in an Oral Law that God gave to Moses at Sinai along with the Torah. The Torah or Written Law was akin to the U.S. Constitution in the sense that it set down a series of laws that were open to interpretation (�Open to interpretation� is significant, twisting the law to mean whatever suited them at the time is what Jesus had a beef with).The Pharisees believed that God also gave Moses the knowledge of what these laws meant and how they should be applied. This �oral tradition� was codified and written down roughly three centuries later in what is known as the Talmud. The Pharisees also maintained that an afterlife existed and that God punished the wicked and rewarded the righteous in the world to come. They also believed in a messiah who would herald an era of world peace. Pharisees were in a sense blue-collar Jews who adhered to the tenets developed after the destruction of the Temple; that is, such things as individual prayer and assembly in synagogues. Bottom line: the Pharisees put as much emphasis on the �oral traditions� (the legal commentary explaining how the commandments should be carried out) as the Written Law of Moses.

The Sadducees
The Sadducees were elitists who wanted to maintain the priestly caste, but they were also liberal in their willingness to incorporate Hellenism into their lives, something the Pharisees opposed. The Sadducees rejected the idea of the Oral Law and insisted on a literal interpretation of the Written Law; consequently, they did not believe in an afterlife, since it is not mentioned in the Torah. The main focus of Sadducee life was rituals associated with the Temple. Bottom line: the Sadducees were politically liberal, and wanted to get along with the Romans, which was the best way to maintain their political power. Since Jesus threatened to rock their world, they were willing to �be friends� with their enemies, the Pharisees, to get rid of him.

These two "parties" served in the Great Sanhedrin, a kind of Jewish Supreme Court made up of 71 members whose responsibility was to interpret civil and religious laws.

The Dead Sea Sect
A third faction, the Essenes, emerged out of disgust with the other two. This sect believed the others had corrupted the city and the Temple. They moved out of Jerusalem and lived a monastic life in the desert, adopting strict dietary laws and a commitment to celibacy. The Essenes are particularly interesting to scholars because they are believed to be an offshoot of the group that lived in Qumran, near the Dead Sea. In 1947, a Bedouin shepherd stumbled into a cave containing various ancient artifacts and jars containing manuscripts describing the beliefs of the sect and events of the time. The most important documents, often only parchment fragments that had to be meticulously restored, were the earliest known copies of the Old Testament. The similarity of the substance of the material found in the scrolls to that in the modern scriptures has confirmed the authenticity of the Bible used today.

Now, let�s read the text. Mark 7:1-13.
1 One day some Pharisees and teachers of religious law arrived from Jerusalem to see Jesus. 2 They noticed that some of his disciples failed to follow the Jewish ritual of hand washing before eating. 3 (The Jews, especially the Pharisees, do not eat until they have poured water over their cupped hands, as required by their ancient traditions. 4 Similarly, they don�t eat anything from the market until they immerse their hands in water. This is but one of many traditions they have clung to�such as their ceremonial washing of cups, pitchers, and kettles.) 5 So the Pharisees and teachers of religious law asked him, �Why don�t your disciples follow our age-old tradition? They eat without first performing the hand-washing ceremony.� 6 Jesus replied, �You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote, �These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7 Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.� 8 For you ignore God�s law and substitute your own tradition.� 9 Then he said, �You skillfully sidestep God�s law in order to hold on to your own tradition. 10 For instance, Moses gave you this law from God: �Honor your father and mother,� and �Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death.� 11 But you say it is all right for people to say to their parents, �Sorry, I can�t help you. For I have vowed to give to God what I would have given to you.� 12 In this way, you let them disregard their needy parents. 13 And so you cancel the word of God in order to hand down your own tradition. And this is only one example among many others.�

Some people define their spiritual life according to what they don�t do. �I don�t smoke, drink, or whatever� I�m a Christian.� We�ve all heard of �Catholic guilt� or �Jewish guilt�... this is the natural outcome of a perspective that gauges one�s spiritual life according to outward behavior� which is the essence of religion� trying to get to God through works. This describes the Pharisees� if you break the law, you�re toast. The real problem is not only did the Pharisees have to keep track of the written law of Moses, they had thousands of little �laws�(oral traditions) which in their mind were just as important. This is the trap of religion: it�s all in your head, and not in your heart. There�s a difference between knowing about God� facts, bible verses, even knowing the plan of salvation� and knowing God. For example, I know how to get in shape. I�ve done it. When I was younger, I was naturally in shape without trying too hard. I ate right, ran several miles, three times a week. Went to the gym on the off days and did weights. It wasn�t that hard, it was part of my life. As I got older, I began to accumulate more excuses for why I didn�t have time to stay in shape. So I got out of shape. There have been at least three times in the last few years that I decided to get in shape� and I did. I did the things that work. The same things that always work� and I got in shape. Then, for some reason, I flaked out. So, now, I could stand to get in shape� again. Here�s the deal, it�s my body that got out of shape, not my mind�I can still remember what to do. I could write a book about it. I know everything I need to know about getting in shape� but I�m not in shape. Why? Here�s the point: Knowing how to get in shape doesn�t get me in shape. Getting in shape does. That�s how being religious works� everything is in your head, but not in your heart. Knowing about spiritual things is nice, but that doesn�t get us in relationship with God� humble surrender to God does.

The Pharisees weren�t all bad guys� most were sincerely trying to do it right, according to what they had been taught� they were just wrong. Have you considered that it�s possible to be totally sincere, yet wrong? Truth trumps sincerity any day. That�s why Jesus pulled out the heavy artillery, to shake up the Pharisees to get back to basics. It got through to some of them (Check out Nicodemus, Joseph of Arimathea, and the Apostle Paul). For us, the Pharisees can represent something we have to be careful of� are we following Jesus with our head or our heart?

Shawn made a great point yesterday�
Question: Are you in a relationship �about� God or are you in a relationship �with� God?

If you�ve been a follower of Jesus for a while, a new follower, or even a seeker� the question is a good one. Today, am I open to Jesus with my heart (the most real part of me) or am I just acting religious and outwardly following the rules? Are you walking with Jesus, and allowing him to be Lord over your attitudes, thoughts, and desires? Listen, Jesus has a message for you.

Blessings,
Gerry

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Couples Life

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:12:31 +0100

Hey there fellow turkey lovers!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so to state the obvious, Couples Life will not be meeting. We will resume as usual the following Thursday, December 4th at 6:30pm.

So have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and don't forget to include Couples Life when you're saying what you're thankful for ;)

~Gobble Gobble

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Monday Monster

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:46:28 +0100

the monday monster, 11.24.08

Hard Heart=Closed Mind

Yesterday at Existence, Josh spoke of the unrealistic expectations for the Christian life that can get us into trouble. It�s easy for us to get disappointed and discouraged if things don�t go the way we expect them to. Human nature. It makes you wonder if you were at fault, and not your faulty expectations� �Maybe I didn�t get it right.� (By the way� I grew up in a Baptist church that had altar calls almost every week. I think during my childhood I asked Jesus into my heart about 50 times� just to make sure. When eternity in hell is an option, you can�t be too safe!) Of course, it usually doesn�t occur to us that maybe WE might be the ones with the wrong ideas� we just blame God for not coming through. Nice. Unfortunately, a lot of us have distorted expectations for how our walk with Jesus is supposed to go. It�s one of Satan�s most effective tricks� �Didn�t Jesus say that if you followed him you wouldn�t have any more problems, ever?� �This whole Jesus thing is a lie.� �You might as well give up.� I don�t know about you, but I hear that annoying voice on a regular basis�most of the time I blow it off� sometimes I mistake it for my own. Anyway, it�s important to have a clear, realistic understanding of the �normal� Christian life, with accurate expectations of what God is supposed to do, and what we are supposed to do� that pain and discouragement are part of living, and that Jesus wants to walk WITH us through it all, and help us learn to trust him and accept reality. And grow up. Some people don�t pray enough and think they are supposed to control everything� some people pray way too much and don�t do a whole lot. Some people just play video games. If you missed church yesterday, I encourage you to find the podcast and catch up. It will be worth it.

Today for the Monster I think I'll plow a slightly different field, focusing on a weird little phrase: ��for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.�

45Immediately (after the feeding of the 5,000) Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. 47When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. 48He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, 49but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, 50because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 51Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, 52for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.

You can have a hard heart/closed mind for two reasons: 1) An intentional refusal to accept any more information. For example, when you get a sales call right when you walk in the door from work� definitely not interested� Closed mind/hard heart. The telemarketer doesn�t have a chance in hell�well, maybe in hell. Some people have this same attitude about the things of Jesus. �No thanks, not interested.� Closed mind/hard heart. 2) The other reason for a hard heart: Just not �getting it.� Lack of understanding. Not considering the whole picture. Slow.

The disciples fit the latter. One commentator put it like this: �They�re hearts were blinded, they�re minds were dull. Either they did not perceive, or had not well considered that miracle of the five loaves, to the point that the virtue of Christ was just as strange to them as if they had not been present at that miracle which was done just a little before.�

The disciples� faith in Jesus hadn�t increased a bit, in spite of witnessing the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000! The way they looked at life was no different than if they had not even been there. It seems hard to imagine� they had been a part of the biggest miracle in history, and there they are, just a little later in a boat, crying like little girls. In fact, the disciples had just had a stretch where they experienced what I would call �Miracle overload.� Mark 4: the first boat-related miracle: Jesus calmed the storm and the freaked-out disciples. Mark 5: Healing a demon-possessed man, raising a girl from the dead, and healing another woman. Mark 6: Jesus sent out the disciples to preach and heal and they found out first-hand that this stuff is real� followed with the dinner show. Man, you would think that would be enough.

Now, before we get too harsh with the disciples we ought to look in the mirror. Don�t we do the same thing? Things are going great� God is good!... then, bang, the car breaks, or your heart breaks, or the bank breaks, and before we know it we�re wondering where God went. We act like the disciples in the boat� not considering God in the middle of things�hard heart/closed mind. We forget that God has been faithful in the past, and suddenly cop an attitude and act like all bets are off. Whoa� a little disciple fever.

Seriously, this could be the most miserable condition that a Jesus-follower can be in� to be a �Christian�, but insensitive to the work of God. The disciples had not turned their backs on Jesus, they had not given up on serving him, in fact, they were on their way to the next gig�and yet their hearts had become hardened. Simply put, they had not taken seriously the reality that life with Jesus was to be lived moment-by-moment, in an attitude of trust and faith. We can learn from the disciples. And do a serious reality check.

Are you walking with Jesus, or are you experiencing a little �hardheartitis�?
Here are some symptoms.

1. Panic in times of trouble.
In spite of what they had already experienced with Jesus, the disciples were not living by faith, allowing their immediate circumstances to freaked them out. When we allow our hearts to become hardened toward the things of God, we also will begin to panic in the midst of trials.

2. Frustration and failure.
When you are unable to fulfill the command of Christ in your life, even though it�s YOUR heart that is hard, you feel frustrated. Feeling like a failure in your walk with Jesus is a symptom of being �religious� but not walking with Jesus. An �irritable� Christian should be an oxymoron�

3. Fruitless labor.
Note: v48� the disciples were �straining at the oars�, but not getting anywhere.
This is a picture of serving God with your own strength�. a lot of effort, but no satisfaction and joy.

4. Complacency.
Perhaps the disciples had grown accustomed to Jesus� miracles and had lost their excitement. God admonished His people in Deut. 6:12, "Beware lest thou forget the Lord which brought thee forth out of Egypt, from the house of bondage." When we forget what God has done for us, it is a sure sign that our hearts have become hardened. If you have forgotten what it was like before you came to Jesus, it may be time to �get back to your first love.� Rev. 2:4: �But I have this complaint against you. You don�t love me or each other as you did at first!�

As a church, we need to guard against the same thing that affected the disciples... getting too used to God showing up and taking care of things, or not considering him in our everyday living. The good news is Jesus had a lot of patience with the disciples, and he has that and more for you.
Maybe take a second and check in.

Blessings,
Gerry

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The Smooch

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:31:07 +0100

The Smooch, 11.20.08

Hi Guys,
As we approach Thanksgiving (it�s next week!) I thought I would share an article, by Annette LaPlaca, that though written a few years ago, still holds up. We all have a tendency under certain circumstances to whine, complain, and get discouraged� but this article reminds us to make sure we make thankfulness and gratitude a habit in our marriage. Hope it helps.

Make Thankfulness Happen

When David promised me "with all my worldly goods I thee endow," an honest-to-goodness titter passed through the crowd at our wedding. People had seen his car�an ancient, rust-encrusted Buick he bought for $50�and most of our friends knew he was a grad student with the usual burden of student loans to repay.

It's no wonder then that our first apartment was in a neighborhood apparently designed to panic our mothers. Wrought-iron bars on the windows, doors with double deadbolts. We got used to the nightly thump-wump-thump of the police helicopter patrolling over our building after dark. When my sister came to visit, she saw a woman lose her purse to a young hoodlum just down the street. Another friend told me someone regularly sold drugs just a few doors from our concrete front steps.

It was that kind of neighborhood.
But the rent was cheap and the apartment was, well, furnished: a battered red couch, greasy kitchen cabinets, rotting curtains, wobbly dining room chairs and a bed that swayed and mattress that bumped in odd places (I layered it with old linens and a good mattress cover, not wanting any indirect contact with the numerous sleepers of the past).

Judging by our contentment and thankfulness, it could have been a palace. And it was during those first couple of years of marriage that I discovered one of the things I like most about David�and one of the things that binds us most tightly together�a spirit of thankfulness.

No Whiners
While together in our first home, we started paying down school loans. We covered David's current school costs without taking on further debt; he worked various odd jobs between classes and I had the dubious honor of being in charge of the sock wall at Dillards. Not only did we survive; we were happy as clams. David cheerfully stuck pieces of cardboard into his shoes to protect his socks (the soles had worn through in places); we gave up sodas and juice and drank only water; and we never set foot in a restaurant�not even a McDonald's�until our first anniversary.

David painted the greasy kitchen cabinets and built new shelves from wood he scrounged out of a dumpster. For entertainment, we'd sit on our bed in our tiny bedroom (the only room we could afford to cool in the Oklahoma heat), playing cards and watching the $10 TV we'd purchased (you had to change channels with a pliers). We made pizza for friends and invented elaborate rules for "Killer Uno."

I felt so thankful to God for giving us a life together, and it became a point of connection for me to realize that David was really thankful too. I'd hear him in the kitchen or bathroom, breathing a quiet "Alleluia!" or "Thank you, Lord" and realize that part of what he was so thankful for�beyond his salvation in Christ and the daily guidance of God's Spirit and other "spiritual" things�was our home, and me.

In November 1990, that first Thanksgiving of our married life, I made a list of the "Top Ten Things to Be Thankful for in 1990." I used to make a list like that every year, as a spiritual exercise. Guess whose name is at the top of that list? David topped the chart in 1989 as well. I still have those lists, stuffed in with all the letters we wrote to each other while we were apart�in Oklahoma and Chicago�the year before we married.

I remember that it was easy to make that list�despite our financial deprivation. It was in those early months of marriage that David and I slipped into what's become a thankfulness norm for us. We enjoy, separately and together, quietly and out loud, what God has given us.

Marital Superglue
You don't hear a lot of premarital counselors instructing young couples, "You know, you need to be thankful because that's really important for your relationship." They ought to, though. For David and me, thankfulness is a kind of Superglue. It gives us a strong sense of hope and confidence about our future�our future together. Because we've grown accustomed to looking for God's goodness, we've come to expect it (you can't force or fake this kind of hopeful joy). Because we've seen God give us strength and patience in our relationship in the past, we're convinced God is going to be with us in future troubles�from within or outside of our marriage. It's not that we glibly assume that because we're Christians we're never going to have illnesses or financial setbacks or rebellious teenagers (someday). It's more that we've become deeply convinced that God will keep on working in us and through us, no matter what comes our way.

In that sense, a thankful spirit is giving our marriage a sense of glad expectation. We expect to be together for decades�and we expect God to be with us too. Thankfulness defeats gloominess or feelings of hopelessness about our marriage. When we're thankful together, we're helping each other put our faith in God.

Thankfulness is binding because it requires some humility. You can't be thankful and boastful at the same time. David is humble enough to know whom to thank for his talents, his health, his family, his job. That humility makes him accessible to me; it puts us in the same place as fortunate-beyond-reason recipients of God's unparalleled giving. The humble aspects of thankfulness remove the necessity of power struggles between us. Neither one of us has to try to be better or stronger or more "in control" than the other�because by being thankful we're openly acknowledging that we've both had failures and been needy and God has taken care of those problems, even when we didn't deserve it.

Thankful Heart, Happy Heart
So I'm thanking God for my thankful spouse. As different as David and I are, we need this foundational point of connection. I'm thankful for the way gratitude is having its effects in our family. It plays a role in our contentedness and offsets the cultural pull to materialistic living. Thankfulness colors how we pray and how we teach Robbie and Julia to pray. It creates a backdrop for enjoying the world God's put us in and for showing our kids that we live out of joy as well as out of obedience.

We've come a long way. Instead of living in a crime-ridden, poor neighborhood, we now live two whole blocks from one. We have our own home. We can afford new shoes, and we can eat out on date night. In the summer we air-condition the whole house, and now we play cards with our beautiful kids. We have confidence that God has "carved us into the palm of his hand" for an abundant life here on earth and blessing forever in heaven.

We have everything to be thankful for.

I hope the above article helped. Here are a few �Dr. Gerry� suggestions:
1. Make your own list of the "Top Ten Things to Be Thankful for in 2008."
Compare notes with your spouse.
2. Tell the people in your life that you are thankful for them� be specific. Look out� it might be habit forming.
3. If you start getting stressed out as the holidays approach� make yourself think of the things you are grateful for. It helps. At least as much as the eggnog.

Love you guys!
Gerry

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Couples Life

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:53:45 +0100

Hey there cats and kittens,

Just a friendly little reminder that tomorrow night is couples life. Showtime is at 6:30pm, and this time we're splitting up into two groups ~ guys and dolls. So be there or be square!

Upcoming Stuff:

Hoe down is this Sunday, so go pull that cowboy hat out of the back of the closet and shine those spurs. Yee-Haw!

The Couples Life end of the year Christmas party will be on December 11th at Chad and Nicole's house, starting at 6:30pm. More info coming shortly.

Are you a Thanksgiving refugee? If so, and you want someplace to spend Thanksgiving, let us know. We can help.

If you haven't participated in "Shoes that Fit", we encourage you to do so. Who doesn't like a new pair of shoes :)

If you have any questions or concerns please contact Shawn at shawnk@existencechurch.com

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Life Group Leaders Only...

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:04:41 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

    I wanted to send you a short e-mail with some helpful reminders. My prayer for you this week is that you stay focused, take time to invest in your own relationship with God, and make plans to finish 2008 strong! Thank you for leading and for loving others. Please take a moment to read through the following:

Hoe Down - This Sunday
   Remind your group to be there! Enjoy it together! If you have any question send them over.

Shoes that Fit - December 7th
   If you haven't taken time to go shop for shoes as a group, I encourage you to do so. We specifically need Children's shoes at this point. We need shoes for 2nd graders and up. If your group is not going to have time to go together, can you please encourage them go individually. If you have any questions, just let me know.

Chapter 2
   Please take a moment during your next group meeting to ask everyone if they have taken time to pray about contributing to Chapter 2.

Finish Strong
   If you haven't planned your last group meeting, I encourage you to do so. Let's finish strong as a Life Group Team.

    Have a great day. I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you very soon!

-Shawn

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Just a reminder...

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:58:16 +0100

Hey Church,

We're excited about all the things going on at Existence. Just so you don't feel overwhelmed about it all, we've put together a little check list for you to make sure you don't miss out on all the exciting things God's doing in our community.

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Monday Monster

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:43:38 +0100

the monday monster, 11.17.08

Mark 6:30-44, �Jesus, table for 5,000, Jesus, table for 5,000�

Today�s Monster deals with the well-known miracle, The Feeding Of The Five Thousand (actually, it was closer to 15,000 with all the women and children�in the first century women literally didn�t count, it was a cultural thing.) But the real miracle wasn�t only that Jesus did a Chris Angel with some bread and fish�(only this was no illusion; take that, Chris). The rest of the miracle was what Jesus was doing in the hearts of the disciples. We need to remember that we are all works in progress. And just like Jesus had the disciples on a plan to understand and live out life in the kingdom� he wants to do the same with you and me. For God to work in our heart and change us from the inside is a true miracle, and one that we have some part in. It doesn�t get the press like �water into wine�, but it is no less significant.

In context, the disciples had just come back from their mission to go out preaching and healing on their own, kinda like Jesus let them have a go with their first set of training-wheels. Now, it was time for Jesus to take them to the next level in their understanding. Here are some thoughts.

v. 30The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught.
The disciples were also called �apostles� from the Greek word for �someone sent out�, like with a message or as a delegate. They had been sent, and they came back pretty stoked.
Q: Are you doing enough for the Kingdom of God to be able to report back anything?
It looks like most of the disciples really went out and worked hard�. We don�t have a record of any of them slipping away and hitting the beach, then coming back with a good, made-up story. That would be more like the modern church� 10% of the people doing 90% of the effort. �Uh, I didn�t know Jesus was going to ask for a report!� Guess what? Jesus would already know.

31Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." 32So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. 33But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. 34When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. 35By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. "This is a remote place," they said, "and it's already very late. 36Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat."
The disciples were probably trying to be helpful��It�s getting late, there are no fast food places nearby, let�s send the people away to get something to eat.� Jesus had another idea� to perform one of the most amazing miracles� and the disciples had no way of knowing what he had in mind. Up to now, Jesus had done a few miracles (you know, water into wine, various healings�) but nothing like this. So when he said, �You give them something to eat� the disciples were naturally confused� What? We don�t have enough money to make a food run! Then Jesus told them to do something that didn�t make sense� but they obeyed. Get the point: sometimes Jesus might ask you to do something that doesn�t make logical sense� do it anyway. Here�s the text.
37But he answered, "You give them something to eat." They said to him, "That would take eight months of a man's wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?" 38"How many loaves do you have?" he asked. "Go and see." When they found out, they said, "Five�and two fish." 39Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. 40So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties. 41Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to set before the people. He also divided the two fish among them all. 42They all ate and were satisfied, 43and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish. 44The number of the men who had eaten was five thousand.

Yesterday, at Existence, Josh gave 5 hints to help apply this teaching. Here goes.
The following hints are things the disciples did that we can learn from�

Hint #1: What the disciples did. Actions. The disciples went out and got in the game. That�s why they could report about what had happened.
Q: What are you doing for God? If Jesus asked you for a report about your efforts for the kingdom, what would you say? If you don�t have a lot coming to mind, maybe this could be a little wake-up call. By the way, God doesn�t grade on the curve. You are only responsible to do what God tells you to do, compared with nobody else. It doesn�t have to be huge� you don�t have to move a mountain� just pay attention to what God might have for you. It might be to say something to someone�it might be to give comfort or support� it might be stand up for an injustice in the name of Jesus� just be ready, because God uses people who want to be used. The point: Do.
Hint #2 What the disciples taught. The disciples went out and did stuff (they healed people, they met people�s needs) but they also taught. Key point: You can�t teach what you don�t know. Part of going out and communicating God�s love to people means being able to articulate the basics of the Gospel. You don�t have to be Billy Graham or Rick Warren� be yourself, just able to briefly explain the Gospel. I like how Peter cautions Christians on how to do it�I Peter 3:15,16: �And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. 16 But do this in a gentle and respectful way.� Note: By the time Peter wrote his letters (1 Peter and 2 Peter) he had learned quite a bit of tact� the hard way. When it comes to telling people about Jesus, follow God�s lead, not some artificial pressure to �win souls� or earn heaven points. But be looking for opportunities in your world� they will come up, and you will be amazed (like the disciples) how God can use you.
Hint #3 The disciples had tender hearts. In this world, compassion goes a long way. But to have compassion, you have to get outside of your own self. Learn the art of empathy� understanding and feeling someone else�s reality. It�s the old �People don�t care what you know unless they know that you care.�
Hint #4 The disciples were committed. It�s easy to sit on the sidelines and watch the other people be committed. �Look at that! Boy, that�s impressive! Great sermon! I�m happy to be a member of a church that does�� The reason the disciples eventually turned the known world upside down for Jesus was because they were INDIVIDUALLY COMMITTED to Jesus. That�s how God works� a bunch of individuals who are committed to Jesus, and committed to each other. You have a part to play, so�do your part. Jesus doesn�t do everything all by himself� he chooses to work through people like you.
Hint #5 The disciples brought what they had. I love verse 37, after the disciples told Jesus to send the people away so they could eat� �But he answered, "You give them something to eat." Come on� aren�t we supposed to pray that the food shows up? Or pray that the people�s needs will be met? Not exactly. There is nothing wrong with praying, but too many times we pray instead doing something. Jesus basically said, �The people are hungry� do something about it.� Obviously, he had a point to make, and a world-class miracle to perform, but we shouldn�t miss the meaning�bring what you have, God will bless it. Jesus needs something to work with. The disciples gathered what food they had, and Jesus went from there. For us, it might mean bringing your talents, your resources, and your passions to Jesus, being what Paul called a �living sacrifice,� and discovering in a fresh way what it means to be used by God.

Jesus can use people just like you and me.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Reminder from Josh...

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:25:40 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I wanted to give you two quick reminders before we jump into this weekend. They are as follows:

.: Shoes that Fit

I met with Monarch School (A downtown elementary and high school for homeless kids) and worked out all of the details
for our Shoes That Fit program. They estimate they will have over 200 men, women, and children from their local shelters who will be in need of shoes. I can't wait for our church to serve these families. We also will be providing baked goods and hot chocolate. Make sure to plan on coming with us on December 7th! In addition to Monarch School we are also partnering with St. Paul's (a downtown church in one of the lowest income neighborhoods in our county) to provide shoes, baked goods, and hot chocolate to families in need.

In order to ensure we have enough shoes, we have provided you with "Inclusive" cards to give out to coworkers and friends. We have also made these cards available online at www.existencechurchsandiego.com/invite. Please make a strong effort to serve with us. We are praying for you! Together, we can make a difference!

.: Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is off and rolling and we want to encourage you to make a step towards building our future. God is doing amazing things in our community and we are excited about the role you will play. In order to make it easier for you to make your Chapter 2 commitment we have set up a website to answer any questions you may have as well as a place for online giving. You can see all the information at www.existencechurchsandiego.com/chapter2

We love you guys! Remember as we become an Inclusive Missional Community, we will discover our spiritual lives increase in depth. It is not about just coming to church, it's about being the church!

See ya Sunday!

Josh

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:09:07 +0100

The Smooch, 11.13.08

Thoughts About Marriage

Hi Guys,
Josh asked me to come up with some thoughts about Christian marriage. With so much misinformation going around from every angle, it can get a little confusing. Especially during political seasons, when people are likely to say almost anything to get whatever cause they are trying to get passed, passed, it�s important to get back to basics. By the way, this little essay is in no way intended to be an exhaustive discussion of everything to do with marriage� it�s just an attempt to address some of the questions that have come up and to remind us of God�s plan for marriage as expressed in the Bible.

Some opening thoughts.
The Bible records a whole bunch of examples of men behaving badly� adultery, concubines, multiple wives, sexual excess, etc. Just because they are recorded in the Bible doesn�t mean God likes it. These are bad examples to learn from. Also, whatever we �feel� about any issue must be balanced with truth. Since feelings cannot and should not be the ultimate measure for what is true, we need to go back to the basics to remind ourselves what God has to say. It can be tough, because we live in a culture that values �tolerance� and equality so such a degree that any stance taken by a Jesus-follower �for� God�s position on something can be construed as being �against� something else. It�s not exactly fair. We are called to love people unconditionally, but can be accused of committing the worst sin of all, intolerance, just because we may not go along with what the culture deems as �okay.� Well, we can�t solve all the problems here� regardless of which way the wind of public opinion blows, popular or not, our best bet is to discover God�s plan for marriage as expressed in the Bible and go from there.

The Origin of Marriage
Genesis 1:27-28. �So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
The first thing that we see is that men and women are created in the image of God, and that the marriage union was between a male and female. There was no provision for a male to male marriage or a female to female marriage.

Jesus emphasized this when answering the Pharisees when they asked him about the issue of divorce: Matt. 19: 3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" 4 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" 8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

Jesus makes a huge point about the way things were INTENDED from the beginning. Even though people will find ways to mess with God�s plan, it�s important to discover how God originally set things up.

The First Wedding (without the hassle of invitations!)
Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." �. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
It�s important to note that the institution of marriage is the oldest ordinance of God�even before the law of Moses.

The Purpose of Marriage
Here is a summary of the various purposes of marriage described in scripture.

1. Companionship. To provide a relationship whereby both partners can fulfill one another's need for companionship. Genesis 2:18-20.

2. For the propagation of the human race. Genesis 1:28: God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

3. To provide a forum for successfully raising our children.
Ephesians 6:1-4: 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"�which is the first commandment with a promise� 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Very few people would argue against the idea that a functional, intact family (mom and dad together) is the optimum environment for childrearing. We are beginning to see the results of studies done the last 20 years on children of divorce, and the price is high. God�s original plan is still best� both parents (Mother and Father) raising children together, creating a family training ground to learn about life.

4. To prevent immorality. God�s plan is to fulfill your sexual needs within the context of a committed marriage.
I Corinthians 7:1-5: Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly�but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality�the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting�but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.

8-9: I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.

Proverbs 5:15-20: Do you know the saying, "Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring-fed well"? It's true. Otherwise, you may one day come home and find your barrel empty and your well polluted. Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose�don't ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!
Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?
(By the way, the above passage was written by Solomon, speaking from experience, and reminding us of the value of maintaining a solid, committed marriage.)

5. To help us develop our spiritual lives.
Ephesians 5:22-32: Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church�a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor�since they're already "one" in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Again, the teaching is clear� man/woman.

6. Marriage serves as a model of our relationship with Christ.
I Peter 3:7. The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground.

Conclusion: This has been a brief summary of what the Bible has to say about the origin and purposes of marriage. Not everyone will agree. There will always be people in our life who do not share our belief system, but that doesn�t mean that we cannot and should not continue to extend good will and love to them. We don�t have to agree with someone in order to accept them. I believe our position as Jesus-followers should be to love all people regardless of their lifestyle choices. I believe all people should be extended certain rights� and the political system will decide how that gets played out.

Everyone deserves rights�but one thing no one has the right to do� to tell God what to do, or to change what God has established. He made us, and knows how we work best.

This isn�t the end of the discussion, but I hope this helps. By the way, if you have any questions, or would like to bounce ideas around, please feel free to e-mail us (Josh, Shawn, or Gerry) we want to hear from you.

Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Couples Life Reminder

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:12:33 +0100

Couples of Existence,

I wanted to remind you that we are having Couples Life Night this Thursday at 6:30PM at the church. We look forward to seeing you then. Last week, we talked about "Respect" and this week we are going to talk about "Love." I hope you are enjoying your week. Let me know if you cannot make it.

Look forward to seeing you then!

Shawn

Reminders:

Events Coming Up:

Hoe Down - Nov. 23rd

Shoes that Fit - Dec. 7th

*If you know a couple that needs to get plugged in, invite them! :)

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:11:12 +0100

the monday monster, 11.10.08

Mark 6:1-13� Go for it, guys!

We are picking up story of Jesus, as recorded in the Gospel of Mark, and we can learn a lot just by noticing how Jesus did what he did. Here are some thoughts.
1Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples.
Jesus had just healed Jairus� daughter in Capernaum (his base of operations) where he was getting mobbed by huge crowds and having an incredible time healing and preaching. Then he decided to go back to his hometown (Nazareth)� bad idea.
(This is a good lesson for us to learn: Even though things are going great, it doesn�t mean they will keep going that way. Even so, God has a plan, even in the tough times.)

2When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. "Where did this man get these things?" they asked. "What's this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! 3 Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him.
I think it�s funny that even in the Bible we get a record of people being jerky! People gossip. They can�t help it. The thought happens, and before you know it, it comes out our mouth. Of course, some of the questions were legitimate� �Is this the same Jesus who grew up here?� �Wow, listen to him, he�s pretty good. And he actually does miracles!� �Don�t we know the rest of his family?� But catch the last part of verse 3� �And they took offense at him.� People cop attitudes. �Who does this guy think he is?� �I bet he�s trying to take over and start his own thing.� �I think all those people who say they are getting healed are just plants� this guy�s a fake!�
2 points: 1) People say and do weird things� we don�t have to take it so hard. It�s not all about us� Let �em. 2) What most people don�t realize is when they are coming up with resistance like this it�s usually because they don�t want to deal with the truth� and the truth that Jesus was telling them was, �Turn your life over to God!� It�s way easier to kill the messenger.

4Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor." 5He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. 6And he was amazed at their lack of faith.
Jesus is making a very interesting point� don�t expect to get a lot of kudos and credit from the people in your family� especially if they don�t understand God stuff. Oh, they might try to understand that you �are a good person� and are �kind of religious�, but unless and until they personally come to Jesus they have no way of really understanding what you are about. It�s a sad fact, but one that we need to accept. By the way, you still need to be loving and patient with them and keep trying to lead them to Jesus, and be careful not to be too obnoxious about it. Everybody has their own time frame� and God is in charge, not you. No threats, no hostage situations� just love them and be ready to answer questions when they ask. Also, notice that Jesus was not able to do too many miracles there. What? NOT ABLE? I thought Jesus could do anything. Nope. He chooses to give people a whole bunch of free will� if you don�t want to be a part of the party, you don�t have to be. Jesus won�t make you. And he won�t be a part of your life if you don�t believe in him. Question: Are you taking Jesus� love for you for granted? Are you expecting him to help you at the drop of a hat when you need him� when you hardly even talk to him? Note to self. Jesus couldn�t heal very many people in Nazareth because they weren�t taking him seriously. �He was amazed at their lack of faith.� How about you, and me?

6 Then Jesus went from village to village, teaching the people. 7 And he called his twelve disciples together and began sending them out two by two, giving them authority to cast out evil spirits. 8 He told them to take nothing for their journey except a walking stick�no food, no traveler�s bag, no money. 9 He allowed them to wear sandals but not to take a change of clothes. 10 �Wherever you go,� he said, �stay in the same house until you leave town. 11 But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.�

So Jesus started going from town to town, teaching people, and decided it was time to send his disciples out to do some ministry on their own. Some thoughts.

1. Some people have �good intentions�. �I�m going to really jump in and really start serving God as soon as� I get a little more money saved up, or as soon as I get a better job that gives me more time or as soon as I take care of a few things.� The trouble with that perspective is �as soon as� never comes. Unfortunately, talk is cheap, but it sure sounds good. The majority of �Christians� talk about doing things, or talk about �I used to� do things� Jesus needs workers for the Kingdom, now. Those who let their actions speak for them. And the best way to look at is to not look back�go for it.

2. The disciples may have been willing, but you can bet they weren�t ready. Jesus sent them out anyway. It�s a little like learning to swim by being thrown into a pool� you learn quick, but you learn. Remember, God knows what you need, so if you find yourself in difficult straights, it means God wants you there. �But I can�t do it!�...you can with God�s help, and remember, God�s in charge. �What if I fail?� God will use even your failed efforts�it�s not about you. �But what if no one listens?��maybe someone will�trust God for the outcome.

God has a method that always works: Give you a job that the only way it can get done is if you trust in Him to help you. Think about it, if you�re totally ready, prepared, self-sufficient, then you will be tempted to rely only on your own abilities. We humans are hopelessly egocentric. And if we are doing things all by ourselves, we are missing the point� God wants to work in us, through us, and with us.

3. Be obedient. Be on mission. Follow the rules:
1. Jesus told the disciples to take very little along with them on the journey� which meant God would have to provide for them. Nice object lesson. This reminds me a little of the show, �Survivorman,� a guy who spends a week at a time out in some wilderness with nothing accept the basic tools for survival and a camera to document it all. He has to sleep in shelters he finds or builds, eat whatever he can catch or find (which includes grass, and worms, and �worse.) And we get to watch him do it. In a similar way, Jesus sent the disciples out needing to have faith that every day God would either hook them up with people to help them out or allow them to stumble into whatever they needed to survive. God seems to like the one-day-at-a-time concept�he did it with the Israelites in the desert (remember Manna in the desert� if you tried to store it up, which was a big slap in the face to God, it rotted and you got in trouble). Trusting God for our needs every day is a good lesson to learn. Don�t waste energy worrying about stuff you don�t have control over (like your future) and just trust God now. Saves a lot of grief. And therapy bills.

2. Jesus gave them authority over demons, but they still had to rely on God. This is where some Christian �stars� get off track� they take themselves way too seriously (anybody remember PTL?) They know how to work a crowd, so they don�t need to rely on God anymore. Also, if they had to check in with God they might have to be accountable for all that money in those offerings� better to just keep the show going. Seriously, it�s hard to distinguish between the real and the fake, that�s why it�s important to have your own, personal relationship with Jesus, and let God sort out the weirdos.

3. If people don�t want what you are telling them, don�t take it personally�don�t keep pushing� don�t sweat it�Just leave and find someone else to talk to. The dust thing was a cultural way to say, �I tried, I told you the truth, the ball is in your court.� Don�t be too much of a jerk about it�they�re just not ready now�you never know, they might be ready some other time, but for now, don�t waste your breath.

12 So the disciples went out, telling everyone they met to repent of their sins and turn to God. 13 And they cast out many demons and healed many sick people, anointing them with olive oil.
The disciples were just na�ve enough to go for it�. �If Jesus said to tell everyone to repent and turn to God, that�s what we�ll say.� �If demons need to be cast out of people, and sick people need to be prayed for, we�ll do it.� It�s nice to just do what the boss says. That�s what new Jesus followers do. However, if you have been a Christian for long enough, you may have gotten a little gun shy�maybe you�ve gotten somewhat �subtle� in your evangelistic efforts. Let�s learn a little something from the disciples� it�s all about faith, and going for it. They had faith that the demons would flee and people would be healed�(I wish we could have seen their faces when it happened the first time� �Are you kidding me? This works!�).

Final thought: God might not be asking you to make a scene at work tomorrow� maybe it�s enough to remember that you might be the only �Jesus� someone sees. On the other hand, casting out a demon or two might look good on your resume. You never know.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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PLNU carpool to Existence Church

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:38:41 +0100

Hey everyone!

Since this Sunday the ladies will be using the 'Ol Shuttle for their retreat, we're a little limited on space for the "shuttle", which will actually just be someone's car. So if you can find a ride to church with a friend that already goes (or maybe invite a friend that doesn't go yet), then that would be great! If you can't find a ride and still need one, then please email me back at joshc@existencechurch.com so I can gladly come pick you up. Thanks guys and I look forward to seeing you all on Sunday!

Josh Carter
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Leading as a Team

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:34:05 +0100

    As we move forward to 2009, we want expand the leadership within our groups, so that we are leading the overall vision as a team. We talked about this at Fuel Night and I want to follow up by giving you a short description of how to identify your inclusive leader and missional leader. For those of you who were not able to make it, I will follow up with you soon to make sure you are on the same page.

*Please read through this whole e-mail... Thank you!

Inclusive
    Including the disconnected....

How do I identify an Inclusive Leader?
    It is the Inclusive Leader's role to cultivate a culture of being inclusive within the group. They will be explaining the purpose of the Open Chair tool, reminding people to be praying for others in their lives, communicating possible new group members, and encouraging the group to invite people to various events (church events, fun nights, missional projects, etc.).
    The Inclusive Leader needs to have a passion for including others. They should be someone who is growing in their relationship with God, committed to the vision of the church, and has a desire to see people connect with God through community. They need to have decent communication skills and not be afraid to meet new people.
    There is more to choosing an Inclusive Leader than you may think. At first glance it may seem obvious to choose the loudest, most outgoing, life of the party type of person. But remember that you're trying to include others, not just get them to show up. You want someone who is passionate about people's lives, not just their presence. Now it helps if that outgoing, loud person happens to have that heart as well, but don't be afraid to pick someone who might be a little more introverted. The most important thing an Inclusive Leader can have is a passion for including the disconnected. Passion is contagious and can't be faked.

Missional
    Revealing the Love of God....

How do I identify a Missional Leader?
    It is the Missional Leader's role to cultivate a culture of service and action within the group. They will be communicating different service needs and opportunities to the group with the hope of getting the group excited about living out their faith. They will be meeting with Josh Carter to plan a quarterly Missional Project and also communicate the volunteer needs for different church events.
    The Missional Leader needs to have a passion for serving others. They should be someone who is growing in their relationship with God, committed to the vision of the church, and has a desire to see people live out their faith. This person needs to have some organizational and communication skills, and be willing to put forth the time and effort to plan these projects.
    Sometimes it will be easy to identify this person. They often talk of different community outreaches your group can participate in, or they're the first person to ask how to apply that night's lesson to everyday life. Other times it will take getting to know the people in your group better before you see what they're passionate about.

Enjoy your Weekend,

Shawn

Quick Reminders:
   - Keep Talking about Chapter 2 in your Groups.
   - Hoe Down and Shoes that Fit are coming up.
   - My Life is available for your group.
   - Pray for our Women who are away on their retreat this weekend.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Couples Life Night - Tonight

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:47:54 +0100

Couples Life Family,

I wanted to remind you that we are having Couples Life Night Tonight at 6:30!!! We look forward to seeing everyone there. If you cannot make it for some reason, take a moment and shoot us an e-mail. We want to be praying for you this week (You can send the e-mail to skexistence@gmail.com). Have a great day, we will see you tonight.

Couples Life Team
Inclusive. Missional. Community

Quick Reminders...

Hoe Down - November 23rd (Sunday Night)

Shoes That Fit - December 7th (Sunday Night)

My Life - Online Tool to help you stay on track in your relationship with God... Go to: www.existencechurch.com/mylife for more information

Shane and Lauren - They are getting married soon, lets keep them in your prayers.

Chapter 2 - Be praying how God wants to use you in the second Chapter of Existence.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Trunk or Treat 2008 - Thank You!

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:04:42 +0100

Thank you for coming out to our event. We really enjoyed getting to meet you. Since we got to know a little about you, we wanted to let you know a little about who we are, so we attached a couple links to our website and a photo album of the pictures from the event. The families who won the raffle have been contacted and picked up their prizes. Thank you to everyone who participated this year.

Existence Church is a non-denominational Bible church. We strive to create a healthy, loving community, as we are all a work in progress. If you�re looking for a place to discover God and grow with others, come give us a look!

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

Thank you for attending our Trunk or Treat event.
This is just a temporary email list to follow up with those that attended. To unsubscribe please click here:
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The Smooch

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:41:01 +0100

The Smooch, 11.06.08

Re-sent-ments

Hi Guys!
For today�s Smooch I thought I would share with you some thoughts on the issue of Resentments� those hurts, letdowns, disappointments that we hold unto� but really they hold onto us. If something is eating you up, it�s only a matter of time before it will start eating your marriage� so it�s a good thing to be diligent and honestly admit what�s going on, and clean up resentments asap. By the way, when we get good at dealing with resentments, all of our relationships will probably benefit, and as a bonus we tend to feel a little better about ourselves, too.

When you get hurt or disappointed by someone, and you don�t deal with it in a timely manner (right away!), you�ve got a pretty good chance of developing some version of a resentment against them. And everybody knows the trouble with resentments is we tend to collect them like so much stuff in the garage� and we wonder why we can�t find�. our relationship? Oh, it�s under a pile of� resentment! Sooner or later, if not managed, resentments can start taking quite a toll� on your brain (it actually changes brain chemistry), on your soul, and on your relationships, making you more irritable, depressed, and insecure. Every now and then, some of us like to cash in our built-up resentments on a good-old blow up� but that�s not a great, long-term solution� the blow up just gives the blow-up-ee something else to resent.

What is a resentment? The Latin root of the word �RESENT� connotes feeling something again and again� (RE= again; SENT: to feel, as in �sentiment�) RE-SENT. When we are resentful we tend to replay the bad thing that happened� we hang on to the bad feelings� and we go over it again and again and again as if by wallowing in it we will either make sense out of it or diffuse it. Guess what� we won�t. When we resent someone, we tend to blame them for whatever they did, or didn�t do� (not focusing on our part) without really understanding fully what was going on with them, why they did what they did, or even giving them some version of a benefit of the doubt. Blame never solves anything.

Some people don�t think resentment is that big of a deal� they feel wronged, therefore they �have a right� to harbor bad feelings against another person. �They wronged me, they get to pay.� But the sad truth is� if you got hurt by someone, and YOU are hanging onto it, it�s probably not bothering the other person nearly as much as it is you, (especially if they are not aware you got hurt!) and YOUR feelings of resentment will do a number on you, not them.

Sometimes the feeling of resentment can be a wake up call� there is either something wrong in YOU, or something wrong in the relationship. This is really important to sort out. Many people waste a lot of time blaming their partner for stuff that belongs to them, and all of a sudden they have turned a personal issue into a relationship problem. Since all relationships require regular care and maintenance, if something doesn�t feel right it�s best to try to figure it out sooner rather than later. The crazy thing is�. we can make a problem exist where there isn�t one! Sometimes the problem is only in my mind (my stinkin� thinkin�)� but with a little practice, I can turn include you and everybody else I come into contact with� that�s just how I roll.

Remember: Our mind can turn any situation into a reason to be hurt�. all we have to do is THINK. Sometimes our low self-esteem takes over and we just focus on all the negative stuff, ignoring other positive truths that may be worth looking at. The weird thing about resentments is it doesn�t have to be the biggest offense in the world to send us into a downward spiral. It can be a little snippy comment, a look, an unmet expectation, or even something the other person wasn�t even aware of and our mind can turn it into something bad, and we�re off to the races.

More to remember: Not all of our thoughts are true, right, and healthy. Just because we think it doesn�t make it automatically true! Let�s not forget the spiritual battleground is in our mind, and The Evil One comes at us in ways that are so subtle, we think it�s real. �Why did he say that to you?� �You deserve better� who does she think she is?� �You have a right to be hurt� go throw a pity party.� Satan�s best trick is to get us off track with a little, tiny resentment, a hurt feeling here or there, a small grudge that we hang onto. The cool thing is, if all of us are trying to be Jesus followers, somebody is going to notice that something doesn�t smell right� and no matter who was off track, grace and love and understanding can win over jealousy, envy, and resentment. It�s the light of the Spirit that helps illuminate the situation.

How to deal with resentments.
First move. If it�s possible to let something go, to NOT make a big deal out of it� to NOT get offended� that will serve you best. This is not avoidance. It�s being less sensitive, having thicker skin, and not taking EVERYTHING so personally. This puts way less stress on your relationships. Sometimes it helps to just give each other a hug and remind each other that you really love each other and both of you are capable of being pretty weird but that�s why you married each other in the first place and it�s not really worth making a big deal out of it anyway. Do one of those Men In Black memory erasing things and start over.

Second move. If you can�t let it go, then it�s important to realize that even the smallest resentment can cause big trouble. Here are some hints.
Phase 1. Before it goes too far, get information.
Ask yourself: What happened? What was said? What did they mean? (This is really important because the discrepancy might be between what THEY meant and what WE heard). How am I interpreting what was said? (The problem may be in MY head based on past stuff). One dysfunctional thing most people do is �Jump to Conclusions�� based on very little information we come to a conclusion about the other person�s motives, or we decide that WE got the short end of the stick, or we just find some way to feel bad. Ask the other person, �What did you mean? This is what I heard, is that what you meant?� Sometimes an objective collection of the facts can fix the misunderstanding. If the facts point to one or both of you contributing to the problem� go to phase 2.

Phase 2. Once you get as much information as necessary, you now have a choice.
Here are some scenarios:
a. If the other person said or did something that was intentionally or unintentionally hurtful� it�s a good thing to lovingly bring that to their attention. Don�t hammer them, just suggest to them that this is how you saw it, compare notes, and deal with it openly, honestly, and carefully. If they are willing to own it, admit it, confess it� then your best move is to let them off the hook. Forgive them. Remember, the golden rule: �If you love someone, let them go. If they don�t come back, hunt them down and kill them.� Oh, sorry. Wrong rule. �Treat the other person like you would like them to treat you.�
b. If the other person is not willing to own up to whatever they did� you still have a choice. It has now turned into something that takes a little more maturity, where you get to make a choice that is in YOUR best interest, and a little more like Jesus: Forgive them anyway. Let them off the hook. Let them live with their sorry self. Why take on THEIR issues? Turn them over to God. You can decide to be loving.
c. If YOU jumped to a conclusion, misunderstood the situation, and got your feelings hurt for some crazy reason� then admit it, reboot your thinking, and move on. If you happened to act on your feelings and said or did something that might require a little backtracking, then be proactive and fix the problem. Apologize: �I�m sorry I said what I said. I was wrong.� Period. Don�t turn it into a rehashing of the dysfunctional thinking: �I�m sorry I snapped at you. BUT, you did this and that and such and so and if only you would have done this I wouldn�t have done that� � Where�s my Xanax? The best apologies are short.

Here�s the deal: everybody makes mistakes, and it helps if everybody takes responsibility for them. When it goes well, we manage our defensiveness and try to look at the situation objectively. The only antidote to the poison of resentment is forgiveness. This is God's secret weapon. Use it.

Handy dandy Resentment checklist:
1. Admit to yourself you are feeling hurt, or disappointed, or let down.
2. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
3. Gather information. Try to understand the situation from both perspectives.
4. Take as much responsibility as you can for your part in the problem.
5. Accept reality. It is what it is.
6. Consider God�s perspective. Pray for a willingness to forgive.
7. Forgive the person who offended you. "Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Bonus: No matter who blew it, it isn't the end of the world. Disappointment is not always a bad thing. It tells us 1) maybe we are being a little self-centered, and 2) it makes us rely on God and trust that HE has a plan in the situation.

�And don�t sin by letting anger control you. Don�t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.� ~Ephesians 4:26-27

Hope this helps.
Love you guys,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Family Update...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:26:13 +0100

Church Family,

Exciting updates:

1. Our women have their first retreat this weekend! We are excited for the women of Existence Church
and are daily blessed by their love, leadership and enthusiasm for God's Kingdom.

2. We have launched our first annual "Shoes that Fit" drive. Starting this week we challenge you to bring a new pair
of shoes to give to a displaced man, women, or child that will be in need this winter. More information will be coming soon.

Make sure you remember the following:
    - Make sure the shoes you bring are your size.
   - Make sure to INCLUDE at least one person in this process who is not connected in community.
   - Make sure to remember this is what being the church is ALL ABOUT!

3. Chapter 2 is off and running. As a leadership team we are praying for you. We trust that God is moving in your heart and we are excited to see how God will use you to help fund his Kingdom.
Currently we have raised about $1200 and we will need $22,500 for this quarter. As a family we can tackle this need.
For more information on the project and how to give go to existencechurchsandiego.com/ chapter2/

We love you guys and are praying for you!

-Josh
Inclusive.Missional.Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Trunk or Treat Test

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:36:29 +0100

This is a test email for the trunk or treat email On behalf of Existence Church, we would like to say thank you for taking the time to view our website. We are a non-denominational Christian Bible church that is committed to reaching the San Diego community. We hope that you find your time browsing through these pages to be informative and helpful. It is our hope that you are able to get an accurate picture of what God is doing in and through our community.

Please let us know how we can be of service to you. We know how difficult it is to find a church family and feel a sense of belonging. As you browse through the pages, know that we are excited to meet you and experience healthy community with you.
Thanks,
Ryan Dawson
Existence Church

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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(no subject)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:26:27 +0100

sdg

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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(no subject)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:22:29 +0100

sdg

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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(no subject)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:12:01 +0100

tester

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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test

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:09:36 +0100

tester

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

Life Group Leaders...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 12:33:37 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

Thank you for coming this past Sunday evening to Fuel Night. I appreciate everything you do for Existence and for the Kingdom. We have an exciting couple weeks left and I encourage you to finish strong. As I mentioned this past Sunday, I want to meet with every Life Group Leader before 2008 is finished, so we can start 2009 on the same page. Please take a moment and let me know when you would be able to meet. Thank you ahead of time for creating space for me and for our vision as a church. When you send an e-mail back, can you make sure to send it to skexistence@gmail.com or call me at 858 688 5210.

Look forward to hearing from you soon!

-Shawn

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Available Opportunites - Existence Church

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:04:28 +0100

Existence Church Family,

    We want to make you aware of four opportunities in the community of Existence. Enjoy your day, we look forward to seeing you very soon. Have a great day!

My Life
    My Life is an online tool we put together to help you gain further insight into your relationship with God. We often say, "if you don't check in, you will check out." We encourage you to take advantage of this tool. Remember, your relationship with God is largely dependent on your willingness to be intentional. Go to: www.existencechurch.com/mylife to find out more information.

Basketball Life Group - Men Only
    We are starting a new season and looking for anyone who interested in playing. We need five guys to step forward to start a new team. If you enjoy basketball, know a co-worker, or a friend who enjoys playing, contact us, so we can help you get on a team. The league is located in Kearny Mesa through the sports organization Vavi. The cost is $85 per person. We need to know asap if you want to play, so don't wait, let us know soon. Final date to let us know is next Friday.

Softball Life Group - Coed
    We are preparing for January, and would love to add another team. If you enjoy playing slow pitch softball, feel disconnected, want to jump into community... then let us know. Again, sports is a great way to reach out to your friends. Pray about it, think about it, and let us know as soon as you. Final date to let us know is the last week in November. Cost: TBD Location: TBD.

One on One - Open Slot
    If you feel shaky when it comes to the foundations of your faith and would like to walk through everything in a one on one setting, we would love to help. We have a slot open right now with one of our men one on one leaders. If you decide to be a part of this opportunity you would spend 8 to 10 weeks in a "mentor" style relationships talking about the basics of your faith. Let us know if you want to get plugged in through one on one. Go to www.existencechurch.com/oneonone to find out more information.

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 15:18:16 +0100

the monday monster, 11.03.08

Mark 5� do you need some healing?

Sometimes you don�t know Jesus is all you need�until Jesus is all you�ve got.
Jairus, one of the leaders at the Synagogue in Capernaum, Jesus� home synagogue, was very familiar with what Jesus could do. Remember, it was in his synagogue that Jesus did his first real sermon, cast out a demon from a crazy guy, and basically freaked out everybody who was there� (Mark 1:21-28: 21 Then they went into Capernaum, and immediately on the Sabbath He entered the synagogue and taught. 22 And they were astonished at His teaching, for He taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes�..28 And immediately His fame spread throughout all the region around Galilee. Jairus was probably more in tune with Jesus than most of the Pharisees and other Jewish religious leaders. He may have had debates with his other Jewish Leader friends about whether or not Jesus was to be taken seriously, and probably felt a little like a McCain supporter in Obamaland. Most of the Pharisees were not big fans, and they had their reasons� Jesus threatened their authority and clout with the people, had already had taken shots at those who put their �religion� ahead of a real relationship with God (them!), and wasn�t the least bit intimidated by their attempts to close him down. For Jairus, it was not a good career move to associate himself with Jesus� politically, it just didn�t look right. But that was before his daughter got sick. It's when the chips are down, and you don�t care what anybody else thinks or does� that�s when you really get clear on what you think is important� and who you should really trust. At first, he was probably just nervous� �She�ll get better.� But after a while, when she didn�t, he started asking around. She kept getting worse� then, suddenly, she reached a crisis point� she was dying. It�s of note that it wasn�t the Pharisees and other leaders that Jairus went to for help. In the heat of the moment, when the most important thing was to save his daughter, and nothing else mattered, Jairus didn�t go to the Religious Establishment for a ritual� he went to Jesus. As a parent, I can imagine a little of what Jairus may have been going through� the excruciating minutes/hours, waiting for Jesus to come back from across the lake. No way to know when he would come� all he could do was wait to hear from those sent to watch for him� then the word came� He�s coming! And with the rest of the crowd, each with their own list of needs, Jairus hoped to get Jesus� attention. Certainly Jesus would remember him� he hoped.
21When Jesus had again crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake, a large crowd gathered around him while he was by the lake. 22Then one of the synagogue rulers, named Jairus, came there. Seeing Jesus, he fell at his feet 23and pleaded earnestly with him, "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live." 24So Jesus went with him�.35While Jesus was still speaking, some men came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. "Your daughter is dead," they said. "Why bother the teacher any more?" 36Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe."

So Jairus was able to get to Jesus, and amazingly, he agreed to go with him to see his daughter! On the way, Jesus got sidetracked a little (to heal someone else!) and that�s when more drama happened. Some men who had been at the house (probably his religious buddies) came to deliver some terrible news, in a very insensitive manner��Your daughter is dead, why bother the teacher any more?�

Some thoughts:
1) These guys had zero empathy for their �friend� Jairus. Instead of coming beside him to help him deal with the worst news a father could ever hear� they just dropped the bomb. No doubt they were probably ticked off that Jairus went to Jesus for help in the first place, and they seemed to want to just get Jairus out of there as quickly as possible, and it probably pained them to have to get close to Jesus to tell him. Notice that Jesus ignored what they said about Jairus� daughter being dead and he told Jairus directly, �Don�t be afraid�just believe.�
2)The story ends really well. Even though the 12 year old girl had been dead for quite a while� Jesus took her by the hand, told her to get up, and she did it. Verse 42 says everyone was �completely astonished�� really.
3) Jairus, who had a very �religious� background, had come to find a real relationship with Jesus. There�s a big difference. We could learn a little��Don�t be afraid, just believe.�

The second healing in this section is of the woman in the crowd.
24A large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.

It�s hard to delicately describe her problem� (most guys are mortified if they have to go the store and pick up �female products� for their wife)� let�s just say the woman had suffered from a condition associated with chronic bleeding, perhaps menorrhagia (an abnormally heavy and prolonged menstrual period at regular intervals), or bleeding from fibroids. Any way you slice it, this made her a social/religious outcast with multiple problems� just the kind of person Jesus likes.

Physical consequences: Aside from the social distress of dealing with a prolonged and heavy period, over time the blood loss may prove to be greater than the body iron reserves or the rate of blood replenishment, leading to anemia. Symptoms attributable to the anemia may include tiredness, weakness, tingling and numbness in fingers and toes, headaches, depression, becoming cold more easily, and poor concentration.
Social consequences, The worst part: In that day, if you were bleeding, you were considered unclean. No one could even touch her...and she wasn't allowed to touch anyone - it was LAW. That's 12 years with no hugs, no strokes of her hair, no human touch. If that doesn't make you crazy... and desperate...
Psychological consequences: Isolated. Alone. Discouraged� she had been to so many doctors, with no help in sight. No doubt she was at rock-bottom.
We pick up the story:
27When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." 29Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. 30At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?" 31"You see the people crowding against you," his disciples answered, "and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?' " 32But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

So she went to Jesus. Came up behind Him� touched the fringe of his garment� and was immediately healed. I�m sure she was hoping to just slip away unnoticed, but Jesus had something in mind. He wanted this woman to be healed from more than her physical problem� she needed emotional healing. �Who touched me?� �Oh no! I must be in trouble. I know I shouldn�t have touched him� who am I to even try?� The woman was afraid that she had done something wrong (what next? Now she might be humiliated even more). But Jesus had a special message for HER. Jesus was saying, �It wasn�t just me�but YOUR faith has healed you.� �You made the effort. You believed. You went for it.� This woman is a good example of pushing through the crowd to get to Jesus� she puts most of us to shame.

Some thoughts: Just like the woman, don�t let what other people may have said about you (�You�re not worthy� you don�t deserve to be a part of the club� you are too messed up� you�re unclean� go away!�)� don�t let those things keep you from Jesus. He does not say those things to you (some people claiming to be his friends might.) Jesus might be waiting for you to reach out to him, and when you do, everything will change. Jesus wanted this woman to know that the twelve years of grief were not lost years� God had a plan to restore her fully and then to continue to use her in His kingdom. God never wastes a hurt� he uses it to help others.

Two types of pain: Jairus was crazy with fear and grief/ the woman was as at a personal rock-bottom with pain, discouragement, and isolation. Both made a huge effort to get to Jesus.
Question: How much effort are you making to reach out to Jesus? If something has been holding you back, push through. If you are in the middle of fear or grief, know that Jesus responds to a heart that is honest, sincere, humble, and surrendered.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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It's Pastor Appreciation Month!

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:25:45 +0100

Hey everybody,

We wanted to let you know that October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Josh, Shawn, and Gerry serve this place with an unrelenting passion and love and their leadership is so important to this body. They really strive to create a healthy place where we can grow with each other and continue growing in Christ. The reason we are letting you know this is with the hope that over the next couple of days, you could take a minute to give them a call or email and thank them for everything they do to make Existence what it is. Hope you have a great weekend and we'll see you Sunday!

Shawn- shawnk@existencechurch.com
Josh- joshh@existencechurch.com
Gerry- gerry@existencechurch.com

In Him,
Existence Elder Team

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Existence - Reminder...

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 18:36:12 +0100

Existence Church Family,

   We hope you are enjoying your week so far! We wanted to send out some quick reminders as you approach the weekend. They are as follows:

.: Time Change
    If you are not aware of the time change, you will want to change your clocks accordingly this weekend. No more long summer days.

.: Presenting the Gospel
    This Sunday, we are presenting the gospel message. Please be praying for those who have yet to make a first time decision to start a relationship with God. Also, we encourage you to take this opportunity to be inclusive as a church. Who do you know, who needs to be there. If you meet someone during your Halloween party ventures invite them to come.

.: Communion
    This Sunday, at the end of the service we will have a time of communion. Communion is an opportunity for us to reflect with gratitude on the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. We encourage you to take a moment before this Sunday and read over the main passage explaining communion 1 Corinthians 11:17-34.

Have a great day, we look forward to seeing you this Sunday.

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 09:22:38 +0100

The Smooch, 10.30.08

A Check up from the Neck Up

Hi Guys!
Just like your Christian walk is a daily struggle/effort/discipline (anything important is), your marriage is in the same boat. It requires daily attention and nurturing. �Come on, I said �I do!�, isn�t that enough?� But most of us get caught up in all the stuff of life and tend to neglect a whole bunch of things� not just our marriage� how �bout the garage, or washing the car, or cleaning up the extra room we keep promising to do, or getting in shape, or keeping in touch with people, or �� it�s easy to get overwhelmed and just blow off doing EVERYTHING instead of banging them out one at a time. That�s what James was referring to, �"Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. " [James 1:23] Instead of doing something about what we are seeing�it�s better to just break the mirror! Poof, the problem is gone.

One way to keep track of what needs attention in our marriage (or life) is to do what we call an �inventory�.

Taking a personal inventory is a great technique borrowed from the Recovery world� which, in my book, is most humans��We are all recovering from something�. The same stuff that helps recovering people deal with the emotional/spiritual triggers that could send them back to whatever their favorite pain killer/distraction/mood alterer used to be is also helpful for �non� addictive/compulsive people who are just regular sinners. In my opinion, the only difference between the two (regular �sinners� and drunks/druggies/sexaholics/eataholics/ spendaholics/whateveraholics) is practice. Practice makes perfect. Everybody has to deal with pain, fear, guilt, insecurity, dishonesty, resentment, and selfishness. Some people just fell into discovering that if they did a certain thing, it made all those feelings go away. Quick learners. Some people do it with drugs, some people do it with being Overly Spiritual� or just living in misery. All of them miss the mark. Jesus had a lot to say about personal honesty, integrity, and humility� and working the Steps is a very effective way to help us stay on track.

What�s an inventory? It�s like doing the books. Credits/Debits. How am I doing? Did I do or say something that I shouldn�t have? Or, did I neglect to do or say something? It�s taking stock of your life. Just like you go into your pantry (or cupboard!) and see what�s there� and keep what�s still good, and throw out what�s bad� (�It says �Expiration date: June 2005�, but it smells okay!�) that�s what you do with a personal inventory. You evaluate your emotional/behavioral/spiritual life.

There are three kinds of inventories:
1) There's the spot-check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we find ourselves getting weirded out. You ask yourself, �What�s going on here?� �Am I being selfish, fearful, dishonest, or resentful?� �Am I letting God have any say in what�s happening?� Sometimes just stopping long enough to consider these things gets us back on track.
2) There's the inventory we take at day's end, when we review the happenings of the hours just past. Here we do a quick balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due. It�s important to give yourself credit for the good stuff, and not just hammer yourself for the lousy stuff. The trick is to be honest across the board.
3) Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual advisor, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time. This is a good idea for long-term accountability.

Let�s see how doing an inventory might help in your marriage�.

The purpose of a daily inventory is to build the practice of self-examination, confession and making amends into the basic structure of our lives. We all know how easy it is to let things slide� either because of self-deception (we don�t want to look at our own flaws) or we just don�t want to deal with the hassle. But a healthy marriage is all about keeping the lists of resentments as short as possible. By taking a regular, daily inventory we can discover if we need to take responsibility for something, confess it, and make amends for it. When we do this, we keep the emotional garbage from piling up.

A daily inventory also helps us remember who we are. If we are obsessing about things again, comparing ourselves to others, trying to control things we cannot control, then this offers us a kind of early warning system that the process is not on track and that we need to be diligent about the spiritual disciplines that have already helped us so much. A daily inventory helps us deal with stuff before it gets out of hand. The issue of promptness in admitting our wrongs is very important. One of the things we have learned is that postponed amends become much more complicated. If we put off dealing directly with a problem, or making amends for our part in it� it doesn�t make it go away� it just festers, and grows into a bigger, and more crazy issue. This is Paul's encouragement in Ephesians 4: "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Here is my suggestion. Along with doing a personal inventory (�How am I doing in my personal life?�), consider an inventory of how you are doing as a spouse. Ask yourself the following types of questions:

Example: �Over the last 24 hours� is there anything I have said or done to my spouse that I need to make right?� �Have I told them that I love them?� �Have I shown them appreciation for what they do in the marriage?� �Is there anything I am aware of being resentful about?� �Do I have anything on my mind that needs to be discussed?� �Am I being open to my spouse and creating the atmosphere where they feel free to share their feelings with me?� �Does my spouse need anything from me?�

As you are doing your inventory, PRAY for God�s direction, that you would focus on what is true and real, taking personal responsibility for your behavior, and not selfishly blaming your spouse. When both partners are willing to pay attention to their part in any issue, they can deal with it, fix it, and be done with it.

Some final suggestions:
DO NOT have a daily bitch session. DO NOT set up a time every day where you share your �This is how you screwed up!� list with each other. Remember: The idea of an inventory is to pay attention to how you are doing in your marriage, not to be anal and compulsive and pick at each other�s imperfections.

Finally, be willing to lovingly share with your partner. If you need to talk to your spouse about something that may make them feel defensive� be careful, loving, and sensitive. Just like you would like them to be. Be open to each other�s feedback. If they share something you did that may have hurt them�listen, be humble, try to see their perspective, and if necessary, make immediate amends.

Doing an inventory shouldn�t be like going to the dentist� it should be more like just brushing your teeth. When you make doing an inventory a regular part of your life, you can avoid a lot of grief. You keep your lists of hurts and resentments short, and the atmosphere in your marriage nice and clean.

Hope this helps.
Love you guys,
Gerry

(If you like: print these out and put them on your fridge.)

Marriage Inventory Questions:
1. �Over the last 24 hours� is there anything I have said or done to my spouse that I need to make right?�
2. �Have I told my spouse that I love them?�
3. �Have I shown them appreciation for what they do in the marriage?�
4. �Is there anything I am aware of being resentful about?�
5. �Do I have anything on my mind that needs to be discussed?�
6. �Am I being open to my spouse and creating the atmosphere where they feel free to share their feelings with me?�
7. �Does my spouse need anything from me?�

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Important Trunk or Treat Info

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 17:27:09 +0100

Hey everyone,
Just wanted to give you some info regarding the Trunk-or-Treat. It will on Halloween night, which is Friday at 5:00 pm at Cabrillo Heights Park in Serra Mesa. We will have cotton candy, popcorn, a bounce house, a ton of candy, music, and a raffle for some cool prizes. This is an awesome opportunity to be inclusive and invite someone that you�ve wanted to invite to church. If you have any questions contact Geoff Francian at gfrancian@yahoo.com.

Below is a map and directions from the 15 freeway. Have a great rest of your week and we�ll see you Friday.

Directions:
Exit the 15 at Aero Dr. and go west.
Make a Left on Afton
Make a Right on Hurlbut
The park is on your right

Thanks,
Geoff Francian
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Fuel Night / My Life

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:40:11 +0100

Leaders of Existence...

I want to remind you about Fuel Night this Sunday evening. It is incredibly important that you are there. We will be taking the majority of time to talk about upcoming changes, unpacking the vision statement inside of our groups, praying together, laughing together, and taking time to remember the privilege we have to invest into people. I look forward to seeing you there. If you have not responded to me by e-mail, please do so... e-mail me at skexistence@gmail.com

What: Fuel Night
When: Sunday Evening
Time: 4PM -5:30PM
Where: Existence Church

*Also... I want every leader to take time before coming to Fuel Night and sign up for My Life. I will talk more about this on Sunday. Carve out some time to read through the section that explains it's purpose, etc... keep in mind I am the only one who will see the results.

Go to: www.existencechurch.com/mylife

-Shawn

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Important Chapter 2 Update...

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:30:50 +0100

Existence Church,

If you are an Existence Church regular, you have heard us talking about what we are calling Chapter Two� preparing for the future growth at Existence. We are dividing up the various, future needs into manageable, quarterly goals� this is where we are.

Goal for the current quarter: $22,500

This quarter we are focusing on the goal of purchasing 500 chairs for our new facility each costing $45.

The target goal for this quarter is $22,500. As of today we are 1/3 of the way through this quarter, and the amount pledged is $800. To those of you who have responded, thank you! For those of you who are still praying, keep praying. We believe God will speak to you are are excited for you to respond.

On Sunday we had several people ask the question, "How do I give?"

Here is the information you need to know.

First, please go to the Chapter 2 website: http:// existencechurchsandiego.com/ chapter2/

This site gives great information about the "How" and "Why" as well as giving updates, personal video updates from church members, blog updates, FAQ's, and suggested blueprint ideas. It's great to hear how God is working in the lives of our people!

Second, you can log onto http:// existencechurchsandiego.com/ giving/ and click "online giving". Just label your online gift "Chapter 2". You can also use this link for your regular tithes and offerings.

At church, you can also use one of our chapter two envelopes located on the Chapter 2 table by the welcome center, and give during regular offering times.

We love you guys and believe through obedience in all areas of our lives, greater things are yet to come in this city!

Josh Hotsenpiller

Pastor

Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:43:51 +0100

the monday monster, 10.27.08

Parables: He who has ears...

Today we�re continuing in Mark 4� with three more parables about how to live in God�s kingdom. Some things to remember about parables.
1. What is a parable?
At a basic level, a parable is a short story designed to convey a concept to be understood and/or a principle to be put into practice. The word �parable� in Greek literally means, �to set beside� as in the English word �comparison�. In the Jewish culture, things were explained not in terms of statistics or definitions as they are in English speaking cultures��What�s the bottom line?�. In the first century Jewish culture, things were a little more right-brained� and explained in word pictures.
2. Why did Jesus use parables?
Word pictures do not draw attention to technicalities (like the Jewish law) but to attitudes, concepts, and characteristics. Jesus was speaking a language that all Jews could understand, but with an emphasis on attitudes rather than the outward appearances that the Pharisees focused on (John 7:24). Remember, �relationship, not religion�. Parables also have an emotional impact that makes them more meaningful and memorable to those who are soft of heart. At the same time, the parables of Jesus often times remained a mystery to those with a hardened heart because parables require the listener to be self-critical and put themselves in the appropriate place in the story. The result was that the Pharisees would �be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving� (Isaiah 6:9, Psalm 78:2, Matthew 13:35). We have to be real careful that we don�t let ourselves slip right into that rut� it�s so easy to play the role� we know it all� we�ve heard it all before� and before we know it we�re just like the Pharisees.

Disclaimer: If at first you don�t fully understand the parables, don�t feel bad� Jesus� hand-picked leadership team didn�t catch on right away, either. Right after Jesus told the first parable in Mark 4, the disciples needed a little help. They wanted to understand, but were obviously struggling a bit� and didn�t quite know how to handle it. I wish we could have been in on the discussion� �Hey, John, did you understand what he meant?� �Sure, it�s about the soil, and seeds, and �. well, I�m not exactly clear on it� � �Uh, ask Matthew, he�s pretty smart.� �Okay, nobody gets it�so, who�s gonna ask him?�
We pick up the scene at verse 10� When he was alone, the Twelve and the others around him asked him about the parables. 11He told them, "The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables 12so that," 'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!"13Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable?

Ouch. I�m sure in real time it didn�t sound quite as harsh as the words might seem (this is exactly why we hate email), but it�s clear that Jesus was using parables as a way to sort out who really was interested in following him. Here�s the point: If you are open to learning, have a soft, humble heart, and want to know God more, then you will be able to get something out of the parables. However, if you are set in your theological ways, think you are all that, and are not interested in hearing how God might want you to change� then you might find yourself in the same boat as the Pharisees who heard the words, but missed the meaning. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

With this as a background, let�s jump back into Mark 4, with the next three parables about life in God�s kingdom. What�s God�s kingdom? It�s that place where God�s will is done, all the time. It�s less about what�s on the outside of you� and more about your heart. It�s way more than just being religious� going to church once a week and trying to be a nice person. It�s about you letting God have complete and total reign over every part of your life, including your attitudes, relationships, and decisions. By the way, we (at Existence) talk about being an Inclusive, Missional Community�. A group of people walking together (Community) with a vision and a specific set of values (Missional) to reach all people (Inclusive) with the message of Jesus. We desire to figure out how to live out God�s kingdom right here and now.

4 Parables in Mark 4.
1. Parable of the Scattered Seed (verses 1-8). Different types of soils, different levels of openness to God�s influence. Check last week�s Monster for the full deal.

2. Parable of the Lamp
21 Then Jesus asked them, �Would anyone light a lamp and then put it under a basket or under a bed? Of course not! A lamp is placed on a stand, where its light will shine. 22 For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light. 23 Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.�
1. Are you letting your light shine for others to see? Are you demonstrating a lifestyle that reflects Jesus? Or are you an undercover Christian� on a secret mission?
In a totally dark room, one candle provides significant light. It wouldn�t make sense to light a candle, then put it under a trash basket� but that�s what many people do. They come into a relationship with Jesus�. the lights get turned on�. then they get nervous, or don�t want to draw attention to themselves (or Jesus)� or they don�t want to be misunderstood� so they cover up their light. It�s still lit� it just isn�t providing any light for anyone else. Maybe you get a little nervous about being misunderstood� Guilt by association� �Oh, you�re one of THOSE!� Well, welcome to the real world�people will probably misjudge you, as they misjudge Jesus. They might think all kinds of wrong things about you based on the worst examples of whack-job religious nuts� we really can�t control any of that� people do what they do. But� you can let your light shine. It may be the only light some people see. It�s your light. Let it shine. Leave the results to God. We can�t do anything about what other people MIGHT think about us� but we can do our best to just let our light shine.
24 Then he added, �Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given�and you will receive even more. 25 To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.�
Q: How long have you been a follower of Jesus? Do you want to grow in your relationship with Jesus? Here�s the answer� listen. Really listen. Jesus promises to give more understanding if you really listen. The big difference is between hearing and listening. It takes real effort to really listen� it requires complete attention and focus. How many times have we been talking to someone and gotten distracted and had to say, �Sorry, could you repeat that?� Our ears picked up the sound, but we weren�t listening. We need to use that same focus when it comes having an awareness of God in our life. Jesus promises to give us more understanding if we put in the energy to really listen.

3. Parable of the Growing Seed
26 Jesus also said, �The Kingdom of God is like a farmer who scatters seed on the ground. 27 Night and day, while he�s asleep or awake, the seed sprouts and grows, but he does not understand how it happens. 28 The earth produces the crops on its own. First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens. 29 And as soon as the grain is ready, the farmer comes and harvests it with a sickle, for the harvest time has come.�
This parable speaks of growth and harvest � imagine a spiritual version of The Discovery Channel. A seed cannot bear fruit unless it first dies and is buried in the earth (see John 12:23-28). While harvest is the culmination nature's cycle, it also provides seed for future sowing. God's kingdom works in similar fashion. It starts from the smallest of beginnings in the hearts of men and women who are receptive to God's word, and it works unseen and causes a transformation from within (this is why we shouldn't judge each other... God may be working on His time table, not ours.) Just as a seed has no power to produce life of itself until it is planted in the earth, so we cannot be born again as a new creation in Christ until God makes us new in the power of his Holy Spirit. Again, this is more than being religious� it�s God working from the inside out. The coming of God's kingdom causes a transformation in life, like the tiny seed which first sprouts, then grows and bears fruit in abundance. In like manner, the hidden life of Christ grows first in the receptive heart of a believer and then transforms that person into a noble and useful vessel of Christ-like holiness and spiritual power (see 2 Cor. 4:7 and 2 Tim. 2:21). Question: Are you seeking to be transformed from the inside out?

4. Parable of the Mustard Seed
30 Jesus said, �How can I describe the Kingdom of God? What story should I use to illustrate it? 31 It is like a mustard seed planted in the ground. It is the smallest of all seeds, 32 but it becomes the largest of all garden plants; it grows long branches, and birds can make nests in its shade.�
What can mustard seeds teach us about the kingdom of God? The tiny mustard seed literally grows to be a tree that attracts tons birds because they love the little black mustard seed it produces. God's kingdom works in a similar fashion. It starts from the smallest beginnings in the hearts of men and women who are receptive to God's word, and, who would have thunked it, big things can happen!?

The kingdom of God is for everyone� no matter what you have done, or no matter what anyone has told you. Jesus calls you and me to follow him� starting now. The question is: Are we listening?

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:34:44 +0100

The Smooch, 10.23.08

Top 10 Marriage Mistakes, Week 5

Hi Guys!
Well, here are in the last week of going through the list of common mistakes we tend to make in marriage. My suggestion is to read through the list quickly every day like a checklist to remind yourself to pay attention to areas that might be crying out for help. Please don�t get discouraged� if you got it all right all the time you would be impossible to live with, anyway! Your needs (and the needs of your spouse) may shift from week to week� so stay flexible. (You can catch the past weeks at the Newsletter Archives at www.existencechurch.com. )

Top Ten Things You Need To Avoid In Your Marriage.
#1. Lack of Respect
#2. Not Listening to Your Spouse
#3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
#4. Always Having to Be Right
#5. Not Walking the Talk
#6. Hurtful Teasing
#7. Dishonesty
#8. Being Annoying
#9. Being Selfish or Greedy
Like #8, Being Selfish or Greedy is fueled by our tendency to be self-centered� �I want what I want when I want it.� Here are some common examples of being selfish or greedy:

Spending money on yourself, but making a big deal if your spouse spends a dime.
Not wanting to open your home to friends and family because you prefer to be alone� (this can be a cover for not wanting to help clean the house!).
Hogging the remote� (�I am the King� this is my scepter!�)
Only going to cheap restaurants when you could afford better� (Usually under the guise of being �frugal� or �responsible�, being a cheapskate is actually selfish when it impacts others and makes them go along with YOUR program). Being cheap also is a great opportunity to try to make everybody in the family feel guilty for �wasting� money, when it�s actually YOUR way of trying to get YOUR way.
Not watching movies your spouse wants to see... (I�m not talking about �Mama Mia�� that doesn�t count.) Remember, �movie time� is more about being with each other than having a life-changing, cinematic experience. It�s nice if the movie is good, but not the most important thing.

You can fill in your own ways of being selfish or greedy� just ask your spouse, they�ll help jog your memory. �Honey, am I ever selfish or greedy?� �How much time do you have?� We�re always the last to know.

Being impatient is another way of being selfish� �YOU are making US be late!� Last week we dealt with the issue of Being Chronically Late� a way of being annoying that is not fair to the other. This turns the tables. Question: How do you act when you are getting ready to go somewhere and your spouse is the one who is about to make you late? Do you get irritated? Do you become angry? Annoyed? Do you start the countdown? Does your tone-of-voice change?

The Answer: The reason you are getting angry is because you are thinking about yourself, and NOT your spouse. It makes sense� we think, �We�re going to be late. This is a drag. I don�t know what the problem is� I got ready on time, I don�t see why SHE can�t.� Men, we don�t intuitively understand now, nor will we ever be able to fully appreciate what�s going on in our wife�s mind� but it helps if we try. Guys, if you are about to go somewhere, and you are waiting for your wife to get ready, and it�s getting close to crunch time� here are a few things to consider.
1. She is probably already frustrated because she knows she is a little late (by the way, the sense of timing is really different between Venus and Mars).
2. She is probably trying to get ready faster (which takes more time!).
3. She really wants to look good and may have already tried on several outfits or her hair isn�t quite working or this new makeup isn�t what she thought it would be and it cost a lot and that�s a drag and she knows she�s making you late but can�t do anything about it right now and YOU�RE getting ticked off and she wanted this to be a nice time together� and she�s wondering if you love her. Yep.

Didn�t think about that. When your spouse is late, or not okay, or hurting, or frustrated� it�s an opportunity for YOU to show love to them. And the best way to show love when someone is late� is to be patient.
Here�s a trick: Accept reality. If you�re going to be late, make the best of it. Don�t catastophize it and tell yourself how terrible it is and how this means your spouse doesn�t care about you� just be cool, and nice, and humble. Remember, it won�t be long before you screw up and you�ll wish you had been a little more gracious.

Note: I didn�t mean to sound sexist� but the odds are that the guys aren�t the ones who are making the women late by agonizing over their outfits. However, it does go both ways. We guys give our spouses many opportunities to show patience in other ways.

#10. Having Temper Tantrums
Handling conflict in a constructive way is one of the keys to a successful marriage. There are a million ways to NOT handle conflict well� and every one of them hurts your relationship. Listening to each other, understanding the other�s perspective, respectful negotiating, and unselfish compromising are healthy ways to resolve conflicts. Unfortunately, many couples have to work through the tendency to handle conflict the �old-fashioned way�� by throwing a temper tantrum. Having an angry outburst so that you can win a argument is nothing but immaturity rearing its ugly head. The real problem is when you try to win this way, no one really wins� and you have to ask yourself it the emotional damage and hurt feelings are worth it. We all have a little kid living inside of us, and when they get hurt or frustrated they tend to want to throw a tantrum to get attention or get their way� it worked when we were 3, but there are better ways. Remember, God made marriage to help us to grow up. The problem with temper tantrums is they are essentially manipulative� an indirect way to get the other person to do something. And since everybody resists being manipulated, temper tantrums rarely get you where you want to go. A tantrum only gives the primitive message, � I�m not happy!� but it doesn�t really help you join with your partner to find a workable solution. Instead of blaming each other for NOT meeting our needs� the best solutions for resolving conflict involve working together towards a mutually satisfying goal.

In the same way that we have to �talk to ourselves� when we are tempted to be annoying (#8) or selfish (#9), it helps to remind ourselves that things won�t always go the way we want. It�s important to consider the reality that God wants to use all the circumstances in our life (especially the tough ones) to help us grow up and to teach us to be more like Jesus� and when we get frustrated, hurt, and discouraged, we don�t have to automatically let the immature part of us run the show by blowing a fuse. Turn it over to Jesus, admit your frustration, own your feelings, avoid blaming, take responsibility for yourself, you get the picture.

As I said at the top, you can use this as a checklist� a �things to NOT DO� list. I�ll put it at the bottom so you can print it out and put it on your fridge.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Top Ten Things You Need To Avoid In Your Marriage

#1. Lack of Respect
#2. Not Listening to Your Spouse
#3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
#4. Always Having to Be Right
#5. Not Walking the Talk
#6. Hurtful Teasing
#7. Dishonesty
#8. Being Annoying
#9. Being Selfish or Greedy
#10 Having Temper Tantrums

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Life Group Leaders... (Please Read)

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 18:42:08 +0100

Life Group Leaders...

I am looking forward to connecting and talking with you all soon. I hope you have a great day and enjoy the rest of your week. Please read below:

Fuel Night

When: November 2nd (Fuel Night)
What Time: 4PM to 5:30PM
Where: Existence Church
*I really want everyone to make it to this Fuel Night specifically. I am going to talk about how each Life Group can live out the vision of Existence and walk us through some needed changes that will occur in 2009, as well as talk about finishing 2008 well. Send me an e-mail back at skexistence@gmail.com to let me know you are going to be there.

MyLife

Before Fuel Night on November the 2nd, I want ever leader to take a moment and read through/sign up for My Life a new online tool to help everyone stay on track in their spiritual life. We are going to talk about it more on Fuel Night, but until then, please take a moment and fill it out. It is easy and will be really effective for us all. Make sure you read through the info, so you understand what My Life really is all about. Go to: www.existencechurch.com/mylife

Look forward to seeing you soon!

Shawn
858 688 5210
skexistence@gmail.com

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Monday Monster

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:49:28 +0100

the monday monster, 10.20.08

Mark 4� listening or hearing?

Do you find yourself sometimes having moments of clarity� where it seems like things are lining up properly, and your relationship with God is clean, and simple, and good, with nothing in the way? This is the place where we are allowing God to be God (instead of ourselves), we are accepting things the way they are, (not as we �wish� they could be) and we are desiring nothing more than to simply serve Jesus, to do His will, and to stay on the path. I don�t know about you, but sometimes the �path� feels like a piece of string, and I�m a pretty lousy tightrope walker.

This is the human condition. Luckily God understands. I think sometimes He�s like a parent trying to keep a child interested� knowing how distractible we are� and even though He could easily justify giving up on us, His patience, grace, and love trumps everything. Another picture which may help is �God as pet owner�. If you have ever tried to �potty train� a puppy you sooner or later realized that the puppy was going to do his thing whether or not you were involved. We can get frustrated, call the Dog Whisperer, buy a video, or just give up� but whichever way we go we probably shouldn�t take it out on the puppy. Why? Because it�s the nature of puppies to do what they do. If we can have compassion on puppies, don�t you think God might be able to keep our problems in perspective? Some of us carry with us a pretty skewed concept of God�images heavy with fear, rejection and condemnation� which may not exactly be accurate, but might be hard to shake. One way to get an accurate view of God is to study the Parables of Jesus. Jesus chose to give us insight into the mind and heart of God by telling simple stories that the smartest and most religious guys had trouble figuring out. Maybe smarts and religion are a little over rated.

The Story of the Scattered Seed is a good one. Mark 4.
1-2 He went back to teaching by the sea. A crowd built up to such a great size that he had to get into an offshore boat, using the boat as a pulpit as the people pushed to the water's edge. He taught by using stories, many stories. 3-8"Listen. What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it. Some fell on good earth and came up with a flourish, producing a harvest exceeding his wildest dreams. 9"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

You get the picture� a farmer scatters seeds on different types of soil� a hard road, and gravelly path, in the weeds, and on well-prepared soil.

Jesus goes on to explain the story� but first tells us why we might not get it:
But to those who can't see it yet, everything comes in stories, creating readiness, nudging them toward receptive insight. These are people�
Whose eyes are open but don't see a thing, Whose ears are open but don't understand a word, Who avoid making an about-face and getting forgiven."

If you are having trouble really following Jesus, maybe it�s because you haven�t really gotten on board, yet. It�s not a crime� you�re just not there yet. And it�s for you that this parable is given. Maybe your eyes are open, but you don�t quite see it, yet. Maybe your ears are picking up the sounds, but you are not quite understanding the words. Maybe you are resisting turning your life around and following Jesus� and therefore not experiencing true forgiveness. Jesus explains�

13He continued, "Do you see how this story works? All my stories work this way. 14-15"The farmer plants the Word. Some people are like the seed that falls on the hardened soil of the road. No sooner do they hear the Word than Satan snatches away what has been planted in them. 16-17"And some are like the seed that lands in the gravel. When they first hear the Word, they respond with great enthusiasm. But there is such shallow soil of character that when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it. 18-19"The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard, and nothing comes of it. 20"But the seed planted in the good earth represents those who hear the Word, embrace it, and produce a harvest beyond their wildest dreams."

We could go on and on explaining this story, but it seems pretty clear� human nature hasn�t changed in two thousand years. The "seed" is God trying to get our attention� we�ve all seen it happen to people� it�s probably happened to us.
1) Seed on the road, eaten by birds. We hear God�s voice, but Satan snatches the seed away. Sounds a little scary, maybe dramatic, but not really. Satan�s first move when someone starts to move towards God is to pull the rug out as soon as possible. Distract us. �Not now, there will be a lot of time, later.� �You don�t really need God� you�re okay.� �The fact that you know you need God is enough. You don�t want to be a right-wing-crazy-religious nut� just think about it.�
2) Seed in gravel, no roots. You mean well, you�re excited to begin your new journey with Jesus, but you don�t follow it up with the real character stuff that is necessary for spiritual growth. When the thrill is gone, so is your commitment. It�s like joining a gym and never going� the only thing you have to show is a membership card, not a tight body. Better to let you body do the talking.
3) Seed in the weeds, choked out. You hear the Good News�but. �I have so many things to get done, first.� �I�ll get around to it�after I do all the things I need to do� I�m a pretty important guy� in fact, Jesus, you maybe don�t realize how much of an asset I will be to you and your cause� so cut me a little slack, I�ll be back.�
4) Good Soil: 3 keys�
   A. Hear the Word (really get it.)
   B. Embrace it. There is a bid difference between a drive-by, �sideways� hug and a real embrace. When we embrace God�s word, it�s hanging on for dear life. Literally.
   C. Produce a harvest. This means jumping in with both feet and getting to work for the Kingdom. Not a spectator sport. Doing God�s work God�s way always produces a harvest above and beyond our limited expectations.

Final thought.
This parable isn�t just for the novice� for the one just getting started in the things of God. If you think about it, it gives us a �how to� for day-to-day living.
1) Recognize Satan�s voice. It may sound like you sometimes. It will always try to distract, confuse, discourage, and deflate you. Also, any resistance to God�s work in your life should be seen as a good sign. Get used to it.
2) Let your spiritual roots grow deep. Maintain your spiritual disciplines (pray, study, quiet time with God). Remember, faith needs to carry more weight than feelings.
3) Don�t let worry overwhelm you. Keep trusting Jesus. Get back to the basics. Be careful to not let the cares of the world choke you out.
4) Stay in the game. Serve others as you serve God. Spend more time helping others and less time on self-pity.

Today, we have a choice�to hear, see, and keep on the path.

But to those who can't see it yet, these are people�
     Whose eyes are open but don't see a thing,
           Whose ears are open but don't understand a word,
                  Who avoid making an about-face and getting forgiven."

Jesus, open our eyes, ears, and hearts.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Shuttle to Existence Church

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:12:05 +0100

Hey Point Loma Students!

Since fall break is this weekend and I'm sure a lot of you aren't going to be around on Sunday, we wanted to see if anyone was planning on using the shuttle this week. So please respond to this email by Friday night if you are planning on using the shuttle and we'll be sure to save a seat for you. Thanks so much guys and enjoy your weekend off!

Josh Carter

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 10:24:00 +0100

The Smooch, 10.16.08

Top 10 Marriage Mistakes, Week 4

Hi Guys!
This is week four going through the list of the 10 most common marriage mistakes. I�ve gotten some good feedback that some of this is hitting home� remember, progress not perfection. To catch up with the past three weeks go to the Newsletter Archives at www.existencechurch.com.

Top Ten Things You Need To Avoid In Your Marriage.

#1. Lack of Respect
#2. Not Listening to Your Spouse
#3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
#4. Always Having to Be Right
#5. Not Walking the Talk
#6. Hurtful Teasing
#7. Dishonesty
Disclaimer: Any discussion of being honest with your spouse does not include the answer to the question, �Does this dress make me look fat?� The answer is always �No.� Always. Don�t even think about being cute or creative with this. Just say �No.�
Now, seriously.

One of the most important building blocks of a healthy relationship is trust. Trust is both a gift (we make the choice to place our trust in another person) and it is a result (of consistent, faithful behavior). When two people get married they usually intend to be totally honest and forthright with each other� believing �I finally found someone I can be totally honest and forthright with!� That is, until they find themselves in a position where they feel they need to tell a �white lie�, or bend the truth a little, or fib about something �inconsequential�. Or you�re embarrassed about something, or you want to hide something that might be a �problem�, or you did something you wish you didn�t do and you�ll fix it or deal with it eventually and there is no reason to bring your spouse into it. You don�t mean to �lie,� you just don�t think your spouse would handle the whole truth very well� so, in a way, you�re actually protecting them from feeling bad (the powers of rationalization at work). If a good marriage does anything, it requires us to face ourselves, which is both a blessing and a curse. When you live with someone, sooner or later you must deal with your own shortcomings (after you get tired of blaming the other person!)� things which maybe weren�t that obvious before you lived together, but now are a little more apparent. If you are normal, you may have a little resistance to facing your problems head on� and one common way to avoid responsibility is to be dishonest, to bend the truth, just a little� �How much did that dress cost?� �Uh, oh, not that much, uh, I got it on sale, uh, do you like it?� This kind of avoidance may not be a big deal at first, but it can establish a habit or a pattern of not being honest with each other� and it�s not that far from telling an out and out lie. Any way you slice it� when you are not telling the whole truth, you are being dishonest, and dishonesty will damage your relationship. One of problems with allowing yourself to go down the path of not being fully honest with your spouse is neither of you ever totally know if you�re getting the full story. It can become a game of �asking the right questions�� if they don�t ask, you don�t have to tell. Another problem affecting trust is the concept of �what they don�t know won�t hurt them.� Of course it won�t hurt now� but later? And what about your own sense of integrity? If you are doing something that you are keeping from your spouse, maybe that, all by itself, is a wake-up call that you are way off track! Some people use the �need to know� concept� I�ll only tell my spouse what they need to know (look who�s deciding who needs to know?) This is fine for little details that don�t impact your relationship, but when it comes to issues of integrity and morality and how much money got spent and following through on things you promised and things that you both have agreed on are important to you� then it�s of the utmost importance to tell the whole truth. I saw a client last year who would talk about his wife is glowing terms, �Things are going great!� The problem was, he was keeping one key area of his life totally secret from her. He had a big issue with drinking, and was hiding the amount of alcohol he was using (he had several stashes in different parts of the house, and led her to believe he was only drinking from the ONE BOTTLE she knew about). During different times he would actually tell her he had stopped drinking� when he had not, and he would often lie and tell her stories to make her believe he was sincere. The funny thing was� he didn�t see any inconsistency. In his mind, as long as his wife was taken care of (financially, etc.) then things were great. But things weren�t. I decided to bring this to his attention� �You say things are going great with your wife� how about the fact that you are basically lying to her every day?� �And do you actually thing she doesn�t know something�s wrong?� Fast forward�Good news, as of today he has several months of sobriety� and one less thing to lie about in the marriage. The only way to have real intimacy is to be real, and honest. By the way, when you always tell the truth you don�t have to have that great of a memory. And you don�t have to keep your stories straight.

Bottom line: If you don�t have honesty in your relationship, you don�t have much of a relationship. Having lies and secrets can create distance and lack of trust, and keep you from experiencing the closeness that your marriage relationship was intended to provide.

#8. Being Annoying
As cool as you may be, you probably are annoying� sometimes. We all are. Most of the time it�s harmless� just being a dork, or being gross, or �acting like a guy�, or being a little picky, or a little late (a lot), or whatever. It makes sense� when Venus meets Mars there are a few areas that are just, plain confusing to each other� and can be annoying. However, when it comes to things that directly impact the other and are no longer in the category of �funny� or �silly�, then you might want to cut back on being annoying.

Here are some areas that you shouldn�t mess with:
Personal hygiene habits. You live together. You are physically close. So make sure you brush and floss and wash and bathe and maintain your own personal hygiene. If this has become a real problem, it�s not usually a happy discussion when the �clean one� has to confront the smelly one. Be ahead of the curve.
Being too picky. Nitpicking the other about small things gets old� and annoying. �Playful� is one thing� but acting like somebody�s �Mother� or �Father� (in the worst, Parental way) also gets old. No one likes a know-it-all. Lighten up.
Being chronically late. Every now and then is fine, we�re all at the mercy of traffic and people, but� if you make your spouse wait and wait and act like it�s �No big deal� you are just being selfish, disrespectful�and annoying.

Basic annoying rule: If you know something is annoying to your spouse, and you keep doing it, you are being immature and self-centered. (By the way, this is the human condition� we all need to grow from immaturity towards maturity and from selfishness to unselfishness. Don�t take it too hard; just see this as a way to work on something that will help improve your relationship). However, if this issue is not dealt with, after a while, people can begin to lose respect for each other (see Mistake #1), which turns one problem into two. Being annoying can also be a symptom of a power struggle between two people, who get stuck going back and forth with the purpose of just making each other miserable. Not a good sign. Like any issue, it must be confronted directly and carefully in order to get to the bottom of it and fully resolve it.

Okay, there you go! Feel free to email me back with any feedback or comments.
gerry@existencechurch.com.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Fuel Night - Please Read :)

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:03:52 +0100

Life Group Leaders and One on One Leaders,

    As always thank you for leading and for loving the people in our church. We have so many great days ahead and God is doing so much through our groups! Here is what I wanted to share with you...

.: Fuel Night - November 2nd (Sunday) 4PM - 5:30PM / Existence Church
    It has been two months since our last Fuel Night and I walked away convinced that Sunday works much better than Friday. Everyone I have talked to has completely agreed. I really need everyone there this Fuel Night! We will split up the time in the following fashion:

Here is what you can expect...

    -Welcome
  -Share My Heart / Chapter 2 of Life Groups
    -Understanding what it means to be an Inclusive.Missional.Community
    -My Life
    -Two Book Recommendations and Two Updates
    -Worship and Prayer

*PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS E-MAIL, SO I CAN KNOW YOU WILL BE THERE.

Look forward to hearing form you!

Shawn

Inclusive.Missional.Community

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:31:14 +0100

the monday monster, 10.13.08

Mark 3� Looking for Jesus

We�re continuing our road trip through the Gospel of Mark�
Here is a little information to fill in the immediate context and bring us up to speed.

At the end of Chapter 2, Jesus had just had it out with the Pharisees over his disciples not following the letter of the law regarding the �Don�t harvest grain on the Sabbath rule�. The Pharisees had come to Jesus to bag on the disciples (and him)� �The Law says you�re not supposed to �harvest� on the Sabbath� we caught your boys picking grain and eating it� in our book that�s �harvesting�� so, one for us!� So Jesus made the very important point about why God set up the rules the way He did in the first place (�The Sabbath was made to meet the needs of people, and not people to meet the requirements of the Sabbath.�). Remember, God loves us (this is easy for the hyper-religious to forget) and wants the best for us, and His rules are ultimately for our own protection and growth. For example, the Sabbath. God wants us to know how important it is to spend dedicated time with Him, and to rest, and to spend quality time with people we love and who love us. So He established the Sabbath. He didn�t set up the rule as a trick just to see if we�d obey it, as if that is the only reason we were made, like some sort of deranged cosmic Dog Whisperer. He established the Sabbath because we �need� one. Note to self.
That is the back story which leads into Chapter 3.

Mark 3
1 Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus� enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man�s hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, �Come and stand in front of everyone.� 4 Then he turned to his critics and asked, �Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?� But they wouldn�t answer him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, �Hold out your hand.� So the man held out his hand, and it was restored! 6 At once the Pharisees went away and met with the supporters of Herod to plot how to kill Jesus.

It looks like the Pharisees knew only one song� the �Let�s catch Jesus doing something wrong� song. And again they were after Jesus, looking for a way to catch-him-in-the-act breaking one of the million Jewish ceremonial or cleanliness laws in order to publicly discredit him. It seems a little weird, but you would think that if someone got healed from any sickness or physical deformity, for any reason, they might be just a little bit happy, but no. Uptight religious folks aren�t exactly gushing with empathy. The Pharisees were blinded by their own self-centered focus and missed the point, again. I think you�ve got to be pretty desperate to lower yourself to their level of nitpickiness� but that�s what it had come to. Here�s their logic, �If Jesus heals someone on the Sabbath, it could be considered �working�� since his day job is Prophet/Rabbi/Healer� so we got him on a technicality.� Of course Jesus knew what was going on in their minds, and he knew it would get him in hot water with them if he healed on the Sabbath, and he knew that logic doesn�t work with irrational people (v. 4 �Then he turned to his critics and asked, �Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?� But they wouldn�t answer him.�) At least Jesus gave them a chance to talk about it. But as with most people with an agenda, they didn�t want to be confused with either reason or logic, so they ignored him. Jesus had a lot of patience� by the second or third time with this Sabbath stuff I might be getting a little surly. Also, Jesus had the option of not making waves� not rocking the boat� not wanting to deal with the hassle� but instead he went ahead and did what needed to be done� he healed the man� it just happened to be on the Sabbath. The crowd was pumped, the man was obviously happy, and Pharisees got what they wanted. Verse 6: �At once the Pharisees went away and met with the supporters of Herod to plot how to kill Jesus.�

Now, to the passage from yesterday.

7Jesus withdrew with his disciples to the lake, and a large crowd from Galilee followed. 8When they heard all he was doing, many people came to him from Judea, Jerusalem, Idumea, and the regions across the Jordan and around Tyre and Sidon. 9Because of the crowd he told his disciples to have a small boat ready for him, to keep the people from crowding him. 10For he had healed many, so that those with diseases were pushing forward to touch him. 11Whenever the evil spirits saw him, they fell down before him and cried out, "You are the Son of God." 12But he gave them strict orders not to tell who he was.

By now, huge crowds were following Jesus� why not? The rumor mill was alive and well� the word of mouth was working (I�ll bet some forward thinking �Christian entrepeneur� already had some Chariot bumper stickers in the works). Those with physical and psychological needs of course were there, but also a giant number of people who came just to see it all could really be true.

Notice, people were coming from ALL around the area. Jesus� home base was in Galilee (the north, let�s say, San Clemente). Judea was the southern area, Jerusalem was the main city in the south (about 68 miles south of the Sea of Galilee). If Jerusalem is downtown San Diego, Idumea is TJ. The regions across the Jordan were east, how about Lakeside? Tyre and Sidon were so far north (in the OC), it�s amazing anybody came�but they did. By foot. I complain if I have to park too far from the entrance to Target. By the way, after walking so far and finally finding Jesus, they probably weren�t planning on leaving right away. So they stayed. I guess the local Falafel In A Bag did pretty well, but for everybody else, their welcome might have been wearing a little thin. Even Jesus needed a break.

And it looks like he got one� for about a minute.
But when the crowd came, and he responded.

A question to ponder:
How important is it for you to find Jesus?
In Jesus� day, many people traveled from far away� they invested a tremendous amount of time and energy on the slim chance that they might find Jesus and he might be there to help them. How much energy have you personally invested in searching for Jesus? Do you actually seek Him? Do you try to involve Him in your daily activities� your thoughts� your concerns? Jesus said, �If you seek me, you will find me.� Are you looking? We tend to do what is important to us. And don�t do what isn�t. How important is your relationship with Jesus?
The good news. At the very same time we are looking for Jesus� He�s looking for us. See Luke 15 (all about lost stuff: The Parables of the Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin, and the Lost Son). If you think Jesus has given up on you, think again.

Let�s keep chasing.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 10:23:44 +0100

The Smooch, 10.09.08

Top 10 Marriage Mistakes, Week 3

Hi Guys!
We are in week three of the list of 10 common marriage mistakes. To catch up with the first two go to the Newsletter Archives at www.existencechurch.com.

Top Ten Things You Need To Avoid In Your Marriage.
#1. Lack of Respect
#2. Not Listening to Your Spouse
#3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
#4. Always Having to Be Right
#5. Not Walking the Talk
We all know that actions do speak louder than words. What we say is only valid if we back it up with action. That�s how the business world works, and it�s the same with people. Unfortunately, when we tell our spouse we are going to do something, and do NOT follow through, we can eventually undermine respect and trust in each other. It doesn�t start out as a catastrophe; it�s one little disappointment after another that slowly builds up over time. Sadly, many couples choose to NOT talk about these disappointments for fear of causing a worse problem. After a while what began as a �respectful and trusting� relationship can devolve into one spouse �checking up� on the other to make sure they are following through. This �parental� behavior is fine when you�re a real parent, but doesn�t usually work for long in a marriage (one spouse acts like the �rebellious child� and the other acts like the �controlling, disappointed parent�� let the games begin!). Marriage is supposed to be a partnership with both people pulling their own weight, communicating clearly, and being accountable to each other� and when one party changes or breaks the rules without honestly dealing with the other, it is a breach of the marriage vows. This doesn�t mean we can�t make mistakes and be accountable for them, or decide one thing and then change our mind� those things are perfectly fine as long as we are clear with each other and communicate openly and honestly. The problem comes when we commit to doing something, flake out, and avoid being accountable for our behavior. Of course, this is the human condition� we avoid being honest with ourselves about our flaws, and we often live in denial of the reality and severity of our issues. This is magnified when we live with somebody 24/7 � there is another person who both knows how cool you are, AND sees first hand how often you screw up! But love covers a multitude of sins, and we need to have loads of grace for each other all the time. It just makes it a lot easier if we admit openly when we get off track.

How to destroy trust and respect: Do Not follow through on what you say. Make big promises and forget you made them. When confronted about not following through, get defensive and accuse your spouse of being �controlling�. When your spouse tries to talk about the issue, change the subject and point out how often �they� don�t follow through. Proclaim your right to do what want to do and tell your spouse they are acting like their �mother� or �father�. Never say, �You�re right, and I�m sorry.�
How to build trust and respect: Follow through on what you say. When you make mistakes, be honest about it and be accountable for any consequences. Make amends when appropriate.

#6. Hurtful Teasing
It�s fun to tease each other. When it�s playful and loving, it�s a way to feel close. It�s saying, �I know you well enough to mess with you, and you know I love you and I�m just having some playful fun!� But what makes something funny (sarcasm, exaggeration, hyperbole) can also easily be misunderstood� and can be not funny real fast. The problem with humor is there is always a �little bit of truth� in it� and it can be a front for being what the psychology people call being �Passive/Aggressive,� a subtle way to be hurtful. And it�s almost impossible to get the one trying to be funny to admit it� even if they are. The person being sarcastic always has the �out� to say, �Hey, what�s your problem? I was just joking!�

Here�s an example. Let�s say your spouse was more-late-than-normal getting home from work and didn�t call to let you know. Let�s say you were a little nervous, maybe a little fearful something might be wrong, and also felt a little put out that your spouse didn�t �think to call�. When they come in the door you say (in a joking manner), �Nice of you to call!� (classic sarcasm). Question: how is your spouse supposed to take this �teasing�? They�re late, they know it, and maybe they suddenly realize it would have been nice to call. Maybe they have a reason. But now there is a confusing message they have to interpret� are you hurt, mad, ticked? This sounds like a little dig, it kind of sounds like a joke� but it feels messy. This is the problem with humor� it can be taken wrong. In this case there are two messages being given, 1) �It�s not that big of a deal, but you are late and you should have called, and I�m not going to kill you� but, next time I want you to remember to call, you knucklehead!� or 2) �I AM hurt you didn�t think about MY feelings and call to tell me you would be late.� When faced with a double message, the spouse has to pick one or the other to respond to. Worse odds than Blackjack. Usually we pick the one that leads to a fight.

Here are some rules to help with your comedy career.
Humor Rule #1: Don�t make a joke when you should be saying something directly. It�s confusing, and clouds the real issue.
Humor Rule #2: Don�t tease about issues that are personal and sensitive� even if you don�t think your spouse should be sensitive about them!
Humor Rule #3: If your spouse doesn�t think it�s funny�IT�S NOT FUNNY. Knock it off.
Humor Rule #4: Never use humor to hurt.
Humor Rule #5: If your spouse says the teasing is hurtful, considers it a put down, or thinks that it is inappropriate, then stop it, no questions asked. Claiming that your spouse doesn't have a sense of humor or is too sensitive is being inconsiderate and unkind.

Final point on teasing. Sometimes people tease each other about little things that bug them. Don�t. It�s just a slimy way to say, �I don�t like this about you� I wish you would stop doing it� and YOU bug me.� Better to let it go. Nothing good can come from giving a subtle, negative message to the other. In fact, every negative statement must be balanced with FIVE positive ones (that�s how much impact negative statements have). Major on the majors, not the minors. Let go of the small stuff. Buy a good joke book.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Monday Monster

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:23:14 +0100

the monday monster, 10.06.08

I Fast�how many points do I get?

Mark 2:18 Now John's disciples and the Pharisees were fasting. Some people came and asked Jesus, "How is it that John's disciples and the disciples of the Pharisees are fasting, but yours are not?" 19 Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? They cannot, so long as they have him with them. 20 But the time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them, and on that day they will fast.

Some random thoughts on fasting.
When you look at the list of possible spiritual disciplines available to us� Bible reading, meditating on scripture, praying, fasting, etc., for some reason fasting usually doesn�t make the top of the list. Put it this way� you hear things like, �He really knows a lot about the Bible� way more than �Boy, he�s a really good faster�. People don�t seem to fast too much any more. Maybe it�s the idea of giving something up (especially something we like to do) in order to focus more on God. �Giving something up?� �I thought Jesus was supposed to give ME everything I want.� Sorry. Remember the several parables Jesus told about the Kingdom of God, and how important it was and how willing we should be to sell everything we have just to get a shot at getting in? That sort of flies in the face of the �what�s in it for me� theology that has always been a popular option for spiritual seekers. When you really look at it, God is especially interested in helping us know Him better, which usually means getting rid of the things in our life that so easily get in the way. This is where the spiritual disciplines seem to help. It�s not so much about earning points in the reward program, it�s about refining our souls. Enter fasting. Typically, it�s giving up real food for a while and replacing it with spiritual food (praying and meditating, having an awareness of God�s presence). It works. When you feel the hunger pangs, you pray more. As time goes on, you actually sense more and more of God�s leading and direction. Historically, when facing an especially important decision, Christians have fasted and prayed in order to seek God�s strength and to hear His voice. But like any other thing, we have the ability to turn even a spiritual discipline into a competition� and way to one-up each other. Jesus spoke to this in the Sermon on the Mount� Matthew 6.
1 "Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding. 2-4"When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure�'playactors' I call them� treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it�quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out. 5"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?
6"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.
7-13"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:

Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what's best� as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes.

14-15"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part. 16-18"When you practice some appetite-denying discipline to better concentrate on God, don't make a production out of it. It might turn you into a small-time celebrity but it won't make you a saint. If you 'go into training' inwardly, act normal outwardly. Shampoo and comb your hair, brush your teeth, wash your face. God doesn't require attention-getting devices. He won't overlook what you are doing; he'll reward you well.

So it�s clear that fasting and other spiritual activities are important, and must be done with a humble and right spirit. That being said� as important as fasting or any spiritual discipline may be, that�s not the immediate focus of today�s passage of scripture. The main issue isn�t whether or not we should fast� the people in the audience already believed that fasting was among the disciplines of the spirit that everybody who wants to be close to God should to do. The main thing going on here is some of Jesus� enemies were trying to stir the pot. In verse 18, the �some people� who came were probably the religious authorities (Pharisees) who were trying to find a way to put Jesus in a bad light (remember just above in verse 6, they already had copped a bit of an attitude� �Who does this guy think he is...God?�) They weren�t buying it, so they were trying to trip him up, to publicly embarrass him, to give him a Katie Couric moment in front of a bunch of people to hopefully slow down his fast-rising approval rating. Unfortunately, they didn�t anticipate the fact that Jesus could read minds and was already way ahead of them. Jesus took the opportunity to give them and us some important teaching.

Them: �Hey, John the Baptist and his disciples don�t have a problem fasting� the Pharisees and their disciples fast� what�s the deal with your followers? (hidden passive/aggressive implication: �What, are your disciples TOO GOOD to fast?�, �Don�t they think it�s important to fast?�)
Jesus: �Do wedding guests fast while celebrating with the groom? Of course not. They can�t fast while the groom is with them. But someday the groom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.�
Them: �What?�

The religious people were trying to debate a point of religious protocol, and avoid what they really knew was the key issue. I think they already knew what Jesus would say� He�d said it before� God is way more interested in you knowing Him and letting Him have reign in your life than in you doing religious calisthenics and checking to see how you measure up to each other.

Then Jesus lowered the boom� and he knew that the Pharisees would get exactly what he meant when he referred to himself as �The Bridegroom.� This was religious code for �I am the Messiah. I am the one prophesied about all through the Old Testament. I�m the guy. And that�s why my disciples aren�t fasting now� because now is a time of celebration. Later on, after I am gone, they will get back to fasting. But for now, let�s party like it�s 0009!�

Of course, this didn�t endear Jesus to them� again.
But here is a point we can ponder: Jesus is God�s only provision for man�s sin. He is the Messiah, �The Chosen One�, who forgives our sin and puts us in right relationship with God, the Father. Faith in Jesus and turning our life over to Him is the only way to establish a relationship with Him. That�s how he set it up. It�s not about a long list of spiritual disciplines that can prove our sincerity� those can come later. For now, it�s a level playing field� "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.� (Matthew 11:28).

Blessings,
Gerry

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Existence Church Family...

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 18:05:13 +0100

    I wanted to remind you of two things taken place in the near future as you finish up the end of your week. Please take a moment and read below.

Quarter in Review

   This Sunday, we are sharing what has taken place over the last three months in the life of our church. Bring a friend, come out, and celebrate with us.

Baptism

   If you are interested in being baptized let us know. Baptism is an outward expression that symbolizes what God has done in your life. We can get you plenty of information, help you understand the foundation and theology of baptism, walk you through what to expect and much more. If you have recently started a relationship with God or never have taken the step to be baptized, don�t wait. Let us celebrate with you.

Look forward to seeing you Sunday�

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The Smooch

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 11:59:01 +0100

The Smooch, 10.02.08

Top 10 Marriage Mistakes, Week 2

Hi Guys!
This is week two on our journey through the list of 10 common mistakes that most married people sooner or later fall into. If you didn�t catch last week�s Smooch you can go to the Newsletter Archives at www.existencechurch.com. Remember, don�t freak out if you or your spouse has done any of the things on the list� just fix it. Regroup. Pray. See it like the regular maintenance you do for your car. When the car guy says, �You need the brakes done� you don�t go crazy and say, �Forget it! I�m getting a new car!� You just figure out how you are going to pay for it. And you do it. Same thing here. Take these common mistakes as a wake-up call to pay closer attention to the things in your marriage that might lead to bigger problems down the road.

Top Ten Things You Need To Avoid In Your Marriage.
#1. Lack of Respect
#2. Not Listening to Your Spouse

#3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy.
Sex can be an uncomfortable topic to discuss. There are so many insecurities and expectations associated with it that most people have trouble really talking about it.
For a Christian couple, there can be even more baggage� guilt over past issues, lack of knowledge about how things work, even negative ideas associated with sex. It�s weird� if you were raised in the church you might have been told, �Don�t do it! It�s wrong! It�s bad! Don�t go too far!� then suddenly, one millisecond after you said, �I do� it�s totally okay. Now, that happens to be true� God set it up that sexual intimacy is for married people, for all the right reasons (The security of a committed, godly relationship combined with the safety of one partner for life), insuring a strong foundation for a family. But psychologically it can throw some people for a loop when something that was considered so bad for so long suddenly becomes okay. I recommend a couple of books that are really good, especially for Christian couples� The Act of Marriage, Tim LaHaye, and Intended For Pleasure, Ed Wheat.

More about sexual intimacy. Lighten up! Have fun. Make it a priority to meet each other�s needs (you know) in as many ways possible. Hebrews 13:14 says, �Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.�, What this really means is God is one hundred percent in favor of you having a good sexual relationship! He created you and your partner with bodies that are nice to be close to� enjoy! There is no shame in being a man with sexual desire. There is no shame in being a woman who wants to be close to her man. Make sure you both honor each other by fulfilling each other�s emotional and physical needs. Of course, men and women are somewhat different in the way they experience the sexual experience� do your homework. Venus and Mars. Practice makes perfect.

Even more about sexual intimacy. Over time people get used to each other� this is good and bad. Once you know the ropes it can become something like going through the motions� accomplishing a �goal�� performing a duty� and missing a very important component: intimacy. It�s really important for a couple to feel �close� emotionally as well as physically, otherwise things can get weird. People feel used. This is the problem when the physical act of sex is done independently of real emotional closeness and commitment. God meant for sex to be a package deal, with commitment and closeness and safety and security� not all by itself simply as a primitive biological function. But the trick is to keep the rest of your relationship in good shape and the sexual intimacy will have a chance. Remember, give each other permission to keep learning about what makes you happy, don�t be shy expressing your personal wants and needs, cherish and value each other, and have fun! They say it�s most fun you can have without laughing. Or sometimes laughing. But not too much. And not at each other!

One final thought. If you are at an impasse in your sexual relationship� either lack of desire, or some other real sexual dysfunction, seek medical counsel and therapeutic counseling if necessary. If you have been avoiding sex because of a problem, don't leave your spouse wondering why you aren't interested in sex. The pain of the isolation for both of you isn�t worth it� it can be fixed.

#4. Always Having to Be Right. Insecurity. Power struggle.
Did you marry a �know-it-all�, someone who always has to be right, who always has to have the last word? Are you forced to listen to lectures about how wrong you are? Do you feel like you are in a courtroom being cross-examined by an attorney, instead of having a discussion with your spouse? If these sound familiar, and you are the one doing it� quit it! Marriage is supposed to be a team effort, not one person doing a �power trip� on the other. To be fair, there are a lot of people who act this way and are not totally aware of it� it�s just how they have gotten used to dealing with people. The problem is, dealing in the business world is different than a marriage� and you can�t treat your spouse like you treat a business deal. Of course, we all know that people who �bully� other people do it because they really are insecure about themselves� so they put up a front hoping no one will call their bluff. These kinds of games have no place in a marriage. Here are some pointers:
1. It�s normal for every relationship to go through a phase where both of you are struggling for control in the relationship. However, when you both decide that the power should be shared between you, that neither of you gets to �pull rank,� then you can negotiate a lot better. �Two are better than one� � (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
2. Be willing to say to the other person that you don�t appreciate being �talked down to� and ask them to look at their behavior. Don�t be a doormat. It may take some serious confrontation to help your spouse look at what they are doing... but it will be worth it. Remember, each of you has brought about 20 years of habits into your marriage� it may take a little while to make adjustments. But when we look at our own stuff, things can change.
3. If you are the one with the problem, take it seriously. Your spouse will have a really hard time keeping the warm fuzzy feelings alive forever. Nobody likes a �know-it-all� but your spouse probably really loves the real you. Give yourself permission to admit that YOU made a mistake, or that YOU don�t have all the answers. Don�t answer every question with a long-winded dissertation� relax. You may be cool, but nobody is that cool. Humility is a good thing, and realizing that everyone is flawed, including yourself, will help you to have grace and patience with others.

Okay, we�ve hit 4 common marriage mistakes, stay tuned next week.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
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Existence Church...

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 11:56:26 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I hope your having a great week!

I want to INCLUDE you and encourage you to INCLUDE OTHERS this Sunday. We will share with the church the next steps we are taking to move forward with the second chapter of our
story. If you call Existence home, you will not want to miss this Sunday! Also don't forget we will be holding a Q and A after the 11am service for anyone who may have questions about Chapter Two.

One last thing. We will also tackle the confusing yet incredibly powerful subject of fasting spoken about in Mark 2:18-22. The bible tells us that some struggles in our lives can only be overcome through fasting, come this Sunday to hear more!

Look forward to seeing you then,

Josh

Important Website Links:

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Monday Monster

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 10:59:07 +0100

the monday monster, 09.29.08

What Happens in Vegas�

This week I�m writing the Monster from a hotel room in Las Vegas. No, I didn�t get kicked out of my house� I�m not running from anything� quite the opposite. My wife, Leigh, and I are celebrating nineteen (�19?!) years of being married, so we�re kickin� it in Vegas. Of course our version of �kickin� it� might look like walking around to most people.Nonetheless, we�re taking a couple of days to really try to get away from the norm and NOT think too much about work and stuff. So far so good. Our boys, Ben and Sam, are now old enough to be home alone so this is the first time in their life they get the whole house to themselves�they�re cool. DO NOT call them and go over and have a giant party and trash our house. I know some of you�you�d think it�s funny� and you would do it. So don�t. Really. We�ll kill you. After we kill our boys. Okay, we won�t, but don�t even think about it. Now that that�s out of the way, here are some thoughts.

I�m embarrassed to say that I still like coming to Vegas. It�s just weird enough and different enough that it�s fun to just look at it. However, I don�t think it�s just me, but Las Vegas seems just a little bit more gnarly than I remember it. As always, there are the new hotels going up constantly that seem impossible and too big� and the Strip is even more overwhelmingly bright and colorful and crazy� and everything is bigger and louder and it�s actually a lot of fun to just cruise around and check things out. But the longer we�re here, I can�t help but feeling that if we switched tight jeans for togas, we might as well be back in Ancient Rome... right before things fell apart. If we could time-warp Caligula here even he might be taking notes. Las Vegas has come to represent a whole bunch of things� the ultimate in pleasure and abandon, the place to come to when you�re at the end of your rope for your last-ditch effort to gamble what�s left and, with one spin or one hand, turn it all around, and (my favorite) the one place on earth you can come to where anything you do or say will be kept a secret��What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!� (I guess �Sin City� wasn�t good enough PR). Whoever came up with that catch phrase nailed something that exists in all of us� that subtle and sinister part that wants the freedom to do whatever we want when we want to (usually naughty) and to NOT have to be accountable for it. It�s like Disneyland for adults� the place to push all the envelopes and let all your inhibitions go out the window.

But there�s a catch� �What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas� is a lie. One, even if you get everyone who saw you do what you did swear on a stack of Bibles they won�t tell� they will. Talk about the odds not being with you. Next, whatever you did in Vegas doesn�t stay in Vegas� because it stays with you. And no matter how much you try to rationalize it, or minimize it, and tell yourself all the things everybody always says like, �It was just one time� or �Everybody does it� or �No one will ever know� or �That�s not me� the real me doesn�t do that�, our mind has the incredible ability to log in everything we think and do� and it�s there forever.

That�s why Satan, the Honorary Mayor of Las Vegas, loves guilt. He loves for you to do something wrong and feel bad about it, real bad. He wants for you to think of God as a big, bad, Policeman in the sky who is really ticked off at you for doing something wrong. He knows that as long as you feel guilty, and think you are really �disappointing� God, you won�t want to get close to God. Why would you? You�ll want to stay as far away as possible from what you think is the source of your guilt�God. He�ll whisper to you, �God doesn�t really understand you�. I do.� �I know you deserve a little �me time� and all you�re doing is letting off a little steam� and who will know?... and what�s wrong with a little fun?� You�ve heard it. Remember, Satan is a liar, and he wants you to think God is the source of your guilt, not you. The problem is, after the fun comes the shame and guilt, and no matter how fast you drive, you can�t leave it all back at the Bellagio� it follows you everywhere you go, because it is in you. Then, after a while, when the shame and guilt adds up enough you might be tempted to get rid of those feelings� enter the mood-altering �meds�. Whether it�s pills or potions, just trying to ignore the feelings, or simply running fast enough to stay one step ahead of them, there is no cure invented by man for guilt. It isn�t that man hasn�t tried. Drug companies make a living from helping us numb our feelings. The entertainment industry is all about distracting us and keeping us distracted� who knows what might happen if we stopped long enough to think? Think about it� what happens when you get alone with your thoughts? When you get quiet enough to listen to God, what are you hearing? If your thoughts turn to how bad you feel about what you�ve done� if you are carrying around guilt and shame, you don�t have to. Maybe you bought into the lie, the �Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas� mantra, that you can somehow be exempt from feeling the consequences of a God-given conscience that both tells us how much we need help and who to go to to get it. Without sounding too trite, God doesn�t want you to feel guilty, He wants you to feel �forgiven�.

We all need a dose of honesty, to see things the way they really are� ironically, I�m writing this from the capital of �not seeing things the way they really are�. But just as there are a million people waking up this morning wondering �How could I have gone so wrong?�, Jesus speaks against every minimizing, twisted, and deceiving lie of Satan and says, �Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.� Jesus is the only answer for our guilt� because he is the only one who can truly offer 100% pure forgiveness for our sin. He paid the price, and he gives it away for free.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
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The Smooch

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:32:33 +0100

The Smooch, 09.25.08

Top 10 Marriage Mistakes

Hi Guys!
I�m going to start a two or three week thing focusing on some common mistakes that people make in marriage. I realize this might seem like a bit of a downer� (�I�d like it better if he just said nice things!�). But most of us don�t really want to change things in our life until the heat gets turned up��We don�t change when we see the light, we change when we feel the heat!� Another thing, we all tend to suffer from the disease of denial (�It�s not THAT bad.� or �I don�t do it THAT much!�) and sometimes it takes a little dose of reality to shake us up. We all need regular encouragement��Great job� I really like it when you do this or that!�� and positive reinforcement will increase the odds that the behavior will happen again. But if things are not going the way we want them to go in the marriage, it�s likely that you might be making one or more of these common mistakes. Don�t take it too hard� just take it. Own it. If you find that you are doing some of the things that work against having a great marriage, change it! You are the only one who has the power to adjust your behavior. Also, little changes can make a big difference. So� here we go.

Top Ten Things You Need To Avoid In Your Marriage.

#1. Lack of Respect
It�s disrespectful to badmouth your spouse to your friends or associates (this includes family and in-laws). Talking about your spouse in a negative way to other people undermines the trust between you. Most people who do this usually feel �entitled� to gossip about the other person because they feel hurt or mistreated, so in a somewhat passive/aggressive way they �share� information to someone else under the guise of �getting help�, or �I need your advice.� This is a jerky thing to do. DO NOT bring other people into it. If you have an issue with each other, deal with your spouse directly and respectfully. Your marriage business is your private business and you must guard each other�s privacy and dignity. Also, any excuse you might use to justify badmouthing your spouse is irrelevant. �I was just joking!�� this won�t fly. It�s very important to build a feeling of trust between you so that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have each other�s back. By now, you already know a bunch of quirks and secrets about each other and it would be devastating if anybody else were privy to them. �Your secret is safe with me� must be maintained and guarded. Think of it�of all the people you could have chosen, you chose each other to be the one person on the planet that would be there for you, so take this responsibility very seriously. Also, if you have hurt each other, make sure you repair any damage that may have happened, as this is the only way to rebuild the bond of respect between you. Of course, no one is perfect� we talk about progress, not perfection. In the past you may not have taken this issue as seriously as you could have� it�s not too late. Apologize. Make it right. Begin now disciplining yourself to not badmouth your spouse to anyone, and to give each other positive encouragement and affirmation.

Another take on respect. We respect people who are growing. For example, if you �use to� be a person who took care of yourself, read books, took your spiritual life seriously, was in a good mood, was easy to talk to, etc., but after you got married you let some of these things �slide�, then you might want to look at this. What made you attractive to your spouse was the fact that you had self-respect� you were the kind of person they could rely on� believe in� you were �growing.� But if the only thing that kept growing after you got married was your pant size, you might have a little issue. If you have stopped doing some of the things you used to do (the things that the other person thought were a regular part of your life) then your spouse might feel like they ordered a nice, new Lexus with a bunch of extras and ended up with a �stripped-down� green Kia with a black interior and no air! (No disrespect to Kia owners.)

Now, to be fair, I think everyone puts their best foot forward when they are dating� we want to make sure we seal the deal. And there is always a little difference between the �person� other people see and the person we really are. But if there is too great a gap between the person they �thought� they were getting, and the person they got, then it�s time for some serious reality. Some people put off dealing with these things until they have to� and if you�re married, maybe it�s time. It�s funny, but some people never knew they had a problem until they lived with someone! Sorry. The cool thing is, your spouse will probably be a big supporter of anything you want to do that will improve your life� so in the end you both win. If we respect ourselves, we usually get respect from other people.

#2. Not Listening to Your Spouse
Try this one� You come home from work, you�re tired, you just want to relax, get some �me time�, not deal with anything that seems like a problem� and� your spouse pounces on you the second you open the door, �You won�t believe what happened today!� or �I�ve been trying to call you, there is a problem with the �� or �Did you do the thus and so and the frissel broke and the guy called about the thing and why do we have to blah blah blah and my parents called and they want to get together and the dog pooped on the carpet again and�.�.� For a brief moment you may be tempted to start looking for a gun�.but you don�t�. you just �look� like you�re listening�.but you�re not.

Almost everybody is guilty of this one! Whether we have a good reason or not, we have to watch it. It�s easy to get distracted, to let your mind wander, to pay more attention to the computer or television or simply to not give the other the full attention they deserve. We already know that we are all self-centered, we tend to tune into OUR needs first. Practice makes perfect. But if we�re not careful, we can put meeting our spouse�s needs a close second to meeting our own. It isn�t necessarily fair, but it�s the times when we ARE tired and want to NOT have to deal with stuff� that we have to remember something really important: When we decided to get married we promised to try to put the other person�s needs before our own. Look at the video� a bunch of people watched you say it! Here is one of the most effective ways to show your spouse that you love them� listen to them. Sounds easy, but what we may not realize is when someone isn�t listened to� they feel discounted. You might as well put a sticker on their forehead that says, �Marked Down!� By not giving the other person your full attention you have given them the message that something else is more important to you than they are� and if it happens regularly and often, you are going to have a problem. Some hints: look at the person when you are talking to them. Listen with the idea of understanding them� not just hearing them. Give empathic feedback, (i.e. �That must have felt bad.� Or �You seem really hurt�). Don�t give a quick, easy answer that sounds like you�re just trying to get them to quit complaining, �Why don�t you just tell them to��..�. Remember, back in the early days of your relationship, you probably listened a lot better than you do now� and that�s what helped make your relationship work. Over time, people tend to take each other for granted and think they already know what the other person is going to say� then, they �act� like they are listening when they aren�t. This is so wrong! This problem is easy to fix� give more energy to your spouse. Be interested when they call. Greet them when they come home. Remind yourself that listening is one of most important ways you show that you love someone. Try it and see what happens.

Next week, more opportunities to turn problems into solutions.

Love you guys!
Gerry
gerry@existencechurch.com

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Coming Back Home...

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 10:50:07 +0100

Shawn and I had the amazing opportunity to attend a church conference
in Kansas City this week. It was amazing to meet people from all over
the U.S. that are fighting to build God's Kingdom. This Sunday I'll be
sharing some awesome things I learned as well as updating you on some
cool next stages in our chapter two commission.

Hope you can make it!

Josh

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 11:21:07 +0100

the monday monster, 09.22.08

Mark 2:1-12

Mark�s Gospel seems to be written especially for people with Attention Deficit Disorder� or at least for people who get easily distracted. Mark, like the other Gospel writers, puts the details together in such a way as to give the reader no question about who Jesus is�. but he does it like MTV� fast-moving, bam bam bam, doesn�t get bogged down in extraneous detail. He moves along quickly, and we get the feeling he really wants to say more� but he keeps it short and sweet.

Remember, a Gospel isn�t intended to be strict history (although it contains historical detail), it isn�t intended to be a strict biography (although it does tell us things Jesus said and did), and it isn�t intended to be a strict �how-to� book on the Christian life� (although with a little effort we can usually get the point). Mostly, a Gospel is intended to give an accurate picture of Jesus� and to proclaim the �good news� of God�s salvation.
Last week, we left off at Jesus� baptism and the first major temptation in the wilderness. Here�s a recap of the rest of Chapter 1, bringing us up to speed before Chapter 2. If this were Headline News, it would take 2 minutes: here we go.

1. Mark 1:16-19. Jesus picks his team. Note: He starts out with fishermen� not the weekend rent-the-boat-and-hit-Mission Bay-guys, the pros. Granted, most people around the Sea of Galilee were in that business� but have you ever hung out around the docks? Fisherman are not known to be the most PC group, and not the predictable choice for anybody�s board of directors. But Jesus started there. This should be somewhat comforting� the people he chose to be his closest confidants, his Go To guys, were both the people who definitely needed him, but who would probably appreciate being chosen (�Who, me?�). That�s how it still should work� Jesus has chosen you (yes, you!) with all your flaws, insecurities, mistakes, and issues, and he hopes you will not take it for granted.
2. Mark 1:21-28. Jesus spoke in a synagogue (as a guest speaker, I bet the guy that booked him got fired!), was interrupted by a demon-possessed guy who knew who he really was (�I know who you are-The Holy One sent from God�have you come here to destroy us?�). Uh, ya think? Jesus cast the demon out of the guy and everyone who saw it told someone who told someone who told someone, �Evil spirits obey his orders! And he teaches with real authority� unlike our regular, churchy guys.� (This would be the beginning of a lot of bad blood between the Pharisees and Jesus� the green-eyed monster can even affect church folk.)
3. Mark 1:29-34. Jesus goes and heals Peter�s mother-in-law, earning Peter several years of nice Christmas presents and resulting in a ton more sick and wacky people coming to get healed (enough that the whole town came to watch). They didn�t need to hire a PR Firm, the word of mouth was just fine, thank you.
4. Mark 1:35-45. Jesus tries to get alone to pray and recharge his batteries, but Peter and the boys find him, �Everyone is looking for you.� No kidding. Jesus continues his mission of preaching and healing up north in Galilee encountering various characters (demon possessed people, sick people, and one guy with leprosy and a lot of faith.) In spite of Jesus� encouragement to not talk it up, the word got out big time and very large crowds continued to surround Jesus. It gets funny� big crowds� Jesus tries to get away �for a minute!� and they keep finding him. I would have copped an attitude. So much for Chapter 1.

Mark 2

Continuing the theme of Jesus drawing big crowds, Jesus returns home to Capernaum and the home where he was staying was immediately overrun with visitors.
(First note from his landlord: �Didn�t you read the lease? You can�t have that many people in the house!�).

Mark 2:1-12: 1 When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. 2 Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God�s word to them, 3 four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. 4 They couldn�t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. 5 Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, �My child, your sins are forgiven.� 6 But some of the teachers of religious law who were sitting there thought to themselves, 7 �What is he saying? This is blasphemy! Only God can forgive sins!� 8 Jesus knew immediately what they were thinking, so he asked them, �Why do you question this in your hearts? 9 Is it easier to say to the paralyzed man �Your sins are forgiven,� or �Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk�? 10 So I will prove to you that the Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive sins.� Then Jesus turned to the paralyzed man and said, 11 �Stand up, pick up your mat, and go home!� 12 And the man jumped up, grabbed his mat, and walked out through the stunned onlookers. They were all amazed and praised God, exclaiming, �We�ve never seen anything like this before!�

Second note from the landlord:
�Jesus, I was trying to be cool with all the extra people crowding into the house... but when the crowds started annoying the neighbors I had to say something. This just isn�t cool. And what�s this about your friends ripping a hole in the roof and lowering a man down into the living room? You are close to losing your entire deposit. However, when I heard about you healing the paralyzed man, I thought of a compromise� if you can heal the roof just like you healed the guy, we�ll just call it even. In the mean time, please keep the noise down.�

Jesus made it quite clear from the get go that he meant business. He was here to heal and set free the diseased and demonized, but that wasn�t all. He was more than just the new rabbi in town. Jesus seriously upped the ante when he went past healing and demon casting and started forgiving sins. And this is exactly what put the religious establishment over the edge. It�s one thing to pray for people, even heal them� after all, isn�t that what prophets and pastors are supposed to do? It�s another thing altogether to forgive sins. That�s God�s job. This put the Pharisees in a very tricky position. Even if they liked most of what Jesus said, they wouldn�t be able to ignore that little detail about �forgiving sins.� In fact, they were pretty much obligated to bring official charges of blasphemy against him, and start gathering rocks. They were facing a very disturbing philosophical puzzle� called a hypothetical syllogism. Ever since Aristotle (about 300 years earlier), those people who think about such things were dealing with this logical assertion:
If A = B, and if B = C, then A = C. Suddenly, the Pharisees had a real problem on their hands�
1. If only God has the authority forgive sin
2. And if Jesus has the authority to forgive sin
3. Then Jesus is God. Uh Oh.

Jesus had put the Pharisees in a philosophical �trick box�, which they couldn�t get out of, and they knew it. They began early on to strategize how to get rid of Jesus. Stay tuned throughout Mark for more of the same.

Final subtle but cool point. Please reread Mark 2:3-5. �Four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn�t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, �My child, your sins are forgiven.�

Notice what good friends these guys were. They lugged their paralyzed friend around, then somehow got him up on the roof, then dug a hole through it and lowered him to Jesus. Here�s the kicker� Seeing THEIR faith (the faith of the friends) Jesus healed him. The man�s healing was not as a result of HIS faith, but the faith of his friends. Here's the point: If you have someone you are praying for, don�t stop. God pays attention to YOUR faith on behalf of someone else. Also, let�s all do our best to bring as many people as possible to Jesus. You might have to literally or metaphorically �carry� them, or go to great efforts to get them there. But if you do, God will notice, and good things will happen.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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What a great 5 year!

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:39:29 +0100

What an incredible 5 anniversary this past weekend. Thank you for coming out and celebrating with us! We are officially opening up a new chapter in the story of Existence Church and can�t wait to see what God will do in and through us. I want remind you this week, we will continue to walk through the gospel of Mark, studying the life of Jesus. We look forward to seeing you this weekend.

Shawn
Existence Church
Inclusive. Missional. Community

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The Smooch

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:40:35 +0100

The Smooch, 09.18.08

How to Get Over Your Past (and Past Your Hurt)

Do you carry around a boatload of past hurt? Many people do.
Have you been neglected� rejected� abused� confused�(look I�m a rapper!)
Maybe you are struggling to get over the pain of an affair. Maybe you have felt like a victim way too long. Any way you slice it, if you�re having marital trouble, the chances are good that you need to put some hurt behind you.

It�s one of the most common questions I get. �I want to make my marriage work. But how do I get over the past?� �I just can�t forgive my spouse (or fill in the blank) for what they did to me.�

Here�s the key. The first step to getting over past hurt is to realize what you�re REALLY trying to accomplish.
Question: Do you really want to get over it? Some people say they want to, but they get a lot of mileage out of being a victim. Getting over past pain involves things like honesty, forgiveness, and letting things go�. so, again, do you really want to get over it? If the answer is, �Yes�, then here are some tips.

Q: What does it REALLY mean to get over the past? It starts with accepting reality.
You can�t change what happened. There�s no time machine that can send you back to relive the past. What�s done is done. Whatever happened, happened. Some people get stuck saying things like, �Why did it happen?�, or �How could they have done this to me?� Wrong questions. We may never know the answer to WHY something happened. People do what they do� and sometimes they do it to us!
Instead of endlessly replaying the tape� tell yourself, �It happened.� �It�s in the past.� �It�s over.�

This may feel like you are saying that whatever happened was okay� it wasn�t! The point is it�s useless to waste emotional energy on something you can do nothing about. What I�m saying is that you first have to be clear about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past (as I�ll explain). But you can NOT change events that already occurred.

The good news is that you don�t have to change the past in order to get over it.
What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, �Why is this happening to me?� But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense. God has a way of working things out like that. We don�t always understand what�s happening at the time� but God can see around the bend, He knows where He is taking you, and all you have to do is keep following. The truth is God uses really difficult times to mold our character and remind us to depend on Him. The Bible calls this process �sanctification,� making us more and more like Jesus.

Here is an amazing truth...
It�s the way we deal with the pain in our life that determines the ultimate meaning of it.

What this means is� it�s your FUTURE that determines your past, not the other way around. Think of it. You may not have had any control over how or why you may have been hurt in the past� but you have total control of how you deal with the future. And since YOU are in charge of your future (you and God, of course), then YOU determine the meaning of your past.

Imagine a giant cosmic game of Texas Hold-Em. (Don�t spend a lot of time poking holes in this analogy� any card game with God is probably not a good idea! I think the house wins most of the time.) Anyway�
God deals you a hand. Life happens. You can do nothing to change the hand you got dealt. You have no control over the cards you got, but you have a lot of control over how you choose to PLAY the hand. Ultimately, it�s the COMBINATION of the hand you�re dealt and the way you play it that determines the outcome. And it�s the outcome that shapes your view of the original hand you were dealt.

That�s how it works. Events happen in our life, and we get to respond to them. It�s our response, our actions in the future, which determine the meaning of events in the past.

So how do you get over the past?
Think about this� You don�t have to get over the past. The past is already over!
What�s important is the MEANING the past has for you NOW. And the MEANING of your past is determined by your actions in the future.

Did or can God use the hurt of the past to help you trust in Him more? Did or can it help you to learn more about yourself or other people? Or life? Can what happened to you make you more sensitive to other people going through similar things? Maybe it�s important to simply let it go� let God deal with whoever hurt you. When we forgive someone else, we stop needing to make sense of it.

The people I know who have the best marriages are people who went through tough times in their relationship. They �got over� their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation. In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves and their marriage.

If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED marriage. THAT�S how you �get over� the past. It�s strange how life works sometimes, but if you play your hand right, your hurts become part of your healing. And, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it�s usually bad times that awaken people to search for new ways to relate.

You may be hurting. But if you begin to rebuild your marriage, and explore better ways to make it work, your hurt will heal. We can�t make the past go away. But we can give it a new meaning. Then, you�ll be �over it.� And you�ll have a GOOD answer to the question: Why did this happen to me?

Here are a couple of verses to ponder:
2 Cor. 5:17: �Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!�
Romans 8:28: �And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.�

Final Questions:
How do you define yourself? Are you letting something in your past define you? Are you letting other people�s opinion of you define who you are? Or are you taking God�s view of you? God says you are created by Him, forgiven, loved, and designed to have a ministry in the lives of others. He can take all the mistakes you have made and all the pain others have caused you and use them to make you into a person he can use for HIS purposes.

Don�t drag the past into your present� leave it back there.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:04:17 +0100

the monday monster, 09.15.08

Up Down, Up Down

One of the hardest lessons to learn, but one of the most important, is to accept things simply as they are�not as �I wish they could be� or �the way they used to be� but as they are. How �bout, �It is what it is? This is what Jesus meant in the Sermon on the Mount when he talked about worrying about things we have no control over� �Don�t worry about tomorrow, tomorrow has enough problems of its own.� His point� trust God with your life. Things will go up and down, but God knows what�s going on, he has your best interest in mind, and He is faithful. It�s tough to accept the tough times if you don�t believe God is in control.

This is a dicey subject in church. Some people are fine trying to follow Jesus as long as things are going the way they want, but as soon as trouble happens (whether they caused it or not�I�ve heard more than a few times, �Why did God let me do that?!�, blaming God for NOT stopping them), they suddenly think, �This Jesus stuff is for the birds� I tried it, it didn�t work.� This betrays a slight misunderstanding of how God set the whole thing up. If we come to Jesus with the idea that HE is supposed to serve US, we�ve missed a giant point. Try this�pick up the phone and give Bill Gates a call. In the miniscule chance that you get through, say something like, �Hi Bill, this is _________, you don�t know me, but I�d like you to be my servant.� �Click�. Now magnify that scenario a million times� �Hi God, this is ________,�..�
We were created by God, we have two jobs� to get to know God and to do what He wants us to. Knowing and serving God is not about �using� him� as if God were a cosmic Mini-Me who�s only job is making us happy� it�s about joining HIS program. Once we get that straight we are in a position to experience a relationship with him.

Being reassured that God really does love us and wants the best for us, helps put into perspective the ups and downs of life. It�s easy to think that as long as things are good, this means God is really paying attention, you know, �blessing us�, but if something goes wrong, it means God stepped out for a snack. Not so. If something does not go the way we want, it doesn�t mean God turned on you, it means God wants you to turn to Him and go through the tough times WITH Him. I don�t know why we keep thinking life is supposed to be �problem free�. It�s tough out there� things break� people act like jerks� we act like jerks� stuff costs way too much� bosses act like bosses� you know. Walking with God doesn�t make us immune or remove us from problems, but if we're paying attention it should give us a good perspective on how to deal with them.

A great example of this is found in Mark 1:9-13.
9 One day Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee, and John baptized him in the Jordan River. 10 As Jesus came up out of the water, he saw the heavens splitting apart and the Holy Spirit descending on him like a dove. 11 And a voice from heaven said, �You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy.� 12 The Spirit then compelled Jesus to go into the wilderness, 13 where he was tempted by Satan for forty days. He was out among the wild animals, and angels took care of him.

In just a few words Mark, who generally cuts to the chase, gives us the bullet-points of how Jesus, (who was one hundred per cent in the center of God�s will,) went from incredible highs (Baptism by John the Baptist, heavens splitting apart, Holy Spirit descending like a dove, audible voice from heaven, � I�d call that a spiritual superfecta) to the toughest of times in the wilderness. It happened to Jesus, it can happen to us.

Some important lessons:

1. Just because life gets tough doesn�t necessarily mean you did something wrong. You can be walking closely with God and He might lead you into dangerous and difficult territory� He wants you to grow and learn, and get prepared for what He has for you in the future. Let God be in charge.
2. Just when you are really experiencing God in a huge way, Satan will come after you�hard. Satan doesn�t need to worry about people who either don�t know God yet, or people who �say� they are walking with Jesus, but aren�t. Those people aren�t a threat to him. But if you are walking with Jesus, you are� and he will mess with you. But remember two things:
1: Temptation is normal, but you don�t have to crumble� you can stand up to it. James 4:7 � Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.� Expect to be tempted, be looking for it and be ready for it.
2: In the temptation, God will take care of you. Mark 1:13: �He was out among the wild animals, and angels took care of him.� In the middle of the temptation, God provided angels to take care of Jesus (I wish we could see into the spiritual dimension and observe the drama going on around us� we�d probably be freaked out and excited at the same time!). Remember, God isn�t the one tempting us, Satan is� but God is allowing it to help us rely on Him and to grow stronger.

Remember, when tough times come don�t add to your grief by telling yourself, �This is awful! Why did God do this to me?� Instead, try to accept the ups and downs as a normal part of walking with God. Be grateful for the good times, and be faithful during the tough times.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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5 Year - Last Reminder

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:52:43 +0100

Church Family,

One final reminder, the five-year anniversary service is this Sunday. If you need directions or further information go to our main website: www.existencechurch.com.

One more reminder�

Women's Ministry Bake Sale
Bring a baked good if you would like to contribute or just bring your appetite, as we will have several yummy treats for you to enjoy! Donations will go towards our Women's Retreat in November!

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Life Group Leaders Only...

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:29:34 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

   A couple of things in bullet point fashion to help you save time. Please take a look at the following, so I can keep you in the loop, informed, and encouraged.

.: 5 Year
   Send a short e-mail to all of your group members reminding/encouraging them to be at the five-year anniversary this Sunday. All the information you need, can be found on our website: www.existencechurch.com

.: New Comers Game Night � Friday September 19th
   If you have someone in your group who is new to Existence, remind them about the upcoming game night happening this next weekend. We want to help them feel connected.

.: Don�t forget to Pray
   We have people in the trenches going through difficult times as a group leader and they could really benefit from you prayer support. Please remember to pray for all of our Life Group leaders this week.

.: Recommended Resource this Week
   Dave Ramsey is a trusted financial wizard with a real heart to see people get out of debt and get on their feet. He takes a very straightforward approach, but certainly offers really life solutions. To find our more for any person in your group struggling with financial problems go to: www.daveramsey.com

Have a great week. Look forward to seeing you soon!!!

Shawn

Important Website Links:

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The Smooch

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 11:16:22 +0100

The Smooch, 09.11.08

Communication Advice from Dr. Paul

Hi guys!
Today, I�d like to give you some advice that comes directly from a passage of scripture in Ephesians. This advice from the first century, over 2,000 years ago, gives us the essentials of effective communication�take that, Dr. Phil!

Suggestion: First read the passage below, then pray for God to show you anything that needs special attention, maybe something you might need to work on.

Ephesians 4:25-32
25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. 29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

These guidelines for communication can be helpful not only in your relationship with your spouse, but also at work, and with the rest of your relationships. Here they are:

1) Be Honest- Eph. 4:25
Speak the truth with kindness. Don�t hide the problems. Before a problem can be solved, it must be talked about. Being indirect and vague can be a disguise for dishonesty... deal with it directly and with kindness.

2) Keep Current- Eph. 4:26-27
Anger is a God-given energy to solve problems. It let�s us know that something is wrong� but don�t hold anger over night. When allowed to linger, anger produces resentment, self-pity, hatred, bitterness, and can affect our relationships. Each day�s problems must be dealt with that day. (Matthew. 6:34).

Questions to ask yourself:
a. Should I �let it go� or deal with it directly?
1 Peter 4:8: �Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.� If you can really drop it and let it go, great. But if it is hindering growth or good communication you must deal with it straight on.

b. Is the timing right? Proverbs 15:23: �A man finds joy in giving an apt reply�
    and how good is a timely word!.� Relationship is far more important than issue. Talk about things when the
    timing is appropriate for both of you. Don't be a bully, "We're talking about this....now!"

c. Is my attitude right? Is my suggestion constructive� or just mean? Is my
    suggestion solution oriented? Check your motives, "Why am I saying this?'

d. Are my words loving? Am I �speaking the truth in love?�

e. Have I asked God for help? Newsflash: God wants to be a part of this. Proverbs 3:5,6: �Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.�

3) Attack The Problem, Not The Person- Eph. 4:29-30
When we attack the person we are going after something that reflects on their character� we are trying to win the fight by injuring the other person. These emotional hurts cause more problems that just the issue you are trying to solve. Resist the temptation to put the other person down, make them feel stupid, or to be irritable and pushy. Don�t attack the other person, attack THE PROBLEM. Talk about reaching a solution, think about what needs to be compromised. Solutions must be expressed in terms of concrete actions� �What are we going to DO?�

Words that give help, solve problems.

4) ACT! DON�T REACT! Eph. 4:32
To act is to choose to respond with love, kindness, and forgiveness. To be loving is a conscious choice, an act of your will. It�s possible be loving, even though your first emotional impulse may to be negative.

To react is to emotionally respond to disagreeable things done to us with anger, bitterness, or resentment. Sometimes we react just to stir the pot� to make things worse� to get a rise out of the other person� just for the sake of argument. Quit it! Our first priority with the person we love is to have clean, direct, real communication. Arguments are only possible if each person REACTS. Sometimes one person needs to be the strong one� to NOT REACT, even if the other person is doing it. If both people are not fighting, you don�t have a fight� it takes two.

So� no matter how irresponsible, or irrational, or hurtful the other person may be� if you act Biblically, honestly, and lovingly� the chances are good that you won�t spin into a huge fight.

Recap:
�   Be Honest
�   Keep Current
�   Attack the Problem, not The Person
�   Act, Don�t React

Extra credit: Now read the Ephesians passage again, slowly� thinking about how this might directly apply to you and your relationship. Take mental notes and give your loved-one a call.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:49:16 +0100

the monday monster, 09.08.08

Mark 1: John The Baptist

As we begin our journey through the Gospel of Mark, one Bible character deserves some major attention� John the Baptist. There was only one John the Baptist.
There could only be one. He was that weird.

Fun facts about John the Baptist:

1) He had taken a �Nazarite Vow� which required him to live a very strict lifestyle.
The Nazarite could drink no wine or grape juice or eat anything that came from the vine. Not a giant deal, but it required discipline and sacrifice (and he was probably the only guy at the party drinking water!). Second, the Nazarite could not cut his hair. Not even a trim. This meant that by age 30, John�s hair would have grown long� beach/street person, homeless guy, rastadredlock long. In our culture, we might find this cool� at least interesting, but in the Bible, long hair on a man would be considered shameful (1 Corinthians 11:14). Key point: Someone who willingly takes upon himself that which causes shame has gone a long way toward conquering his pride. Most of us could learn something about this. Quick lesson: Sacrifice and discipline and enduring shame for a higher good are evidences of a heart devoted to Jesus. John had it.
2) John lived (not �camped�) in the wilderness of the Sinai desert on a diet of locusts and wild honey (why hasn�t anyone written The John the Baptist Diet?). Being a loner, he probably did not have the most finely tuned social skills... and he didn�t seem to be too concerned about how many friends he had on his My Space. Later, he ended up getting into major trouble with King Herod (like the President, but crazier) for calling him out for sleeping with/marrying his brother�s wife� not the best way to stay under the radar� but all part of the plan.
3) Do you remember the story about John the Baptist having his head cut off and served on a platter at King Herod's birthday party? Same guy. True story.
4) As strange and focused as John the Baptist was, Jesus honored him and called him, �The greatest man who ever lived.� Why? John was totally devoted to Jesus. Period. Nothing is more important than that� complete and pure devotion to following Jesus.
Apparently, under all that hair was a pretty solid guy.

So when Mark decided to start out his Gospel, he opened with John the Baptist� linking him to the fulfilled prophecy of Isaiah, making the point that Jesus didn�t just show up out of the blue. The Bible has multiple fulfilled prophesies not only about Jesus, but about the guy that came before him! That�s a lot of prophesies� with staggering mathematical improbability. (Check Josh McDowell�s Evidence That Demands a Verdict for some amazing statistics about fulfilled Biblical prophecy.)

Mark 1:4-7. �This messenger was John the Baptist. He was in the wilderness and preached that people should be baptized to show that they had repented of their sins and turned to God to be forgiven. All of Judea, including all the people of Jerusalem, went out to see and hear John. And when they confessed their sins, he baptized them in the Jordan River. His clothes were woven from coarse camel hair, and he wore a leather belt around his waist. For food he ate locusts and wild honey. John announced: �Someone is coming soon who is greater than I am�so much greater that I�m not even worthy to stoop down like a slave and untie the straps of his sandals. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit!�

Two things John did that we can do:
1) Prepare the way, point to Jesus.
That�s our job� to live in such a way that when people look at us they see a life that points to Jesus. Not in a fakey smile, over-the-top way� but a with sincerity, humility, and quiet, confident faith. We might never see the results of �preparing the way� with someone. A smile, an invitation to come to church, a selfless act of kindness done in the name of Jesus� any number of things can plant seeds of faith in someone. Just like John, we need to point to Jesus and prepare the way. By the way, when we openly align ourselves with Jesus we won�t necessarily win any �Miss Congeniality� awards. Some people just won�t be okay with it� and some of them won�t have any trouble facing you off. Chill. Lower the bar of needing to be �understood� by everyone and lovingly keep going. Our job, like John, is to prepare the way and point to Jesus. We have no control over the outcome, that�s God�s job.
2) �ME� needs to decrease, Jesus needs to increase.
A cool story in John 3:25-30.
�25 A debate broke out between John�s disciples and a certain Jew over ceremonial cleansing. (I wish I could have seen this! What they were calling a �debate� was probably more like a fight between the ultra religious guy, �You can�t baptize THAT way� and John�s guys who were just a little protective and probably somewhat irritable� locusts will do that to you). 26 So John�s disciples came to him and said, �Rabbi, the man you met on the other side of the Jordan River, the one you identified as the Messiah, is also baptizing people. And everybody is going to him instead of coming to us.� (Translation: We want you to be the guy� not that Jesus guy. We�re losing our crowd!). 27 John replied, �No one can receive anything unless God gives it from heaven. 28 You yourselves know how plainly I told you, �I am not the Messiah. I am only here to prepare the way for him.� 29 It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the best man is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success. 30 He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.�

Comparing himself to the �Best Man� at a friend�s wedding, �The Best Man isn�t supposed to get the spotlight, the Groom gets it. Jesus (the Groom) must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.� That�s also something that should happen to us. We need to constantly work at decreasing the size of our egos, and increasing Jesus� control and influence over our life.

For you history freaks, I came across what I think is an interesting tidbit from Josephus (Jewish historian who wrote at the end of the first century.) In Antiquities (18.116-118), there is a reference to John the Baptist where Josephus describes John�s activities. Remember, this is a non-Christian, first century historian, in an extra-Biblical source, commenting on John the Baptist.

�But to some Jews the destruction of Herod's army seemed to be divine vengeance, and certainly a just vengeance, for his treatment of John, surnamed the Baptist. For Herod had put him to death, though he was a good man and had exhorted the Jews to lead righteous lives, to practice justice towards their fellows and piety towards God, and so doing to join in baptism. In his view this was a necessary preliminary if baptism was to be acceptable to God. They must not employ it to gain pardon for whatever sins they committed, but as a consecration of the body implying that the soul was already thoroughly cleansed by righteousness.�

John�s message brought people to a place of repentance, turning their lives around and putting God first. Jesus would come right after John and finish the story by BEING the ultimate sacrifice for our sin. We can be reminded that we are forgiven from our sins NOT because we have followed certain rules, performed the rituals, and gone through the motions� but by faith in Jesus alone.

Remember to act a little like John the Baptist.
We may not want to emulate his look (check out old pictures of the �60�s� it�s already been done!), but we can certainly strive to live a life that points people to Jesus.

�He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.�
Think about it.

Blessings,
Gerry

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The Smooch

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 11:58:34 +0100

The Smooch, 09.04.08

Value 6: Holiness

Hi guys!
Well, here we are� the final week of the series on 6 key values that are essential for a healthy relationship. It wouldn�t hurt to go back and review the first five and remind each other (nicely!) to put these into practice. In case you didn�t know, you can go to the newsletter archives at www.existencechurch.com for any of the past editions of The Smooch. Today: Holiness.

�What?� �Come on� you could have come up with a little more exciting way to end this series!� �What does holiness have to do with our improving our relationship?� �How �bout, �3 Ways to Improve Our Sex Life, NOW?!�

At first glance the topic of �holiness� might seem a little boring� a little obvious� like, �Okay, both of us are Christians, we both believe the same things, we sort of pray sometimes, and we try to live right� we got married in the church by a real Pastor� we�re� uh... holy.� True, the idea may not sound very romantic or sexy� but I�m not talking about being more religious, like replaying some old church experience from your childhood. I�m talking about something way more alive.

In reality, holiness is attractive for a marriage. Think about it� a holy person is a person who is �blameless.� The Bible pictures holiness as not just being religious (following a bunch of rules, NOT doing bad stuff) but also as having a real, alive relationship with God. It�s a relationship based upon the reality that we have been forgiven by God, therefore we are free from the guilt and shame of our sin. What makes the Christian journey a current �relationship� (and not simply a religious affiliation) is the fact that we choose to follow Jesus moment by moment� allowing Him to have control over us. When both people in a marriage choose to live �holy� lives, they have the opportunity to get close to something amazing� to experience what the very first couple, Adam and Eve, actually experienced with God! Before Adam and Eve chose to allow their self-will to take over which led them to dishonesty and disobedience, they lived in a perfectly open and free relationship with God and each other. No secrets, no deception, no hidden agendas, no pent-up resentment, no fears of saying the wrong thing, no subtle put-downs, no doing-our-own-thing-because-they-just-don�t-understand. Adam and Eve didn�t have a past that kept messing up their present. They didn�t have to fear that the other would fall back into �bad patterns�. They simply lived pure, open lives with God and each other. When two people are able to do that, they can experience a freedom and ease with each other that can turbo-charge their relationship. Genesis 2 says, �Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.� This means no body image issues, no guilt from past sexual escapades, no self-esteem problems, and nothing in the way of totally being themselves. That�s what holiness can do for you.

Let�s come up with a workable definition of �holiness.�
In the Bible, Holiness involves something God does, and something the person does.

1. Holiness means �set apart� for God�s purposes.
In Old Testament times, when a thing - such as a piece of furniture that belonged to the Tabernacle or Temple - was sanctified, it was considered holy unto the Lord. It was never to be used for any other purpose than that for which it was dedicated. To become holy, then, was to become the �property of God,� set aside for the service of God, according to His will. With inanimate objects, the will was not involved, so the process was simple. But with people it�s a little different. We have strong wills and many complex mental, physical, and spiritual patterns. We can be our own worst enemies. We get ourselves into trouble. But the principle still applies: To be �holy� means to be separated from the past and recreated from our original state into a person of usefulness to God. When we come to Christ, God cleanses us and �sets us apart� for His service. That�s God�s job. Then comes our job.

2. Holiness means to cleanse ourself.
2 Cor. 7:1: "Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God."
When we come to God, confessing our sins, the atoning blood of Jesus Christ forgives the past, washes the heart clean, throws wide the gates of eternal life, and sets off a chain of events in heaven that included a new name for the newly born child of God, angelic protection, and an open line of communication between us and the throne of God. Not bad. And now holiness suddenly becomes our business.

We don�t just rely on the fact that we have been forgiven from our sins to be an excuse to allow junk to invade our lives. Living a holy life means taking the initiative to continue to deal honesty with anything (attitude or behavior) that would displease God. The Holy Spirit will reveal the Word of Christ to us and grace will teach us (Titus 2:11,12), but we ourselves must execute the act of turning from the carnal way of life to the way of holiness which pleases God.

This is a process, not an instant fix, more like a continual exercise, not unlike what we do our health� instead of calling something a �diet�, it�s better to think of it as a �lifestyle change.� That�s what holiness is� a lifestyle dedicated to God. In James 4:7,8, we see a simple principle demonstrated.

         1. "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
         2. "Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you."

More and just "believing" certain things, holiness means we do a few things: we resist the Devil (get away from the temptations that would lead us down the wrong path), manage our attitudes and thoughts to be honoring to God, and make it a priority to draw close to God on a regular basis.

Okay, by now you might be wondering, �What does this little Bible study have to do with improving my marriage?� Good question. Here�s the answer.

If every marriage placed a value on holiness, the following would be present:
�   Confession and ownership of the problems in each individual
�   A relentless drive toward growth and development
�   A giving up or everything that gets in the way of love
�   A surrendering of everything that gets in the way of truth
�   A purity of heart where nothing toxic is allowed to grow

This is the benefit of holiness� a better relationship. When both people are sincerely trying to live holy lives, something amazing happens� their respect for each other grows.

Hint: This is the secret for a great relationship� respect.

Progress, not perfection. You don�t have to be perfect� just real, honest, and willing to stay the course.

I hope this has been helpful� let me know, I appreciate your feedback.
gerry@existencechurch,com

Love you guys!
Gerry

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San Diego, CA 92126
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Notes from Fuel Night...

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:57:23 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

   I hope you are enjoying your week so far. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who came to this past Sunday evening to Fuel Night and to all who were not able to come, we missed you. Here are some key things to remember�

.: 5 Year Anniversary
   Make sure to talk about this in your group this week. Come celebrate the five-year anniversary together with the rest of our church family! It is a perfect time to invite friends and family members, so please help us get people there.

.: Chapter 2
   Thank you for taking the time to fill out the survey and for contacting your group to do like wise. If for some reason you haven�t yet, make sure to contact your group this week. All questions about Chapter 2 should go to Josh. He would have the answers you are looking for: jhexistence@hotmail.com

.: Book Recommendations

Humility: True Greatness
C.J. Mahaney

Disappointment with God
Philip Yancey

On the Old Testament: A book you will actually read
Mark Driscoll

On the New Testament: A book you will actually read
Mark Driscoll

.: Three Questions

   We talked about this on Sunday. Three questions every leader should ask are as follows: 1.) Am I faithful? 2.) Am I Fruitful? 3.) Am I Grateful? If you want more information about any of these questions feel free to call or e-mail.

Have a great week!

Shawn

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Monday Monster

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:27:22 +0100

the monday monster, 09.01.08

James 5� say 10 Hail Marys and 5 Our Fathers

Hope your Labor Day was great! Here is a slightly abbreviated Monster a day late.

13Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. 17Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. 18Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops. 19My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, 20remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

v. 13. �Is anyone in trouble (afflicted)? He should pray.�
I don�t know about you, but when something happens to me that disturbs me�the idea of praying about it isn�t always the first thing that pops into my mind. Praying is a few positions down the list. It usually comes after �Oh crap!�(immediate emotional reaction), �What�s your problem?�(blame the other guy), �What am I going to do?�(frustration and fear), and �This is terrible!�(awfulize the situation). Then I might think, �Hey, maybe God wants you to check in with Him and consider what He wants to do with this situation? �Oh�yeah�God.� How easy it is to get caught up with the immediate, and miss the eternal. Remember, Paul reminded us that ALL things work together for GOOD for those who know God. If we really believe that, when something happens that frustrates, confuses, or troubles us, maybe we should consider praying before we waste our energy trying to figure it all out.

v. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
This passage is full of meaning, if you go slow enough. First, there are all kinds of sicknesses� physical (obvious), mental (some obvious, some not), and spiritual. Let�s simplify things� we are all spiritually sick in some way or another. We are all infected in various degrees with self-centeredness and it makes us take things personally and blame others and get angry and hurt and think that we are not worth much and sometimes think we are worth way too much. James makes a great point in suggesting that the way to address our sickness is NOT to isolate ourselves, figure it out, try harder, etc.� but to get some people together who love us, humble ourselves, and get prayed over. This is the avenue to healing� being honest with ourselves and each other and getting real, loving support. Notice the phrase, �If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.� Sometimes our �problems� are the result of rebellion. We have fallen into behaviors that are not honoring to God and will eventually cause us to self-destruct. This �sin� needs to be admitted, confronted, and confessed� and it�s only then that we can feel free. That�s what forgiveness feels like. Finally, the amazing principle of confessing our sins to each other. Confession has been around the church for a long time� and has gotten a bad rap. Some of think of �confession� in the Catholic way� going to confession. You go into a small booth� dark� and a priest is next door in a booth with a little curtain-covered window in between. He asks if you have anything to confess since your last confession and you have at it. When you are done, you have �confessed� and you are up to speed until the next one. I like to think of confession as the discipline of sharing with each other our flaws and mistakes and being truly open and honest about it. It�s been said that you aren�t being truly open and honest with God until you can be open and honest with another person. I guess we think we can B.S. God, even though we know we can�t. It�s a little different when you actually hear yourself saying out loud to another person sitting right in front of you the rotten, slimy, funky, dishonest, hurtful, things you have done. It�s also different when the person gives back an attitude of grace and acceptance, and sometimes even shares some of their own dark side. The end result is when everybody is honest and confesses their flaws with each other, then everybody gets to feel less isolated and terrible, and actually closer to each other and more a part of life. That old James had it goin� on.

19My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, 20remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
We�ve all heard the unfortunate truth that Christians are the only army that shoots it�s wounded. It�s easy to do. Someone is doing alright in their walk with Jesus, then stumbles a bit� also easy to do. Instead of having compassion and empathy, some religious types prefer to gossip about, throw rocks at, and basically turn the knife. Here is a better approach: kindly help the person. Love them. Don�t judge and demean. Empathize with them (the next time it might be you). There is a good chance that you might help turn them back around and get on track. Imagine how Jesus treated most of the hurting and obviously sinful people he encountered� with love. By the way, Jesus saved his most confrontive and angry words for the over-religious Pharisees who loved the rules more than God. He was quite gentle and loving with regular sinners. Whew.

Closing thoughts: Has it been a while since you really experienced a sense of God in your life? That sense is somewhere between a feeling�like God gives you a little touch of heaven, a feeling of peace/joy/serenity/ safety/confidence/trust� and a commitment (a real decision to turn your life over to God and walk with Him). It�s a resolve to get real and serious about walking with Jesus, practicing His presence, and it�s an awareness of serenity that can only really come from God.

Please realize that God is only a prayer away, and when he picks up, he has been waiting patiently for your call. By the way, if you haven�t read The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, it deserves a read at least once a year� it helps keep the Pharisee part of me in the cage.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
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Message for Point Loma Students about the 5 Year

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:25:23 +0100

Hey Guys,

We see you as an vital part of building the future of Existence Church and want to personally invite you to our 5 year anniversary this Sunday, September 14th at 11:00 am. Come and see how you can have an impact on the San Diego community. We'll have free food and live music so bring your friends and enjoy a day at the park. If you need a ride, just email Josh Carter at joshc@existencechurch.com

We look forward to seeing you this Sunday at Nobel Park!

Directions:

Go North on 163, then take the 805 north exit. Get off at Nobel Drive, the exit right before Miramar Road. Turn left on Nobel Dr., then turn right on Judical. Turn left on Research Pl. which will take you into the parking lot.

Thanks,
Josh Hotsenpiller
Lead Pastor
Existence Church

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Fuel Night Reminder - This Sunday

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:15:52 +0100

Just one more reminder: Fuel Night this Sunday from 4PM - 5:30PM at the church. Please be on time and we will end on time.

Look forward to hearing from you. Please call me instead of e-mailing if you need me this weekend.

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The Smooch

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:13:17 +0100

The Smooch, 08.28.08

Value 4: Compassion and Forgiveness

Hi guys!
This is week fifth of a series of 6 key values that are essential for a healthy relationship. If you missed the previous ones, you can go the newsletter archives at www.existencechurch.com.
Today� Compassion and Forgiveness.

Marrying somebody is like joining a church� if you are looking for a perfect church (or spouse), and you think you found one, don�t join it (or marry them) because it will no longer be perfect! We are all flawed, imperfect people who need God�s grace every day. And it�s really important to remember that whomever we marry is also in the same boat. We tend to forget this. One of our problems is when someone else makes a mistake, we like to make sure they know about it, (just in case they were not aware of it). We want to �help� them be a better person, so we correct them, even if they haven�t asked for our help. Under the guise of �I�m only telling you how messed up you are to help you,� we can come across critical and judgmental� and not being loving at all. Of course, people in relationship with each other say and do a lot of things out of their own personal hurt and pain� and until and unless that is dealt with directly, their interaction is doomed to be distant and phony. And it�s crazy how many couples live that way.

One of the areas couples struggle with is the issue of �Idealizing� each other. We all have a picture in our mind of the �perfect� match for us. It includes personality traits, physical attributes, social styles, and a bunch of unconscious stuff nobody can figure out�(�I want my mommy!�). As a couple gets to know each other, there is a slow (sometimes sudden) realization that the person I �fell in love with� isn�t totally the perfect match for me in every area of my life (by the way, nobody is). And however large the difference is between this �Ideal� picture of the other person, and a more realistic view of them, this is the amount of adjusting that is required to make things work. I think one of the reasons God made marriage is to make us get outside of our own self-centered selves and to focus on somebody else�s needs. If both people make an honest attempt to validate and appreciate each other, everybody wins� unfortunately, way too many couples stand on opposite sides of the room waiting for the other person to make the first move. After they have waited long enough, sometimes they call a marriage counselor, sometimes they call a lawyer.

I sometimes have couples do a little exercise called �Appreciate/Resent.� I have them write down on a sheet of paper all the things they Appreciate about the other person. This list includes things like the way they look, the personality traits they possess, how they are with people, style issues like how �tidy� they are, or how �hang loose� they are, how hard they work, how they love God and nurture their spiritual life, etc. Then I have them share their list with each other. This is a fun time. The couple is usually quite in touch with how good a match they are for each other. This list, by the way, should be called �The Idealized Picture I Have of You and If You Ever Deviate From It You Are In Big Trouble� list. Then I have them make another list� the things I resent about you. This is a tougher list. Especially after the �funfest� of the first list. But with a little prodding they are able to get in touch with some things they wish the other would do differently. Things like, �I sort of bugs me when you��.� You might imagine already that some of the very same things that are on the �appreciate� list are also on the �resent� list. Something like this: �I really appreciate how �organized� you are,� goes with, �I wish you would loosen up a little� you sometimes are just too rigid.� These are two sides of the same coin� How about, �I really enjoy how fun-loving you are!� and �I wish you wanted to be more motivated in you career.� Or, �I like you sensitive you are� really in touch with your feelings� and, �You get your feelings hurt too easily.� We all have these different parts that sometimes are in conflict with each other� they sometimes just don�t get recognized until we live with another person! This brings us to the core of today�s Smooch� the need for compassion and forgiveness in marriage.

Any way you slice it, we will sooner or later let down our spouse or feel let down by them. It may be because of an unrealistic view of them, or an expectation that was a little high (OUR fault)� or it may be a full-on, �I�m angry with you and I�m gonna let you have it!�(THEIR fault). But the reality is, the person you love the most and have committed your life to is an imperfect being. This person is guaranteed to hurt you and fail you in many ways, some serious and some not. You can expect the failure to come. As the Bible says, �There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.� (Ecclesiastes 7:20). Even if everybody agreed that you chose the perfect spouse for you� that person will let you down.

So the question becomes, �What then?� What do you do when your spouse fails you in some way or is less than you wish for him to be? What happens when she has a weakness or a failure? How about an inability to do something? What about an unresolved childhood hurt that he brings to the relationship?

Other than living in denial, there are only a couple of options. You can beat each other up for having imperfections, or you can love each other out of them. The Bible says, �Love covers a multitude of sins� (1 Peter 4:8). Nothing in a relationship has to permanently destroy that relationship if forgiveness is in the picture. No failure is larger than grace. No hurt exists that love cannot heal. But for all these miracles to take place, there must be compassion and tenderheartedness.

The Bible gives a great picture of God�s compassion: �to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior.� That is what God does for us� He bends down to us in our inferior, broken, sinful state and reaches out to us. That�s the same attitude we need to have for each other.
First, you forgive what is inferior to the ideal standard. You humble yourself to identify with your loved one, who is experiencing life in a way that is less than you or even they would want. You give up all demand for your spouse to be something he or she isn�t at that moment. It�s so easy to be short, critical, and picky� and so God-like to be gracious, patient, and tolerant.
Second, if your spouse is hurting or failing, you are not morally superior, but you may be in the stronger position at that moment to be able to help. God never uses the stronger position to hurt, but always to help. �Therefore, as God�s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Col. 3:12-14.)

What a great picture� to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. What if we �wore� these qualities every time our spouse failed or was hurting? That would be nice� but, unfortunately, most of us are a little too human. We get pissy, hurt, offended, and our hearts get hard and we hightail it out of there.
This is the ultimate relationship killer: Hardness of heart.
Failure isn�t the problem� it�s when we choose to not forgive.

The Bible places a high value on tenderheartedness.
Here are a few ways to put it into practice.
1) Identify with the Sin and Failure. Have an attitude of humility toward your spouse�s failures. Nobody likes a know-it-all. Lighten up, maybe next time you�ll need some grace.
2) Identify with Weakness. If you can admit your own hurts and weaknesses, you�ll be a lot better at accepting them in others. Don�t get angry with your spouse for her weakness! This is the worst thing you can ever do. Become a partner in the healing process, not a judge. Humility is a good thing.
3) Be willing to be vulnerable again. �I�ll never let them hurt me again.� This will keep you from getting close, but wont� really help. If your spouse is truly repentant and can be trusted, it�s important to open up again. Remember, there is no ultimate security against being hurt in life� we have to trust God. And don�t expect your spouse to be perfect. You will both occasionally let each other down� deal with it.
4) Be willing to repent. Forgiveness and tenderheartedness come from the injured party. But, for it to be useful to the future of the relationship, the person who failed must own his failure and show a true change of heart. Without that, opening up oneself to that person makes no sense. We open ourselves up to people when they show that they are trustworthy. This does not mean that they will be perfect, but it does mean that they are truly going to try.

Compassion, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness are qualities that ensure that imperfect people have a chance to experience love and relationship for a long time.
Try them on.

Love you guys!
Gerry

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Fuel Night - This Sunday!

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 13:01:56 +0100

Fuel Night Reminder,

   I want to remind everyone we are having Fuel Night this Sunday at 4PM to 5:30PM at the church. If you will make sure to come on time, I will make sure we are finished on time. Thank you ahead of time for coming. I know some of you are unable to make it. We will definitely pray for you and your group. Have a great day!

Some F.A.Q.

Will there be food?
   I will bring some drinks and chips. I want to have us finished by dinner time, so you can spend time with friends and family or rest on Sunday evening.

Where will we meet?
   We will meet in the Children�s room downstairs.

What do we need to bring?
   Nothing, except a smile and a good attitude.

Look forward to seeing you then,

Shawn

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Monday Monster

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 14:41:03 +0100

the monday monster, 08.25.08

James 5� The Worthlessness of Riches

We have to remember a couple of things when we read the Bible. First, if we really want to get out of it what God wants us to� everything in it must interpreted properly� that means in it�s proper context and consistent with the rest of the Bible. Anybody can take a verse or two out of context and make it mean anything they want� that�s not honest, or smart� though it�s done way too much. Also, we might occasionally read something that seems strange at first glance and then begin to wonder and question and before long get ourselves all worked up about something that isn�t even a big deal at all. That�s why context is important. The second thing to remember is in the original documents there weren�t chapters and verses. Those were added later (in the Middle Ages) to help organize and study the Bible� but were not necessarily �inspired�. For example, when you come across a verse at the beginning of one chapter that seems like it might belong in the previous chapter�. It might. Don�t worry about it, just read the whole chapter, or letter, as a whole.

This brings us to today�s Monster. When you read James 5, if you�re not careful you might come to the conclusion that James has it out for rich people. In Chapter 2 he made a point that everybody should be treated the same regardless of their 401K� (Who knows? Maybe the people with money in his church were getting hit up too much, maybe the high rollers were throwing their weight around� funnier things can happen in church.) Anyway, James was making the point that it�s way more important to be rich in spirit than just rich. He wasn�t putting rich people down, he was making a point.

Then we come to chapter 5, and James comes out with both barrels. But here is what he was getting at�

James proclaims the worthlessness of RICHES, not the worthlessness of the rich.

There is a big difference. God doesn�t care if you have money or not, in the arena of faith, that�s obviously not an issue. However, the reality is if you have been blessed with material possessions, being �well connected�, having good networking, great people skills, and a substantial bank account then you may be tempted to take yourself a little too seriously. And that�s seems to be what James is keying in on. Sometimes you have to pull out the big guns to get somebody�s attention� especially if someone is headed in the wrong direction.

1-3 And a final word to you arrogant rich:
This is a memo to those of you who are a little off the deep end, not seeking God, but relying on the false security in your riches.

Take some lessons in lament. You'll need buckets for the tears when the crash comes upon you. Your money is corrupt and your fine clothes stink. Your greedy luxuries are a cancer in your gut, destroying your life from within. You thought you were piling up wealth. What you've piled up is judgment.
What he is saying is, �If all you have to show for your life is outside of you� you are headed for trouble.� Because stuff rots, things get stolen, stock markets crash�. lifestyles can change. If you are not cultivating a real relationship with God� when things crash, you�ll have nothing. On the other hand, if you are walking with Jesus you can function fine whether you are up or down, rich or poor� and even if you lose all your stuff, at least you still have Jesus. Sometimes we don�t know Jesus is all we need until Jesus is all we have.

4-6All the workers you've exploited and cheated cry out for judgment. The groans of the workers you used and abused are a roar in the ears of the Master Avenger. You've looted the earth and lived it up. But all you'll have to show for it is a fatter than usual corpse. In fact, what you've done is condemn and murder perfectly good persons, who stand there and take it.
If you have become successful, did you get there by exploiting and cheating people? Who did you have to climb over on your way to the top? God has a lot to say about how we treat those who are a little lower on the food chain than us. If you are a boss, or an owner, you have a responsibility before God to treat your people with dignity� and if you don�t, the judgment will not be pretty. Again, these harsh words are for people who are not walking with Jesus. God forgives all our sins, even the sins of being a jerk. The best business owners are those who put God first.

When you were a kid did you ever stock up on stuff? I just had a flash� I used to love the day after Halloween, dividing up the candy into little piles, sorting the good stuff from the bad, feeling like it would last forever. It didn�t. Nothing does, especially wealth. James is reminding us to not �hoard� wealth. It�s one thing to be a wise steward of the resources God has blessed you with, it�s another thing to hoard and accumulate wealth without considering God. Question: Is God in charge of the financial part of your life? Or do you just include God in the other areas (try to be a nice person� try to be a good friend� go to church� ) but leave Him out of the money side of things. I know why I don�t want God to have too much control over my money� He might want some of it! Yep, He just might want me to use some of it for His Kingdom. What a concept� there is another Kingdom besides the Kingdom of Gerry. And what�s all this about �my� money. Truthfully, if we really believe God is in charge of our life, then the money that comes our way isn�t really �our� money anyway. It belongs to God, and God lets us use it for all the things He thinks are important. Kind of like having a company credit card� except the company is �God Inc.� Of course we need to take care of the basic necessities� that�s part of the plan. But when it comes to acquiring way more stuff than we really need, or excluding God from the negotiations about how to spend our disposable income� God might have a little something to say. When you think about it, God doesn�t really need your money. But he wants you to trust Him enough with your money to learn that you are not in charge.

As usual, we are reminded that the most important thing we can do is surrender our will to Jesus. It all comes down to that. And, by the way, this is not a once-and-for-all event. It�s a daily thing. Somehow, overnight, some time between when our head hits the pillow and the moment the alarm goes off in the AM, our self-will gets rejuvenated. It has a mind of its own, and it is ready to hit the ground running. We have a daily, spiritual battle against the part of us that wants to take over the show, and unless we remind ourselves of this, we�ll think our self-will knows what it�s doing. It doesn�t.

Lord, help me to acknowledge that I want to run the show, but what I really want is for You to run it more.

Blessings,
Gerry

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One Week Left...

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 12:56:04 +0100

Existence Church Family,

We will be offering the opportunity to take the online survey for 7 more days. Please take the time to take this survey and assist us as we journey together into the second chapter of Existence Church.

We have already received several exciting responses from the Focus Questions. I have been blessed and encouraged by the responses. Over 98% of the responses have positively agreed that over the next three years we will out grow our facility and that it would be wise to begin now preparing for the future. I have also been able to speak with many of you one on one and answer a few other questions that were helpful to the process. I've listed the questions below with my responses.

1. I still see open chairs, why do we need a bigger facility?

Great question! It's important to remember two things. 1. We're in the middle of summer and many people are traveling, and students are on summer break. 2. We are not planning on moving for another three years. If our growth even stays close to what it's been over the last two years we will fill up three service times in a year and a half.

2. Do we really need more bathrooms?

Yes. It will be a day of great freedom and rejoicing when men and women no longer have to share restrooms! Using the restroom is a private gender matter and in the future we look forward to providing both male and female restrooms at our church facility. Also, as grateful as we are to have our present facility, instead of having restrooms right in the back, it will be nice to have restrooms located somewhere outside of the main sanctuary.

3. Why can't we just rent a larger facility?

As you know making wise financial decisions with God's money is a top priority to me. The question is, which is the most effective use of our resources, renting another commercial space or building our own? Renting is expensive. The average rent per square foot for commercial space is $1.20, plus triple net (a share of insurance, homeowners fees and taxes), which average .35 cents per square foot, raising the total
to around $1.55 per square foot. Simple rental cost math: $1.55 x 20,000 square feet = $31,000 per month. Simple mortgage cost math: 20,000 square foot building with 25% down payment = monthly cost of $11,377. We could do a lot to advance Gods kingdom with that difference!

4. Can we use the staff offices for Kid's Facilities?

No. This would pose two major problems. The first issue would be the office space upstairs is not permitted for children. While it may work on a small scale for a brief period of time, it is not a good long-term solution� as the staff offices are used for work every day. Second, I get distracted easily� I would play with the toys and not get any work done!

5. Why can't we add a 6am Sunday morning service?

Because the only person there would be the person who asked this question and while I love them dearly I'm not showing up a 6am just for them!

Guys we love you! We hold to the confidence that God is preparing us for an amazing second chapter. God is calling our church to serve this city more and more and to daily express who He is. As we are faithful, we believe we will continue to grow not only in numbers but also in our collective expression of the character and attributes of God.

Looking forward to all God has for us!

Josh Hotsenpiller

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The Smooch

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:53:22 +0100

The Smooch, 08.21.08

Value 4: Faithfulness

Hi guys!
This is week four of a series of 6 key values that are essential for a healthy relationship. If you missed the previous ones, you can go the newsletter archives at www.existencechurch.com. Today� Faithfulness.

Think about these words:
�   Trust
�   Confidence
�   Assuredness
�   Conviction
�   Fidelity
�   Truth
�   Certainty
�   Permanence
�   Rest

Now, put these words into the context of a marriage:

�   Trust in each other
�   Have confidence in each other
�   Be assured of each other�s character and dependability
�   Be convicted of your ability to trust in each other
�   Be certain of each other�s fidelity
�   Be true to one another
�   Be permanent to each other
�   Rest in each other

All of these words hint at what Faithfulness is. A faithful spouse is one who can be trusted, depended upon, and believed in, and one in whom you can rest.

Our idea of faithfulness in marriage is often shallow. We generally think of it only in terms of �not going out on the other.� �I was faithful, I didn�t have sex with her!� Yet in many marriages spouses may be physically faithful� but not emotionally faithful. They may not be sleeping with other people, but the partners can�t depend on each other in the ways listed above. There is little trust, little certainty, little safety.

Being faithful means to be trusted in all areas, not just sexual, trusted in matters of the heart as well as the body. Being faithful to your spouse means that you can be depended upon to do what you have promised, to follow through on what your spouse has entrusted to you. It means that your spouse can be certain that you will deliver on what you have committed to�in the big things, but also the little things. It could mean being sexually faithful� but it could also mean coming through on doing the chores faithfully! It could mean staying within the monthly budget and coming home when you say you will. It could mean opening up about something that needs to be talked about, even though it might be uncomfortable.

One of the words the Bible uses for �trust� is a Hebrew word that means, �to be so confident that you could �care-less.� In other words, you don�t have to worry. You are so confident in the other�s faithfulness, you don�t worry about it. You can trust that what was promised will be done. The children will be picked up from day care. The milk will be bought at the store. The bill will be paid. The appointment will be made. You can rest in the knowledge that what needs to get done will get done.

Of course faithfulness, like the other key values is developed over time. It can grow, and it can be damaged� but it can be rebuilt with consistent effort. One thing that comes to mind is the fact that we are all in a growth curve� towards maturity. Sometimes people bring long-standing, immature habits into a marriage and what was never an issue before (because you were all by yourself) now is a problem! Maybe you never had to worry about being on time (the same way your spouse might think of it), or maybe you never had to care about doing household chores in the same way� but since you now are with another person, it�s important to compromise and establish a mutually agreed upon approach to living together. Once you understand and agree� then you can begin to build faithfulness. Many couples never really get down to business and negotiate the little things (like who does what chore� when, and what constitutes �clean�, etc.) and they end up bickering and arguing and getting their feelings hurt over dumb things� that grow into big things. Believe me, if resentment continues to grow in a relationship and is not dealt with, over time it can be disastrous.

Faithfulness, of course also means that you will not stray from the one you love. Physical adultery means giving yourself to someone else sexually. But you can commit emotional adultery as well; you can have an �affair of the heart.� An affair of the heart means taking aspects of yourself and intentionally keeping them away from the marriage. This does not mean that you cannot have deep, sustaining, healing, and supportive emotional relationships with other people. We all need the power of friends in our life. I�m talking about when you use other things in life, whether or not they be relationships, to avoid your spouse. A crush at work keeps some part of you split from your spouse. A hobby that takes more time and energy than your marriage. Or an addiction becomes more important than the person to whom you are committed.

Sometimes people pursue other activities because things are not going well at home� and the activity becomes a way for the person to feel better about themselves. Unconsciously, or sometimes consciously, the person is avoiding uncomfortable feelings at home. The activity may not be bad all by itself, it just is being done with mixed motives, and the spouse usually knows something is wrong. When a spouse complains about an activity (�Do you have to golf again today?�), it�s usually more about the underlying question, �Why are you avoiding me?�. It�s the underlying issues that need attention, the things that are NOT being talked about.

When things are not dealt with effectively, they can turn worse. For example, one spouse is insecure and controlling. They, out of their insecurity, harp on the other about all the things they had not yet done, or about ways they could have been done better. This behavior �drives them apart.� The other spouse, because of his shame and fear of more criticism avoids directly dealing with his spouse about his feelings. He gets defensive, has big blow ups, and withdraws emotionally. This behavior �keeps them apart.� Over time, he withdraws more and more and begins to retreat into an addiction, which give him a temporary relief from his bad feelings.

Both spouse are being unfaithful. She needs to address her issues of insecurity and control, which caused her to criticize and disrespect her husband, and he needs to acknowledge that he had turned to another �mistress� to deal with his anger and pain. When both people take responsibility for their own lives, and choose to make faithfulness to the other a high priority, things can be restored.

Finally, develop a habit of building faithfulness in your marriage. Follow through on the things you commit to. And if you make a mistake, acknowledge it, confess it, and make it right. This will build trust. But if you avoid dealing with a mistake, cover it up, lie about it, hope it will go away� than you are creating a situation that will eventually come back and possibly do some damage. Better to play it safe!

Love you guys!
Gerry

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San Diego, CA 92126
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sdg

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:38:58 +0100

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sdgdsdg

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:35:31 +0100

sdgd

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Monday Monster

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:00:45 +0100

the monday monster, 08.18.08

James 4: The Bonus Round

It�s so easy to buy into the thinking that �God is just about the �God stuff� in my life� you know, the spiritual part� the praying, the Bible reading, the trying to live right�. that�s where God interfaces. The rest is up to me. Why bother God with the small stuff? I make the call when it comes to my chosen work, my occupation, how I bring home the bacon, who I marry (or date), who I hang out with, how I do recreation (or wreck creation), and what things I purchase to make my life more comfortable. Think about it� why in the world would God have any concern with that stuff? Isn�t He just a little bit busy? Not only that, we�re taught by the culture that it�s all up to me to make my own way in life. It�s a dog eat dog world out there.�

Something to think about�there�s a big difference between taking full responsibility for the things I should do in my life, and considering myself the ultimate �decider� in my life. The truth is, if we think that all God wants from us is to try to be good people� good religious people, and that�s about it� I think we are really missing the boat. Apparently, so does James. I think one of the largest battles we fight as a church is to not succumb to the gravitational pull towards being more �religious�� having a �God-part� in our life� vs. being a true follower of Jesus. If you haven�t gotten seriously confronted by the book of James yet, get ready.

James 4: 13-17.
13-15And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, "Today�at the latest, tomorrow�we're off to such and such a city for the year. We're going to start a business and make a lot of money." You don't know the first thing about tomorrow. You're nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, "If the Master wills it and we're still alive, we'll do this or that."

The more you can relate to the above scenario� the more you are acting like a functional atheist. Basically, you live your life giving God lip-service, but not making Him a part of your day-to-day existence. That�s the same way an atheist would live� trying to be a good person, but not personally relating to God. (I suppose even an atheist can have a bad day, and have serious doubts about the non-existence of God!) James give us two talking points.
#I. You talk about your future plans, without even considering God in your present! Tomorrow isn�t even here, yet. Try living today� let tomorrow worry about itself. Check the Sermon on the Mount: "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.�

Subpoint: Think about the big picture� in the grand scheme of things our life really isn�t that long� unless you happen to be in line at the DMV. We only have a few years on this planet� if that, so let�s make the most of our life by surrendering it to God. He'll take care of the rest.

#2. Instead of just going for whatever you want� develop a habit of considering God�s perspective on things, saying, �If the God wills it....� It�s a mindset, not a mantra. Don�t just say, �If it�s God�s will�� Really consider it, and act like it. Make it a reality in your life that you include God�s plans in your plans� a lot. This isn�t just telling your self a story� not just saying magic words. God wants us to live with an attitude and awareness that He is the one who is ultimately in charge of our life. Live moment by moment with an awareness of God�s presence.

16 As it is, you are full of your grandiose selves. All such vaunting self-importance is evil.

Grandiosity. Self-interest. Self-importance. James isn�t letting up. If we are leaving God out of the equation of our life� essentially saying, �I am the ultimate judge for everything I do in my life�, James says we are too full of ourselves. He�s right. �As it is, you are full of your grandiose selves. All such vaunting self-importance is evil.�

If we are not full of God, our only other option is to be full of ourselves� and most of us are hopelessly grandiose. Of course we need to feel good about ourselves� and we should. God doesn�t make junk. Having an accurate assessment of our strengths and weaknesses is important� and having self-confidence and faith in God is a good thing. But being self-centered, arrogant, obnoxious, and grandiose isn�t part of the menu. We have to be careful that we don�t take ourselves so seriously that we take God lightly� reducing Him to something like a "life coach" we don't even bother to listen to. If we really put this in perspective means that God gets to have the ultimate say� not us. Ask yourself a question� Think of a time when you got off track in your life. Were you focusing on what YOU wanted for your life, or what God wanted for you? Living life our way, making ourselves the center of the universe, can only lead us away from God, not toward Him.

17 In fact, if you know the right thing to do and don't do it, that, for you, is evil.

If you�ve made it this far without feeling too bad about yourself� it�s time for the Bonus Round, as James decides to throw in a twist on how to really live for God. Most people think that living right is about what you DO, and what you DON�T do. Do nice things� Don�t do not nice things. James throws in an even higher standard as a way to judge our behavior. If you are presented with a situation that requires that you do the right thing, or take a stand, like actually say or do something that you know in your heart God wants you to do� and you choke� you don�t do it� you just keep silent� then that omission is just as evil as if you did one of the big ones. Please don�t miss the point. We are all sinners, and if it were up to us to get to heaven based on our good looks and good behavior, none of us would make it. Jesus paid the price. Faith in Jesus alone is what gets us to heaven. However, this side of heaven, when it comes to day to day living, trying to live a life that consistently reflects Jesus, we are called to not only try to �not do bad stuff� but to proactively and courageously take stands for God and against evil. In practical terms, for example, this may mean doing something at work like standing up for someone who is getting their reputation skewered by co-workers, when doing so might diminish your �cool� factor. It would be way easier to not speak up� but not nearly as loving. Not doing the right thing is just as wrong as doing the wrong thing.

This reminds me of how Jesus went all in with the Pharisees� when talking about sin. He raised the stakes when he described sin as way more than what it looks like on the outside. It�s not just the act�it�s the intent. Anger, lust, deceit, (all things inside of us in our minds) are just as wrong as murder, adultery, and lying. You may not have gotten caught, but it doesn�t mean you didn�t think about doing it. Some of us are not very good at hiding our emotions� if you think it, you show it. Maybe a little low on impulse control. It may be a little inconvenient�but frankly, it�s a little more honest than the guy who has learned to be an expert at keeping the fa�ade going. I know people who lie like a rug but won�t admit it, 1) because they have developed extremely dangerous levels of rationalization, and 2) for them to be honest enough to admit their flaws would mean making huge changes in their life... changes they are not willing to make. How about anger? �I�m not angry� I�m�. frustrated.� Admit it. Or how about being so hurt that it turns into hate? Our minds are filled with land mines of feelings and thoughts that we have trouble admitting are even there. The standard that Jesus (and then James) sets requires us to be honest, even with our thoughts and intents.

Finally, why do you think that Jesus wants us to be willing to be proactive� to listen for His voice� and to follow it? Because Jesus wants to be able to work on the fly�he wants to be able to say to you, �Hey, give that guy some money,� or �You need to say something nice to that person�� and have you go, �Okay, here I go!�. Jesus wants to work with us, spontaneously, in the moment. Have you considered that God wants to go with you to work, or wherever you might go? To be his hands and feet and voice with everyone you come into contact with today?

If you are willing to do the right thing, at the drop of a hat, for God�s kingdom, you are someone who will experience the spontaneous moving of God�s Spirit, today.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:36:31 +0100

The Smooch, 08.17.08

Value 3: Love Your Spouse

Hi guys!
This is week three of a series of 6 key values that are essential for a healthy relationship. The first one was Honesty� getting real with yourself and taking seriously your commitment to a relationship. Once we get real we can move to Loving God. Putting what God wants for us first in our life is the foundation for real commitment to another person. Today, we move to Loving Your Spouse.

We hear a lot about love, and everybody has their own ideas about what it really means to them... a custom-made recipe that includes a variety of ingredients. To some it includes romance (I �feel� in love), to others it involves security (I feel �safe�). To still others, it is the feeling of being attracted to some quality that another possesses, such as power and achievement (we all say, �I love that about you.�) What we usually mean when we say this is that there is something in the other person that gratifies us in some way, and we like it! These are all wonderful aspects of loving another person� they are all a part of celebrating who that person is� they are ways of affirming how the other person adds to our existence. And things seem to go great as long as we are in touch with the qualities in the other person that we like and appreciate and make us feel good. This is what we call feeling �in love.�

But what happens when we don�t see �what we love� about our spouse? What happens when our �love� disappears? The reality is, sooner or later in every close relationship, something happens to break through the layers of fantasy (�You are the perfect person� the ideal match for ME!�) and we suddenly see the other person as they really are� with flaws and imperfections� and this bums us out. Of course we forget that the other person is having the very same realization about us� and the net result is both people realize that they married a real person, not a fantasy, and it�s time to work on redefining our concept of love. Even though this feels like a bad thing, it�s really a necessary part of growing towards a more mature love for each other. We all begin with a somewhat �self-centered� view of love� �What�s in it for me?� It started when we were little, when the world revolved around our own personal needs, and there is nothing at all wrong with having our needs met� it�s just one part of the story. The other part involves growing into a more mature kind of love.

The love that builds a marriage is the kind of love that God has for us. The Greek word �Agape� describes God�s love that �seeks the welfare of the other.� It is love that has nothing to do with how someone is gratifying us at the moment. It has to do with what is good for the other. In short, the love that builds a marriage is concerned with what is in the best interest of other person, not me. Newsflash: I am not the center of the universe. Jesus said it this way, �Love your neighbor as yourself.� When we do that, we are truly loving someone.

What does it mean to love someone �as yourself� in marriage?
Three things: 1) You so deeply identify with your spouse that you feel the effects of your own behavior on your spouse, 2) You think first of making your spouse�s life better and, 3) You want the best for your spouse even when your spouse can�t see what that is.

First, you so deeply identify with your spouse that you feel the effects of your own behavior on your spouse. When people do things in marriage that hurt the relationship, selfishness�and a lack of thinking about how that selfishness will affect the other person�is usually at the root.

Last night I was seeing a couple, and this issue came up. The woman was trying to describe how �disconnected� she was feeling from her spouse, and how hurt and afraid it made her feel. When I asked the husband what he was hearing, he said in a somewhat defensive and irritated way, �She wants me to talk to her more�she wants me to pay more attention to her� she wants me to� (the list went on and on.) We wasn�t hearing how hurt and disconnected his wife was feeling, he was hearing something like, �You are blowing it� you need to change� you are a bad husband!� When I suggested that he get in touch with his own experience of how it feels to be hurt and afraid� and then try to identify with his spouse�s feelings� he was able to begin to soften a little towards her as he realized he was playing a role in hurting her. Instead of fighting off what he saw as an �attack�, he began to see the effects of his behavior on his spouse.

When we see life through the eyes of our spouse, we see what it is like to be on the other end of a relationship with us! We need to ask ourselves, �Would I like to be treated the way I treat my spouse?� or, �If my spouse treated me the way I treat her/him, how would I react?� To deeply identify with another person is to think about the effects of your behavior on that person. It is to get out of the self-centeredness of just acting to please oneself. To love someone �as yourself� is to put yourself in the other�s shoes and see what it feels like to be them. To truly empathize with another allows us to identify with them and to feel how we affect them. This empowers us to seek the best for them.

Second, loving your spouse as yourself means you think of making your spouse�s life better. You think first about what it would be like to be in the situation or state of life the other is in. �He just goes off to work and enjoys himself, while I have to stay home with the kids!� �All she has to do is babysit for a few hours, and keep the house clean, how hard is that?!� �We both have full-time jobs, but he expects me to clean, cook, and do all the house-stuff while he just kicks back!� �She has no idea how much pressure I am under just keeping this job� I don�t know how to talk to her about it.� I wish he realized how hard it is to be a new mom. I left a career I was good at to do a new job as a mom that I have no preparation for.� �We used to hang out a lot more and enjoy each other�s company� what happened?� �We miss each other.�

When a couple thinks about making each other�s life a little easier, it feels like love.
When one partner wants to take some money from the budget to invest in personal growth, it becomes a �team effort�, not a selfish venture. You are in this together, and what is good for the other is good for you. Question: what comes to mind when you think about doing something that might make your spouse�s life a little easier? It doesn�t have to cost a whole lot of money, maybe it�s just a chore that would lighten the load a little. Maybe it�s just telling the other that you appreciate something they do. Whatever it is, think of making your spouse�s life better.

Third, a difficult concept to grasp� loving your spouse as yourself means you want the best for your spouse even when your spouse can�t see what that is. It may be a difficult confrontation, or a healing in your spouse�s life. A good example of this is when a person does an intervention on an addicted spouse and puts him into treatment, even if the spouse does not realize that this is good for them. It may be a need for spiritual growth and a person tries to get her spouse closer to God. Or, it may mean a relief from duties, as when one spouse gets a job to lighten the workload of the other. The key concept is that this is done for the benefit of the other, not for oneself. This kind of love may cost you. It may put you out. It may be difficult for you. But if you were the other, it would be good. That is the essence of love. Love involves both commitment and action. Love is the foundation for marriage: love for God and for another person. It expresses itself in seeking the best for the other person no matter whether they deserve it or not. It places the other person above one�s own selfish needs and desires. It sacrifices, gives, suffers, weathers hurts and storms for the long-term preservation of the covenant.

One of the best descriptions of love available comes from 1 Corinthians 13. It doesn�t hurt to read this every day!

�Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.�

None of us is able to live out this description of love completely, but as we try, our love will get stronger and continue to grow. For extra credit, put your name in where it says "Love". i.e. "Bob is patient, Bob is kind, Bob does not envy," etc. See how you are doing. Make adjustments.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
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Making a Big Decision...

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:02:37 +0100

Helping people make �big� decisions�

In the last couple years, I have had the privilege of being in multiple settings where people have wrestled around with big life decisions. It can be awkward at times for several reasons; they are leaning on your wisdom, the weight of your words, to make the final stamp of direction. Here are some of my thoughts that may be helpful to you as you help others.

The biggest part of being a life group leader is making decisions. Many of us get to participate in life-saving decisions on a regular basis. How a leader makes decisions is critical. There is a clear path for making decisions by asking these questions:

.: QUESTION #1: "What does the Bible say about this decision?" The authority of God's word has the first say about any decision we make big or small.

.: QUESTION #2: "What would smart advisers tell me about this decision?" There are people that God has intentionally put around you to help you make critical decisions. There are things they know that you do not know...rely on them!

.: QUESTION #3: "What have you learned from the pain of past decisions?" Leaders should be adding to their learnings year after year. Journaling is a discipline that allows you to chronicle the positive and painful decisions of the past and empowers you to repeat them or not repeat them.

.: QUESTION #4: "Is the Spirit of God prompting me?" Romans 8:6 says, "The mind of sinful man's death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." When you are in step with the Spirit it will bring life and peace.

.: QUESTION #5: �Are you justifying or running away from anything?� A lot of decisions are made out of fear and insecurity, not out of peace and confidence.

.: QUESTION #6: �Are you making this major decision in a time of emotional chaos?� It is never a good principle to make major decisions in times of emotional chaos. Wait until you regain emotional stability before making a major decision in your life.

I hope this helps. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Don�t forget to get back to me about the Fuel Night date!

Praying for you,

Shawn

Important Website Links:

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Women's Ministery / Next Event

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 17:11:16 +0100

We would like to invite you to our next Women's Ministry Event...

What: Women's Ministry Night at the Movies - To Kill a Mockingbird

Where: Cinema Under the Stars (check it out at www.topspresents.com),
4040 Goldfinch St. San Diego, 92103

All interested in carpooling can meet in the Mission Valley Library
parking lot near Ikea (Fenton Parkway and Friars) at 7:30 p.m.

When: Friday, August 22nd at 8:30 p.m.

Cost: 13.50 cash or check only

What to bring: A blanket and extra cash for snacks

Please contact Autumn at autumn.bonner@gmail.com or 619-895-0744, for more details!

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Exciting Important Family Matter...

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 13:40:43 +0100

Existence Church Family,

   Please take a moment and read the following reminders. THIS IS AN EXCITING IMPORTANT FAMILY MATTER TO US!

.: Chapter 2 / Online Survey
   Please take a moment watch the video, read through the info, and fill out the survey.
   Go to: www.existencechurch.com/chapter2

.: 5 Year Anniversary / September 14th
   Please secure this date on your calendar and make plans to celebrate with us.

Look forward to hearing from you soon�

Shawn

Important Website Links:

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www.existencechurch.com
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Fuel Night - Please Read!!!

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 13:27:05 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

Many of you have asked me about doing Fuel Night on Sunday evening from 4PM to 5PM on the 31st instead of the 29th. I would be happy to move the day from Friday to Sunday as long as that works for everyone else. Please take a moment and send me an e-mail back, so I can make a final decision this week.

Main Question: Do you want to move the fuel night from Friday the 29th until Sunday the 31st?

Please continue to pray for our other group leaders as they move forward leading our church toward relational and spiritual growth.

Look forward to hearing from you soon�

Shawn

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:37:59 +0100

the monday monster, 08.11.08

James 4: �Hello, my name is James, and I�m a Sinner.� �Hi James!�

Maybe it�s the human condition, we�re all just hopelessly self-centered� we like things �our way.� Maybe it�s the culture that tells us �Believe anything you want� it doesn�t even have to be true� make up your own spirituality� the most important thing is that it works for you.� Somewhere in the middle of all that we find ourselves trying to figure out what God really wants us to know. We don�t want to accept without challenge the belief systems of the past simply because someone told us to, but on the other hand wisdom would tell us we need to be grounded in historical reality and discover God�s timeless truth no matter how old it might be. As we try to sift through our belief options it�s tempting to take a Las Vegas $4.99 �Buffet� approach to Christianity� simply pick and choose what works for you, what you �feel like�, and leave the parts that don�t in the moment appeal to you. �I�ll have a little Bible� not too much, I�ll have some church attendance, I�ll have a some prayer� �Would you like some holiness?� �No thanks, not today.� �How about some control over your desires?� �I�ll just have a taste.�

The problem with picking and choosing, and doing our �Christianity� our way, is just that� when it�s all said and done we run the solid risk of not doing it God�s way. If we do not submit to God�s real authority over us by living in true, honest obedience to him, then we are not following Jesus at all� we are walking along, looking back to see if Jesus is following us. Or worse, we aren�t even looking back. When Jesus called the first Disciples it was pretty clear they knew what they were signing up for� they left everything and followed Jesus. In our culture, some people feel like their style gets a little cramped if they have to stop at 3 beers. As I�m writing this I am struck by how important following Jesus was to the first Disciples� how passionate they were� and how not passionate we are. When we read Jesus� parables about the Kingdom of God we get pictures of something so important that people would sell everything they owned just to get in on it. A woman turned over her entire house just to find the lost coin� we have trouble reading a few Bible verses. I have been recently wondering how close to the church at Laodicea (Rev. 3) we are getting� �I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm�neither hot nor cold�I am about to spit you out of my mouth.� Yikes. We know what passionate looks like� watch the Olympics. You don�t get close to qualifying for the team without major commitment� forget lukewarm, at the slightest hint of cooling off you�re done. There is no room for grace at the Olympics, too much money, pride, and politics are on the line� one slip up and you lose a few million in endorsements. That�s the way of the world. But wouldn�t it be interesting if we caught a little of the same passion for following Jesus? The same kind of focus� the same kind of discipline� the same kind of commitment?
Question: Does following Jesus really make a difference in your life� or are you just a pretty nice, religious person, who �tries� to not do too many bad things, to be a �good person�, but who basically runs your own life all by yourself? If that describes you, you might be a little too religious for Jesus. Maybe you haven�t thought about it this way, but� Jesus doesn�t want you to do religious things (or not do nasty things), those things are not the point. He wants you first to make him Lord over your life. Then, by following his lead, your behavior will take care of itself.

Key issue: Are you letting God be in charge of you or not?
If we can answer that question honestly, we are ready for some confrontation. Nobody likes to be corrected or confronted� we avoid it like the plague. 1) Nobody likes to make mistakes and to have to be accountable for them 2) Most of us don�t intentionally try to hurt other people� and it makes us feel bad if we have done it and get confronted about it. The Good News� God is the only one who can let us have it, call us on our stuff, and lovingly bring us back to a place of forgiveness and restoration.

James 4 gives us a streamlined confrontation. Read it slowly.
1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Remember the story of David (2 Samuel 11). He had started out quite well (David and Goliath, etc.) �A man after God�s own heart.� But he got away from a close, moment-by-moment relationship with God and with one, self-indulgent move started a nuclear reaction of personal bad choices and David ended up with way more than he bargained for (Power trip, adultery, she got pregnant, he had the husband murdered, David lived in total denial for way too long.) Eventually, Nathan the prophet called him out. Read Psalm 51 for David�s repentance song. God�s love doesn�t stop, he waits for us to repent�
The question is, �Do we take him seriously enough?�

4You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

�Friendship with the world�. James is telling us, �Be careful, if you are too friendly with the ways of the world (attitudes, lifestyle, world-view) you are going the opposite direction from God. We are to love the people in the world, but not adopt the world�s ways.

7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

James has included his version of the 12 Steps (He was about 2,000 years ahead of his time). The 12 Steps (The core principles came out of a Christian group in the early 1900�s�The Oxford Group) are intended to be done one at a time, at first, then lived out as a whole, practicing each one, one day at a time.
Below is a list of the 12 Steps (adapted from the original).

1) Submit to God. Step 1, Step, 3. Have you submitted to anybody except yourself lately?
2) Resist the Devil. Say �No� to the desires and temptations that suddenly appear in front of us. Step 11, Step 12
3) Confess your sin, receive God�s washing of forgiveness. Step 4, Step 5.
4) Grieve, mourn, and wail: Realize the consequences of your behavior. You have hurt other people. Make amends. Take responsibility. Admit and confess your sins. Step 6, Step 7, Step 8, Step 9.
5) Humble yourselves before the Lord. Step 10: when wrong, promptly admit it.

* Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our sinful desires - that our lives had become
unmanageable.
* Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
* Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
* Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
* Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
* Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
* Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
* Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
* Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
* Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
* Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
* Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

It�s never too late to move from being �religious� to following Jesus. David figured it out�

�You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.�

(Psalm 51:16,17)

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Chapter2 Reminder...

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:11:28 +0100

Existence Church Family,

Just a reminder to take a moment this weekend and look at Chapter 2 of our story. We are excited about turning the page with you. Take about twenty minutes; watch the video, read through some helpful info, fill out the survey and look through the F.A.Q page.

We look forward to seeing you on Sunday!

Go to: www.existencechurch/chapter2

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:40:28 +0100

The Smooch, 08.07.08

If You Really Love God, You�ll Love Me a Little Better

Hi guys!
First of all, we had a great time last night meeting a whole bunch of new folks at the Newcomer Dessert! God is bringing some very cool people.

Last week we started looking at some of the bottom-line, key values that are essential for a healthy relationship� the first one was Honesty. Today, we look at one that can be easily misunderstood� Love of God.

Every now and then a couple will make an appointment and as soon as we sit down it�s very clear that they are at the end of their rope. It happens. By the time they start counseling, they had stopped trying� they had already given up hope� next stop, the attorney. But as disillusioned and hurt as people get, before we totally give up on each other we have to remember that with God, all things are possible� and no matter how far off track we may have gotten, He can help us find our way back, if we let Him. The first step is admitting that we need help, as a couple. Sounds obvious, but you�d be amazed how we fight this one. Most people are pretty good at admitting that it�s the other person that has the problem� �I�m willing to try if they get their act together!�� blaming the other person isn�t admitting anything. We have to come to a place where we admit that we are hopeless, done, rock-bottom� then we might be in a place where God can break through our denial.

It�s totally possible to be someone who wants to follow God, yet have come to a place where you do not want to put any more effort into trying to work on a relationship. After enough disappointment in each other and the relationship, there is not enough love left between the two people to hold them together. Yet, they would both say they love God� and do.

If I would ask the couple if, as believers, they would commit to doing what God wanted them to do� they probably would say, �Yes,� but would think I meant, �God doesn�t like divorce, so you have to stay married.� �Just endure a miserable relationship indefinitely� because� that�s the way it is!�

I think God is way more interested in people �being� married, than simply �staying� married.

Let�s get down to basics. Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God with every ounce of yourself: �with all your heart and with all you soul and with all your mind and with all your strength� (Mark 12:30). Why did he place this value above all others? Although we could point to many reasons why this is so important, one in particular relates specifically to marriage.

When loving God is our orienting principle in life,
we are always adjusting to what he requires from us.

If we really are committed to loving God, then we are saying that what God wants from us is more important than what we want for ourselves. This means that during the times when I am frustrated and want to go off on my spouse, or feel that something is unfair, or difficult, or painful� and I am tempted to just do what I want to do� it�s in those times that I must default back to what God wants from me. I am ultimately accountable to God for my behavior, and I can�t put the blame on my spouse or anybody else. The reality is, sometimes I do something, or don�t do something not because I �feel� like it� but because it�s the right thing to do. God wants me to do it.
If I say I want to put God first, really, than I must choose to behave consistently.

Have you ever wondered why people make wedding vows? They�re nice, and romantic, and some people get way too creative with them� some people like the streamlined old-school vows� but however they�re done, they are a public promise to do certain things for the other. I think some couples (maybe most couples) at some time reach a place in their relationship where the feelings are wearing pretty thin, and the only thing keeping them from breaking one of their wedding vows is the fact that they made a promise not to. That�s okay. That�s why most States make it at least a little hard to get divorced (in California it takes at least 6 months and a LOT of money)� because with half a chance most couples can reevaluate things and find a way to reconcile, especially with God�s help.

The point is, it�s really important to consider God�s perspective on your marriage. Left on our own we can be pretty selfish, self-centered, sensitive, touchy, and miss the truth that God wants to use marriage to help us to grow up (both in the �spiritual� sense and in the �grow up� sense.) And when we put God�s will first, and obey Him, even when it�s tough, God will help us change and grow. The cool thing is, when both people are putting God first, everybody wins. On the other hand, when both people put their own needs first, nobody ends up being happy.

Bottom line: we have a higher calling. We are not left on this planet just to mark days off our calendar� we are here to glorify God and to share his love with others. And �others� means your spouse.

Let�s let loving God be the orienting principle in our life, adjusting to what He requires from us. When we do that, our relationships cannot help but improve.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
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Dessert Night - Reminder

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:39:49 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I wanted to remind you that we are having the dessert night tonight! We would love to have you come join us as we share our story, talk about the future of Existence, and much more. Look forward to seeing you soon.

When: Tonight
Where: Existence Church / 7PM

Look forward to seeing you,

Shawn

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Life Group Leaders Only...

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:41:48 +0100

As always thank you for leading. I encourage you to be intentional, love those who are in your group and look for ways to be a voice for God in their life. Below are some thoughts for you�

Latest News

-Fuel Night Reminder: August 29th / Friday Night / Reserve the Date

-Couples Life is going on our first ever retreat. Chad and the team have done an excellent job preparing a great time for our couples. Please pray as God uses the main speaker to speak into the life of those who come.

-Rebekah and Heather lead a women�s life group that recently finished going through a Beth more Study. They will be starting back again very soon. If you have any material suggestions, they would love to hear from you. Also, please keep them in prayer as they move forward. Take a moment to encourage them this week:

E-mail: Rebekah Rollins: bekah.rollins@gmail.com / Heather Klat: justsaying@hotmail.com

-Kasey is leading Softball Life Group this will have it�s first practice this week. Take a moment and pray for him and the group. If you have any words of encouragement send them his way:

E-mail: Kasey: kmccoskery@hotmail.com

Announce in your Group

-Remind your group to take a moment and walk through chapter 2 on our website. We want to hear honest feedback as we plan to move forward. If you have any questions or would like more details, just call me. All they need to do is go to: www.existencechurch.com/chapter2

Recommended Resource for this Week

-I recommend the book Celebration of Disciplines by Richard Foster. It is a great book about how to grow in your relationship with God. You can find it everywhere books are sold. It is a very popular book and great to take a group through.

Sample:
�The Discipline of Simplicity� Chapter 6

�Simplicity is freedom. Simplicity brings joy and balance. The preacher of Ecclesiastes observes that �God made man simple; man�s complex problems are of his own devising� (Eccles. 7:30, jb). The discipline of simplicity is an inward reality that results in an outward lifestyle.�

*The chapter is about understanding how we can over complicate our life and in turn reap havoc on our hearts. We get more and more, yet value less and less.

Have a great week. If I can help don�t hesitate to contact me!

-Shawn

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Monday Monster

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:41:26 +0100

the monday monster, 08.04.08

James 3: Wisdom

If there is anything that we have to be careful about as a church, it�s the tendency to get �churchy.� If you�re a lifer going to church, you know exactly what I mean. It�s what Jesus hammered the Pharisees about� when they were concentrating only on the rules of right behavior and missing the greater point of having an up-close and personal relationship with God. It�s having a �Church� part of your life, and �The Rest Of Your Life� other part. It�s saying, �I love God,� but having blaring inconsistencies in your lifestyle, and not even admitting it. It�s being a �Good Christian� but harboring resentment, unforgiveness, and jealousy against fellow believers� and acting as if that�s okay (usually by justifying WHY you have those feelings, as if that makes it right!). Being �Churchy� means not being �Cold� in your relationship with God (you DO �believe�, even though it may not directly impact your behavior), but certainly not being �HOT� (on fire with Jesus, passionate about God�s Kingdom work). It�s more like �Lukewarm�. The trouble with lukewarmness is it�s right in the middle� average� barely noticeable� bland� not making any difference. A lukewarm bath feels nice for about a minute, that�s all. A lukewarm swimming pool is easy to get into, but doesn�t feel refreshing at all... it's kind of �blah.�

Lukewarm faith is even less appealing� check Rev. 3:14-19� a memo to a church in the first century that had started out on fire, but had gotten �churchy.� 14 �Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen�the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God�s new creation: 15 �I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! 16 But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! 17 You say, �I am rich. I have everything I want. I don�t need a thing!� And you don�t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. 18 So I advise you to buy gold from me�gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. 19 I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.

If you�re new to following Jesus, may you be protected from Religiosity and Churchianity and learn to simply walk with Jesus. Jesus plus nothing. If we�ve been around for a while, we need to fight to keep our faith real.

In James 3, James uses the idea of God�s �wisdom� as the guiding force� a way to measure our spiritual life. (I can imagine the actual church situation that James was thinking about when he wrote this� remember, he was in charge of the church at Jerusalem, and I bet there were more than a few situations that James could have been referring to� �Who was supposed to bring the food?�, �So and so broke up with who?�, �I know so and so ripped you off, but you need to forgive him!�, �What do you mean you�re not coming to church if so and so shows up?� Use your imagination. �Churchy� people have lots of lame excuses, don�t we?)

Let�s check out what James� has to say about Wisdom:
�But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.�
We should ask ourselves: �Does this sound like me?� If not, read on.

�Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.�

That�s what Wisdom is� this is what it is NOT.

�It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom�it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throats.�

Theory into practice:
�Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.�

You can�t ACT wisdom for long. You need God inside to pull it off. Only the Spirit of God can produce wisdom from the inside� and it�s more than just acting religious� it�s what happens when our heart is changed. Having God�s wisdom means we have His perspective on things, not just letter-of-the-law legalism, but applying God�s love and mercy in every situation we find ourselves in.

Just like the DMV has a test, (that you really don�t have a clue about until you take it) Life is also a test. We are given situations where we don�t know exactly how we are supposed to respond� until it�s too late. Some of us have a steeper learning curve than others. (Remember, mistakes are not failures� unless we don�t learn from them.) Sometimes we get into a situation where we question, �God, what do you want from me?� �Am I supposed to SAY something, or just keep quiet?� �Am I supposed to DO something, or pray, or what?� It�s a bit of a test. And we usually find out real quick if we did the right thing. �Oops, I shouldn�t have said that!� or �I shouldn�t have stuck my nose in there!� or �Why did I have to do that?� We find out sooner or later if our behavior was appropriate, or helpful� then, if we�re smart, we�ll ask ourselves if we might need a little wisdom. If you�ve reached the point in your life where you are open to receiving God�s wisdom� you are right where God wants you.

Anybody can just open their mouth and spout off�
Anybody can just react emotionally go off�
But it takes wisdom to slow down our automatic responses and consider what God might want us to do.

Imagine a church full of people who desire to love each other for real (get along, forgive, be truly accountable) and who desire to show God�s love to others for no other reason than the fact that God loves them.

This is a group of individuals that God blesses.
Remember: �Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.�

Blessings,
Gerry

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San Diego, CA 92126
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Chapter 2 from Existence Church

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:49:45 +0100

Existence Church Family,

We would like to invite you to be a part of the next chapter at Existence Church. As Josh, spoke about this past Sunday, we are excited about the future and believe God has great things in store for us as a church family. Please take a moment to visit the following link to find out more information, watch a short video from Josh and Shawn, fill out a brief survey, have your frequently asked questions answered, and more. We look forward to journeying with you and hearing from you!

Go to: www.existencechurch.com/chapter2

Praying for you,

Leadership Team

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The Smooch

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:53:01 +0100

The Smooch, 07.31.08

Be Honest With Me�
But Don�t Tell Me Anything I Don�t Want to Hear

Hi guys!
I hope this finds you well!
Recently, it seems that I have been doing a little more pre-marital counseling than normal� which is all about getting in touch with the core elements that make for successful relationships. Pre-marital counseling is like preventative maintenance: it�s part education on how the thing is supposed to work, part exploration of the couple�s strengths and weaknesses, and part working on any issues that might be causing them some trouble. The focus is on health, not pathology� we are not trying to fix things that have gone wrong as much as trying to catch things before they get off track. I suppose it�s like anything in life� if we follow the manufacturer�s directions and do the basic maintenance procedures at the proper intervals, the odds are good that things will go well. The problem most of us have is we like to get �creative� and do our own thing our own way at our timing, disregarding the suggested maintenance�. �I think my idiot light is messed up, it keeps coming on!� When we ignore the obvious things we shouldn�t be too surprised when things break... but we always are. As usual, Humility and surrender are very important concepts in life: Humility means, �I know I don�t have all the answers�; Surrender means, �God does, and I�ll let Him be in charge.�

With that as a background, I�d like to discuss the basic, bottom-line values that are present in every successful relationship. These values are necessary for a pre-marital couple to get a hold of� and they are also a good check-up for couples that have been together for a while. Today, lets talk about Honesty.

One of the dreams most of us have when we think about having a good relationship is finding someone who we can be totally honest with� to be able to be ourselves, and to be accepted as we are. We also dream about being with someone who will be honest with us. Someone who will not be deceptive or slippery, but real, straightforward, and trustworthy. We want someone who will be honest with us� give us loving feedback, even correction if needed, but in a caring way. One way to describe this kind of honesty: A best friend. We all want this, and to be this� but sooner or later in most relationships there is trouble in paradise. Whether it is the old sin nature rearing it�s ugly head (Adam and Eve are great examples of doing something wrong and coming up with lame excuses and blaming everyone but themselves), or old childhood �survival� strategies that are showing up in adult life�
when a couple allows deception and dishonesty to be a part of their life without dealing with it directly, it inevitably will cause damage in the relationship.

The act of lying is much more damaging than the things that are being lied about, because lying undermines the knowing of one another and the connection itself. The point at which deception enters is the point at which the relationship ends. This sounds a little harsh, but it�s true. If the trust gets eroded in a relationship� the relationship can�t survive. Couples deceive each other in many ways. Sometimes spouses lie over small things, such as spending too much. At other times, they lie about serious things, such as affairs or addictions. Think about this, anything, large or small, is forgivable and able to worked through in a relationship�except deception. Deception is the one things that cannot be worked through because it denies the problem. It is the one unforgivable sin of a relationship because it makes forgiveness unattainable.

Total honesty is absolutely important. But honesty must go along with other key values� like love and commitment. Honesty without love and commitment can wreck a tenuous connection. Honesty without forgiveness won�t fix anything. Honesty without a commitment to holiness does not give the offended spouse a reason for hope that the problem will not reoccur.

Here are some areas that couples find it difficult to be honest about:
�   Feelings
�   Disappointments
�   Desires, likes, and dislikes
�   Hurts
�   Anger and hatred
�   Sex
�   Sins
�   Failure
�   Needs and vulnerabilities

Sometimes couples don�t talk about problems because they don�t want to do more damage in the relationship. They fear that if they talk about a problem, it will make it worse. Or they HAVE tried� and it didn�t go well. So they both back off a little and leave it alone. (But we all know problems don�t go away just by ignoring them� don�t we?) Real emotional intimacy comes from honestly �knowing� the other person at a deep level. If there are barriers to honesty, knowing is ruled out, and the false takes over. �Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are members of one body.� (Eph. 4:25). Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of a real relationship.

There Are Reasons

Most of the time, in otherwise good marriages, deception takes place for �defensive� reasons. In other words, the dishonest spouse is often lying not for evil reasons, but to protect himself. Fears drive the deception. This does not excuse the lying, but it does complicate matters. For spouses to tell the whole truth, they must deal with their fears first. Here are some common fears:
�   Fear of real closeness and being known
�   Fears of abandonment and loss of love if they are known
�   Fears of being controlled and possessed if they are known
�   Fears of being seen as �bad� or not good enough if some part of them is known
�   Fears of their own desires, needs, and feelings

We all have to deal with fears of rejection, being known, etc. � it�s part of being human. But what you can do in your marriage is make a total commitment between the two of you to:

1. Have enough grace to tell the truth. Promise you will never punish your spouse for being honest. This doesn�t mean that there will be no consequences, but punishment, shame, and condemnation should not be a part of those consequences.

2. Give each other free rein to question and check things out with each other. Don�t be offended by the other spouse�s need to understand some facts that do not add up. Don�t retort defensively, �What? Don�t you trust me?�

3. Police each other when you see your spouse not being totally honest. This can even be harmless and fun, but hold each other to the truth.

4. Become a partner in your spouse�s life to heal the underlying fears of being honest. If your spouse�s issue is abandonment, for example, show him that you are not going to treat him like whoever abandoned him before.

5. Take responsibility for your own dishonesty and its underlying fears, and make a commitment to resolving them. Become a person of the truth, and find someone else besides you spouse to hold you accountable. Get a friend to help you tell the truth when you are afraid.

6. Use discernment. While total honesty is the idea, every relationship is not ready for total knowing and being known. Some truths are not ready to be dealt with yet. Some people are too fragile or are in special circumstances, and they need help to deal with some things, or the timing needs to be right. Use wisdom to know what your relationship can handle and what it is not ready for. Check out other resources, such as counseling, healing, time, or other people, that may be needed for honesty to work.

A strong relationship requires a commitment to total honesty� but remember, honesty must be accompanied by enough grace to hear and deal with the truth it brings. God always asks us to be honest with him in light of his grace for us, so you have to be able to deal with and accept the truth expressed to you as well. Talk with each other about how this value can become the bedrock of all that you do together, and then protect against deception and build in honesty. It will pay you back many, many times.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Dessert Night...

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:45:54 +0100

Existence Church Family,

We would like to invite you to be a part of the �Dessert Night� this coming up Wednesday night. If you are relatively new to the church, have never heard the story of Existence, wonder about how we came up with the name, and would like to meet the staff then please make plans to join us.

When: Wednesday Night / August 6th

What Time: 7PM � 8PM

Where: Existence Church Caf�

What to Bring: We have it all taken care of for you. Just come ready to listen and ask questions.

*If you plan on coming, please take a moment and send a short e-mail to me at skexistence@hotmail.com

Look forward to hearing from you,

Shawn
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:53:34 +0100

the monday monster, 07.28.08

Your Tongue Didn�t Say It�. You Did

James 3. This is another chapter that doesn�t need a whole bunch of explanation. Seriously� pray for God to open your heart, read James 3, and get ready to be lovingly confronted. James does a great job of laying it out pretty straight� here are some thoughts.

James 3
2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
James was a part of the first-string, the �A� Team� the first set of Apostles (people who walked with Jesus and learned directly from him), and he could admit that he and everyone else is flawed. That�s, at least, slightly encouraging. We sometimes view bible people as Superhero-types� but they made big mistakes and learned from them. Stumbling isn�t so much the issue as not getting up. Or continuing to stumble and not doing anything about it. Then James gives an interesting test� here�s how to know if you are really walking with God� perfectly in tune with God�s purposes in your life and totally in control of your whole self� Ready? Don�t make any mistakes in the things that you �SAY�. Interesting test. James was way ahead of his time. He hadn�t yet been able to read anything by Freud about the �unconscious� processes that influence us. Nor was there yet any of the research that we now have access to about how the brain works (subtle chemical reactions caused by thoughts create huge changes in our brain which result in an impulse to react negatively). All he knew was �If God isn�t in control of us, our mouth definitely will let us and everyone else know!� So if you are not able to control the things that come out of your mouth, maybe God doesn�t have enough control of you.

3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
I read this passage several times, and found it to be remarkable. In a few words James describes how important the tongue is� it can rule our life, it can get us into trouble, it can start fires (gossip), it can hurt people (ugly, destructive, cruel words meant to destroy and put down) and it can literally corrupt our whole life. In a not-so-subtle way James nails it when he describes how powerful and dangerous our words can be. Most of us can access some pretty bad memories of something someone said to us that really hurt� deeply� and still can effect us if we let it� memories that stay on the hard drive of our brain and cannot be deleted.
Pay attention to the implications when James says our speech can �ruin the world, turn harmony into chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.� (The Message).

7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
This is scary: You can tame a tiger (don�t bring this up to Sigfreid and Roy) but you can�t tame a tongue- it�s never been done. No man can tame the tongue�only God can. Or�. Two angles:1) the only way we can keep our tongue in check is with God�s help. Without God�s help, we let our resentment and bitterness get to us and the result is hurtful words. If we deal with our stuff with God�s help, we will be able to control our words. 2) Our words are the barometer of where we are with God.

I met with a minister last week� to help with a conflict with another minister. The one had gone off on the other, somewhat out of character, and ranted about a bunch of things� unfortunately, it triggered a bunch of old stuff in the other, who withdrew, stopped talking, and wanted to not have any more contact with the first one. As it turned out, the first one was totally unaware of his role in the problem. He was blaming the second one for withdrawing (blaming the victim). As it turned out� the first one was jealous of the other, he questioned what he thought were self-serving motives, and misjudged him in several more negative ways. Basically, he had come up with a distorted picture of the other and was �offended� by him.
On the surface, what came out was anger, judgment, and quite a bit of �I�m better than you� attitude. It took a little time to unravel the damage done in a few seconds of ranting� all pointing to the power of the tongue.

9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
�Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?� It�s a mystery� we can turn it on and turn it off. One second we are �praising God� and the next we are cussing someone out (inside our head or letting it rip). How many people get into their biggest and most hurtful arguments on their way to church? I�ve heard this a lot. Then, as soon as they get out of the car, they put on their �church� face and start worshipping like nothing had happened. We do have a way of compartmentalizing our life� the �church� part, the �work� part, the �relationship� part. The closer we move to wholeness and integrity, the less we need to have �parts�. It�s also takes way less work.

Bottom line�if you are not controlling the things that come out of your mouth� God�s not in control of you. Analogy: If you are a spring of water, but are bitter and salty inside, then guess what kind of water will come out? We need to let God help us deal with the bitterness, resentment, anger, fear, and selfishness inside, then what comes out of our mouth will sound more like God and less like the worst part of us.

Two Kinds of Wisdom
13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Interesting footnotes: The word translated �salt� water is actually the Greek word for �bitter�. And it�s the same word used in verse 14 referring to �bitter envy and selfish ambition�. I think James is talking about a very common occurrence in relationships� people get �tweaked�, get hurt, get resentful and bitter, and their self-centeredness takes over and they�re off to the races in a full-blown fight.
Notice verse 14��If you �HARBOR� bitterness�. This means not dealing with it, not acknowledging it, not resolving it. Notice where it leads: �Where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.� We can backtrack� if there is evil and disorder, we find envy and selfishness. Dial it back further and you find that it all started when we got off track with God.

Answer: Get in touch with God�s �wisdom�� pure; peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.�

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Softball Life Group Full

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:01:58 +0100

Existence Church,

I wanted to let everyone know our Softball Life Group if full. Thank you for responding. We look forward to opening up more opportunities in the near future.

Look forward to seeing you soon,

Shawn

Important Website Links:

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The Smooch

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:16:47 +0100

The Smooch, 07.24.08

The Intent to Learn

Hi guys!
This week is the continuation of last week�s Smooch� if you missed it you can access it in the newsletter archives at www.existencechurch.com.

If you remember, whenever we have a conflict (big or small) with someone, we have only one of two directions we can go� either to be CLOSED (Defensive) or OPEN (non-defensive). If you make the choice to be defensive, your real intention is usually to protect yourself from potential pain, or to avoid taking personal responsibility, and this usually results in negative consequences in your relationship.

Once you recognize you have taken the path of Protection (defensiveness), if you desire to make things better, it�s necessary to change the way you think from being closed to being open. It may not sound like a big thing, but when we are open to wanting to learn, everything changes. We give up blaming others and assume personal responsibility for our own feelings, our behavior, and any resulting consequences. As long as we are defending our position, we are not open to learning about ourselves or the other person� but by being open and asking a few questions we can make a change.

Learning About Self � Ask questions like:
Why am I so upset?
What are my fears?
Why am I so afraid?
What do I hope to gain from feeling or acting this way?
Why do I see things as I do?
What are my unmet expectations?
Why do I get angry when I�m hurt or disappointed?
What is the purpose of my anger?
Why is it so important for me to get my way, to be right and not to be wrong?
What are my fears of not being in control?
What part am I playing in creating this present problem?
How is my partner�s behavior affecting me? (Threatening? Irritating?)
Why does it affect me the way it does? What personal issues does it stir up in me?
How do I respond when I feel threatened or irritated? Why?
What are the consequences of the way I respond?
How does it affect my partner? What happens between us?

Learning About the Other� ask and listen:
What are your fears?
Why are you so afraid?
Why do you see things the way you do?
What are your unmet expectations?
Why do you get angry when you�re hurt or disappointed?
What are your fears of not being in control?

When we are open to learning about ourselves and the other we can engage in a process of mutual exploration. When many couples argue or fight they never learn anything about each other�s feelings or understand why they feel as they do (Because they are spending all their energy defending themselves). But when they are open to learning about each other they can gain more understanding for the other and move towards compromise and resolution. Things seem to go better when we feel understood and appreciated! Exploration helps us understand the important reasons for each other�s feelings and behaviors and to know each other better.

Note: Sometimes being open to learning will put us in a position to experience some transitory pain and/or fear�why? Because we might learn that something we�ve been doing or thinking hasn�t been working for the other person, and they didn�t quite know how to tell us! So it�s easy to feel like a bit of an idiot. Most people avoid any circumstance that will result in pain or fear� especially if it involves a partner. However, if we are willing to put up with some uncomfortable feelings in the short haul (regret, embarrassment, shame, etc.) the payoff is well worth it. By not accusing our partner, and listening to what motivates them (usually their needs, hopes, and fears) the door is open to gaining understanding and respect.

Other Areas to Explore:
Besides exploring the important reasons for your own and your partner�s feelings/behavior, there are other areas to explore which lead to even more mutual understanding. Here are some other areas to explore:
�   Your childhood
�   Your fears
�   Your protections
�   Your consequences
�   Your values
�   Your expectations
�   Your responsibility

When we learn more about each other and appreciate more about why we do what we do we can move from judging and criticizing each other towards mutual understanding and support. This leads to much more fun in the relationship! Last time I checked, most of us have a lot more fun when we don�t feel put down and criticized.

Remember, no matter how long you have been with your partner there are always new things to learn about them. Also, there are new things to learn about yourself. I think one of the reasons God created marriage is to give us all an avenue to explore self understanding (with the loving feedback of a partner) and to learn to give unconditional love to another. (This means being loving even when the other person makes it hard to love them, and when they don�t seem to appreciate or deserve it.) Why? Because there are so many times we do this to God� and He keeps loving us. When we love without strings attached we are getting in touch with the way God loves us� it�s good practice, and it give us something to thank God for, a lot.

When you catch yourself getting hurt or defensive, remember you have the ability to choose to be open, to explore what�s going on, and to learn more about yourself and your partner. It makes God happy when His children get along.

Love you guys!
Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Important Message - Josh

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:26:51 +0100

Existence Church,

We have an important video update from Josh that we would like to share with you. Please take a moment and watch it. We are praying for you this week and look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Video Message: www.youtube.com/existencechurch

Have a great day!

Shawn
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

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Existence Church
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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Softball League Update- Tuesday Evenings...

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:09:22 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I wanted to make you aware of a new opportunity as we approach the end of summer. We are starting a new sports life group playing softball together in a San Diego church league. All of the information is below. We have changed the day and the field. If you are interested in being a part of this group, please let me know ASAP. We have a limited number of spots and they will be filled on a first come basis. I need to know by this coming Friday or at the latest next Wednesday.

New Opportunity: Sports Life Group: Coed Softball

When: Tuesday Evening/ League starts the beginning of September

Where: Mira Mesa Park

Cost: TBD / Estimated $60 for 10 games, plus playoff

Who is leading the Life Group? Kasey McCoskery

Explain what it will look like to be involved with this group?
Sports Life Groups at Existence serve as a fun way to get to know other people who call Existence home, enjoy a sport you love, and be encouraged to stay focused during the week on your relationship with God. Each week, Kasey will take a moment before or after your game to leave you with an encouraging thought, and then pray for the group as a whole.

When do I need to sign up? ASAP

How many people do we need? Total of 12 / 8 Guys / 4 Girls

How do I sign up? Send an e-mail to skexistence@hotmail.com

Look forward to hearing from you,

Shawn
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Life Group Leaders Only...

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:57:13 +0100

Life Group Leaders,

   I have some updates, ideas, new info, etc. Please take a moment and read through this e-mail to stay in the loop as we move forward. Thank you for leading others toward greater maturity, support, and encouragement. You are a lifeline at Existence.

.: New Leaders

   Kyle Baker and Geoff Francian have been leading a Men�s Life Group for quite sometime now, and are ready to transition and create space for others. We are excited for these guys. As they make the move into two groups, they will be co-leading with two new leaders: Adam Beamish and Matt Bates. Please pray for these guys as they lead for the first time at Existence. Send them a note of encouragement, etc:

Adam Beamish
adam@markbeamish.com

Matt Bates
acebates@sbcglobal.net

.: New Groups

   We are starting a Basketball Life Group on September the 9th and a Softball Life Group the second week in August. The Basketball Life Group is lead by Joel Peterson (jpeters1@ptloma.edu). The Softball Life Group is lead by Kasey McCoskery (kmccoskery@hotmail.com). Please encourage these guys!!!

.: Material Ideas

   *Keep in mind we have a list of resources on the leaders corner of our website: www.existencechurch.com/lifegroups

   Resurregence Literature put out two new small books that would be perfect to do in a small group setting for four weeks at a time. They are very small, but extremely formative. If you choose to use it, let me know and I can help you put together some questions, etc.

Title: A book you will actually read about� The Old Testament
www.relit.org/library.php
*It takes an hour to read it, very insightful and there is a companion book titled the same for the New Testament.

.: Activity Ideas

   Pass the cart as a group, sponsor a cart together, talk about it, pray for the people who are in our city going through difficult times and together love them in a practical way. If you have any questions, contact me.

Look forward to hearing from you soon!

Shawn
Existence Church

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

To Unsubscribe from any of our church mailing lists please click here:
http://www.existencechurch.com/mail/public/unsubscribe.php?addr=[email]

Monday Monster

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:30:45 +0100

the monday monster, 07.21.08

Either/Or or Both/And

Words are cheap� �I�ll give you a call.� (�Yeah, I�ll call you if I don�t have a better option.�) �Let�s have lunch sometime.� (�Sometime� like in the distant future, and hopefully you�ll forget I said this.�) �Nice to see you.� (�Well, it sort of is. But it would be nicer if I didn�t.�) �How are you?� (�Please don�t take this as if I really want to know! I�m just being nice.�) �I�d really like to help, but.� (This is my favorite way people appear to be interested� Key Rule: Don�t believe anything anybody says before the �but�. �I�d really like to help, but�� means �I don�t really want to help and this is why.� �I think you�re a really nice guy, but�� means �You may be a nice guy, that doesn�t matter to me, I�m not attracted to you, please stop bugging me.� �I would like to give money, but��, �I really want to go to the meeting, but��. We could go on.

We all do it. But we all should consider being a little more honest. I don�t mean that we should be cruel, or harsh, or hurtful� if we think about it we can say that we don�t want to do something in a decent, real, and caring way. It just takes a little more compassion and effort, which we tend to run out of.

It�s not that we all want to be liars. I think we all discovered somewhere along the way that we could �say� something, and our parents would buy it� even if it wasn�t true. In that moment we found a way to control things� just by using our words. Now, if we also learned a moral framework for our life and consequences for either or lying or not telling the whole truth (the same thing), then we also learned how to manage this tendency to rely on words rather than actions. We know the ones who didn�t� some have become, at the extreme, Sociopaths. Lesser versions have found jobs in Used Car Sales, Politics, the Ministry, Telemarketing, etc�. any venue where your �words� are used to manipulate others to get them to do what you want.

Words require no action or commitment� they just sound good. Some people think that words make a difference. That by simply �saying� something, the world changes. I think Oprah thinks this, and the �Name it and Claim it� people, and The Secret, and the people who manufacture Get Well Cards. But they don�t� not all by themselves. It�s Words and their consequent Actions that do things. For example, �I love you� is one of the best set of words invented, but it only makes sense when the words are followed with loving actions�. Words and Actions.

James takes on this concept in Chapter 2:14-20.
Check out The Message Translation� read it s-l-o-w-l-y. I�ve thrown in some italics and bolds for effect.

Faith in Action

14-17 Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup�where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? 18 I can already hear one of you agreeing by saying, "Sounds good. You take care of the faith department, I'll handle the works department." Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove. 19-20 Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That's just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?�

James makes a pretty sarcastic slam on some people (I�ll bet they were in his church) when he said in v. 19, �You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that- and shudder.� James is getting a little spunky. I sort of understand my own version of why he said what he said� I hear it in counseling a lot, �I believe in God.� What the person usually means is, �I�m not a bad person� I�m not an atheist� I�m not a pagan� I have some religious sensibility.� If I ask them what real difference believing in God makes in their life they usually look at me sideways like, �What do you mean? Believing in God is what it is� a belief. It�s not supposed to DO anything.� I�m sure James finally had had it when he said in so many words, �You think you�re cool just because you �believe� in God? The demons who serve Satan (the Devil, The Evil One, Lucifer) also believe in God� and shudder.� Why do they shudder? Because they know God�s power first-hand and know that there will come a time when He will no longer allow sin to reign on this planet� their days are numbered, and they know it. In the mean time, their job is to mess with Jesus-followers, to confuse and distract them, and try to frustrate God�s plans with His people. James� point is, �It doesn�t take that much to simply intellectually �believe� in God� the real trick is to let Him have real control of your life.�

So, just in case we were getting smug� guess what? It doesn�t take that much to believe in God� even secular scientists believe in �intelligent design� without a pre-conceived idea of needing to �believe� anything. With zero faith, they have come to the conclusion based on observable data that the best explanation for the universe is there is Something/Someone out there who designed it and set it in motion. They believe in God because it makes scientific sense, not because they have faith. And some people think they are doing God a favor by �believing� in Him. It�s like saying I �believe� in gravity as I am falling off of the roof� duh.

So if you smugly say you believe in God, that�s fine, but you are in the same line as demons and secular scientists� and they probably believe in God more than you do!

James isn�t done. True faith is not demonstrated in just talking about it� it�s demonstrated in DOING something about it. It�s not Faith or Works, (either/or) it�s Faith And Works (both/and).

This morning, while I was sitting in traffic on I-15, I found myself thinking about writing this. Actually, I�ve been thinking about it since yesterday� mulling over different concepts and approaches on how to deal with Faith vs. Works. So this morning, I was trying to remember stories and analogies that would make sense, and interesting ways to deliver the message� then it hit me. I was doing exactly what I will be telling you not to do. I was thinking about the truths of God without first talking to God about it. I was relying solely on my own reasoning and not considering that God might want an invitation to the party. That�s the danger of religion. It�s possible to be an expert on praying, and not pray. One can know the Bible, and not know God. It�s not out of the question for someone to say, �I have been a Christian for 20 years,� and no one else would know. Why? Because there is a gap between �faith� and �works�. We say we believe, but there are no actions to show it. That�s what got James� panties in a bunch. Faith and Works (beliefs and actions) go together� in James� words, �Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?�
A little dramatic, James, but we get the point.

Last question: �Okay, James, so we should do things that show we love God. Do you mean, �religious� things like church and communion?� Answer: �Please, don�t stop there.� Get real practical. V. 20: �For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup�where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?�

Remember the part about �Talk is cheap�? Religious talk is even cheaper. �I�ll pray for you,� �Jesus loves you,� �Our church will talk about helping,� �We�ll have our Elders take a vote,� all may be true statements� but they don�t meet any immediate needs. God has called each one of us to represent Jesus to everyone we run into today� our co-workers, our boss, our competitors, our friends, our enemies, the person you�ve been avoiding, the guy who cut you off in traffic. And we start with being loving� polite, kind, patient, selfless, generous, real, in sum: be like Jesus.

So, instead of thinking about things of the faith, let�s have faith. Instead of talking about God, let�s talk to God. Instead of saying we believe, let�s act like it.

Blessings,
Gerry

Important Website Links:

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Existence - New Comer Dessert Night

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:22:22 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I want to make you aware of the upcoming New Comer Dessert Night on August 6th (Wednesday Night) in the caf� area of Existence at 7PM. If you are new to Existence or have been coming a while, but have never heard our story, met the staff, listened to the vision of where we are going, then please make plans to join us. All the information you need is below:

What: New Comer Dessert Night
When: 7PM
Where: Existence Church Caf�

How do I sign up? Just send Shawn an e-mail today: skexistence@hotmail.com

Look forward to hearing from you soon,

Shawn
Existence Church
skexistence@hotmail.com

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:28:41 +0100

The Smooch, 07.17.08

To Defend or Not to Defend

Hi guys!
Three weeks ago we looked at CONFLICT in relationships� we had so much fun, I thought I�d go there again! Whether it�s a fight about the toilet seat (yep, people do fight over it�but it�s never just the toilet seat) or who does the dishes, or whatever, most couples have quite a few big ones until they realize that they have something to do with how the conflict ends� that by choosing a healthy way to deal with the conflict things will actually get better, and the couple will get closer, not farther apart.

If you remember, when we have a conflict, we have only one of two directions we can go� either to be CLOSED (Defensive) or OPEN (non-defensive). INTENTION is everything� �What did you mean by that?� is the big question. It�s not what you said, it�s what you meant. Intention is the meaning. So�. When you have a conflict you have to ask yourself, �Am I open to dealing with this?� or not. That is the most important question� because it starts you out on a path from which the only way out is to go back to the beginning and start over. Let me explain.

If you make the choice to be defensive, you�re real intention is to protect yourself from some pain you fear. To be fair, this is somewhat of an automatic response, learned in childhood� and is almost subconscious. That�s why it feels childish when we get defensive� because it is! We get closed, hard, unavailable, and cold. Getting defensive lets us avoid personal responsibility for our feelings, behavior, and any resulting consequences. We are CLOSED to receiving any new information about who we are and what we did� �I�m fine. Thank you very much. I think you are the one with the problem!� We have stopped being open to learning about ourselves. The primary intent of being defensive is not against another (although that�s what it feels like!), but for oneself. There are three ways we tend to avoid really dealing with things:(Look carefully, you will find yourself in one or more of these.)
1. Compliance: conforming to what another wants. We give ourselves up to avoid the conflict that we fear will lead to disapproval or rejection. Compliance gives the appearance of �going along� but inside it�s a different story.
2. Control: Trying to change another by using some form of disapproval to create guilt or fear. Have you seen this movie? Anger (overt or silent), threats, criticism, accusations, complaints, sarcasm, tears, lies, lectures or explanations are all ways to attempt to control another.
3. Indifference: Seeming indifferent to avoid either disapproval or being controlled, thus giving ourselves up. We can withdraw or resist: sexually (�Not tonight!), emotionally (being distant or cold), or physically (�I�m outta here!�).

When both partners decide to act defensively, they have a variety of �dances� they can do together.
Control-Control Dance. Each attempts to change the other. Look out, this one can get wild.
Control-Indifference Dance. One partner attempts to change the other and the other resists or withdraws. This one is more fun for the resisting one! (�Let�s watch the other get more and more frustrated!)
Control-Compliance Dance. One partner attempts to change the other; the other gives in, going along with the control demands. This give the �appearance� that everything�s okay, but both people know it�s not.
Indifference-Indifference Dance. Each becomes indifferent, withdrawing and living essentially separate lives. This is scary.

These �dances� are responsible for all the persistent, gnawing difficulties that plague ongoing relationships. If you are not feeling close to the other person, it would be a good idea to check to see if you are doing one of the �dances�. The result is:
�   Lack of communication
�   Lack of fun and joy
�   Lack of passionate sex
�   Arguments
�   Boredom
�   Pain
�   Deadness
�   Feeling unloved
�   Feeling unloving
�   Power struggles
�   Distance

When we get into the �dances� we are resisting losing ourselves or being controlled�this results in POWER STRUGGLES that turn lovers into adversaries.
The problem gets worse when you realize that you are stuck being defensive (which was the path you started out on) and the �problems� (fighting, lack of fun, etc) are the inescapable symptoms of the �dance� you are doing.

REALIZE THIS! Everybody gets stuck. It stands to reason that if we choose the path of being self-protective and defensive, it can only end in getting stuck. If you are there, don�t despair� there is hope.

The only responses to a conflict that are NOT DEFENSIVE come from and intent to learn from the conflict. When we want to learn, we are open to getting more information about the other person and ourselves. We are softer, curious, warm, and available� contrast these feelings with �cold,� �hard,� �unavailable,� and �closed.�

When we are open and wanting to learn, everything changes. We give up blaming others and assume personal responsibility for our own feelings, our behavior, and any resulting consequences.

Next week, we�ll look at the INTENT TO LEARN, and how this path can be taken to help your relationship to grow and become more authentic, and to help you to be more real.

Love you guys!
Gerry

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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(no subject)

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:03:00 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I wanted to make you aware of a new opportunity as we approach the end of summer. We are starting a new sports life group playing softball together in a San Diego church league. All of the information is below. If you are interested in being a part of this group, please let me know ASAP. We have a limited number of spots and they will be filled on a first come basis.

New Opportunity: Sports Life Group: Coed Softball

When: Saturday Morning / League starts the beginning of August

Where: Valencia Park Fields

Cost: TBD / Estimated $60 for 10 games, plus playoff

Who is leading the Life Group? Kasey McCoskery

Explain what it will look like to be involved with this group?
Sports Life Groups at Existence serve as a fun way to get to know other people who call Existence home, enjoy a sport you love, and be encouraged to stay focused during the week on your relationship with God. Each week, Kasey will take a moment before or after your game to leave you with an encouraging thought, and then pray for the group as a whole.

When do I need to sign up? ASAP

How many people do we need? Total of 12 / 8 Guys / 4 Girls

How do I sign up? Send an e-mail to skexistence@hotmail.com

Look forward to hearing from you,

Shawn
Existence Church

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

To Unsubscribe from any of our church mailing lists please click here:
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LG Opportunity - Men's Basketball

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:56:05 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I wanted to make you aware of a new opportunity as we approach the end of summer. We are starting a new sports life group playing basketball together in the Vavi Sports League. All of the information is below. If you are interested in being a part of this group, please let me know ASAP. We have a limited number of spots and they will be filled on a first come basis.

New Opportunity: Sports Life Group: Men�s 5 on 5 Basketball

When: Monday Night / League starts September 8th

Where: Kearny Mesa Rec Center

Cost: TBD / Estimated $80 for 8 games, plus playoffs

Who is leading the Life Group? Joel Peterson / We may have more than one group, if so, we will keep you informed.

Explain what it will look like to be involved with this group?
Sports Life Groups at Existence serve as a fun way to get to know other people who call Existence home, enjoy a sport you love, and be encouraged to stay focused during the week on your relationship with God. Each week, the leader will take a moment before or after your game to leave you with an encouraging thought, and then pray for the group as a whole.

When do I need to sign up? ASAP

How many people do we need? Total of 8 guys per team

How do I sign up? Send an e-mail to skexistence@hotmail.com

Look forward to hearing from you,

Shawn
Existence Church

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Are you Connected?

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 19:21:50 +0100

Existence Church Family,

   I hope you are enjoying the start of a new week. I missed you guys this past weekend! I was off in Ontario, CA speaking at a young church that is just getting started. It was great! I left feeling even more grateful for our church and excited about the things to come.
I am writing this e-mail as a simple reminder to everyone who needs to get involved in community and yet is prolonging taking those first steps. I encourage you not to wait any longer, invest in your relationship with God, invest in the overall vision of Existence, and start growing today. We have plenty of opportunities and I don�t want you to miss out!

Are you in a Life Group?

   If not, send me an e-mail, let�s grab coffee, chat on the phone, and get you plugged into a group. Life Groups are a perfect place to grow in your relationship with God and your relationship with others. We have Men�s, Women�s, Coed, Sports, and Couples Groups.

Do you need to go through a One on One?

   Do you understand your faith? Do you feel confused about your faith? Do you have more questions? If so, get in a One on One with someone who can walk though those difficult questions and help you understand the foundations of Christianity.

Ok... Ok� you get the point. If you call this place home, we expect you to be in community. We are here for you!!! Enjoy the rest of your week, let us know how we can help!

Look forward to hearing from you,

Shawn

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Monday Monster

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:11:55 +0100

the monday monster, 07.14.08

The Royal Rule of Love

We�re in Chapter 2 of the Book of James, and I�m finding it difficult to say much to add to the basic text. Believe me, if I could, I would. I want to say, �Let�s all just read it, think about it, pray about it, and DO it! James isn�t trying to be cute or flowery� he just lays it out. No metaphors to figure out, no Lord of the Rings, Good vs. Evil, Narniaesque story line, no crazy dreams or prophecies to interpret (thanks a lot, Daniel!)� just basic, cut-to-the-chase instruction. Check out the first 13 verses from the translation, the Message. I�ll throw in a few thoughts.

The Royal Rule of Love
1-4My dear friends, don't let public opinion influence how you live out our glorious, Christ-originated faith. If a man enters your church wearing an expensive suit, and a street person wearing rags comes in right after him, and you say to the man in the suit, "Sit here, sir; this is the best seat in the house!" and either ignore the street person or say, "Better sit here in the back row," haven't you segregated God's children and proved that you are judges who can't be trusted?

1) Don�t show favoritism. Why? Because if you have the attitude that you want to treat a rich person better than someone else� you are �using� that person, hoping to get something from them (either stuff or friendship)� your thoughts are �evil� (dishonest, selfish) and you are not treating everyone with the same attitude.
Why is this wrong? 1) Everyone�s the same and 2) Because you are not trusting God� you are trying to use and control people. So, have a realistic, egalitarian view of people. This also goes for the rich people� don�t take yourself too seriously, just because you have been blessed financially. Don�t throw your weight around. Don�t look down on people. You treat everyone the same, also.

5-7Listen, dear friends. Isn't it clear by now that God operates quite differently? He chose the world's down-and-out as the kingdom's first citizens, with full rights and privileges. This kingdom is promised to anyone who loves God. And here you are abusing these same citizens! Isn't it the high and mighty who exploit you, who use the courts to rob you blind? Aren't they the ones who scorn the new name�"Christian"�used in your baptisms?

Sometimes, the church has been guilty of �working� the rich people� going after them to get them on board to help with financial campaigns or ministry support. It�s a slippery slope. God brings people with different gifts (some are financial) to participate in ministry. But� we have to be very careful that our flesh doesn�t get in the way and we start acting like an Ad Agency, viewing everyone like a �prospect�. The truth is, if we treat people differently based upon their financial situation� it�s flat-out wrong. And hurtful to the rest of the church; James calls it �abusive�. By the way, everyone can see through it anyway. Let�s leave the salesmanship at the Mile of Cars.

8-11You do well when you complete the Royal Rule of the Scriptures: "Love others as you love yourself." But if you play up to these so-called important people, you go against the Rule and stand convicted by it. You can't pick and choose in these things, specializing in keeping one or two things in God's law and ignoring others. The same God who said, "Don't commit adultery," also said, "Don't murder." If you don't commit adultery but go ahead and murder, do you think your non-adultery will cancel out your murder? No, you're a murderer, period.

This speaks to the all-too-human tendency to self-justify. �I�m not that bad!� �I don�t do X,Y,or Z�.well, not Z!� It�s very easy to compare ourselves to the worst of the worst so we can end up feeling okay about ourselves. Wrong idea. God�s criteria involve a more basic approach. You are either sinful, or sinless. No grading curve, it's Pass/Fail. The short version of the Gospel is, we are ALL sinners and we need to be forgiven, period. Jesus paid the price for our sin, and by faith in Him we can be considered forgiven. So don�t go around saying, �I�m not that bad� just because you haven�t sinned as much as the next guy. This information is especially relevant for the person who hasn�t realized that it�s not about how good you are, it�s about trusting Jesus. So again, get off your high horse and admit you need help!

12-13Talk and act like a person expecting to be judged by the Rule that sets us free. For if you refuse to act kindly, you can hardly expect to be treated kindly. Kind mercy wins over harsh judgment every time.

This is quite practical� a �Christian Living for Dummies�. One way to keep on track is to speak and act �as if� you are going to be judged by the law. We already know we are no longer under the penalty of the Law (if we have trusted Jesus), but that doesn�t mean we don�t pay attention to it. The laws of God are for us, to help us not get into trouble� so let�s try to follow them. We know are saved by grace, so let�s show it by our outward behavior. More on this later in Chapter 2. I have a feeling that there was a real-life reason in James� church that cause him to write, �If you refuse to act kindly, you can hardly expect to be treated kindly.� It sounds like something I used to say to my kids� and James has some �baby Christians� he�s trying to lead. Bottom line: �Act like a jerk, get treated like a jerk.� That�s how the world acts. Jesus would say, �Love your neighbor as yourself�, kindness trumps judgment every time.

Self Examination Check up: How are you doing in the following areas?
1) Humility (putting others first)
2) Resentment (forgiveness, letting go of hurts)
3) Selfishness (�I want what I want when I want it�)
4) Honesty (with self and others)
5) Fear (Are you anxious about things that are out of your control?)

We call this a �Check up from the neck up.� Ask God to show you where you are lacking� then ask Him for His help.

Remember: God loved you first. Tag, you're it.

Blessings,
Gerry

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Reminder - James 2

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:18:35 +0100

Existence Church,

I want to remind you, we will continue our study in James chapter 2 this week. We are praying for you and can�t wait to share with you the great things God is doing in the life of our church!

Look forward to seeing you soon,

Shawn

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:10:59 +0100

The Smooch, 07.10.08

5 Phrases

Hi guys!
Continuing with what we started last week, about how to get past hurts in our relationships. Remember, the problem is not having a conflict, or a difference of opinion about something (two different people will inevitably have two different ways of looking at something-this is a good thing, really)� the problem is the disrespect and devaluation that is thrown around �during� the conflict. When people act childish and say hurtful things to each other, those words seems to stick in the air� they don�t want to go away. We remember the hurt, and whenever we access the memory, we feel it all over again. Every time you see the person you think of the hurt, feel it all over again, and get angry. That�s why little things can turn into big bricks that eventually build a wall between two people.

The best way to make sure you are not building a wall is to quickly and sincerely make amends. Here�s an example: Last night I was seeing a couple who have come a long way since starting counseling a few months ago. In the first visit, the husband was blaming the wife for being �a control freak� and the wife was deathly afraid the husband was drinking himself to death. They were both right. She has learned to back off and he has learned what it feels like to be 30 days sober (as of last night). But this week she (in his mind) reverted to an old behavior� �I picked up an Iced Tea, and she checked the label for how much sugar was in it!�. He got ticked, like she was keeping track of him (this time it wasn�t booze, it was sugar� funny, but they aren�t that far apart). When I explored this with them she said that they were doing a new �Diet� that he had asked her to help him with. Ironically, when she DID help him by holding him accountable (as per their agreement) he went off, angrily punishing her with his �attitude�. A couple of months ago they were doing this dance with beer, not iced tea� but the same dynamic was played out with her noticing how much he was drinking and him copping an attitude, �Get off my back, stop controlling me!�. I asked him if he had asked her to help him with the diet. Yes. Was she only doing what they had agreed on? Yes. Wasn�t he being a bit of a selfish jerk for attacking her for only doing what he asked her to do? He started laughing. Bingo. He put the pieces together� he was still a little resentful for the years of drinking when he constantly put her in the position of worrying about his drinking� and she tried (not always in the most effective ways) to make him stop. Now, with the iced tea, it felt the same� �There she goes, trying to control me!�. But it wasn�t the same. He was dragging his past resentment into the present. In the here and now, all he has to do is turn down the sensitivity knob� she has a right to care, and to do what they agreed upon� he doesn�t need to throw a hissy fit. The truth is, she DID catch him and he didn�t like it. Life goes better if we grow up. By the way, he did acknowledge that he was wrong, they both regrouped, and put this one to bed.

Resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness, fear, dishonesty, avoidance, selfishness: these are the bricks that can build themselves into a wall. Here are 5 phrases that encapsulate the spirit of humility and commitment, and should be regularly used in your relationship.

1) �I�m sorry�
Before you can really mean, �I�m sorry,� you have to acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place� and you are part of the problem! Acknowledge the problems doesn�t mean deciding which partner who is right or wrong, smart or dumb, strong or weak� rather, it means acknowledging regret for actions or words which have caused someone else to hurt. But sorrow is only the starting point. Spurgeon, the great preacher, said, �Sorrow pays no debt.� Being sorry does not replace a broken vase, repair a damaged car, or heal an emotional wound caused by harsh words. Sorrow cannot take away a pregnancy or bring back to life a person killed by a drunk driver. Sorrow only indicates that a person realizes a conflict exists and wishes the problem never occurred. Humble sorrow is the place to begin.

2) �I was wrong.�
If you thought, �I�m sorry� is hard to say, try saying, �I was wrong.� To admit that you were wrong can be like handing the other person the gun� and hoping they won�t use it on you. But that is what honesty and trust are all about. Admitting you were wrong is an act of repentance, acknowledging the truth, and expressing willingness to change. When we specifically acknowledge to someone else that we have made a mistake, and we express Godly sorrow for the hurt we have caused, we have set the stage for healing and restoration in the relationship.

3) �Please forgive me.�
When you realize that there is trouble in your marriage relationship, and you feel the sorrow and regret of the tension and the conflict, and you acknowledge that your attitudes, actions, or words have been wrong, you are then ready for healing. Forgiveness brings about healing. Ultimately, someone can heal from hurts without another person asking for forgiveness, but it can take a long time and require a lot of spiritual work on the part of the person wronged. You�ll be amazed how easily it is to restore a relationship and get over a hurt when both people are able to openly acknowledge the truth. �I hurt you, I�m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me.� �You�re right, that DID hurt, I accept your apology, please knock it off, I forgive you, you�re a knucklehead.� (don�t push the �knucklehead� part too hard).
Seriously, by asking for forgiveness you open the door for the salve of repentance and changed behavior to bring healing to a wounded partner. Ask God to help you put aside any pride and go to your hurt partner and begin the healing. Even if you have been wounded yourself, reach out in your pain� somebody has to break the ice. You be the hero.

4) �I love you.�
When we are hurt by someone we love we need reassurance, we need to know that everything is okay. The words, �I love you� should be a regular part of your relationship, but especially when there has been a hurt. It�s like rebooting the computer� you need to get back to the place where all the settings are right again. But remember, love is not only a feeling, it�s action. Performing loving deeds for the other person is what gets things back on track. Unfortunately, by the time most couples come in for counseling, the feelings have gone �bye bye.� �I just don�t feel like I love him (her) anymore.� And they have stopped doing the things (actions) that make the other person feel loved. I have never had a couple come in and say, �I�ve got to get out of this marriage because my partner is too good to me. He loves me too much. I can�t stand it anymore!� It�s when people stop doing the things that the other person see as �love� that things go down hill. It begins with �I love you� and continues with actions.

5) �Let�s try again.�
Draw a line in the sand. Erase the chalkboard. Delete the history. Get a lobotomy. Try electroshock therapy (okay, the last two are a little extreme). Whatever you need to do to start over� do it. If you have trouble bringing up somebody else�s past mistakes, remember that God forgave you. We can�t change the past, it�s gone, so don�t keep rehearsing it and replaying it� that only keeps it alive and doesn�t solve anything. Let it go. There is something refreshing about starting over, �Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.� (Phil. 3:13-15). When we say, �Let�s try again� we are reaffirming our commitment to each other and giving each other the same grace we have received from God.

When we were little, my mom used a form of punishment after my brothers and I would get in a fight that deserved a call to CPS. It was bad. It was worse than a spanking, worse than solitary confinement, worse than getting grounded. My mom would make us kiss and make up. No kid wants to kiss his brother, ever. But it kept us from fighting for a long time. Troubled couples need to kiss and make up. They might resist it at first, because nobody likes to kiss the person they are angry at. But that�s the point.
When you are kissing, you�re not fighting.

Do you need to kiss and make up? Do you need to forget the past? Remember the 5 phrases.

Love you guys!
Gerry

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Quarter in Review - This Sunday

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:08:40 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I want to remind you that this Sunday, Josh will walk us through the quarter in review. Please make sure to join us as we celebrate the last three months and get challenged to stay focused for the next three months. Thank you ahead of time for your partnership and faithfulness to build God�s Kingdom with us at Existence. Enjoy your week!

Look forward to seeing you on Sunday,

Shawn
Existence Church

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Monday Monster

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:18:25 +0100

the monday monster, 07.07.08

Two ears, one mouth.

James 1:19-27
19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. 22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it�he will be blessed in what he does. 26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

In the 9 verses above, there are no less than 7 specific things that James suggests we do or pay attention to. Any one of them deserves a whole Monday Monster.

1) �Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.�
Instead of the other way: Quick to speak or become angry� and slow to listen!
2) �Human anger doesn�t produce the righteousness God desires.� If your anger is bubbling up inside, let it be a �wake-up call� for your spiritual life.
3) �Get rid of the filth and evil in your life� and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts.� Clean up your act, and take your relationship with Jesus seriously.
4) �Don�t just �listen� to God�s Word, do what it says.� Anybody can say the words.
5) �If you really do what it says, God will bless you!� Duh.
6) �If you claim to be religious but don�t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.� Ouch. Like anger, your language betrays what�s going on in your heart.
7) �Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.� Two angles: Do real actions to help those who need it, and keep out of the world�s spiritual pollution.

We all know that there seems to be a connection between the things we say out loud and what�s going on in our heart. Jesus talked about it in Matthew 15, and I have a feeling that James was in the back taking notes. Jesus was calling out the Pharisees and anybody else who �acted� religious on the outside, but didn�t back it up on the inside. The Pharisees were bagging on Jesus� disciples because they weren�t following all the nit-picky religious rules and regulations (the ones that really didn�t matter), so Jesus let them have it.

Matthew 15: Jesus Teaches about Inner Purity

1 Some Pharisees and teachers of religious law now arrived from Jerusalem to see Jesus. They asked him, 2 �Why do your disciples disobey our age-old tradition? For they ignore our tradition of ceremonial hand washing before they eat.� 3 Jesus replied, �And why do you, by your traditions, violate the direct commandments of God? 4 For instance, God says, �Honor your father and mother,� and �Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death.� 5 But you say it is all right for people to say to their parents, �Sorry, I can�t help you. For I have vowed to give to God what I would have given to you.� 6 In this way, you say they don�t need to honor their parents. And so you cancel the word of God for the sake of your own tradition. 7 You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote, 8 �These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 9 Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.�� 10 Then Jesus called to the crowd to come and hear. �Listen,� he said, �and try to understand. 11 It�s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.� 12 Then the disciples came to him and asked, �Do you realize you offended the Pharisees by what you just said?� 13 Jesus replied, �Every plant not planted by my heavenly Father will be uprooted, 14 so ignore them. They are blind guides leading the blind, and if one blind person guides another, they will both fall into a ditch.� 15 Then Peter said to Jesus, �Explain to us the parable that says people aren�t defiled by what they eat.�
16 �Don�t you understand yet?� Jesus asked. 17 �Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. 18 But the words you speak come from the heart�that�s what defiles you. 19 For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. 20 These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.�

A couple of different takes on words.
1) It needs to be more than words: If all we have to show for our relationship with Jesus is we know how to talk good� we have a problem. Walking with Jesus is more than having a bumper sticker on your car and voting Republican. And it�s more than �talking� the talk. It�s walking the talk, or walking the walk, (or whatever the phrase is supposed to be!) It�s living out in practical ways a life that reflects Jesus. That�s what James means when he says to take care of the helpless and hopeless (orphans and widows) and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. You say you are a follower of Jesus, are you helping the helpless? You say you are a follower of Jesus, are you keeping yourself from being polluted by the world? Or, are you self-centered, taking care number one, and neglecting to give of your time, money, and energy to help people who need it? Are you flirting with activities and behaviors that are not honoring to Jesus� that are getting you too close to the line� that even you know are poisoning you? If you really want to walk with Jesus, it�s important to take these two points seriously: to serve and help the hurting, poor, and forgotten around us, and to keep your life unpolluted from the things in the world.

2) Our words reveal what�s inside of us. The mouth speaks the abundance of the heart. Gossip, slander, bitterness, resentment, negativity, self-pity, all come out through our words. The only way for us to control our tongue is for God to be in charge. A heart turned towards God will also be revealed in our words. If you wonder how you are doing with your relationship with God, listen to yourself. It�s more than letting fly a few choice cuss words� it�s not the collection of letters and sounds that make it wrong, it�s the heart-attitude they express. But the words might be the place to begin� they might be revealing something that needs attention.

James cuts to the chase. He understood Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 2,000 years before it was invented� �Your thinking dictates your behavior.� That�s why some people are really good at getting angry� they have become defensive and combative because they �expect� things to be bad, or they interpret everything in a negative light. The best way to change behavior is to change the way we think. We can try to stop certain behaviors, but unless we change the way we think about them� their meaning to us� then we will have a tough time changing. A life totally surrendered to God is the only way.

Some thoughts on listening.
Here�s the right order: Listen first. For Understanding. Don�t jump to conclusions� don�t read into what was said� don�t look for ways to twist what you heard� try to really feel what the other person meant. Then, after you understand, it�s time to respond. Sometimes the best response is silence� just accept what was said� just give back the gift of understanding. If it�s appropriate to respond verbally� the best time is after you understand what was said. Remember, two ears, one mouth. Didn�t Mom say that? Some people do it the other way: quick to speak� slow to listen. Do you know anyone who starts speaking way before they have any clue what the other person is saying? Not usually a good idea. A recipe for an argument.

Finally, James suggests a little self examination.
Take a second and ask yourself, �Am I trying to get to know Jesus more, or less than I used to?� �Am I treading water?� �Am I going backward?�

I don�t want to be in this line:
�These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce.�

The Promise: (v.25) �But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, (God�s way), and if you do what it says and don�t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.�
God wants to bless us� we should let Him.

Blessings,
Gerry

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:17:24 +0100

The Smooch, 07.03.08

Is There a �Wall� in Your Relationship?

Hi guys!
Last week I said I was going to continue with some discussion of how to deal with conflict in your relationship� if you remember, when facing a conflict with someone, we have one of two choices:
To Protect Ourselves (being closed, avoiding uncomfortable feelings, getting defensive, going on the attack, withdrawing, etc.) � or
To Learn About Ourselves (being open, receiving feedback, facing personal flaws, temporary uncomfortable feelings that lead to positive change, dealing with reality).

We will visit this more in the future, but today I�d like to share something I came across recently that seemed timely. It�s called, The Wall.

In my experience, it�s not major tragedies that usually destroy marriages. If a couple is walking with Jesus and with each other in an honest, open relationship, the difficult times will tend to pull them together. Of course, going through trauma or sickness or loss is never �easy�, and if someone says during a crisis, �I�m fine!�, don�t buy it� they need you. But after grieving, or soul-searching, or re-grouping, God has a way of helping us end up stronger and closer than we were before. That being said, it�s the little things that tear relationships apart:

�   Who forgot to shut the door?
�   Who left bread crumbs on the counter?
�   Who�s turn is it to wash the dishes, take out the trash, do the laundry or mow the lawn?
�   Why didn�t you hang up the wet towel?
�   Why didn�t you fill the gas tank after using the car?
�   Why can�t you balance the checkbook?
�   Why don�t you know what my needs are?
�   Fill in your favorite complaint�

Individually, these behaviors are minor and silly, and none of them seem capable of destroying a marriage all by themselves. But, a little disappointment can turn into a big resentment, which turns into unforgiveness� and on and on. The small irritations of life are like bricks, which slowly, over time, produce a wall which keeps two people from really knowing and loving each other.

Please read the following poem, slowly, thoughtfully. Maybe twice.

                                    The Wall

       Their wedding picture mocked them from the
                    table, these two, whose minds no
                    longer touched each other.
       They lived with such a heavy barricade
                  between them that neither battering
                  ram of words nor artilleries of touch
                    could break it down.
       Somewhere, between the oldest child�s first
                    tooth and the youngest daughter�s grad-
                  uation, they lost each other.
       Throughout the years, each slowly unraveled
                  that tangled ball of string called self, and
                  as they tugged at stubborn knots each
                  hid his searching from the other.
       Sometimes she cried at night and begged the
                  whispering darkness to tell her who she
                  was.
       He lay beside her, snoring like a hibernating
                  bear, unaware of her winter.
       Once, after they had made love, he wanted to
                  tell her how afraid he was of dying, but,
                  fearing to show his naked soul, he
                  spoke instead about the beauty of her
                  breasts.
       She took a course in modern art, trying to find
                    herself in colors splashed upon a can-
                    vas, and complained to other women
                  about men who were insensitive.
       He climbed into a tomb called �the office,�
                    wrapped his mind in a shroud of paper
                    figures and buried himself in customers.
       Slowly, the wall between them rose, cemented
                    by the mortar of indifference.
       One day, reaching out to each other, they
                  found a barrier they could not pene-
                  trate, and recoiling from the coldness of
                  the stone, each retreated from the
                  stranger on the other side.
       For when love dies . . . it is not in a moment of
                  angry battle . . . nor when fiery bodies
                  lose their heat.
       It lies panting . . . exhausted . . . expiring at
                  the bottom of a wall it could not scale.
                                                                          Author Unknown

Think about your relationship.
Do you have any bricks that are trying to build themselves into a wall? Before the cement dries� knock down the wall. Don�t allow your pride, self-will, or bitterness to cause you to hold onto hurts. Remember words like, �I�m sorry,� �I�ve been wrong,� �Please forgive me,� �I love you,� and �Let�s try again.�

Next week, I�ll go into some detail about how to put these important phrases into action.

In the mean time, reread The Wall, and think about the gift God has given you in your partner.

Love you guys!
Gerry

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www.existencechurch.com
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Cool God Story from Josh...

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:26:13 +0100

Is anyone else feeling a pinch in the wallet, due to high gas price? I am!

I wanted to share with you a neat "God story" that was good for my personal faith and encouraged me to stay focused and on track this week. Let me explain. Many of you my have noticed over the last several months our church has increased the amount of ministry and in turn we are seeing amazing rewards. You may also have noticed that we are under budget. I have never made an issue out of finances, because our church is a faithful church and we serve a faithful God, but in my own time, in my own prayer life, I have been wrestling with God over our budget. The truth is God has always allowed us to pay our bills, but my heart longs for more! I don't want to just pay bills, I want to build the Kingdom! Over the last few weeks, I have wrestled over how much ministry we can do as a church. I've been praying that God will provide, so we can do all the things I believe he is calling us to do. And you know what? He did!

I went out to the mailbox and there was a letter from a parent of a person who goes to our church. They thanked me for the ministry of our church and proceeded to tell me that they felt God was leading them to send our church a check for $2,000 for needed ministry expenses. They had no idea we were down in budget! All they knew is that God was calling them to act and they did.

What a great God we serve and what a great reminder for all of us that call this place home. God is using us, God is empowering us, and God is calling us to be the church! My prayer for our church is as follows�

Father, I pray that you encourage our church to stay focused and faithful this week. I pray that we trust you in all areas of our life and that we seek to serve you and build your Kingdom. Give us a heart for reaching others and remind us of your grace and mercy in our lives. In your name I pray. Amen!

Remember we are a great church full of great vision and calling. Ask God how he can use your time, resources, and energy to make his Kingdom grow!

Love you guys and I thank you in advance for your faithfulness and partnership!
--

Josh Hotsenpiller
Pastor Existence Church

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Monday Monster

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:36:26 +0100

the monday monster, 06.30.08

Meaning or Meaninglessness

The book of James reminds us of The Sermon On The Mount� with very practical teaching on how to live as Jesus-followers. (James could have been in the audience taking notes). For extra credit, read Matthew 5,6, and 7 a couple of times and compare it to what James says. Interesting.
Here are some thoughts from James 1.

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

When difficult times come, it�s easy to feel like a victim� as if something is �happening to me�� almost like a cosmic card game where I picked the wrong card. Not so. James wants us to know that when we face tough times of stress, or persecution, it�s not a game, and you are not a victim� why? Because God has a custom-made plan for you�a journey of faith�where trials and temptations are used to make us more like Jesus. That�s why we can consider it �joy� when times get tough. Not because it�s particularly fun in the moment, but because there�s a point to it. But, isn�t that one of our fears, that there is no point to life? That we just bounce around in uncertainty, anxiety, aimlessness, and restlessness and when it�s all over we find out that our life was... meaningless. James echoes Jesus when he reminds us that suffering is a �normal� part of the Christian life. Here is a quote from Helmut Thielicke that seems to cover it. What is the secret of �blessedness� in the midst of suffering? ("Blessed are you when�.�) It�s knowing that �no matter how grim the fears that surround us, none of it can frustrate the plans of our Lord; on the contrary, they are all exactly in line with his plans. Time after time we learn from experience that it is not the suffering itself that is the worst; the worst is meaninglessness. For the disciples the worst thing about the sufferings of their Lord was not that now they saw themselves facing persecution and torture, but that that all the torment of rack and scourge that he would have to suffer suddenly appeared to have become meaningless and worthless. If the Messiah himself ended in bankruptcy, what possible sense could there be in losing even one drop of blood for a lost cause? That�s why they fled from Golgotha; it was not the threat of suffering; it was the paralyzing threat of meaningless suffering.
Once we see this, the comfort in our text becomes apparent; suffering does not sabotage the plans of God, nor does it contradict the promise of our Lord. Rather he has taken it into his calculations, and it is the profoundest reality in the kingdom of God. Only through suffering can we enter into glory. More than that, only in suffering do we become aware of the glory of God, because it pleases God to have men cry to him out of the depths and to send his only begotten Son into the depths.� (from Life Can Begin Again).

The best way to defend against the �Poor me, self-centered, I�m a victim mentality� is to find a way to trust God more, and to realize that God really has a purpose for our life. It�s an individual plan� but it requires signing up personally by giving God our life� handing over the keys. �Okay, God, You drive.� God is as powerful as it gets, but God can�t lead in our life unless we allow Him to. We handcuff Him when we say, �I want you to lead me, as long as it�s where I want to go!� If we live like that, we don�t even need God� we can go where we want to all by ourselves. �I�ll make the decisions, and you bless it.� �Just let me go through the motions of being religious� and doing anything I want� and Your job is to let me have all �green lights.� (as if God�s main job is to be something like a heavenly gofer.) But at the first red light� the first �stop�� the first time �things aren�t going the way I want them to� and it�s �Hey, God, why are you not wanting me to be happy!?� God�s answer, �It�s not about you, it�s about me showing myself in you.� So, God has a purpose in the trials we go through� the formula: the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:9-11
9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

It�s not what you possess, but Whom you possess. We�ve always heard, �What�s important is who you know.� That works if you�re trying to get into a club and you�re in the �I don�t look quite like the people who are getting let in� line� and it applies here. When it comes to your spiritual life, it�s not about having enough stuff, it�s about knowing God, personally.

Another idea.
Humble people can take pride in their high position� with God. Riches mean nothing to God. True wealth is found in developing our spiritual life. In fact, people without a lot of money tend to have an easier time trusting God. Rich people know that the money can vanish (how's that IRA doing?)� so it�s important to know God no matter what. Side note: I�ve been spending some time lately with David Ross, �the Water Man�, who gives out water to the homeless downtown. It�s amazing how often I�ve heard people down around 16th St. and Island Ave. say in response to the question, �How ya doing?��. �I�m blessed!�. It�s all a matter of perspective.

Do your possessions possess you? Financial security can give us the illusion of self-sufficiency and keep us from depending upon God� �Give us this day our daily bread�, is a good concept. For the Children of Israel in the wilderness, the manna came one day at a time. Every day the people went out and got just enough food for that one day. When the next day happened, they started over. We need some of that. To trust God with our needs one day at a time. It�s a little like working out�you can only store up so much exercise karma. If you�re in shape and you stop going to the gym, you won�t see any negative effects right away� but after a while, if you don�t work out, you�ll look like it. Just ask your scale. Then all you can say is, �I�m cool, I used to work out. I used to be able to do X number of pushups, I used to do an hour on the elliptical.� I used to.

Our spiritual life shouldn�t be a �used to�, it needs to be a real part of us.

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Remember, there is a point to the trial� when it�s over, when we reach the finish line, we will receive the crown of life� we will live forever with God. Think about it� we have a choice about how we will get greeted when we receive the crown of life� �Good job!� I�m proud of you!� or �Here, you look a little tired.�

13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Temptation: �The Devil made me do it!� (buzzer�.Wrong!) Here�s a clue� Satan will give you the opportunity, but you have to reach out and grab it. We have the desire, we choose to go down the path (mentally or physically), we take the bait. Temptation is not sin� it�s what we do with it that takes us over the line. Why do we need to talk about sin?� Come on� let�s have happy church! Here's why.
1) Jesus died for our sin� and every time we indulge in conscious sin we are taking his Grace lightly. Cheap grace. God�s Grace is Free, not cheap.
2) Sin interrupts our relationship with God. It gets in the way. Something�s wrong, but nobody is talking about it. Eventually, sin, if allowed to continue on our life, will choke out our spiritual life. That�s why church can turn into the latest film, �Christian Zombies.� Alive, but dead.

16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

This is a reminder that, during trials, remember God has only the best for us. He is reliable, trustworthy, and he wants the best for you.

Make today a day when you see trials as a way to trust God more, remembering that God isn�t finished with you, yet!

Blessings,
Gerry

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The Smooch

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:47:06 +0100

The Smooch, 06.26.08

The Paths Through Conflict- to protect or to learn

Hi guys!

Today�s Smooch is about something that occurs in every close relationship� conflict. In fact, if you think you are close to somebody and don�t experience any conflict on any level� then you are probably not as close as you thought. Conflict sounds like such a scary word� but let�s define it simply as �a difference in what two people want, need, or think.� In the beginning most relationships go smoothly, but since people are by definition �different� from each other, it is inevitable that any two people will sometimes come into conflict. Sometimes in a marriage it goes something like this� You want to talk, and your partner wants to �get busy�. You want to relax and your partner wants to play tennis. You think it�s okay to spank your child and your partner is about to call Child Protective Services! Conflicts occur over any difference of opinion or desire. However, it is not the conflict itself, but how we handle the conflict that creates difficulties. A conflict is merely a catalyst that precipitates a predictable chain reaction of responses and consequences.

For example, David wants to make love. He reaches out to Barbara when they get into bed and begins to caress her. Barbara sighs and turns her back to David, indicating that she�s not interested. Inside, David feels disappointed, hurt, and anxious, but rather than experience and express these feelings he gets mad at Barbara. David�s anger hurts and frightens her, but rather than allowing herself to feel hurt, she either gives in to him or shuts down completely, effectively shutting out David so she won�t be affected by his anger.

A very important theory about conflict is based on the idea that all of our many responses to conflict stem from only two intents- to protect or to learn. Even though our intent is sometimes subconscious, our behavior always follows directly either from an intent to protect or an intent to learn. Let�s look at both intents.

The Intent to Protect

The intent to protect is a basic motivation to defend oneself against any threats, real or imagined, of emotional pain. �I don�t want to deal with what�s going on� I don�t want to feel what I�m feeling.� For instance, a person may protect himself or herself from fear by feeling angry, anger being a much easier emotion to tolerate than fear. When we are protecting ourselves we can run the gamut from the most timid to the most aggressive. A man who threatens his opponent with towering rages, a woman who dissolves into self-pitying tears, or the debater who uses calm rational logic to prove a point are all being equally self-protective� none of them wants to learn. Any response to conflict other than openness to learning is protective.

When we protect ourselves from feelings we don�t want to experience, our behavior in a conflict falls into one of three categories:

1) Compliance-giving ourselves up to avoid a conflict by denying our feelings or needs and going along with what the other wants because we fear rejection.

2) Control- trying to change the other�s mind or behavior by making him or her feel guilty or afraid. Disapproval (in the form of anger, criticism, tears, threats, lectures) tells the other; �You are wrong� and �I won�t love you until you do things my way.�

3) Indifference- ignoring the conflict, withdrawing into separate preoccupations (TV, work, drinking, sports, shopping). This implies �I�m not affected by you, and you can�t hurt or control me.�

When one partner becomes resistant or indifferent, the other feels shut out and unimportant. On the other hand, attempts to get one�s partner to change are invariably met with indifference, resistance, or rebellion. When both partners protect, they are both running from conflict, which creates a distant peace� no open warfare, but no closeness. If both try to change the other they will have a power struggle, with both trying to win or at least not lose. This results in poor communication, boring or infrequent sex, emotional distance, a lack of fun, bitter struggles over money, in-laws, or child-raising, or any other large or small issue.

The only other healthy option to deal with conflict is�

The Intent to Learn

When we have the intention to learn we have the willingness to be vulnerable and open, to feel our feelings directly rather than through the filter of our protections, and to discover why each of us is feeling and behaving as we do. Instead of keeping ourselves from feeling uncomfortable, we engage in a process of exploration to learn about ourselves and the other person. The following questions can help:

What important reasons does my partner have for behaving that way?
What part do I play in this problem?
How is my partner�s behavior affecting me? (threatening? irritating?)
Why does it affect me that way? What personal issues does it stir up?
Why is it so important to get my way, or to be right?
What fears, values, expectations, and beliefs lie behind my feeling threatened or irritated?
How does anger, irritation, or indifference affect my partner?
How does my partner respond?
What are the consequences?

Searching questions such as these may succeed in breaking through deeply entrenched battle lines. When we become open to exploring the reasons behind our behavior, and become open to knowing ourselves and our partner, we can approach each other with genuine curiosity instead of defensiveness and anger.

Here are two key points to remember when it comes to conflict:

1) See conflict as an opportunity rather than a calamity.

Being open IN a conflict is the only way we can learn what the conflict has to teach us. Maybe we can learn something about ourselves. Maybe we can learn more about what makes our spouse tick.

2) Stop blaming and start taking responsibility for our own life.

When we soften up, our partner will be less likely to respond protectively. When our partner joins us in the task of learning, we begin to understand ourselves and our partner more and more deeply.

Remember, when two people have differences they have a choice:

To close up: protect oneself from any pain by being defensive (this creates distance in the relationship and results in less intimacy).

To be open: to learn about yourself and your partner. Being open may involve some temporary pain (dealing with one�s flaws, honestly dealing with our issues) but results in more intimacy. Give it a shot!

More about this next week.

Love you guys!

Gerry

Important Website Links:

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Mexico Photos/ Pray for Young Life Camp

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:28:19 +0100

We had a blast together on the Mexico trip over the weekend and were able to accomplish so much. We wanted to share with you the photos from our trip. Take a look here or copy this link:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sandiegochurch/sets/

Also the fine folks from Young Life are taking their students to camp this week and have asked for us to be praying for them. Here are what they specifically asked for:

1. Safe round trip
2. Unity within our group of kids
3. Health & Energy of our leaders
4. Walls of kids be broken down through humor, games and activities so they may hear the gospel loud and clear.
5. Finally, pray for kids to commit their lives to Christ!

Thanks,
Shawn Kennedy

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Monday Monster

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:23:36 +0100

the monday monster, 06.23.08 (sorry this is a day late�vacation!)

James, the skeptical brother of Jesus

Every now and then, when someone sets up a counseling appointment, they say something like, �I don�t want to blow you away� but I have some serious questions and doubts about the Christian faith.� It�s like they want to prepare me for something bad, or they are exploring the terrain to see if it�s okay for them to have questions. I don�t blame them. Some of us were brought up in a Christian culture that taught that it�s only �real faith� as long as you don�t have any questions. And if you happen to have questions, especially the tough ones, either don�t make a stink about it or simply keep quiet. Unfortunately, that mentality creates a split in our life� on one side we can be honest and ask questions, admit we don�t have it all together, and still try to follow Jesus by trusting in a God who sometimes keeps His cards a little close to His vest. On the other side, we are forced to play act � �Everything�s fine, no problems here!� Living in denial of anything can have disastrous consequences, personally and spiritually, and giving ourselves the permission to wonder about a few things doesn�t have to mean we�ve thrown in the towel. Thankfully, the Bible I read records many of the key players having some pretty big questions about the nature of God and how He�s supposed to act� and somehow the world hasn�t quite fallen off its axis, yet.

I like the idea that God isn�t necessarily done with any of us yet� that no matter how long we�ve been hanging out with Jesus, each of us has the ability to grow more both in our intellectual understanding of God and in the depth of our personal relationship with Him. It�s funny, but sometimes the most spiritually alive people are the ones that are newest to the faith� and often it�s the �old saints�, the ones who have been coming to church the longest who are the driest, most callous, and most critical of anything that requires them to get real. You can be a newbie or someone who �knows a lot�� God isn�t done with you yet. That means no matter where you are on your spiritual journey, questions or answers, skeptical or committed, God is trying to get through to you. The question to us is, �Are we cracking open the door?�

With that as an intro, we turn to an amazing book, The Book of James. James was a brother to Jesus (technically half-brother), and came to a true, committed faith in Jesus the long way. (Like most of the disciples, it was only after the resurrection that things really made sense�. �Oh, THAT�S what he meant!�). Even Mary and the rest of the family had their questions early on, especially when Jesus was drawing huge crowds and saying outrageous things. �When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind." (Mark: 3:21.) I have an older brother, Ted, who (with his wife, Claudia, and sons, Jeremy and Joel) has been a missionary forever. Before that he was simply an over-achiever� straight A�s, The Greek Award at Talbot Theological Seminary (not easy), and a life pretty much above reproach� for real. Growing up, if he were to suddenly say, �By the way, it�s time to let you know that I�ve been sent here by God to accomplish some serious redemption� let�s start by considering me� the Messiah,� I might have given it some actual thought, but� �Nah!�. That�s the position James was in� growing up with Jesus. One moment your playing with Legos, the next your brother is claming to be God. So we can cut him a little slack. It may have taken James a while to really buy in� but he did, and when he did, he came through in a big way. Check his speech at the Council of Jerusalem, a really tough crowd, in Acts 15. Over time, James was the considered the �lead pastor� over the Jerusalem church in the turbulent early years, and as a result he came up with a lot of good advice to pass on to us. In the 108 verses, there are 60 imperatives (�Do this�Don�t do that!�). It would do us good to pay attention.

Today, I�d like to focus on a couple of points.

1) God likes skeptics.

Our questions don�t make God nervous. In fact, questions can be good for us. If you don�t know how to ask questions� if you just swallow what anyone tells you� then when the real, tough questions come you might freak. That�s why former skeptics are good to have on the team. They have the need to ask questions that most of us haven�t even considered� and I�m glad� because there are answers. I love reading about people like C.S. Lewis. As a young man, Lewis was a skeptic who dismissed Christianity as a myth. At age 33, with the help of J.R.R. Tolkien and others, he experienced a spiritual awakening. Afterwards, his creativity helped make him a celebrated champion of Christian belief. His greatest hits include The Chronicals of Narnia, Mere Christianity, The Problem of Pain, and many more. And Frank Morrison, who wrote the classic, Who Moved the Stone? Morrison began to write this book with the intention of disproving the Resurrection but found instead that the evidence overwhelmingly supported the biblical story. This recognized classic is an examination of his research and the evidence he found. More currently, check out anything by Lee Strobel (The Case for Christ, The Case for Faith, The Case for A Creator). A former investigative reporter, he also set out to disprove Christianity, and finding the evidence couldn�t be ignored or disproved, guess what? Glad he�s on our side of the field.

Probably none of us would be able to go toe to toe with Lewis, Morrison, or Strobel� but it doesn�t mean we don�t have questions. Remember something: You can�t have �faith� without �doubt�. It�s okay to not know all the answers, even if somebody asks a question that gets us stumped. Tell �em, �I�m not sure about that, but I�ll try to find the answer.� I gave up needing to defend God a while ago� He seems to be okay without my help. Not to be flip, the truth is I can�t explain how or why God has chosen to do a bunch of the things He has done� but I�m not necessarily supposed to be able to� I�m just supposed to trust God, and believe He knows what He�s doing. That saves me a lot of time. And Tylenol.

To be fair, until we get to heaven there will probably always be some disagreement between really smart guys about some of the details of the Christian faith. But when it comes to the major points (Jesus died for our sins, salvation is through grace, not points, God is in charge, etc.) most of the big guys can agree. Not sure why we need so many different franchises, but no big deal.

One more thing about questions. I have met a few people who ask a lot of questions, but don�t seem to be interested in the answers. For them, they seem to enjoy the role of �I�m just a skeptic�, and don�t seem to be sincerely seeking the truth. It�s like they want to, but can�t. Sometimes this is because they have been deeply hurt, or confused, or disillusioned, and are having a hard time reconciling that with a God they thought shouldn�t have allowed whatever caused the pain it to happen. Hurt will do that. Sometimes they are angry at God for something and instead of getting to the root of it, they just keep asking questions, keeping God at arm�s length. Ultimately, our salvation comes from true surrender� somehow accepting the reality that God is in charge. It�s my job to get with His program, not the other way around. I think God understands our doubts� but you have to come to a place individually where you decide to trust God more than you trust yourself.

2) God uses messed up people.

A formerly messed up person makes a great Jesus-follower� as long as they remember how messed up they used to be. God can use people who have learned that left to their own devices they screw things up. Why? Because God knows that it�s those people who will keep trusting Him. Because they know they need to.

That�s why �recovering� people also have an edge� let�s call it the �blessing� of addiction. When somebody finds themselves totally unable to manage their life, and they cry out to God for help, they discover that God will do for them what they were unable to do on their own. Some people never reach that point of total dependence on God� recovering people had no other choice. That�s the blessing. By the way, you don�t have to be a classic addict to be in �recovery�; in fact, I think you can make a good case for the idea that we are all recovering from something� we all need help. It doesn�t matter how messed up we may be (there�s no prize for �the most converted�) we are all sinners who need a savior.

Let�s end where James begins� �James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.� Dylan said, �You gotta serve somebody�� who are you serving today?

Blessings,

Gerry

Important Website Links:

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San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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The Smooch

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:39:57 +0100

The Smooch, 06.19.08

To React or To Respond

Hi guys!
As I�m writing this, it�s Wednesday morning. Some weeks I try to get a jump on Thursday and since, at the moment, I�m waiting for my car to get an oil change� I have some time. No kidding. Does anybody else think that things just seem to take longer and longer any more? They say, �45 minutes�, and 2 hours later they want me to feel like I�m the one who�s pushy� maybe I could be a little more patient� trust me, I past �patient� about an hour ago. Right now I�m watching the movie �Frustration at Express Tire� starring �The Manager Who Could Care Less!�

(30 minutes later:)
I�m now at the dentist office. Strike two. I think it was Winston Churchill who said, �An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.� Maybe God is trying to tell me something� two �opportunities� in the same morning to deal with the whole waiting/be patient issue. Okay, I�m cynical. But it isn�t just the waiting. My boys are getting their check up� this usually means the dentist is �checking� to see how much to charge. The growing feeling of impatience is also lumped in with some fear� these things cost real money. Whether it�s �Oh, we checked your brakes and you need new ones� $400 bucks, thank you very much,� or the Dentist gives you his report, �Oh, Mr. Limpic, everything�s pretty good, but if you don�t get blah blah blah done it will be really bad. And, incidentally, your insurance doesn�t cover it, it will cost X thousand dollars. When would you like to get started?�, somewhere between the feeling of being taken for granted, taken advantage of, or just �taken�, I need to regroup.

It occurs to me that I�m dealing with at least 3 of the big 4 issues that get us into trouble� maybe even all four. See if you can relate.

Selfishness: Probably the root problem. It�s all about me. My time. My life. Who cares if you have your job to do? I have things to do, a schedule to keep. By the way, if we start with Selfishness we can easily slip into Blaming� True story: When I left my car to get the oil changed the guy said, �I�ll call you when it�s done.� Since they had called me on my cell before, I assumed things were fine. I walked down the street to a coffee place, and after an hour or so, I decided to walk back. The car wasn�t even close to being done� the guy said, �We tried to call� your home number.� Honestly, I was ticked. But as I thought about it, I hadn�t checked with them to make sure they had my cell. Part of the problem was me� not making sure about the numbers. Truthfully, it�s not anybody else�s job to read my mind or take care of me. But if I�m not careful, it�s tempting to blame somebody for screwing up� but it really doesn�t help. Maybe I ought to get off of my high horse. The antidote to selfishness is Humility.

Fear: When we�re acting out of fear, we�re not acting out of faith. When I get frustrated about �how much things cost!� and I get freaked out about the bills�I�m not trusting God very much. I�m not saying we shouldn�t be concerned� or careful� or conscientious� but getting upset, angry, touchy, irritable, cranky, short, quiet, withdrawn, etc. says we�re acting out of fear. Ultimately, the fear is about, �Will God come through?� We have to ask ourselves, �Am I really giving this over to God?� �Am I consciously trusting that God knows what is best for me, and is working His will for me right now?� If I�m not careful, I can let my fear get to me and take out my frustration on the people closest to me. That doesn�t justify it, at all. That�s what a lot of couples do with each other. They say they are �discussing� something, when they are really just taking out their fear on each other. It would be better for each to admit that they are really nervous or afraid and agree that God is really in control, and that they ought to act like it. The antidote to fear is Faith. Trusting God.

Resentment: When we are hurt and hold on to the pain, it turns into resentment. If not dealt with, resentment can fester and turn into depression, or worse. When we are hurt by someone, although we may not realize it, we have a choice to make. We can either react emotionally (automatically) or respond (by choice). Most of us are pretty good at reacting� here are a few favorites:
1. Mirror the other person�s abusive behavior. And blame it on them.
2. Insist on controlling the other person�s abusive behavior. (which puts us under their control� what we do depends on whether they do what we want them to do!)
3. Continue to punish the other person even when they want to make up. (They haven�t suffered enough yet. Don�t tell them what�s wrong� let them stew.)
4. Demand to know �Why?� (refuse to be consoled until they explain everything to our complete satisfaction� which is never!)
5. Fight. (either overtly: aggressively, or covertly: passive/aggressively)
6. Pout. (�I feel miserable, everybody else should feel miserable, too!�)
7. Get angry. (Kick the dog. Yell. Punish. Become defiant. Run away. Sleep somewhere else. Refuse to talk.)
8. Play the martyr. (Assume a passive role. �Submit�. Comply. Be the victim. Have an anxiety attack.)
9. Plan your suicide. (�I�ll show them, I�ll kill myself!�)

The antidote to resentment is Forgiveness.
Note: When we forgive someone we are not saying whatever they did was �Okay�. We are not approving of what they did. We are simply turning them over to God. We are deciding to let it go. We are not letting our resentment keep us connected to them any more. When we forgive someone else, it also lets us realize that we, too, are flawed and in need of forgiveness.

Dishonesty: �I don�t lie!� Really? When we are in denial about ourselves, we are being dishonest. When we exaggerate things like our own importance, or someone else�s problems� we are being dishonest. When we bend the truth, or come up with a lame excuse, or slip and slide and mislead and not tell �the whole truth�� we are being dishonest. When I blamed the guy (in my mind) for not doing a good job when he didn�t call me on my cell phone�. I was being dishonest with myself (because I was partly at fault). It can be subtle, but important. The good thing about being consistently honest is not needing to worry about keeping your stories straight. You just tell the truth.

To be fair, these character defects (Selfishness, Fear, Resentment, and Dishonesty) gang up on us. When I�m afraid of being caught in something I shouldn�t be doing� I might be dishonest to cover my tracks. I might be resentful at the Dentist because I�m afraid of the potential bill! My self-centeredness can lead me to think the weight of the world is on my shoulders (martyr)� and forget to really trust God� which leads to fear. The antidote to Dishonesty is Honesty. Period.

I hope this little personal lesson will be a reminder to us all that in any situation we might find ourselves, we have a choice� either to react or to respond. Remember Colossians 3:1,2: �Since you have been raised to a new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God�s right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts.�

React or Respond
Selfishness��..Humility
Fear��..Faith. Trust God
Resentment��.Forgiveness
Dishonesty��Honesty

Progress, not perfection.

Love you guys!
Gerry

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Last Call for Mexico Missions Trip

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:59:33 +0100

Hey everybody,

Just wanted to give you a heads up on our Tijuana missions trip. This is a last call for anyone who wants to sign up or still needs information regarding this weekend. We have a team going down Friday night and a team going down on Saturday just for the day. If you are interested in going, please contact Geoff Francian at gfrancian@yahoo.com. Hope you can make it!

Look forward to seeing you soon,
Geoff

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Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
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Monday Monster

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:13:53 +0100

the monday monster, 06.16.08

How close are your close friends?

Yesterday, Shawn put the final touches on our series through Paul�s Letter to the Jesus-Followers at Colossae. Like any type of communication, it�s important to pay attention to the ending of the letter� the closing shot� the final, �This is what I really want you to get from all I�ve said.� Here are some thoughts.

First point: �We� is way more important than �I�.
God�s plan for us is to work together in unity. Cultural, ethnic, and class differences are irrelevant� what�s most important is that we are all equal in Jesus. It looked like Paul�s �Prison life group� had quite the variety� Jews and Gentiles, well-off and not so well-off, young/old, and a runaway slave! Oops. (Paul pulled a fast one and led him to Christ� then wrote a letter to his �Owner� to smooth things out. Talk about putting a guy in a bind. Check Philemon.) We all have different perspectives and different gifts and abilities, and everybody gets a voice. You are part of a partnership and you are important� and don�t let your own insecurity or another�s put-downs keep you from trying.

As much as we need �Togetherness�, it can be a blessing and a curse. I have found the when things are going fine, I�m a big fan of togetherness� but when I get in the weeds, or I�m not handling things well, I�d rather be isolated. Temporary� okay. Lifestyle� dangerous. Giving permission to the people in our life to have an influence on us gives us accountability� a good thing if you want to be on track, but a potentially �inconvenient� thing if you slip up. We �say� we want accountability, until we actually need it. Then we have a choice to make� either be honest about it and deal with it, or slide into dishonesty. That�s the slippery slope. We say we want to be devoted to Jesus� but when we get off track we either have to face it and get real or start slipping. We lie to ourselves (by denying or minimizing whatever it was) or we �lie� to others by playing the role of somebody who didn�t blow it. That requires a certain amount of deception to the people we said we want to be accountable to. Paul understood the battle: Romans 7:21-25: �It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.�

When we decide to follow Jesus we sign up for a spiritual battle� that�s why we need to stay together.

Second point: �A man is known by the company he keeps.�
This is a proverb that no doubt has been around forever� and made its way into our culture in the 16^th century by way of the Pilgrims (the same people who brought you funny hats and �Happy Thanksgiving�.) Originally used as a moral maxim or exhortation in the context of (preparation for) marriage, here is the original:

�So maye much be spyed also, by the company and pastyme that a body vseth. For a man is for the moost parte condicioned euen lyke vnto them that he kepeth company wythe all.�

[1541 M. Coverdale tr. H. Bullinger's Christian State of Matrimony]

Modern translation: Who you hang out with says a lot about you. Good and bad.
So choose your relationships wisely. Your relationships reflect who you are, and influence you. Look at your closest friends: do they share your most important values? Do they support and encourage your spiritual journey? Or� is your spiritual life somewhat of a secret? Note: if you are not able to share the most important things in your life with the people you spend the most time with� these friends don�t really know you. You might be living your life in several different compartments. You might have your �Church� compartment� your �work� compartment� your �party� compartment. The main question is, are you being yourself in the different zones? Or is there a chameleon-like quality to your life? Some people get pretty good at having two sets of friends� �church� friends, and the rest. Not that we shouldn�t have friends who are not yet Jesus followers� we�d better have them, otherwise how can we lead them to Jesus? I�m talking about having a very clear dividing line where on one side I �act� like a Christian, and on the other side one might wonder. Please understand� this is the battle� integrity� wholeness. As hard as it may be to stay accountable, I think it�s harder to pull off playing both sides� living a double life. It�s certainly more complicated. The beauty of being who you really are, all the time, is you don�t have to worry about keeping track of much. It�s simpler. When you always tell the truth, you don�t have to try to remember which story you told to which person. There is no need to �keep your stories straight� because there is only one story. A lot of energy gets spent trying to cover one�s tracks or trying to clean up messes made. �What did you do last night?� �Uh, I was hanging out�.� It gets more complicated when somebody has trouble remembering what happened last night. It�s tough to keep your story straight when you can�t remember the story.

Finally, �Remember my chains.�
After such a great letter is Paul getting soft? Don�t think so. Does he want pity? No. I think he�s referring to the chains he�s in for a couple of reasons. The prison chains represent Paul�s devotion to Jesus, and the church at Colossae� so he�s reminding the church to hang in there (like him) even though things might get rough. It takes one to know one. Just because things get rough doesn�t mean something�s wrong.

Another thing to think about�
Remember your own chains. Think about your life. Do you have anything that has you in chains right now? If you do, are you ignoring them? What used to have you in chains? In bondage? What used to hold you back from fully following Jesus? Do you have any scars? If you do, they represent what Jesus saved you from. Bad memories� aren�t so bad if they remind us of what it used to be like.

Here�s a favorite prayer by Soren Kierkegaard.

Hold Us Up Against Our Sins
�Father in Heaven! Hold not our sins up against us but hold us up against our sins so that the thought of You when it wakens in our soul, and each time it wakens, should not remind us of what we have committed but of what You did forgive, not of how we went astray but of how You did save us!�

Blessings, Gerry

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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The Smooch

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:01:13 +0100

The Smooch, 06.12.08

The Worst Value Ever!

Hi guys!

Question: What do you want out of life? Most people�s knee-jerk reaction is something like, �I just want to be happy.� Makes sense. Of course, we want to have our needs met, not worry about too much, you know� be happy. Avoid pain, move towards pleasure� that�s pretty much how all living things, amoebas to humans, operate. But there�s a problem� how do you define �happiness?� If you want to live all by yourself in a cave, no problem, you can make up your own rules. But if you live in relationship with others (wife, kids, friends, bosses�) then what makes YOU happy might make somebody else unhappy. Can you say, �Compromise?� Not only that, if you make your own personal happiness your greatest value, I think you are making the biggest mistake you can possibly make. What?! Yep, I can�t think of a worst value in life, especially a life that includes marriage. (�Oh, great. I knew it, if I try to follow Jesus I won�t have any fun anymore.�) Nope. It�s all about what really makes somebody happy�and ironically, �People who always want to be happy and pursue it above all else are some of the most miserable people in the world.�

Here�s why: Happiness can�t be an end in itself� happiness is a RESULT. It is sometimes the result of having good things happen. But usually it is the result of our being in a good place inside ourselves and our having done the character work we need to do so that we are content and joyful in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. Happiness comes as a result of a lot of hard work in relationships, career, spiritual growth, or a bunch of other arenas of life.

This is especially true in marriage. And marriages is for grown ups. Remember, the difference between immature and mature people is the ability to delay gratification. For an object lesson, visit the �cry room� at church. It�s a sound-proofed little room reserved for nursing mothers with a tv monitor and comfortable couches. Instead of trying to teach babies not to cry in church (really dumb idea), we decided to accept the reality that normal babies are supposed to cry, and our mothers should be given the chance to multi-task. Babies are supposed to be self-centered, in fact they are developmentally unable to appreciate anyone else�s needs except their own� �I�m hungry�.WHAAAAA!� The problem in a lot of marriages is the adults are acting like children. �I want what I want when I want it and what I want is for you to do what I want�.now!�

(Note: Some people don�t want to admit that their marriage is having problems because they think that �normal marriages don�t have problems.� And since they want a �normal� marriage� the easiest psychological move is to tell yourself, �We don�t have any problems!� Nice Catch-22. Write this down: �All marriages have problems� successful marriages deal with them.�)

Instead of desiring only the things that make us happy, now, it�s important to remind ourselves that marriage, like most important things, takes some work. And the reason they call it �work� is because it�s not always fun. But the result is. Avoiding things that make us uncomfortable (difficult discussions, conflicting opinions, confrontations, accountability, REALITY, etc.) will keep the peace momentarily, but if you want long-term satisfaction in marriage things must be worked through. If you view dealing with issues as �interfering with my happiness� you are in trouble� because avoiding the inevitable only prolongs the agony� deal with it!

Also, if we make our goal to only do things that make us feel �happy�, we will miss God�s plan to develop our character inside. The truth is (and this is why personal happiness is such a horrible value) that when we are not happy, something good may be happening. We sometimes need to �go through� difficult and unhappy things in order to grow and learn� and if we short-circuit that process, we will never grow� we will just stay immature. This is why James (in the Bible) tells us to �consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.� (James 1:2-5).

Perspective is everything. The way you view something makes a huge difference. "Once you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

If you view something as �an inconvenience�, you will approach it negatively. If you view it as �an opportunity for growth�, or how about, �God wants me to�� you might be more open to learning something. Remember, every situation in life is open to interpretation depending on how you choose to look at it. And having a �self-centered�, �it�s all about me� perspective, will keep you from seeing the big picture� and maybe how God is trying to get through to you.

Perspective is key�. Then priorities. Instead of putting your personal happiness first, try a better approach�God�s way. And if things aren�t going well, maybe check the list. There�s a chance you stuck yourself somewhere in the top 6!
1. Love of God.
2. Love of your spouse.
3. Honesty.
4. Faithfulness
5. Compassion and Forgiveness
6. Holiness

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who focus on what they want, always desiring it and never attaining it, and those who focus on what it takes to obtain what they want. The later do the work, delay gratification, make sacrifices, and ultimately get the rewards of their work.

In marriage, if you focus only on what you want and desire and just stay angry and disappointed that you are not getting it, you will stay stuck. But if you focus on doing your part differently, things can change.

�Concentrate on cultivating the garden instead of demanding the fruit!�

Love you guys!
Gerry

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Important Reminders

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:44:43 +0100

Existence Church Family,

I wanted to send out two important reminders as we approach this weekend�

Father�s Day

Don�t forget Father�s Day is this Sunday! I encourage you to bring your Dad to church as we finish up the last message in our series focused on the letter of Colossians. Please make sure to introduce your dad to us. We want to meet your family! It is going to be a great Sunday! Don�t miss being here!

Women�s Ministry Event: Hiking

This Saturday, the women of Existence Church are going to hike around Poway Lake Details are below: and then head off to eat lunch together. Ladies, please make plans to be a part of this event. It will be a great time to connect with other women, laugh, exercise, and enjoy the outdoors.

            When: This Saturday / June 14^th
            Where: Meet at Existence Church / 9:30 AM
            What: Hiking around Poway Lake and then off to eat lunch together.

Look forward to seeing you soon,

Shawn
Existence Church

PS: Pictures are posted from our last serving event. If you want to view them go to www.flickr.com/sandiegochurch

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Monday Monster

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:10:23 +0100

the monday monster, 06.09.08

Devote Yourselves to Prayer

I hope today�s Monster finds you well.
At Existence we are on the home stretch in the book of Colossians. When we think about the group of believers at Colossae, remember that Paul was writing to a young, right-out-or-the-box church to remind them of the most important things in the Christian life to pay attention to. In the first three chapters, Paul had covered several very important topics: 1) The Supremacy of Christ. Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. It�s through Him that we come to God. 2) How to live in obedience to Him. Watch out for any worldly philosophy that would lead you away from Christ. Clothe yourselves with Christ�s nature and live accordingly. 3) Live in healthy relationship with each other (wives/husbands, children/parents).

Now, in chapter 4, Paul moves to the next key to walking with Jesus� prayer.
4:2 says, �Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.�
Note the first phrase, �Devote ourselves to prayer�.� I have a question for you� what are the things in your life that you are �devoted� to? If you�re having trouble answering, it might be that we don�t use that word a lot. We tend to do a lot of things, but there are not that many things that earn �devotion.� Key point: if Paul is telling us to be �devoted� to prayer, it�s time for a check up from the neck up. Here�s the dictionary definition: Devote: to give all or a large part of one�s time or resources to (a person, activity, or cause.) When Paul says to devote ourselves to prayer, I think he is talking about a little more than my �Hi, God, bless me and my family, and the missionaries in Africa, and thank you for the food, and thank you for your blessings, and please forgive my sins� prayer. I think Paul is making a point� that prayer is central to the life of a Jesus-follower, so much so that it needs to be something that is so much a part of our life that it becomes second nature to us. Think about this: Prayer isn�t something that we DO, it�s an attitude.
Let�s break it down.

Prayer is communicating with God� It involves �Confession� (agreeing with God about you and your behavior), �Asking� for our needs (�give us this day our daily bread�), �Listening� for God to reveal to us the difference between our needs and WANTS (that�s why it�s a good idea to pray for God�s will in our lives� �God, if you want me to have this, let it happen. If you don�t want me to have it, may I have the grace to accept it.� �Praising�: telling God how much we appreciate Him� and how amazing He is. �Thanks�: thanking God for the things He has given to us. Gratitude is very important.

All too often, we treat praying too much like an online order form than a relationship. We fill out the right boxes and push �send�. But if we stop there, we�re missing something. Once we have done the �praying� part, it�s time for the second, and most important part� listening. The history of Christianity is filled with great stories of people who have learned to spend time with God, listening. Maybe you�re relatively new to following Jesus. It might be a little weird to imagine �listening� to God. I know it can sound a little like the guy on the corner who is talking to the palm tree� but it�s not. If you think about it� God has always wanted a relationship with you. He found the way to get your attention, and you have started trying to know Him. You have started trying to read and make sense out of the Bible. You have started coming to church and getting to know other people on a similar journey. Question: Don�t you think God can find a way to �speak� to you if you are trying to listen to Him? I do. It might be in a thought. It might be a person coming to mind that you should pray for, or give a call to. It might be the awareness of something wrong in your life that needs attention, a behavior that isn�t good for you, or doesn�t give glory to God. My experience has been when I ask God to �reveal� to me what is wrong in my life� it�s usually something I already knew, �Oh�..that!� (Maybe I was hoping God would forget.)

So praying involves both �praying� and �listening�.

What about saying �Prayers?� The Bible has examples of some great prayers, and some great sample prayers (�Our Father�� is a sample prayer.) In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with praying formula prayers. In fact, formula prayers can be really good� they make it easier to get past our conscious brain, and to concentrate on experiencing God. But formula prayers need to be prayer, not just words. The difference� heart attitude. Are you desiring to worship, adore, and communicate with God� or are you just paying your dues? Paying Dues Prayer isn�t prayer at all.

If you do a poll, you might find a lot of people who view prayer as either the �saying prayers� variety, (Our Father,� or �Hail Mary�) or the �emergency� prayer, ��Okay God, get me out of this one. I promise to be good for the rest of my life!� The problem with viewing prayer like this is it implies that all God is interested in is that we �say words� to him� as if He is keeping score, �Check, I got that� one for you.� If we�ve learned anything from Colossians it�s that God doesn�t grade on the curve� it�s all about believing in Jesus. Prayer doesn�t earn frequent-flier points, it helps us stay in touch with God. Think about this: Don�t you have some people in your life that only call you when they need something? Doesn�t feel good. Or what about the sales calls right after you get home from work? They start out being so friendly� �Hello�uh, Gary� (like we go way back), then they move in for the sale. I don�t think so. I think we make God feel that way sometimes.

What if my kids said �I love you, Dad� like robots, because they thought all I wanted to hear was a set of words� I would not feel loved. I would wonder, �What have I done to somehow give the message that all I wanted was words?� I want to have a relationship with my boys� and I want them to really love me, as I love them. And I want them to tell me. But if we are not close, if our relationship is strained, then the words, �I love you� don�t exactly fit. There�s a disconnect. It�s way better to live in a real, honest relationship with each other, then the words support and accentuate the love we have for each other.

That�s what real prayer does.

We have to be careful� let�s not let our prayer life deteriorate into simply �saying prayers�� let�s keep it real. Honest. Authentic. Oh, but that means being honest with ourselves� yep, that�s where it hits the fan.
There are two types of prayer:
Religious prayer: man�s actions to impress God��saying Prayers.�
Relationship prayer: having an authentic, open conversation with God.

Helpful hint: Live in an attitude of prayer. I like the analogy of keeping the cell phone line on all the time. An attitude of prayer is maintaining �conscious contact� with God. It means going through our day always open to what God might be trying to say to us. Listening.

Remember: Being �devoted� to prayer means to take it seriously� making communicating with God a normal part of your life. Not something we �do�, but an attitude we have.

For a little more information on prayer, check out the link below. Good stuff.
www.billygraham.org/LFA_Article.asp?ArticleID=45

Blessings, Gerry

________________________________________

Existence Church
7686 Miramar Road
San Diego, CA 92126
www.existencechurch.com
________________________________________

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Reminder: Service Project this Saturday

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:43:50 +0100

Hello,

Just wanted to remind you about our service project this weekend. We are going to be heading down to southeast San Diego to pass out all the care packages we put together earlier this year. We are meeting at church at 1:45 p.m. on Saturday and leaving at 2. The event will go from 3-6 p.m. We will help clean up afterwards and then head back to the church at around 7:30.

We look forward to having a great time and would love for you to be there. Contact Geoff Francian with any questions.

See ya Saturday,
Geoff Francian
(714) 225-8782

The Smooch

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:36:33 +0100

The Smooch, 06.05.08

How To Predict a Happy Marriage

For those who came to the �Dr. Gerry Night�, we had a good time didn�t we?!
Looking forward to the next one.

For today�s Smooch, I thought I�d share something short and sweet. Over the last two decades, marriage specialists have researched the ingredients of a happy marriage. As a result, we know more about building a successful marriage today than ever before. Here�s what I suggest� check out the list of ingredients and ask yourself, �Do we have this ingredient in our marriage?� If you don�t, it might be an area to consider that can make a big difference in your relationship. Remember, there are no �perfect� marriages, only imperfect people trying to honor God and each other. Progress, not perfection.

1) Healthy expectations of marriage.
Realistic expectations about each other�s roles are important. Who does what, when? Talking about your family of origin will help. Talk about the way things �should� be, versus the way thing are. Keep it real.

2) A realistic concept of love.
Love is more than a good feeling. It�s passion, emotional intimacy, and commitment.
Work to develop a balanced expression of your love.

3) A positive attitude and outlook toward life.
Chronic negativity can throw a wet blanket on a relationship. Pay attention to your personal relationship with yourself� notice your self-talk. Watch out for self-pity, blame, and resentment. Learn to adjust to things that are beyond your control.

4) The ability to communicate their feelings.
Communicate with warmth (acceptance, not judging), empathy (see the world from the other�s perspective), and genuineness (non-verbal authenticity). Remember to listen (two ears, one mouth!) and to apologize sooner rather than later.

5) An understanding and acceptance of their gender differences.
Learn to accept and celebrate each other�s gender differences. Don�t put each other down for being��a man!� or �a woman!� Men, your wife needs to be cherished (valued), understood (listen to her), and respected (validate her). Wives, your husband needs to be admired (duh?), to have autonomy (needs his space), and needs shared activity(he likes to do stuff with you).

6) The ability to make decisions and settle arguments.
Respectfully discussing your ideas and working through your disagreements by compromising is important to maintaining peace in the family. How NOT to do it:

Criticism and put-downs, contempt (trying to insult and abuse), defensiveness, and stonewalling (�I don�t want to talk about it!�). Don�t run from conflict, but choose your battles carefully. Learn to let the other person off of the hook. Be nice.

7) A common spiritual foundation and goal.
Share your fears, flaws, and faith with each other. Don�t try to be �over spiritual�. Encourage each other more than correct each other. Trust God as individuals first, then share your journey with each other.

These ingredients are all important to having a healthy marriage. If you are not doing as well as you would like, check to see if you need a little more of something. Small changes can reap big rewards!

Love you guys!
Gerry

Update on Egive

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:29:06 +0100

A Note from Jason Burns, Member of Elder Board, Existence Church.

Dear [firstname],

As one of the Elders, it is my responsibility to oversee and supervise all of the financial activities at Existence Church. We take very seriously our charge to be good stewards of the financial resources we have been given, both individually and collectively as a church body. As a staff and board, we consider it our job to be careful, conscientious, and efficient in the way we handle all the operations of Existence Church.

We sincerely appreciate your decision to be a part of Existence Church and to help support the ministry. In the interest of helping facilitate your giving, I would like to remind you of a simple and easy way to give online� it�s called E-Give.

Most people who attend church have the best of intentions when it comes to giving, but it�s so easy to forget to bring the checkbook� and another week goes by. Everybody is busy, it�s so easy to forget� and another week goes by. E-Give allows us decide how much we want to give, how often we want to give, and gives us the flexibility to change things whenever we want to.

Anymore, most of us are familiar with online transactions with retailers. E-Give is set up in the same way. It�s completely safe and secure, and is successfully being used by hundreds of churches across the country.

Please visit our website, www.existencechurch.com, and click Online Giving. There you will find a more complete explanation of E-Give, and an opportunity to set up your own personal account.

God is doing great things at Existence Church!

Thank you for being an important part of it.

Sincerely,

Jason Burns

Monday Monster

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:31:40 +0100

the monday monster, 06.02.08

The Way Things Are Supposed To Be

What would you think if you saw someone in his front yard using a Hoover vacuum cleaner to suck up all the leaves? Or what if someone used a leaf blower to clean the living room? (Guys� don�t even think about it!) At first, most of us might think, �Okay, who�s off their meds?� But on second thought, we�d have to admit it was pretty creative. But even though it might be a good idea, it definitely wasn�t exactly what the manufacturer intended. I know most of us guys don�t bother reading the directions on anything, but sooner or later we have to come to terms with the fact that the when it comes to operation and maintenance, things go better if we follow the manufacturer�s instructions.

Tools and gadgets are one thing, but it applies even more when it comes to relationships. And God hasn�t left us in the dark about his plan for how things are supposed to be� how relationships work best. Let�s not fool ourselves, it�s interpersonal relationships that give us a lot of grief in life. Things would be a lot simpler if we could just live in a cave�. alone. But then we�d be, uh� lonely. That�s because God made us with the need and desire to live in authentic relationship with others� unfortunately, that�s where things hit the fan. Especially when it comes to life in the church.

Unresolved problems between people (hurt feelings, resentment, bitterness, feeling taken for granted, etc.) can lead people to cop attitudes, say goofy things, and even blow off church all together. How many people have you met that say, �Yeah, I used to go to church, but�.� We are all capable of getting hurt and disillusioned� that�s why Paul, in Colossians, goes to great lengths to give us the road map to getting along with each other. The young church at Colossae was in danger, like every other church, of crumbling from the inside because of unresolved interpersonal issues. Check out Paul�s advice in Colossians 3� and you don�t even have to sign up for his seminar.

Yesterday, Josh did a great job of teaching verses 18-21, about wives and husbands, and parents and children. Today, I�d like to hit it from another angle.

Remember, when it comes to accurate Biblical interpretation, context is everything. Verses must be studied in the full context in which they were written. If you take verses out of context, you can pretty much make the Bible say anything YOU want it too� but it won�t be the way God meant it. The other problem is, if you don�t read the context of the verses, you can easily misunderstand the passage. That happens a lot with the verses about husbands and wives. Some guys read, �Wives submit to your husbands,� and reach for their caveman club. (In a Larry, the Cable Guy voice) �I read right here that you are supposed to do anything I say!� O contrare. That�s NOT what it says� or means. Proper context would have all these verses linked to the previous verses starting way back with verse 12� �Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience�and the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love.� Then it continues with the crux of the matter� unity and peace within the church, the Body of Christ. �15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.�

So, the immediate context of these verses has to do with Paul encouraging the church to live in peace with each other. Get along. Work out your differences in a way that honors and glorifies God. Short version: help each other live right and worship God together with sincerity and gratitude. It�s hard authentically worship when you have a grudge against someone� so work it out! Finally, whatever you do, do it in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God through Him. (Live moment by moment close to Jesus so your life will reflect him in everything you do.)

It�s after this introduction about living in peace with each other that Paul breaks it down. He mentions the most significant relationships in our life: the relationships at home. Friends are important�. Co-workers are important�. But home relationships are the most important. If these get out of whack, they will affect all the other relationships in your life. In so many words Paul is saying, �Make sure these relationships are managed well�these are the areas where conflicts are likely, so watch it, follow God�s leadership as you approach each of them. With this backdrop, we can see that the guidelines for wives and husbands, parents and children are in the context of EVERYTHING we do being done �in the name of the Lord Jesus.� Bottom line, let Jesus direct you in all you say and do. Guess what? I don�t think Jesus directs guys to abuse their wives (verbally or otherwise), act like idiots with their kids, or throw their weight around just because they feel like it.

Here�s some fine-tuning.
v. 18: �Wives, submit to your husbands �as is fitting in the Lord.� Operative phrase: �As is fitting in the Lord.� Notice it is not, �Submit to your husband no matter how abusive he is or how irrational he may be.� Appropriate submission means respecting each other, honoring each other. Here�s what it is not:

1) Doormat: Being a doormat does not honor God, your husband, or anybody.
Allowing someone to walk all over you is not in their best interest, and it�s important to have a voice and a say in what you do in your family.
2) Being a �yes� person: Doesn�t take into account that you have a responsibility to use your gifts in the relationship. Neglecting your important role of being a helpmate� you need to confront and encourage your husband� he needs it. This will lead to peace in the body of Christ as marriages honor and glorify God.

Now, the Husband�s part.
v. 19: �Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.� Some guys think they have a right to be harsh with their wives. Question: how is she going to want to submit to your leadership if you are not being respectful to her? If she does not feel loved by you� it�s your fault. Bone up on 1 Cor. 13. Guys, when your wife feels loved and cherished, she will automatically follow your leadership. So if she isn�t following, maybe you�re not leading very well! Remember, it�s your job to respect, cherish, and understand your wife. If you do this (or at least give it a sincere effort!) you will be amazed at how you will not need to demand her submission� it will just work the way it�s supposed to do.

Children and parents.
Paul again offers a give-and-take interaction between children and parents.
On one side is obedience (on the children�s part), and on the other side is proper, respectful parenting (on the Parent�s part). It�s way too easy to abuse our role as parents: �I pay the bills around here! You must do what I say.� Or when parents fail to listen to their kid�s perspective on things, give them a voice, and really try to understand what they are going through. When parents act in a way that demonstrates true love (kindness, patience, consistency, authenticity, honesty)� or even admit when they make a mistake� the odds go up that their kids will get with the program. Again, proper parenting is in the context of walking with Jesus� v.16: �Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise.� On the other hand, Children, it�s important that you understand and appreciate the reality that God has instituted certain chains of command in life. You are under somebody�s authority all the time. It�s either your parents, your teachers, your boss, the Government, or the Policeman. You might as well learn the truth about the reality of authority sooner rather than later. Why? Because God wants us all to learn to submit to Him. Period. So, learn to submit to authority, learn humility, learn to obey.

Today, I choose to surrender to God�s authority in my life.

Blessings, Gerry